Feathered Mask
by silverlugia
Summary: KakaxOC fic. Kakashi's best friend has been in love with him for ten years. All this time, she has been trying to hide it.
1. Mask

**Hey everyone, this is my new fic. I need everyone's opinion in order to finish it. Should Kakashi love Karasu back? Or does he love Sakura instead? I need everyone's opinion in order to continue; I can't type anymore until I have a vote. so please read and vote! Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

My name is Karasu of the Kuro clan. Karasu means crow; Kuro means black. I'm a kunoichi of Konoha, a specialist in ninjutsu and taijutsu. If you saw me on the street, you wouldn't really look twice; there's nothing special about me. I am more on the tall side, and a bit skinny. My fingers, according to others, are long and slender. My chest is not well developed, and I prefer it that way. I dress comfortably: a sweatshirt and pants comfortable enough to train in are fine for me. My eyes are dark brown and my nose rather large, and my mouth is usually in a frown. The only pretty characteristic I have is my hair, I suppose. It is as dark and lustrous as a crow's feathers, hence my name. My hair is waist length and has always been kept in a ponytail for as long as I can remember. The only time I ever undo it is when I wash my hair; otherwise, it stays tied up. I have no extraordinary abilities, no distinguishing features.

I was never one of those girls who sat around applying makeup and gossiping about boys that they liked. I was, and still am, a tomboy. When I was younger, I was thoroughly convinced I would never fall in love, never have a crush.

Fate decreed I would fall in love with my friend.

Hatake Kakashi.

We have been friends ever since I accidentally fell off a swing onto his lap when I was five years old, and he ten. I still remember his surprised expression perfectly; the raised eyebrows, the slight tinge of pink on his cheeks, a mask that couldn't disguise his open mouth. He had been dressed in ninja garb; I had been wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

Despite this odd introduction, we had become very close.

At that time, Kakashi had already had the Sharingan eye implanted by Rin. As a result, he was not as serious about the rules as he used to be. The boy that looked after me had a dark and imposing façade, but whenever I played with him, he was always happy and smiling. I looked up to him as the big brother I had always wanted in place of my prissy older sister. I believe he loved me as a little sister.

Now we are both jounins. I constantly accompany him on missions, help him clean his house, water Mr. Ukki, take care of his eight dogs, give him hugs when he needs them (in private, of course), and just be there however I can for him. Every time he lands himself in the hospital, I manage to sneak a bouquet of flowers onto his bedside table. As far as I know, he still hasn't figured out that I am the one who sends him the flowers. As for Kakashi…. Well, he expresses his love (brotherly) for me in his own ways.

When I first began having feelings for him, I tried to convince myself that it was just a crush. I was determined not to turn into a wide-eyed, stereotypically lovey-dovey hormone-driven teenage girl; he already had the majority of Konoha's female population after him. I hid my feelings, acting as I normally did with him. But as the years went by, and the feelings intensified, I couldn't deny that it _wasn't _a crush, that I really did love him.

It's not lust, I assure you; I'm not chasing his body. I personally believe that he is quite handsome under that mask of his, but if he turns out to have buckteeth and fish lips, I frankly wouldn't care. It's Kakashi, the person, the character, the personality that I love, not his physical attributes.

The thing is, I'm afraid to ask anyone else about their opinion. The way everyone sees me as is a shy but lethal tomboy. I was too scared to break that image of me; I didn't want to be known as the girl with a crush.

So I hid my feelings, buried them under the mask of a headstrong tomboy who wasn't interested in love.

It's very hard when I am alone with him. When we lay in the grass next to each other, gazing at the clouds, enjoying the fresh breeze, and just savor our time together. I fight down my blush whenever he touches me, try to calm my thundering heart when he picks something out of my hair.

When we spar together, I focus on the smooth lines of his body, the grace and speed with which he moves. Half the time I lose because I am concentrating on _him_.

When he talks to me, I fight the urge to blush and stammer like an idiot.

When he tells me a joke, I fight the urge to laugh uncontrollably like a maniac.

When he cries on my shoulder, I fight the urge to kiss him and tell him that I love him.

Instead, I have to make do with hugging him, with all the small, furtive gestures that I can manage in order to convey my love to him.

But at night, however, it is a different matter. When I am alone, his face haunts me, his voice reverberates in my ears, my heart yearns for him, and my body aches for his warmth. It all spirals into a well of despair and pain, until I bury my face into my pillow and sob.

When day comes, I put on my mask. I act as though I am still the same person I was before I began to love him. So as far as everyone is concerned, I am not, and never will be, in love.

But I am.

**Please review, and don't forget to vote! Thanks! (the poll is on my profile)**


	2. Gravity

**Here's the second chapter of Feathered Mask. I was kind of in a rush to publish this chapter, and I apologize for the less than perfect quality of it. If you spot any errors, or have any suggestions, please let me know! I appreciate all feed back.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

* * *

I sat on the playground bench, quietly observing two children who were having the time of their life on the swing set. The cool spring breeze brought the subtle scent of flowers. Thankfully, I had no allergies, unlike many other females I knew. (Seriously, were the vast majority of women cursed with an allergy to pollen?) My ponytail swayed gently back and forth in time to the shadows that danced on the fresh, green grass. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the hard back of the wooden bench, lost in memories.

* * *

"I'll be right back, Karasu-chan. Stay put!" my sister commanded as she ran off with a couple of her friends. I stuck out my tongue at her retreating back and ran onto the swing set.

My sister, Kuro Shinju, was twelve. Her name meant "black pearl", which was quite pretty, unlike my name of "black crow." She joked that I was named "black crow" because of my horrible squalling as an infant. Despite her teasing and our age difference of seven years, we got along fairly well.

That is, until a couple months ago. One afternoon, I had run crying to my mother after Shinju had called me some bad names when I asked her some questions. Later that night, after reprimanding my sister, my mother explained that Shinju was growing up and was going through a tough time. I was told to be patient with her and to try not hold a grudge against her. I generally avoided my sister after that incident.

Shinju was at the age where she was boy-obsessed, always giggling with her friends about this boy and that boy. I had also noticed her putting on make-up and many pieces of clothing that seemed odd to my five-year old mind. However, I dismissed it quite easily and learned to have fun on my own.

My sister had run off, yet again, with her friends when she was supposed to have been taking care of me. I didn't really mind, for it meant I could play by myself, away from the prissy stranger that used to be my sister.

I hopped onto the plastic swing and began to pump my short legs back and forth. The playground was completely empty except for me and a masked ninja sitting on the wooden bench. I studied him carefully in the bird-like manner I possessed, jerking my head from side to side in abrupt rotations as I had seen many birds do.

He seemed to be resting, leaning his head against the back of the bench with his eyes closed. His legs were casually crossed, and his arms rested on the bench. He was dressed in a black shirt and dark pants, along with a standard-issue green jounin vest. Bandages wrapped around his right thigh and ankles. He had a Konoha head band wrapped around his forehead and tilted so as to cover one eye.

What fascinated me the most, though, was not the mask that covered the lower half of his face (was he really ugly or something?), but the shiny silver hair that seemed to defy gravity. Did he have superpowers or something? How come his hair was silver? My father was thirty-five years old, and _his_ hair was still black.

This person didn't seem to be as old as _Shinju_ yet! And his hair was a shiny silver!

The novelty of his appearance soon dulled, and the allure of the sky called to me. I pumped my legs harder and faster, relishing the split-second that left me hanging in mid-air. My mother was always yelling at me to stop swinging so hard, scared that I would fall off and crash.

She didn't understand. Like my namesake, I yearned for the sky. I longed to spread my stubby wings and free myself from the confines of gravity. That was the reason why the swing set was my favorite haunt. It allowed me a brief taste of flight, a sweet taste on my tongue that quickly melted away. I opened my eyes and caught sight of a majestic hawk soaring through the sky.

And I did something I had never dared to do before.

I spread my wings and flew.

* * *

The silver-haired ninja blinked confusedly at me. I couldn't blame him; I'd just dropped from the sky and landed in his lap. His visible eye was wide, his mouth (from what I could tell) was open under his mask, and his cheeks seemed pink. I brushed my bangs away from my eyes to inspect him better.

His eye was a deep, dark brown, even darker than mine; the color was so dark that it danced on the border of black. He seemed skinny and tired; there was a dark tinge under his eyes that I had seen on my father's face when he had been working non-stop for several days.

I can only imagine how he saw me. A rosy-cheeked, smiling kindergartener with deep black hair tied back in a short ponytail? Possibly. He seemed to struggle to form words, and I decided to help him.

"Can I touch your hair?" I piped. The pink tinge on his cheeks seemed to get brighter as he snapped his mouth shut.

"S-sure," he stammered, his hand scratching the back of his neck. I reached my chubby hand toward his silver locks, giggling at the expression on his face.

His hair was exquisitely soft, nearly as silky as my own. I tugged gently on a strand, staring wide-eyed at the gravity-defying property of it. He seemed to be at a loss for words, not knowing what to make of the little girl that had popped onto his lap. I contentedly played with his hair, waiting for him to speak.

"W-what's your name?" he finally asked, breaking the silence. His surprised expression had slowly morphed into a more cautious one.

"Kuro Karasu! What's yours?" I chirped. I was surprised to see a bit of shame and anger creep into his expression after I asked.

"Hatake Kakashi," he replied softly. I was confused. Did he hate his name or something? But my confusion was quickly washed away by glee as I comprehended the meaning of his name.

"That's so cool! My name means crow, and yours means scarecrow! My sister says I sounded like a crow when I cried as a baby. You kind of look like a scarecrow! Your name's so cool!" I was already beginning to warm up to him in the way only a young child can. His eye curved into a smile, and he hesitantly removed my hand from his hair.

"You… you - er- have a very nice name, too, Karasu-chan. May I call you that?" he asked formally. I nodded happily. Already I had begun to see him as a big brother, the one I had always wanted.

"It's not Halloween yet, you know," I informed him. He blinked in deep confusion, trying to figure out what I meant.

"I know that," he cautiously replied.

"Then why are you wearing a mask? It's still too early! Are you playing dress-up?" I asked. He laughed softly, shaking his head.

"No, of course not. I just like to cover my face because I feel more vulnerable when I expose it," he explained. I frowned in confusion. What did _vulnerable_ and _expose_ mean?

"Do _you_ like to play dress-up?" he asked, trying to humor me. I shook my head disgustedly and stuck out my tongue, to his great amusement.

"It's for girly-girls like my sister. I don't like dressing up! I like to play outside and run around and punch boys!" I scowled. He tried to stifle his laughter.

"P-Punch boys?" he asked. I nodded, crossing my arms.

"Yeah! I only punch the annoying ones though, like the kid that made fun of my birthmark and called me a girly-girl. I punched one of his teeth loose, and he gave me a black eye and a fractured skull. But he never bothered me again," I explained in a smug tone. Kakashi had to press his hand against his mouth to stifle the laughter threatening to spill out.

"O-oh really?" his voice was muffled. I nodded and pulled up my right sleeve to reveal an irregular, brown blob on my upper arm.

"He said it looked funny, and he asked how I got it. I told him that I got born with it and that my mommy said it made me special. He laughed and called my mommy a liar, and then he called me a girly-girl when I kept playing on the swings," I explained.

"And then you punched him?" Kakashi guessed.

"Yup! But when I got home, mommy yelled at me for punching him. She told me it was nice of me to defend her, but I had to learn to control my temper. I had to go the hospital for some stitches afterwards. Do you want to see?" I asked. Kakashi nodded, his eye still crinkled in laughter. I extended my arm and showed him the jagged gash that ran from my left wrist to the inside of my elbow, and then looked at him expectantly for a reaction.

"That's a pretty nasty scar," he commented after inspecting it. I grinned and made a thumbs-up.

"But it was worth it!" I cheered. His eye crinkled again as he ruffled my hair.

When my sister returned from her 'escapade', she found me being pushed on the swings by Kakashi. She took one look at him and freaked out. I'm still not sure if it was because she was so surprised, like she claims, or if it was because he was "hot".

At any rate, Kakashi began coming home with us for dinner. My parents considered him a nice, polite boy, and invited him to stay at our house anytime he wished. He politely accepted their offer, often stopping by for dinner and even sleeping over. I eventually became best friends with him, and he didn't seem to mind being friends with a girl five years younger than him.

Since I now had my yearned-for older brother, I began to copy him in many ways. For example, I had always refused to eat eggplant on the basis that it was a weird, icky color. When I found out that Kakashi absolutely adored it, however, I learned to love it. I also tried to wear a mask like him, but that was discontinued after I got it stained with spaghetti sauce.

I sighed, enjoying the light breeze that brought welcome relief from the afternoon heat. The playground was silent; the two children had long since gone home. I closed my eyes, watching the shadows dance on the inside of my eyelids.

I then felt my face get covered by a large shadow, and I opened my eyes to see Kakashi's masked face. His eye was crinkled, and a hand was raised in salute.

"Hey, Kakashi," I said softly, trying not to blush. He sat down next to me, obliging me to make room for him.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked, slipping an arm around my shoulder.

"Do you still remember how we met?" I leaned against him, sighing softly at his scent.

"Yes, I do. How can I forget a cute, little kindergartener dropping out of the sky right into my lap?" he teased. We sat together in silence, enjoying each other's company. Then I sat up.

"Want to push me on the swings?" He straightened, stretched, and stood up.

"Why not?" Grasping my hand gently, he led me toward the swings. We spent the whole afternoon at the playground with Kakashi pushing me back and forth on the swing set. The playground rang with our laughter.

I couldn't help thinking, as my ponytail flapped back and forth, that it was gravity that had brought the crow to the scarecrow. Even now, gravity was still at work.

Because I was falling.

Falling for Hatake Kakashi.

**Please read and review! And please take the time to vote in the poll on my profile. Thanks! I'll try my best to update soon.**


	3. Black

**Hey everyone. I know this chapter is kind of abrupt. I'll work on it later when I have time. (I can really only work on my fics once a week, for about an hour.) Thank you for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I'll be very mad at Kishimoto if he kills Kakashi. Very.**

"Chikishou!" I cursed, shielding my face against the flying debris. I was, as my mother joked, the _akusai_ who loved to experiment with chakra. When I had first begun to learn the hand signs in order to use my chakra, I had caused a minor explosion when I attempted to create my own jutsu. I had retired to bed that night with a very sore backside.

My _akusai_ tendency had not died out with age; on the contrary, it was the very reason why there was now a huge crater in training ground seven. Groaning, I flopped to the ground in exasperation. Tsunade was going to _kill_ me; this was the fourth training ground that I'd accidentally caused major damage to. No doubt she was going to make me pay for it (again).

I sighed, stood up, and brushed my pants off. If I was going to have to pay for damages, I might as well do it for blowing up the whole field and not just for making a giant hole. Taking a deep breath, I pressed my hands together in the seals required.

"_Honoo Karasu Ishuu_ _no justu!"_ I yelled, slamming my hands onto the ground. A great crow made entirely of flames erupted from the earth. The grass shriveled in a wide brown arc from the intense heat.

"Scatter!" I cried. The fiery crow dissolved into a whole swarm of birds, which instantly dive-bombed the wooden targets I had positioned at the other end of the field. My eyebrows were furrowed with concentration; I doubted I would have enough chakra to try again today if this attempt failed. To my surprise and delight, the crows managed to prevent from dissipating (or exploding) and successfully broke my targets into smithereens. Releasing the jutsu, I collapsed to the ground in a mixture of elation and exhaustion.

This was my second successful original jutsu. I had been working on it for about a year, blowing up training ground after training ground. My jutsu still had a few aspects which I had to tweak, but for now, I was going to take a well-deserved break.

My first original jutsu was an incredibly powerful incomplete genjutsu, which I had accidentally stumbled upon as a result of my strong emotions for Kakashi, made the victim feel his heart literally breaking apart. The reason that it was incomplete was the fact that it caused me pain that, although not as acute as the victim's, was still very considerable. For that reason, it was my last resort despite its deadly potency.

My feelings for Kakashi had not gotten any less painful. If anything, they had gotten worse. It didn't help matters that Tsunade thought that Kakashi and I were a highly compatible pair on missions; she assigned us multiple missions with each other, alone. Kakashi and I never did anything inappropriate, I assure you; yet despite how wrong this statement sounds, I sometimes wish we did.

With a sigh, I stood up and stretched. Now to confront Tsunade.

* * *

"Again?" she screeched. I winced and ducked my head, keeping an eye on the heavy metal paperweight on her desk.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," I murmured. She growled and leaned forward, her hands forming fists on the table surface.

"I will pay for the damages in full, Hokage-sama," I bowed until my ponytail fell over my shoulder, brushing the floor. After a long moment, she sighed exasperatedly and leaned back into her chair. I let out a silent sigh of relief.

"Exactly how many training fields do you plan to blow up before you stop experimenting?" she asked, a hint of humor in her tone.

"I'm not sure, Hokage-sama," I kept my eyes averted to the floor, praying that I wouldn't arouse her temper again. She let out a chuckle.

"You can get up, Karasu-chan, I won't blast you out the window, _for now_."

"Ano… Arigatou?" my voice quavered as I slowly straightened my body and looked at her face. Her eyes betrayed no intention of 'blasting me out the window', as she so aptly put it, and her mouth was curved in a genuine smile.

"Yeesh, Karasu, lighten up! You're so serious sometimes that it's rather scary." she rolled her eyes.

I did have a tendency to look very stern, and I was _not _compatible _at all_ with young children. They tended to run screaming in the other direction, as Iruka had discovered when he asked me to teach the kids one day in the Ninja Academy. The mothers had called him that night, requesting him not to bring in the 'scary lady' again.

"I can't blast you out the window because you're needed for the next mission." Deftly catching the scroll she threw at me, I opened it and scanned the contents. It was a fairly simple ANBU level observation mission. I was to leave as soon as possible, spy on some enemy ninja, and report back in a week.

Then I looked at who I was assigned to take the mission with and groaned inwardly. Hatake Kakashi and Shiranui Genma. I was fine with Kakashi except for the fact that I'd be trying to smother my feelings for him the whole week. Genma, on the other hand…

Genma and I had first met three years ago, when I'd sought Kakashi for advice concerning a mission. Seeing me as a pretty, vulnerable target (ha!), he'd flirted outrageously with me and had attempted to slide a hand into my pants, despite Kakashi's dire warnings. Needless to say, he'd woken up in the hospital three hours later with three broken ribs and a broken arm. I would've injured him more, but Kakashi had forcibly restrained me after the third rib.

Shiranui had learned his lesson and now kept his distance. We maintained an unspoken treaty: I didn't injure him if he didn't flirt with me. So far, no broken bones.

"You're dismissed." Tsunade waved her hand. I bowed and slipped out the door.

Dashing back to my home, I packed the essential gear and supplies, changed into my ANBU uniform, and locked all the windows and doors. I left a message on my neighbor's answering machine, asking her to water my plants. She knew where I kept the spare key. Donning my mask, I darted to the Memorial Stone to locate the Copy Ninja.

A familiarly slouched figure greeted me at the memorial.

"Wolf, you're needed to go on a mission with me for a week. We leave as soon as we can find Weasel and both of you are packed." I landed lightly on the grass. Straightening, Kakashi turned to look at me.

"I'll go pack and look for Genma. He's probably in a bar or something," he muttered as he turned to leave.

"I'll wait for you at the gate," I called to his retreating back. A wave was the only acknowledgement I received.

I loped at an easy pace to the gate and leaned against a wooden post, staring at the sky. You never knew when it was your last time leaving your village. A simple surveillance mission could very easily go wrong. Whenever I left Konoha, I silently bid farewell to everything, just in case I never came back.

The sight of two ANBU members running towards me snapped me out of my musings.

"Do we have everything?" I asked when they caught up. Nodding, Kakashi turned toward the guards.

"We're leaving for a week-long mission to Moon Country. Crow, show them the scroll." I unfurled the document and held it before them, receiving a nod of approval.

"May fortune be with you," one of the guards called to us as we leapt into the forest.

"Thank you," I called back as I threw the scroll to Kakashi. He snatched it in midair and scanned it quickly, handing it to Genma when he finished.

"So, Cyclops, you're the captain of the mission again, huh?" Genma commented. Kakashi grunted and snatched the scroll back.

"Stop complaining, Genma. You'll get your turn someday." He stuffed the scroll into his pocket.

"Kami forbid," I added in a loud whisper, earning me a shove from the senbon user.

"When can I get to be the captain? You're always bossing me around," Genma whined, turning his masked face to mine. I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder.

"You're such a baby, Genma. And don't even _think_ about it," I growled as his hand reached toward my chest. Yelping quietly, he snatched his hand back and stared nonchalantly ahead.

"I'm hurt; you all have such low opinions of me," he sighed dramatically.

"You, my friend, have a reputation. You're the one who makes all those comments and stare at all the girls." Kakashi's laugh was similar to a hoarse bark.

"I'm not the only one," Genma said shrewdly, eyeing me carefully.

"What?" Kakashi asked sharply, swinging his head towards Genma.

"You think I haven't noticed how you stare at that Sakura? I can't blame you, mate, she's a pretty one. Feisty, too." The blood rushed from my face as the senbon user shoved his friend playfully.

"I… I have no idea what you're talking about," Kakashi stammered. I stared at him silently, my face a similar color to my porcelain mask.

"You're way too obvious, Cyclopes. Whenever she's around you hardly pay attention to anything else: you don't touch your food, you laugh too much, and your face is a pretty shade of pink! That is, what we can see of it," Genma teased.

My head felt light and dizzy. My heart pounded in my ears, thundering out Genma's playful bantering.

Kakashi loved Sakura.

He loved someone else.

My foot slipped on the branch, and I fell. My eyes slowly shut and the shouts of concern faded away. I welcomed the enveloping blackness, the cool relief from my anguish.

**Like I said, I'll work on it more when I have time. Thanks for reading!**

**Terms:**

_**Ano**_**- Um...**

_**Arigatou**_**- thank you**

_**Akusai- evil genius**_

_**chikishou- a curse word**_

_**Honoo Karasu Ishuu- literally "fire crow swarm"**_


	4. Moon

**Hey everyone! I know this update came rather quickly, but I decided to work on it while I had time. (No school until Monday! Yippee!) Anyways, enjoy, and thank you for the lovely reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. **

When I woke, I was lying on a warm surface that was moving at an incredible speed. I groaned and tried to move my head.

"She's awake," a voice that I recognized as Kakashi's rumbled. The sensation of moving stopped as I was set down on a tree branch. Two hands gripped my shoulders and gently shook me.

"Karasu? Are you alright?" the Copy Ninja murmured. I cracked my eyes open and found myself face-to-face with him.

"What… what happened?" I rasped, trying to sit up. Crying out, I slumped back against the tree trunk as a sharp pain seared through my shoulder. Gentle fingers probed underneath my shirt to locate the problem as Kakashi began to explain in a soothing tone.

"You slipped on a tree branch and blacked out on the way down. Luckily, Genma was able to catch you before you hit the ground." I winced as his fingers prodded a particularly sore spot.

"Thank you, Genma."

"No problem, Karasu. You owe me one now," Genma waved airily, causing me to roll my eyes.

"What happened, Karasu?" Kakashi asked.

"I… I was tired, that's all," I stammered. Already, I began to feel foolish at my reaction. I had no proof that what Genma had said was true; he was well known for his pranks and practical jokes. A heated blush spread across my face as a visible sign of my consternation.

"Well, you have a cut across your shoulders. It's not very deep and it should be fine unless, of course, you exert yourself too much." Kakashi stood and helped do likewise.

"I'm fine. I'm so sorry for blacking out and making you guys carry me. You must be so tired." Head spinning, I grasped the tree trunk for support.

"Now that you mention it, I feel absolutely _exhausted_," Genma swooned theatrically, making me snort.

"Knock it off, Shiranui. We have a long way to go. Do you need help, Karasu?" Taking a tentative step, I nearly collapsed. Kakashi caught me and slung me onto his back.

"Talk about _aggressive_," Genma grinned. I smacked his head and tried to wiggle off of Kakashi; he readjusted his grip.

"You're in no condition to be running around. Take a break," he growled. I stopped moving and leaned next to his head.

"_You_ take a break! I'm not exactly very light, and Kami knows how long you've been carrying me!" I growled back.

"It's hopeless, Karasu. When Kakashi wants a woman, he's awfully stubborn." Genma leapt nimbly out of my reach. Kakashi laughed and began to leap through the trees again, forcing Genma to follow. I leaned my head against Kakashi's shoulder and sighed.

"I'm sorry," I murmured quietly. His grip on my legs tightened.

"Don't be sorry, Karasu. It's perfectly alright. Besides, you were wrong. You're not that heavy," Kakashi added. Blushing, I pressed my face against his back.

Two hours, some suggestive comments from Genma, and a very loud outburst later, we arrived at the enemy camp. Unable to camp on the ground due to enemy patrols, we climbed up a tall, sturdy pine tree and settled in the upper branches. The sun was setting, casting a lovely glow upon the sky. Below us, the lights flickered off one by one as the workers prepared to sleep.

"I'm taking first watch. No arguments," I announced; Genma and Kakashi must have been exhausted. They nodded and made themselves comfortable as I climbed to a higher branch.

I had been so foolish! Jumping to conclusions and not seeing the evidence was not the way I operated. I ground my teeth in frustration and embarrassment as I replayed the scene in my head.

"Karasu?" a voice rasped. I spun, pulling out my ninjato, only to stop as I recognized the silver hair.

"Kakashi, you idiot, go to sleep! You carried me for at least two hours straight!" I hissed, sheathing my blade. He shrugged and slid closer to me.

"I was just worried about you. For all I know, you could fall out the tree in the middle of the night and we would be asleep. Besides, you may want some medical attention to that scratch," he whispered. My blush was hidden by my porcelain mask.

"That's very sweet of you, Kakashi, but I'm fine. Get some sleep," I pulled my mask aside and kissed his cheek, blushing furiously. A slight pink tinged his cheeks as he turned me around.

"At least let me put some ointment on the scratch. Infections are quite unpleasant, you know," he pulled my back flush against his chest. I stifled a gasp and bit my lip as he wrapped an arm around my waist to anchor me to him. Pulling the back of my shirt loose gently, he dabbed ointment on the scratch.

"Arigatou, Kakashi. It's very sweet of you," I choked out when he'd finished. He nodded and made to get up, but I held him down.

"I am giving you a massage. Don't argue, just turn around," I ordered. He obediently turned so that he could present his back to me. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I gently kneaded the hard muscles loose. As I pressed and prodded, I marveled at the amount of tension that this man contained.

I could almost hear him sigh in relief when I finished.

"You deserved one after carrying me around all day." I waved away his thanks.

"Thank you very much, Karasu. I'm sure I'll sleep well. Don't fall out of the tree," Kakashi swung himself out of sight into the lower branches. I leaned against the wooden trunk, my cheeks pink and my lips curved gently.

The moon was beautiful tonight.

**Just some fluff. Thanks!**


	5. Tunnel

**I'm very sorry for the long time it took for this chapter! Half of it was due to severe writer's block, the other half was extreme "busy-ness". This chapter is slightly longer than the others, and I apologize for the rather lame fight scene. I was simply too excited to continue with the rest of the story.**

**I was thinking about this two nights ago, and I decided that Kakashi is about 31, Karasu is about 26, and Sakura will be about 21. **

**The writer's block was extremely serious, I tell you. I had to force myself to write, and I'm still stuck with it.**

**Enjoy! Hopefully I'll be able to publish the next chapter soon!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and now I'm very anxious to see if Kakashi is truly dead or not. *crosses fingers***

"We estimate about 3,000 ninja live in this base, which covers an area of about 25,000 square meters. More than twenty of the residents would be considered S-rank, and at least a hundred of them are A-rank ninja. The patrols start near the pond, move eastward a few miles, turn sharply right about there, and continue circling in a south west direction," Hane croaked, her talons gripping the branch. I furiously scribbled all the information she gave me onto the paper, filling it with row after row of elegant kanji. As the leader, Kakashi was the one supposed to transcribe all this information, but Tsunade had exploded after one too many illegible reports.

Hane was one of my summoned creatures; her sisters and brothers were currently observing the landscape. As we were currently surrounded by acres of thick forest, birds were more effective than Kakashi's own ninken.

"That is all the information we have managed to procure. I shall report back to you when we find more information." Hane extended her beak. I leaned my head forwards until the beak of the ceramic mask touched hers, and then disengaged with an intricate series of nods and swings. Highly ritualistic creatures, crows were valuable spies because of their size, speed, and loud cries which served as a form of communication.

"If I may say so, mistress, you seem happier than you have in a while. May I inquire the reason?" Hane hopped onto my lap. Stroking her head, I leaned against the tree trunk and smiled.

True, I had let my mask slip ever so slightly, but I did not regret it. Ever since Kakashi had applied the ointment to my shoulders, I had experienced a warm glow in my chest whenever I saw him, along with warm cheeks. I had taken to wearing my ANBU mask as much as possible to disguise it. Kakashi did not say anything about it, not with Genma here (Kami forbid), but sometimes I would see him touch his cheek where I had brushed my lips against him and smile.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, Hane, but it is rather private. You understand, don't you? I'll tell you in good time," I promised to the beautiful bird.

"Thank you, mistress, and of course I understand." Hane dipped her head respectfully. Hopping off my lap, she stretched her wings and prepared to depart.

"Please convey my thanks and good wishes to your siblings, Hane," I called as she flapped away. She cawed in response and vanished.

Several hours later, I handed the notes I had written to Kakashi as the sky began to tinge a deep pink. Nodding his thanks, he slumped against the tree trunk where another figure already reclined.

"No offense or anything, Karasu, but what good are crows in battle? I mean, they're swift and stuff, but they're so _small_. Seriously, couldn't you have picked another summons?" Genma drawled, his senbon waggling.

"I'd like to see you tell that to An'ya," I laughed, removing my mask.

"Who's An'ya?"

"Imagine a crow nearly as large as Tsunade's slug." Turning away to disguise my smirk at his aghast expression, I began to prepare our dinner rations.

Bickering quietly, Genma and I ate our rations as we waited for the Copy Ninja to finish committing all the information on the scroll to memory.

As our chopsticks scraped the bottoms of our bowls, Kakashi rolled up the parchment with a dry _snick_ and stuffed it into his pocket. I handed him a bowl filled with rice and dried meat, accepting his grunt as thanks.

"The information is pretty detailed, but we need to know a bit more about their underground weapon caches. I think my ninken can handle that job," he explained between bites of rice, with his back turned to hide his face.

"I wish I had some cool summons," Genma said around a mouth full of _dorayaki_.

"That's disgusting, Genma," I scowled, refraining myself from whacking him lest he choke on the pastry. He ignored me, as usual, and continued eating.

After cleaning up our eating utensils, we relaxed on the tree branch, overcome by the drowsiness that came from a full stomach and a warm night. Thankfully, our mission was almost over; we were returning to Konoha in two days.

Slicing his thumb with a _kunai_, Kakashi pressed his hand onto the rough bark of the tree. He was rewarded with a poof of smoke and his eight ninken.

"Yo, Kakashi. Hey Karasu, Genma," Pakkun waved. I nodded back.

"What's up, Kakashi?" the brown pug turned towards his master. Quickly and efficiently, Kakashi laid out his plan to infiltrate the underground weapon caches.

"I think we've got it. Do we begin tonight?" Pakkun asked when Kakashi had finished.

"Yes, you should. The night patrols are far easier to avoid than the patrols during the day. You'll need to help me set up some tunnels underground and show me on the map where they are. Once the tunnels are set up properly, we'll investigate the weapons in more detail and hightail it back to Konoha. Since there are many high level ninja in this camp, we'll need to be prepared to leave tomorrow in case we're discovered," Kakashi explained. Nodding, Genma and I began to pack while Pakkun directed his fellow canines where to go. They vanished without the slightest sound.

It took all night and most of the next morning for Kakashi's ninken to dig the tunnels and for Kakashi to record them on his map. Carefully loading all our gear, we slinked down the subterranean channels and recorded all the information we could about the weapons.

"_Move_, Genma," I rasped, shoving his backside.

"I can't! Kakashi's in front of me and _he_ isn't moving. Move, Hatake!" Genma whispered, futilely prodding Kakashi.

"Don't _do_ that! You nearly got a pressure point right there!" Kakashi's reply was hushed by the pressing earth.

"Shut up, all of you! Humans!" Pakkun growled exasperatedly. Easy for _him_ to say. He was the one in front; couldn't he move any faster?

Finally, after going down all the tunnels and recording the information, we began to cover the holes carefully, so that anyone in the caches would not be able to locate exactly where we had tunneled, as well as anyone outside. We marked them carefully so that we could still locate the tunnel entrances.

"Hurry up, Genma! This is the last tunnel! When you finish covering this one, we can leave!" I whispered as we crouched outside. Kakashi stood watch, his head flicking from side to side.

"Alright! I'm almost done!" Genma retorted. The words had scarcely left his mouth when I was tackled to the side by Kakashi, our masks clashing. A _kunai _quivered exactly where I had been mere seconds before.

"Run!" Kakashi yelled, hauling me to my feet. Genma and I dashed after him; flight was our first priority, but if we were forced to, however, we would fight.

Unfortunately, we were surrounded by enemy ninja with five miles. We began fighting with our backs to each other, but we were slowly forced away from each other as we fought the attackers. Spinning sideways, I aimed a vicious kick at the nearest enemy, hearing a satisfying _crunch_ as a rib gave way. Giving a harsh cry, he began to throw lethal kicks and deadly punches, along with his team mates. I twisted and spun, fighting to stay alive as more and more weapons and attacks found their marks, leaving me battered and bleeding.

A searing pain flared as one of them kicked me straight in the stomach. I staggered, air escaping me in a low wheeze as something rattled in my chest. Coughing up something bitter, I pressed my hands together and slammed them into the ground.

The men staggered as a terrifying screech sliced the air, along with strong gusts of wind. One of them cried out as an enormous talon snatched him up and threw him away. An'ya shrieked in triumph and began to hammer another with her beak. Dashing to defend her vulnerable chest, I drew my _ninjato_ and began to parry the attacks aimed at her.

An enemy managed to drive a kunai deep into my side, flooding my shirt with crimson. Gasping, I managed to stab him in the chest and collapsed on the ground.

"_Honoo Karasu Ishuu no Jutsu!"_ I wheezed. A massive crow made of flames erupted from the ground, attacking the enemies with An'ya as one. I faintly heard a dim yell of triumph as Genma managed to bring down the last of his attackers. My vision flashing from the extreme chakra exertion, I struggled to my knees.

A well aimed blow to my head brought me down again. I lashed out blindly with my sword, hearing a dull _shluck_ as the weapon sliced through flesh. The attacker screamed and stabbed my shoulder with a knife, then screamed again as An'ya swept him away with her massive wings.

Struggling to a kneeling position, I yelled at Genma to get on An'ya. Kakashi was still being assaulted by some remaining ninja.

"An'ya, I'll need you to get Kakashi and me. I'm going to use my _genjutsu_, and I won't be in any state to do anything," I panted, clutching her leg. Nodding, she flapped towards Kakashi, screeching ferociously. As the enemy paused, I focused my chakra and cast my genjutsu on them.

I could hardly hear their screams of pain as I was forced to my knees by a red wave of agony. I dimly heard the chirping of birds as Kakashi brought down one man with his signature jutsu. Gently picking me up with her beak, An'ya deposited me on her back and turned to help Kakashi kill the enemies writhing on the ground.

"Hang in there, Karasu," Genma whispered over my ragged pants. Curled into a fetal position, I could barely register his comfort as pain pulsed erratically through my chest.

It seemed an eternity later when the pain throbbed away, leaving me limp on An'ya's feathered back. I heard Kakashi land lightly next to me, and my stomach lurched as An'ya swept her wings and flew for Konoha.

"Thank you, Karasu. We managed to bring everyone down. Just hang in there," Kakashi soothed. Shifting feebly, I extended my hand and clutched at his wrist.

"H-how bad are the injuries?" my whisper was nearly inaudible.

"Genma has a few nasty cuts and a possibly broken leg, but he doesn't seem too bad," Kakashi observed.

"Figures," I muttered, cracking my eyes open. Genma was sitting next to my feet, a smug expression on his face. He didn't look very bad at all. I shifted my gaze to Kakashi and gasped, immediately coughing as the sudden rush of air sent sparks of pain through my throat.

He looked absolutely terrible. His uniform was completely soaked in blood, and there were _shuriken_ embedded all over his body. Judging from his awkward position, a couple of his ribs were broken as well.

"You don't look that good yourself, Karasu," he said wryly, his brow creased in pain.

"Konoha, ho!" Genma yelled a couple minutes later. With a heavy thud, An'ya landed next to the hospital, where we were immediately greeted by a squad of medical ninja.

"Thank you, An'ya," I whispered hoarsely as two medics carried me past her face.

"Recover quickly, mistress," An'ya croaked, nodding her head.

"Let's go! Move, move, move! Get these ANBU to the surgery room, hurry!" a heavily built man barked. Genma, despite his injuries, was already putting the moves on the woman supporting him. Turning away, I heard a sharp slap and a loud yelp.

We were separated and quickly wheeled into the operating rooms, where I was gently set on the table.

"Don't worry, ANBU-san, you'll be alright," a woman smiled kindly as she pressed her fingers to my forehead. My vision immediately darkened as I drifted into a welcome respite from my pain.

**Some terms:**

**_Dorayaki- a pancake like pastry usually filled with red bean jam. If you know the cartoon _Doraemon**, **_it's that pastry Doraemon is addicted to._**

**_An'ya means dark night. Hane means feather._**


	6. Flower

**Hey everyone! The Christmas break allowed me to publish this chapter sooner than I expected.**

**Thank you to all the wonderful reviewers, and I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a wonderful New Year!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto; if I did, I would add Karasu in there.**

"Hane! Tsume! What a pleasant surprise!" I exclaimed softly. The two siblings perched on the hospital window, the sun reflecting off their glossy backs. Hopping onto the sheets on my lap, they bobbed their heads in elaborate greeting. I struggled into a sitting position and managed to sink into a half-bow.

"I'm sorry, it seems like I'm not in any condition to do anything more elaborate," I apologized, fighting the wave of dizziness that overcame me.

"Do not worry about it, Mistress. Our mother sends her greetings and inquires about your health," Tsume croaked. His sister nodded in agreement.

"We would have visited you earlier, but our mother said to let you rest because of your surgery last week," Hane explained.

"Thank you for your concern. I actually have a favor to ask you two. Would you please get money from my pack and get two bouquets of flowers? I normally wouldn't trouble you with such a trivial task, but I'm not really in any condition to do such a thing right now," I gestured towards the numerous bandages the medics had wrapped on me. The two crows glanced at each other in confusion.

"If you would not mind my asking, who are the flowers for?" Hane questioned.

"Well… to be honest, they're for Kakashi and Genma. What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Beaks open, the siblings were staring at me, aghast.

"We… we understand the flowers for Kakashi. However…" Hane broke off, unable to speak.

"Why would you give flowers to that… that vulture?" Tsume screeched, his wings held in the attack position.

"By vulture, do you mean Genma?" I asked tentatively, stifling my laughter. Both of them bobbed their heads energetically.

To crows, vultures were one of the most disgusting creatures on earth. Not only did they feast on dead flesh, but their bare necks and heads were considered utterly repulsive. In this case, I supposed they were referring to his tendency to make suggestive comments and gestures.

"Normally, I wouldn't consider giving him even a weed, but I do owe him a favor for carrying me when I got blacked out," I explained, trying to soothe their agitation.

"That vulture _touched_ you?" Oops. Wrong thing to say. Now both of them looked downright murderous.

"Vulture is not a bad enough name for him. He's a _weasel_," Tsume muttered.

"Look, he didn't have to carry me, alright? But I collapsed, so he and Kakashi had to carry me until I woke up!" I sighed as their homicidal glares hardened.

"Next time I see that… that disgusting weasel I'm going to..." Tsume swiped the air with his talons.

"I shall help you, brother," Hane growled, her wings hunched.

"Umm… well, can you please get the flowers now? I'll explain in more detail when you come back," I promised. Growling and muttering under their breaths, the siblings took some money from my pack and flew towards the flower shop.

They returned with some lovely chrysanthemums, along with a more mundane bouquet of rather wilted daisies, which I supposed was for Genma. Just as they were settling into my lap, the door opened.

"Hello, ANBU-san! My, are those tokens from admirers?" the nurse winked, eyeing the flowers.

"Not exactly. My summons, Hane and Tsume, got them for me," I gestured at the two birds, who stood and bowed towards the kindly nurse.

"Such lovely and helpful birds! I'm sure ANBU-san feels lucky that she can depend on you two!" she praised as she bowed back, blue eyes twinkling.

"Now, I'll just change your bandages and I'll leave you three alone to catch up with things!" she exclaimed. I glanced at her name tag. _Fubuki Hana._

When she had finished dressing my wounds, I bowed as deeply as I could to her.

"Thank you very much for your care. If I can ask you one favor, would you please bring these flowers to the other ANBU who came with me?" I gestured at the bouquets.

"Of course, my dear! Do you mean Hatake Kakashi and Shiranui Genma?" Hana's eyes gleamed mischievously as she picked up the flowers.

"Yes, exactly. And please, do not let them know who gave them the flowers! It is of utmost importance that they don't know!" I leaned forward as I begged; my agitation was so great.

"Don't strain yourself! Of course, I won't let them know! Don't worry!" the nurse exclaimed, slightly surprised at the forcefulness of my plea.

"Thank you very much," I bowed yet again. She waved away my thanks and turned to leave.

"The chrysanthemums are for Kakashi, and the daisies are for Genma," Tsume croaked out as she reached the doorway. Hana bowed in acknowledgement and shut the door quietly behind her.

As soon as the metal clicked, I sank back into the cool sheets; the brief encounter had left me completely exhausted. Clearly, I still had to regain much of my strength.

"Do you do this often? Send flowers to Kakashi, I mean," Hane broke in. She and Tsume settled down in the blankets, waiting for an answer.

"I give him flowers every time he lands himself in the hospital," I was cut off by a piercing whistle from Tsume. He earned himself a sharp cuff to the head from his sister.

"Must you interpret everything in such a juvenile manner? She is simply expressing her concern for her good friend and teammate! You are nearly as repulsive as that perverted weasel!" Hane scowled. Cawing in laughter, Tsume prodded his sister in the side.

"Calm down before you disturb the other patients, guys. I promised I would tell you more about how I passed out. Do you want to listen?" I couldn't help but smile at their antics.

"Oo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Tsume accentuated each word with a gleeful hop. He definitely would get along with that hyperactive student of Kakashi's; Naruto, I believe, was his name.

"Yes, _please_," Hane ground out, glaring at her brother.

"Sit down, please, Tsume, before your sister attacks you. Thank you. Now let's see, I believe Genma had started whining about how he's never the captain of the mission. Kakashi laughed and told him to keep dreaming, because of his infamous tendency to ogle at women," I began.

"Weasel," Hane muttered. I chose to ignore her.

"Genma retorted that Kakashi couldn't reprimand him, because Kakashi himself ogled at Sakura, his student. At that point, I felt very dizzy, lost consciousness, and fell from the trees," My stomach turned slightly at the minor lie I had told. Hane seemed to sense something was amiss; she glanced at me but did not say anything.

"Luckily Genma managed to snag me before I hit the ground. Yes, _Genma_," I emphasized, catching sight of their expressions.

"He and Kakashi took turns carrying me until I came to. I only sustained a minor injury to my shoulder," I finished, pointing to the bandage.

"That's _all?_" Tsume whined. His sister smacked him upside the head.

"What do you mean, _that's all?_ You should be glad she only had a minor injury!" Hane screeched.

"I _am_ glad! I meant, was that all to the story!" Tsume shrieked, shielding his head from Hane's blows.

"Calm down, Hane! Yes, that's all to the story, unless you want me to tell you about the mission. You were there, however," I pressed a hand against my mouth, covering my wide grin. Perhaps Hane and Sakura would get along with each other perfectly.

"But why would you just collapse? Were you already injured? Or perhaps you did not eat enough breakfast?" Tsume ventured, glaring at his sister, who returned his scowl tenfold.

"Mm, I don't know, exactly. Most likely, I was exceedingly shocked by Genma's taunt; very foolish of me, really," I said lightly, avoiding Hane's gaze.

"Oh well. At least you're alright now," Tsume shrugged.

"Yes. Well, enough about me, how about An'ya? Did she have any severe injuries?" I inquired. I had not been in any condition to examine An'ya as we were carried into the hospital.

"There were a couple puncture wounds on her lower abdomen, but they were neither deep nor serious. She is recovering very well," Hane croaked.

"Speaking of Mom, she's going to flip out if we don't get back soon, Hane," Tsume's eyes flicked nervously.

"Yes, we should leave," Hane agreed. Standing up, she shook herself and hopped to the window, her brother at her side.

"Thank you both for your visit!" I called as they extended their wings.

"We'll come back again soon," promised Tsume, flapping away.

Fubuki Hana came back in an hour later, beaming.

"Well, I believe I carried out my mission successfully!" she sat down on the bed next to me and smiled.

"Thank you very much. Neither of them knows who the sender is, correct?" I truly was very grateful to the woman for helping me.

"Neither of them knows," she confirmed.

"Mm… may I inquire about their conditions? I haven't been able to find out," I ventured.

"Oh, of course! Well, Genma is almost completely recovered. He's already been acting up, if you know what I mean. You seemed to make his day with the daisies; he was very delighted when he saw them. It seems to have been the first bouquet of flowers that he's ever received," Hana winked.

"It's easily imaginable why. What about Kakashi?" My heart softened slightly. Maybe I would send Genma some more flowers in the future.

"Delivering Kakashi's bouquet was easier, for I simply had to be quiet enough so he wouldn't wake up. He spends most of his time sleeping… Poor man, he nearly died on the operating table," she sighed.

"What?" I exclaimed, trying to sit up. The nurse gently pushed me back down.

"There's nothing to worry about; his condition is quite stable now. But when the medics began healing him, they were absolutely _appalled._ He already looked bad enough on the outside, but such severe internal injuries! We were all very relieved that he survived. _You_ could have given him a run for his money though," Hana added in an undertone.

"Really?" Surely my injuries hadn't been _that_ serious.

"Yes, really. Heart near collapse, chakra levels dangerously low, severe blood loss, punctured lung, broken ribs… just take my word, dear, it was very terrible," the nurse murmured.

"I have never seen the Hokage so distraught in my entire life. She had been so convinced she was going to lose two of her best ninjas." Her voice was nearly lost in the rush of wind outside.

"She said so herself?" Two of her _best_ ninjas?

"No, she didn't exactly _say_ it. But we could all see it in her eyes. She kept bouncing back and forth between your and Kakashi's surgeries, constantly offering her help. We were all very nervous," Hana fingered the soft fabric of the sheets.

"You bet we were," a gruff voice sounded from the door.

"Hokage-sama!" Hana jumped up and bowed to Tsunade.

"Yes, thank you. Don't worry about it, Karasu," Tsunade added as I struggled to rise from the sheets.

"Could you please leave us alone, Hana-san? I would like to speak with Karasu for a few minutes." Tsunade addressed the nurse.

"Of course! I shall talk to you later, Karasu-san," Hana told me as she slipped out the door. When the door clicked shut, Tsunade sat down in the chair next to my bed.

"I am very pleased that none of you died," Tsunade commented, crossing her arms.

"Ano… I am pleased as well," I stuttered. How exactly did one respond to a comment like that?

"If you had, I would never have been able to collect the payment for the ruined training ground!" Tsunade joked, but the laugh didn't reach her eyes. I was suddenly aware of the lines on her face, her slumped back, her drooping mouth.

"I truly am touched at Hokage-sama's concern," I tried my best to convey my deep appreciation. She grunted and leaned back in her chair.

"I am pleased to report that the mission was a success. You gathered sufficient information to help us update our files on that particular camp. I deducted the fee for the training ground from your pay, by the way," she added, placing the mentioned document in front of me.

"Thank you," I slipped the paper under my pillow. The Hokage sat silently for a few minutes, watching me.

"Kakashi reported that you fainted on the way there."

"Err… yes, it's true," I admitted. _Kuso!_ Why did he have to tell her _that_?

"The medics examined you thoroughly but could not find any particular reason why. Do you have any idea?" Tsunade glanced shrewdly at me.

"Mm… no, not really," Avoiding Tsunade's gaze, I twisted the sheets between my fingers.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes shone honeyed amber in the warm sunlight.

"Yes, pretty sure," I replied, surreptitiously crossing my fingers. After a few seconds, Tsunade sighed.

"Very well, then," she muttered. We sat in awkward silence.

"If… if you are done speaking to me, I would like to visit Kakashi." I did not like how this conversation was going.

"Yes, it's all right. I'll take you down in the wheelchair," Her eyes seemed to glint with an expression I could not place.

After helping me into the wheelchair, Tsunade pushed me downstairs to Kakashi's room. She tapped quietly on the door. No response. Sliding the door open a crack, she peeked inside, then stealthily opened it all the way, motioning me to be quiet. Tsunade wheeled me next to his bed and exited the room silently.

Gleaming in the sunlight, his silver hair was strewn messily across the pillow as he slept. As usual, the sheets were pulled so as to cover the lower half of his face. His expression, filled with such peace made me catch my breath. The usual crease between his brows had vanished, and the skin around his eyes was completely smooth. His soft, calm breaths seemed to fill the room, causing the sheets to rise and fall gently.

A warm, tender feeling seemed to swell in my heart, blurring my vision. Wiping my face with my sleeve, I glanced at the bedside table.

There was a clipboard there, next to the bouquet I had sent. Casting the sleeping Kakashi a fleeting glance, I leaned over and picked it up.

It was his medical report. Eyes widening, I began to read the extensive list of injuries: crushed internal organs, severe blood loss, infected wounds due to poisoned weapons, puncture wounds…

I could not read anymore. I hurriedly replaced the clipboard and hid my face in my sleeve. How could anyone stand such horrible injuries? And I had been _so close_ to losing him!

Sniffling quietly, I heard a rustle of the blankets. Glancing up, I was shocked to see Kakashi's normal eye open, staring at me.

"H-how long have you been awake?" I wiped my tears away and tried to smile.

"How long have you been here?" he rasped, turning his head to see me better.

"Not very long. I was just reading the medical report… oh, Kakashi! You're so lucky to be _alive!_ You nearly died on the operating table! Do you know how close I came to losing you?" I choked.

"Do you know how close I came to losing _you?_"

"What?"

"When I woke up, they told me that you'd nearly died, as well. Genma, I wasn't worried about, but you…" he trailed off, looking decidedly uncomfortable. I shifted my gaze outside the window, aware of his eye studying my face.

"Yo, Cyclopes!" Genma bounded in, throwing the door open. He stopped as he caught sight of our expressions.

"Did I interrupt something here?"

"Genma! Didn't you think that Kakashi could still be sleeping?" I snapped, recovering my voice.

"Nice to see you too, Karasu. Frankly, no; I went to visit you first, but you weren't in your room. The nurse there told me you were visiting Kakashi, so I figured both of you were awake," he shrugged.

"Thanks for coming, Genma," Kakashi murmured.

"No problem. Ooh, are those _flowers?_" Genma leaped towards the bouquet of chrysanthemums.

"It seems old Cyclopes here has an admirer! All _I_ got was a bouquet of daisies, but I'm not complaining." Poor guy. It seemed he really did appreciate getting flowers.

"Who in their right mind would send Genma _flowers?_" The silver haired ninja mused, shifting onto his back.

"Your sarcasm is duly noted. Did you get anything, Karasu?" Genma picked up a chrysanthemum and twirled it around.

"Leave the poor flower alone, Genma. I got a visit from Hane and Tsume, if that's what you mean." Plucking the flower from Genma's fingers, I replaced it in the vase.

"Is An'ya all right?" Kakashi asked.

"She's fine. Just a couple puncture wounds, that's all. Put down the vase, Genma!"

"Why? I'm not going to drop it or any-"

"Genma!"

"Wow, who knew you could screech so loud? And so soon after your injuries, too!"

"Put… down… the vase, Genma. _Now_."

"I told you, I'm _fine._ Whoops-a-daisies!"

"Now look what you've done!"

"Shush! At least I caught the vase before it hit the ground!"

"But the flowers are all over the floor now!"

"Maybe _this_ is why no one gives flowers to Genma."

"I agree."

"Shut up!"

"All of you, please, settle down! We can hear you from across the hall!" a nurse scolded, popping her head in the door. We all ducked our heads and waited until she was gone to resume our conversation.

"I _told_ you to put it down," I hissed, smirking.

"Alright, I get it!" Shoving the flowers back in the vase, Genma replaced it on the bedside table and stepped back, cocking his head.

"Looks pretty much the same, don't you think?" he asked anxiously. Kakashi snorted, the blanket fluttering around his face.

"Anyway… how are you recovering, Genma?" At this question, Genma sighed and sat on the bed next to his friend.

"Pretty well, thanks. Only had a couple broken bones and such, and they healed pretty quickly. I heard you two geniuses nearly killed yourselves," Genma lowered his voice.

"Not on purpose!"

"Well, of course not!" Rolling his eyes, the senbon user adjusted himself until he was comfortable.

"But still," he continued, "it was scary to hear that, you know. Who would whack me on the head if I misbehaved? And who would I drag to the bar on Friday nights?"

"I never knew he could be so sentimental," Kakashi mock-whispered.

"Me neither."

"Well, no wonder I'm never this way, with you two around!" Genma huffed.

"I'm sorry, Genma, it's just very different from your… normal behavior," I apologized, winking at Kakashi. His grin was lost beneath the blankets.

"I bet. Anyways, I have to go now. You should probably head back to your room now, Karasu," Genma added. Stifling a yawn, I nodded. I was still rather weak, and I was now completely exhausted.

"See you, Karasu. I'll visit if I can," Kakashi called as Genma wheeled me out the door. I waved and narrowly avoided hitting Genma in the face.

"Watch it."

"Sorry."

After helping me into the bed, Genma waved goodbye and left. Sighing, I slowly slipped my legs into the blankets and painstakingly settled my head onto the pillow.

It didn't feel right.

Sighing, I shifted onto one shoulder, lifted the pillow, and gasped.

There was a beautiful lotus flower.

Lifting the maroon flower to my nose, I inhaled, savoring the light scent. Smiling, I laid back down onto the bed and fell asleep, my fingers loosely grasping the blossom's stem.

_Thanks for reading, please review!_

**Terms:**

**Fubuki- snowstorm**

**Hana- light/bright**

**Tsume- talon**

**The lotus symbolizes truth, perfection, immortality, and serenity, if my sources are correct.**

**The chrysanthemum symbolizes longevity.**

**No idea what daisies stand for.**

**I also used the Japanese custom of stating the family name before the personal name. Therefore, Fubuki Hana would be considered Hana Fubuki in the United States**


	7. Waft

**Hello everyone! Thanks to the winter break, I was able to publish another chapter to Feathered Mask! The plot is still moving rather slowly (I think), and I promise to try to get it to go faster! Does anyone feel otherwise?**

**Everyone have a lovely New Year! Hopefully you all had a wonderful holiday! My sincere thanks to all the reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... although I'm dorky enough to practice the hand seals for the summoning jutsu.**

I swore as the crutch fell to the ground, taking me with it. Grumbling, I slowly raised myself onto the stone bench, nearly collapsing again as I leaned over to pick up the crutch. I furtively looked around; the impact had seemed to crack through the silence of the dawn. Painstakingly, I settled the crutches against the seat and leaned back, sighing.

I had been recovering very well considering the extent of my injuries, and Hana had decided that I was fit enough to begin walking around. Unfortunately, I had to resort to a pair of rickety, cumbersome crutches.

Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply, savoring the crisp, cool air untainted by bustling human activity. It tasted like icy nectar, refreshing my senses. My nose detected a faint note of pine on the breeze, accompanied with an undertone of lilac. A crow sounded faintly in the distance; a small stream gurgled somewhere nearby. My hands slowly slid from where they rested on the rough stone to the smooth fabric of my pants, palms up. Opening my eyes slowly, I focused on the golden patch of the horizon that was spreading, painting the sky hues of pink and crimson. I began to meditate on the curves of grass that seemed to meld seamlessly with the jagged lines of rock, the gentle swoops of the fir branches, the way the leaves rustled and danced with the wind.

_Click, clack._ A faint rapping sounded on the paving stones, breaking my trance. Unable to see the source of the tapping noises due to the thick foliage, I leaned forward, caught sight of a flash of silver hair and nearly fell over again.

"Kakashi! What are you doing up at this hour?" Grasping the arm of the bench in order to secure myself, I moved my crutches out of the way so Kakashi could sit down also.

"I could ask the same thing of you," Kakashi whispered, limping with his crutches towards the seat.

"I thought you were still supposed to be in a wheelchair."

"Well, technically, yes. It doesn't matter though… Kami, that feels so _good,"_ Kakashi groaned, landing with a _thud_ onto the bench.

"If only Konoha could see us now: two of the most elite ninjas, wobbling around on crutches and barely able to walk!" Laughing quietly, I shifted over to give him more room.

He chuckled and tentatively stretched out his leg.

"Well it seems to be okay- ow! Ok, never mind, I take it back," he grimaced, slowly resting his leg back against the bench.

"You really should have taken the wheelchair, you know." The idiot. He nearly died, and now he was already hobbling around on crutches.

"What were you doing before I tottered over here?" Kakashi asked, ignoring my reprimand. I focused my gaze on the golden orb that was peeping out from the horizon.

"I like to wake up at dawn and come outside to meditate on nature. It's very calming, and I enjoy the peace and silence," Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, savoring the air.

"Could I try?" Kakashi ventured. My eyes flew open.

"S-sure," I stammered. Smiling, Kakashi set his crutches down and assumed a position similar to mine.

"How do you begin?" he asked.

"Well… I'll show you how I do it, but this is just my personal preference. You don't have to do it my way!" Now I was blabbering. Clamping my mouth shut, I swallowed, wetting my dry mouth.

"Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Savor the air. What does it taste like to you? No, don't answer that," I added hastily as he opened his mouth.

"Take another deep breath, focusing on how the air flows down to your lungs, filling you like icy nectar. Can you taste the new morning? Relax your muscles. _Relax_, Kakashi," I whispered. Spine slowly sagging, Kakashi's arms went limp and the furrows around his eyes lightened as he exhaled with a low whoosh.

"Now breathe deeply again; this time, what do you smell? Can you smell the lilacs? Can you smell the dew-soaked earth? What about the trees?" Unfortunately, birds weren't blessed with a very strong sense of smell. I had sharp hearing, acute vision, and an uncanny sense of my surroundings, but my sense of smell was average, at best. Kakashi, on the other hand…

"Go on," he rasped, making me jump. Had I zoned out that badly?

"Sorry. Continue breathing deeply, but now listen. First listen to yourself, and then begin to focus on the sounds around you. Can you hear your pulse, the way the air travels through your lungs? Do you hear the water gurgling nearby? Do you hear the leaves dancing with the wind? What about the sparrow, singing in the trees?" I was acutely aware of my thundering heart and rapid, shallow breaths that were in contrast to Kakashi's slow, even exhalations. Swallowing, I tried to calm my heart and continued.

"Slowly begin to focus on your sense of touch. Feel the silky breeze blow on your face, the texture of your clothes, the rough stone bench. Can you feel the heat of the newly-born sun's light dancing on your skin? Can you sense the cool granite slabs that contrast so sharply with your body heat?" Kakashi's hand slowly inched from its position on his knee onto the rough bench, caressing it lightly with his fingers.

"And then, when you're ready, open your eyes very slowly," I whispered. After a few minutes of silence, the Copy Ninja slowly cracked one eye open, wincing at the sudden burst of light.

"That's why you open your eyes slowly." Laughing softly, I continued.

"Look at all the colors: the deep viridian of those pines, the lavender of those flowers, the golden sky. See where the light laughs and where the shadows sleep. Focus on the shape of everything, how the land curves elegantly into the rugged lines of those rocks. Can you see the gentle dance of the trees?" The Copy Ninja's eye wavered throughout the landscape, drinking it all in. Finally, it came to rest on mine, filled with a serenity so rarely seen on him.

"That was very… peaceful," he rasped, voice rough from a long period of silence.

"You're not done. While the first part focuses on your physical senses, the second part soothes your mental state. You simply pick a topic and think about it," I smiled at him before closing my own eyes.

"What kinds of topics?" Kakashi murmured.

"Anything, really. Nothing that will get you all worked up, though." Most of the time I meditated on nature, but to perfectly honest, sometimes I thought about _him._ Not exactly the purpose of the exercise, but…

"So no mission details?"

"Well, if it calms you down, then it's fine. But if you find yourself getting angry or depressed, then you're defeating the purpose of this exercise," I explained. We spent the next hour or so lost in our own thoughts.

"Karasu-san! Kakashi-san! Are you guys here?" The wind brought in a faint yell, startling us out of our trances.

"I can see why you enjoy that," Kakashi smiled as we reluctantly steadied ourselves onto our crutches.

"You liked it?"

"Very much. Could I… do it again with you some other time?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

"S-sure." I fought the slight heat rushing into my cheeks.

"I guess I'll go visit you later this afternoon, when the nurse is asleep." Kakashi glanced behind him, where we could hear the sounds of someone searching through the thick foliage.

"I'll look forward to it. Speaking of the nurse, you _might_ want to sneak back into your room before she finds you down here. Didn't you say you were supposed to be in a wheelchair?" I whispered, adjusting a crutch.

"Good idea. All right, I'll see you later then," Creasing his eye, Kakashi began to hobble past me, towards the back exit, the _opposite_ directions of the searching noises. As soon as he was out of sight, a plump woman burst through the bushes.

"There you are! We've been looking for you everywhere!" Huffing and puffing, the woman bent over double, clutching her stomach.

"_Ohayogutsayimas_," I bowed good morning, intent on stalling her for Kakashi.

"Oh, yes, good morning to you, too. Have you seen Kakashi-san anywhere? He seems to be limping around somewhere, but he's supposed to be in a wheelchair!" she wheezed, panting for air.

"Really?" Feigning shock, I shuffled closer to her.

"Yes, isn't it shocking? The man seems simply desperate to escape the hospital! I wouldn't be surprised if he jumped out the window and ran back to his apartment! Have you seen him?" Catching her breath, the woman glanced hopefully at me.

"No, I'm sorry. I would check his room again, if I were you. It's almost breakfast, and he'll be in his room if he's hungry," I assured her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, very sure. If you wouldn't mind, could you please help me get back to my room?"

"Yes, of course!" Side by side, we slowly shuffled towards the delicious smell of breakfast wafting from the hospital.

**Terms:**

**_Ohayogutsayimas_- good morning (to a person of higher rank)**


	8. Home

**Before I begin the story, I'll explain a bit about Japanese housing. The entrance of the house is called the **_**genkan**_**. The **_**genkan**_** is on a lower level than the rest of the house. There is really no designated area for every room, because the Japanese focus on flexibility. They use **_**fusuma**_**, or panels made of wood and paper, to seal off different areas as rooms; these panels can be removed and adjusted as needed. Therefore, any room can be the living room, guest room, etc. **_**Rouka**_**, similar to passageways, are located on the edges of the house. These passageways are walled with **_**shouji, **_**which are exceedingly similar to **_**rouka;**_** they simply have thinner paper. Wooden boards are used to cover them to protect from the elements. The kitchen and bathroom are attachments to the house.**

**Please forgive any errors in my information or story; I would greatly appreciate a correction.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I believe there's still hope for Kakashi! **Warning: Manga spoilers in the rest of this paragraph, so skip the rest if you don't want to hear them**! Leafygirl has a beautiful theory about him on her livejournal… to sum it up; Japanese people believe that when one dies by suicide, they are sent to a sort of Limbo. Kakashi has gone to where his father is ("… so this is where you've been.") and I _believe_ that he is about to tell his life story to the White Fang. According to Leafygirl's theory, once he forgives his father, the White Fang's soul will be able to rest and Kakashi will come back to consciousness! Check out Leafygirl's livejournal (link on her profile) to read the theory in full!

Plus the fact that Katsuyu protected his body… anyways, on to the story!

_Click_. Pocketing my key, I prodded the door open with a crutch and threw my pack through the doorway. I followed it, grumbling as I accidentally banged the wooden doorframe with the metal crutch. Using my leg to shut the door, I locked it and removed my shoes, placing them in the small _getabako. _Donning a pair of slippers, I managed to raise myself onto the level of the main home. I hobbled towards the sofa and collapsed with a sigh of relief.

_Home, sweet home._ Finally, after almost a month, I was back in my own house. Letting the crutches clatter to the ground, I buried my face in the sofa fabric, sighing at the musky smell of bird. With birds flying in and out all the time, their oils rubbed all over the place; it was not an unpleasant smell in the least.

My small home was simply furnished in a more traditional style; the _genkan_ was lit by a yellow lamp that cast a warm glow over the bare walls and the small _getabako_ in the corner. The entire home was furnished with _tatami_ flooring. _Fusuma_ divided it into three sections: my bedroom, which was completely off-limits to guests; the study, which took up half of the remaining space; and the main area, where I entertained company (the area I was currently resting in). The main area, lit by a few lamps, had a small coffee table, a low sofa, and some seat cushions. Across the hall was the dining room/kitchen, where I had a stove, a small refrigerator, a rice cooker, and a broiler. Guests knelt around a low table which served as the dining table. The bathroom, with walls of concrete_,_ had stones embedded in the floor. Flickering in the gloom, candles rested in niches dug into the walls. A basin, gouged in the floor, served as a bathtub; a narrow shower stall took up the far corner. The _rouka_, furnished with dark mahogany flooring and walled with _shouji, _were illuminated with small lamp placed periodically along the walls.

With a huge sigh, I hauled myself off the sofa and picked up my pack, intent on unloading it in my bedroom. The small room contained a beautiful bookshelf that stood from floor to ceiling, packed with numerous books on equally various topics. A minute, porcelain crow perched on a lacquered side table, next to a dim lamp. During the night, my _futon_ rested in the corner, near the sliding door that opened out to a more spacious backyard. Various plants and rocks encircled a small pond containing _koi._ There was a rough bench hewn out of stone for my morning meditations next to the pond, which was shaded with a wide variety of trees. A small patch of earth in the far corner served as a garden.

Next door was the study, the gem of my home. Lining the walls were enormous bookshelves, stuffed full of books. I also displayed various weapons I had collected over the years, along with other assorted trinkets, in polished glass cases. A wooden desk in the corner, paired with a small lamp, contained my calligraphy materials in a side drawer. Letting natural light in was a window located directly above my desk; I could dim the light by drawing the bamboo blinds.

After I finished unpacking, I began the routine examination of my home: making sure the windows were all intact (although the chakra seal should have been enough to deter all intruders), the _shouji_ did not have holes, there were no dead fish, the plants were alive, the food wasn't spoiled, etc. Once satisfied, I limped to the kitchen to get a glass of water, taking the opportunity to grab an apple as well. I collapsed on the sofa, savoring the sweet crispness of the fruit.

I probably should thank my neighbor for taking care of the house when I was gone. Finishing my snack, I headed out to the backyard to pick some flowers. Atsui-san's name suited her perfectly: a kind, sweet civilian mother of two who was slightly older than I was. Holding a bouquet of lilacs, peach blossoms, and lavender, I knocked on Atsui's door.

"Karasu-san! You returned! It's so good to see you again!" Atsui gushed, opening the door. She gave me a hug, made awkward by those two _damn_ crutches.

"Thank you, Atsui-san; it's very good to see you again, too. I really appreciate your help taking care of my house." Her chocolate colored eyes sparkled as I handed her the bouquet.

"That wasn't necessary! Thank you! Please, come in!" Atsui beckoned.

Nodding gratefully, I followed the woman into her home.

"Tsuki-kun!" Atsui called while she waited patiently for me to change my shoes. "Kuro-san's back!"

"KURO-SAN!" her son bellowed. He barreled into the _genkan_ and crushed my legs with a hug, nearly bowling me over.

"Hey, Tsuki-kun. Have you been good while I was gone?" I laughed and ruffled his jet black hair.

"Yeah! Really, really, really good! Right, Mama?" he beamed.

"Most of the time, Tsuki-kun. I must tell you, Karasu-san, he tried to catch some _koi_ from the pond while you were away. He also started to chase your summons, although I believe Tsume-san enjoyed himself." His mother suppressed a grin.

"It sounds exactly like Tsume. Did you do anything else naughty?" I tickled the little boy, making him giggle and squirm.

"Your weapons are so cool! I wanted to touch them but Mama wouldn't let us! Hee hee! Stop! That tickles!" he chortled.

"Make yourself at home, Karasu-chan. I'm going to put these flowers in a vase," Atsui interjected.

"Thank you!" I called as she walked away.

"Stop! Stop!" Tsuki squealed, writhing.

"Your Mama is right; you shouldn't be touching those weapons. Anyway, you couldn't have touched them, because they have a chakra seal on them. If you tried, you would have been shocked very badly." I released the little boy and limped to a chair. Tsuki trailed me, his auburn eyes wide.

"Really?"

"Yes, you would have been hurt very, very badly. If you want to see them sometime, just ask me and I'll take it out for you to see," I promised. A wide grin split his face as he hopped onto my lap.

"Careful, Tsuki-kun. My legs are still kind of sore," I cautioned, adjusting him so he wouldn't apply pressure to the aforementioned area.

"What happened?" He prodded carefully at one knee.

"Well, I got attacked by a whole bunch of ninja and had to go to the hospital for a couple weeks," I explained.

"Cool! I wanna be a ninja when I grow up!" Bouncing up and down, his face split in a wide grin, ignorant of my grimaces of pain.

"You're energetic enough to be one." Twisting around in my chair, I snagged a chopstick honing in on my head.

"And you're sneaky enough to be one, too," I laughed as a pouting face popped up from behind the sofa.

"Nice try, Hisui-chan." The little girl toddled out from her hiding spot and joined her brother on my lap, tugging her russet pigtails.

"I was so close!" Her light hazel eyes drooped in disappointment.

"That was very well done. Wow, you've grown a lot when I was gone!" I exclaimed, tickling her chin. She giggled and took the chopstick I offered.

"That was so cool!" Tsuki gushed, clapping his hands delightedly.

"How do you do that?" Hisui asked softly, twisting the wooden stick between her fingers.

"Lots and lots of training and practice. Did _you_ behave while I was gone? I heard big brother here was very naughty." Tweaking the trickster on the nose, I shifted my weight so his sister wouldn't fall off.

She nodded solemnly, dark lashes fluttering over wide eyes. Hisui's nature took after her mother's, and reminded me of myself a bit when I had been her age: serious, intelligent, and quiet, yet still able to laugh and scream like any other toddler.

"Would you like tea, Karasu-san? Goodness, should those two be sitting on you so soon after your injuries?" Atsui set down a ceramic tray holding a teapot and two cups.

"It's perfectly fine, as long as they don't wiggle too much. Oh, thank you," I gratefully accepted the cup of tea she offered. Holding it up to my nose, I inhaled the fragrant steam before taking a sip. Mm, it was delicious.

"What's that?" Hisui peered into the cup, sniffing tentatively.

"It's green tea, Hisui-chan," Atsui explained, pouring a cup for herself.

"Can I have some, Mama?"

"No, no; the last thing you need is caffeine. You may have water if you wish." Laughing, Atsui took a sip of her own drink.

"Let's go get water, Hisui-chan," Tsuki tugged at his sister's hand. They slid off my lap and ran into the kitchen.

"I must thank you again for taking care of my house," I murmured when their footsteps faded.

"It was nothing. I was so worried when An'ya-san told me that you were in critical condition." Even quieter than my own, Atsui's voice was barely audible.

"I thank you for your concern. An'ya came _here?_" Tsuki must have had a field day.

"Yes, and nearly scared the daylights out of me too. I never imagined such an enormous bird. I must confess, I know that none of your summons would hurt us, but I was so afraid that if I made one wrong move I would have been torn to shreds," Atsui laughed nervously.

"I understand, but please don't be scared of An'ya or her family. They're really quite gentle once you get to know them." I assured her.

"Yes, it's just that… I don't mean to sound ungrateful; I understand that ninjas protect us and earn money for Konoha, which I truly appreciate. It's just that whenever I hear Tsuki and Hisui talking about how they want to become ninja, I want to tell them absolutely not. I've heard about how there is a high mortality rate, and how dangerous it is. When An'ya-san came and told me the news, I was so frightened, both for you and my children. If Tsuki and Hisui become ninja, I may have to bury my own babies." Atsui's voice shook. I put my cup down and grasped her hand.

"I understand. I can't lie; it _is_ a very dangerous occupation. At least half of us die before reaching the age of forty. We see the deaths of our companions on a regular basis. A sword hangs over all our heads; we don't know when it will drop. There are many times when it almost does." I indicated my wounds.

"However, it's still a very rewarding job. You learn to treasure what you have while you still have it, and you discover and meet many interesting people; Kakashi-san, for instance. Not to mention the fact that it's incredibly rewarding to do lots of cool _jutsus_, and being able to stay in pretty good shape. I have never regretted my choice to become a ninja," I laughed quietly.

"I'll consider that. I'm just being a silly old woman, that's all." Squeezing my hand, Atsui smiled and put down her cup.

"You're not being silly, you're being a mother." The civilian mother blushed at my statement.

"Whatever _are_ those children up to? They're taking a very long time," she mused.

"Apparently they're struggling to get the stool in the right place." My keen ears could detect the scraping of plastic against tile.

"I better go help them before Tsuki breaks something. I'll be right back." Smiling, Atsui padded off to the kitchen, leaving me alone to drink my tea.

I had meant every word I said to Atsui. Not once in my life had I regretted my choice to walk the dangerous path of ninja. It was hard, painful, and heartbreaking at times, but I personally believed that the benefits far outstripped the drawbacks.

"We're back!" Tsuki trilled, trailed by his more demure sister.

"You took a long time." I helped the little boy climb back onto my lap.

"Tsuki-kun wouldn't listen to me. I told him to move the mat aside, but he didn't pay attention." Smirking, Hisui clambered up beside her brother.

"But it didn't make sense! If we moved the mat, we would have to put it back again!"

"Yes, but-"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, guys. Tsuki, maybe your sister was right. Hisui, if someone is wrong and you're right, don't get arrogant about it, okay?" Entering the room, Atsui hid her grin at my attempts at peacemaking as she set down two cups on the table.

"What does arrogant mean?"

"Umm… it means like stuck-up and constantly bragging about it," I explained.

"Oh. Sorry for being a-arrogant, Tsuki," Hisui apologized.

"And I'm sorry for not listening to you," her brother responded. Their mother winked at me.

"Ooh! What's this?" Prodding at the weapons holster strapped to my thigh, Tsuki eyed it curiously.

"That's where I keep my weapons. Don't go poking around in there unless you want a cut." I gently ushered his curious fingers away.

"Can we see what's inside?"

"Not right now, Hisui-chan. Maybe some other time. Wait, how about this," I added hastily as their smiles dropped, "next time I train I'll bring you guys along. Is that okay, Atsui-san?"

"Certainly." Atsui's consent was nearly drowned out by the cheers of her children.

"Can we see Tsume-san and Hane-san too?" Hisui chirped.

"Of course! Now, I would appreciate it if you two would get off my lap, because I believe I've stayed far too long." Through the window, I could see the sun brushing the horizon.

"You must stay for dinner, Karasu-san. With my husband on a business trip, we need someone to fill the empty space at our table." Atsui's invitation was echoed by her children.

"Please, Karasu-san!"

"Please, please, please!"

"I-I thank you for the invitation, and I gratefully accept it." I didn't have very much food anyway; most of my already meager supply had rotted during my extended absence. Luckily the _koi_ in my pond had large appetites.

"Then let's go!" Sliding off my lap, Tsuki and Hisui tugged at my hands. Laughing, I followed their mother to the kitchen, listening to the excited chatter of the children.

It was good to be home again.

**Again, please forgive any errors, both in the text and with these terms. Corrections are highly appreciated. Thanks for reading, and please review!**

**Terms:**

_**Hisui-**_** Jade**

_**Tsuki**_**- Moon**

_**Atsui-**_** Kind, caring**

_**Fusuma**_**- Easily removable wood and paper panels that are used as walls**

_**Shouji-**_** Wood and paper panels; similar to **_**fusuma**_**, but with thinner paper**

_**Rouka**_**- These "passageways" are located on the edges of the house**

_**Genkan**_**- Entryway; on a lower level than the rest of the house**

_**Getabako**_**- Small shelf for guests to store their shoes and replace them with slippers**

_**Tatami**_**- Bamboo mats used for flooring**

_**Koi**_**- a type of fish; I believe everyone knows what **_**koi**_** is, but I'll just put it to be safe.**


	9. Splash

**Here's the next chapter of Feathered Mask! I already have an idea for a sequel... but I'll have to finish this first! Hopefully I will be able to bring about a very enjoyable ending when the time comes. **

**It was so weird... I dreamed that I was Karasu the other night... and it was a scene I imagined in the sequel. Don't worry, nothing perverted...**

**In the next chapter, I'll try to add more background information.**

**So, wish me luck!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... Kakashi better not be dead.**

Waves lapped against the tree branch, gentle remnants of the ferocious dragon bearing down on me seconds before. Kakashi must have nearly drained the stream; his Water Dragon Technique was far stronger than I remembered it. Hopefully he hadn't managed to drown anything.

Punctuated only by soft swishes of water, a heavy silence hung over the forest now turned lake. As expected, Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

I crept closer to the water, scanning the area for a potential sneak attack. Carefully releasing a small tendril of chakra into the water, I searched for Kakashi's chakra signature. If any part of him was in contact with the water, I would be able to detect his hideaway.

Unfortunately, it seemed he was high in the tree branches, content to wait for me to make the first move. Shimmying higher onto the tree, I nestled myself in a particularly dense bundle of foliage.

Recently, An'ya and I had been working on another way to track people, by "listening" to their chakra signatures. I was still relatively new at it, and my "hearing range" still wasn't very far. Still, it was worth a shot, and it was good practice.

Closing my eyes, I concentrated hard, searching for Kakashi's signature while masking my own. The trick was to filter out all other chakra signatures, a herculean feat when surrounded by a whole forest of living things.

Nothing. Furrowing my brow, I strained harder. No matter how good he was at masking his chakra, there still had to be some sort of signal.

There! A faint signal pulsed behind me, close to the water's surface, moving at a rapid pace towards me. It would probably arrive within three minutes, at the very latest.

Glancing around me, I weighed my options carefully. The most obvious solution was to run away through the trees; however, this was Kakashi I was talking about. I could keep ahead of him for a few minutes, but eventually I would have to confront him.

Fleeing on the water was an even worse idea. With the trees I could hide in the branches, but on water, the only shelter available was the tree trunks. I was also at a disadvantage, jutsu-wise. My chakra was fire-based, and I had very limited capabilities with water jutsus. Not so with Kakashi.

If only he hadn't flooded the whole forest with water, I might have been able to come up with another escape route.

Wait. The whole area was _flooded with water._

_Shinobi rule number thirty-seven: Use the surroundings to your advantage._

Pulling a small breathing device out of my pack, I clamped down on it with my teeth, tucking my ponytail into the back of my shirt. I slid down the trunk and slipped into the water with the faintest of ripples.

Weaving through the underwater forest of tree trunks, I blinked hard; thankfully, the water was deep enough for me to swim in without being seen. The breathing devices, standard issue for all ANBU members, filtered oxygen from the water and allowed ninja to spend prolonged periods of time underwater.

Kakashi's signature was now too close for me to risk swimming much farther. Jetting behind the nearest tree, I pressed my back to the trunk and peered upwards.

His outline, blurred by the water, cast a shadow next to the tree I had been hiding in. Praying he wouldn't detect the chakra flare, I surreptitiously created a water clone.

It slid through the water, burst through the surface and began to engage Kakashi in battle, weaving and dodging his attacks fluidly. I took advantage of the distraction and swam further away into a tight cluster of trunks, raising my eyes out of the water to watch. The clone kicked hard with its heel, forcing Kakashi to block with his forearm. My clone twisted powerfully, aiming for his head with a punch. Grabbing the clone's ankle, the Copy Ninja caught the blow in his other fist. The clone twisted its other leg upwards until it was upside down, its kick blocked when Kakashi twisted his forearm. Face inches from Kakashi's own, it quickly jabbed Kakashi in the diaphragm, hard. Grunting, Kakashi threw the clone against the water, springing nimbly back.

_So this was the real Kakashi, not a clone. Good._

Ducking back below the surface, I quickly strung exploding tags onto several senbon, carefully keeping an eye on the sparring above. I had to time this exactly right.

Kakashi managed to pin the clone down onto the water's surface, holding a kunai against its throat. Smirking, the clone melted into droplets of water that created small ripples against the smooth glassy surface.

_Now._

I launched the senbon through the water, all in separate directions. Startled by the numerous plumes of mist, Kakashi crouched on the water's surface, eyes missing the dark shadow rushing through the agitated water.

In one fluid motion, I burst out of the water, hooked my arms around his waist, and pulled him back down with me. His limbs floundered, churning the water into a whirlpool of white foam. When the water cleared, I was gripping driftwood.

_Damn._

I released the log and kicked hard for the nearest cluster of trees. I needed to get out. Immediately.

My limbs suddenly started to shake, assaulted by a burning wave of pain. I halted, shuddering. Did he manage to inject me with something? If so, I had to get to the trees right away, in order to examine myself.

The burning wave again. Trying to ignore the regular pulsing of pain, I closed my eyes and found concentric rings of chakra emanating from a certain point close by. _What the…_

I clenched my hands as a particularly strong wave made my whole body convulse. The feeling… it seemed familiar… like _getting shocked by an electrical outlet!_

That was it! Kakashi, taking advantage of his lightening-based chakra, was sending regular pulses throughout the water. Not only could he inflict damage on me, but he could also keep track of my position in the water. The sly little…

I couldn't take the burning any longer. Jumping out of the water, I crouched against the surface, panting heavily through the breathing device. Now that I was flushed out of hiding, Kakashi would be after me in a moment.

I flipped backwards, nimbly avoiding the kick aimed at my legs. Stuffing the breathing device into my pack, I performed a series of seals.

"_Katon: Goukak yuu no Jutsu!" _

Kakashi's hands were a blur as he performed his own set of seals.

"_Suiton: Suijinheki!"_

Lowering his mask, Kakashi spewed water out of his mouth to intercept the enormous fireball. Unfortunately, my view of his face was obstructed by the resulting cloud of steam. Pity.

Taking the opportunity, I darted back into the water while Kakashi was occupied with his shield. I grabbed his ankle and pulled him under, oddly reminded of his Earth Decapitation Jutsu. Spluttering, he fell in with a loud splash; I did not wait to see his reaction, but instead ran for the trees. Hauling himself out of the water, Kakashi began to pursue me. When I reached a large cedar, I continued to run up the trunk while performing hand seals, hiding them against my stomach. Kakashi had his Chidori, and this jutsu was my original. Besides, the last thing I needed was for him to copy the jutsu and use it against me.

Pushing off of the trunk, I spun in midair and slammed my hand against the wood. Eyes widening at the fiery crow bearing down upon him, Kakashi jumped off the tree and used another set of seals.

A long, sinuous dragon exploded from the water, roaring ferociously. Baring its fangs, the dragon lunged towards the crow diving down to meet it. With a raucous cry, the bird burst into a flock of flames seconds before contact was made. Most of them evaded the Water Dragon and flapped after Kakashi, who performed another _suijinheki_. Some birds, crashing into the barrier, dissipated; the majority swerved and continued their pursuit of the Copy Ninja. Diving into the water, Kakashi began to swim towards me, the crows following on the surface.

Suddenly, water exploded in multiple geysers, catching the crows unawares. They vanished with mournful cries. Apparently, he was taking a leaf out of my book by using exploding tags; there went my backup. He exploded out of the water, hands reaching for my legs wrapped around the tree trunk. Flipping backwards, I landed lightly on the water's surface, limbs trembling in a combination of exhaustion and adrenalin. Bouncing off the tree, Kakashi aimed a kick at my head. I dropped, shifted my weight onto one hand, and managed to swipe his legs out from under him. Instead of falling with a loud splash, as I expected, his body exploded with a poof of smoke, leaving small ripples on the water's surface.

_A shadow doppelganger?_

Spinning, I caught a brief glimpse of a fist before it connected solidly with my shoulder. I sprang back, barely avoiding the kick that followed. Ducking below the next punch, I rammed an elbow into his stomach; his breath escaped in a low wheeze that fluttered against my neck. Clamping down on my arm, Kakashi swept his leg in a wide arc, knocking me off balance. As I fell, I grabbed the front of his shirt, jerking him down with me. Kakashi landed on top of me, his hands pressing the water on either side of my face. Our noses, mere centimeters apart, brushed against each other with every ragged gulp of air we took. I was suddenly all too aware of his warm breath washing over my face, of his muscular physique pressing into mine with every inhalation.

"Karasu?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Think fast." Grabbing my shoulders, he flipped us over so that we both fell into the water with a big splash.

Once we were underwater, his grip slackened. Tearing myself free, I kicked away from him. I pushed my face through the surface, gasping for air, and found myself nearly face-to-face with a dragon that I was too exhausted to evade.

_Damn…_

As the waves slowly subsided, an arm wrapped around my waist and yanked me out of the depths. I barely had enough time to catch my breath before my back was slammed into a tree trunk. Something sharp pressed against my throat, and my hands were pinned at my stomach. I wearily cracked my eyes open to meet Kakashi's steel gaze; his harsh pants coincided with my own.

I inclined my head in defeat, my ponytail dropping over my shoulder. After a short pause, Kakashi's grip on my wrists relaxed. The kunai was released from my throat as he bent over double, trying to catch his breath. Lowering myself against the tree trunk, I sat on the water's surface, eyes closed.

"I am seriously out of shape," I mumbled after a couple minutes.

"Don't judge yourself too harshly; it's the first spar we've had since we were released from the hospital," Kakashi replied, offering me a hand.

"Mm… three water dragons, huh?" Taking his hand gratefully, I stood up and stretched slowly.

"That jutsu of yours was particularly impressive. I don't believe I've seen it before."

"You have, in passing. I used it against that ambush last month. You probably were too busy to see it. And _no,_ I won't show you the hand seals."

"Why not?"

"Chidori is your sole creation, right? Well, it's kind of like that with me. I've worked on that jutsu for so long, and I guess that I'm kind of… possessive, you know? Please don't be offended. _And don't give me that face, either._" Drat his puppy-dog look.

"Please?"

"_No_."

"Okay, okay, I won't copy it. It's a very interesting jutsu though. I could help you with it sometime, if you like."

"I'd appreciate that. And you had no business to act like an electric eel." I dug an elbow into his side.

"What do you mean?" Rubbing the spot, Kakashi sat down on the grass, motioning for me to join him.

"Does sending electricity through the water ring a bell? That was very clever, by the way. Clever, but sneaky." I lay down beside him, cushioning my head with my arms. True to his name, he copied me.

"You're one to talk. Using the ANBU breathing devices!"

"Hey, aren't shinobi supposed to expect the unexpected? To look underneath the underneath?" Turning over onto my side, I grinned mischievously at him. Underneath the mask, his lips quirked.

"Very _clever,_ Karasu."

"Why, thank you."

We spent the next couple minutes in comfortable silence.

"We should do this more often. You're pretty good at sparring me."

"Thank you. You're very good at sparring me, also. Then again, you _are_ the famous Copy Ninja, so…" I trailed off. Shrugging at my comment, Kakashi sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees.

"That doesn't mean that I'm invincible or all-knowing. Every time I spar, I come up with new ideas and discover new weaknesses of my own." I nodded in agreement.

"So… same time next week?"

"Sure. Do you want to come over for lunch?" I asked.

"What is it?"

"Well, I just bought some tuna this morning. I can get some mackerel and eggplant, if you like." The gleam in Kakashi's eye made me smile.

"Really? I mean, I'll pay for the mackerel and eggplant…"

"Don't worry about it. The mackerel's not that expensive, and you forget that I grow vegetables in the backyard."

"Oh! Thank you very much!" He stood, his eye creased.

"You're welcome. Kakashi?"

"Yeah?"

"Think fast." With a grin, I shoved Kakashi back into the water.

**I wasn't sure if it was actually shinobi rule number thirty-seven; that number just popped into my head.**

**Terms:**

_**Katon: Goukak yuu no Jutsu**_**- fire style: Powerful fireball technique (Sasuke uses it against Kakashi in the first bell test; manga chapter 7)**

_**Suiton: Suijinheki**_**- water style: water position wall (Kakashi uses it chapter 332, I believe)**


	10. Tears

**Next chapter of Feathered Mask is here! If this chapter isn't very interesting, I apologize profusely. It's just that I'm pretty tired and not really able to come up with anything very original right now… *brain dead* Shichi-go-san is a festival in Japan where they celebrate children who are seven, five, and three years old. **

"You look so cute!" My mother gushed, holding me at arm's length.

"Mama…" Tugging at my kimono, I whined and fidgeted. Even though it was kind of cool that I could now wear an actual obi instead of a cord, that didn't mean I had to like it. My mother had tied the obi too tightly.

"Don't tug at your clothes, Karasu-chan; you might wrinkle them."

"But the obi's tied so tightly!"

"I'll fix it later, Karasu-chan. Just wait a little bit, okay?" Smiling, my mother took another picture of me.

"Don't take so many pictures, Junsui-chan! We have to save some film for later. Would you like Daddy to give you a piggyback ride, Karasu-chan?" Bending down, my father held out his arms.

"Yes, please!"

"Hold tight, then!" My bag of _chitoseame_, stamped with a design of cranes and turtles, swung as my father heaved me onto his back.

"Wow, you're getting heavy!"

"Nesshin-kun, be careful! Don't wrinkle Karasu-chan's clothes!"

"I won't, don't worry!"

"Dad, don't be so loud! You're embarrassing me!" Shinju groaned.

"Shinju, it's _Shichi-Go-San!_ Your sister is seven years old! We have to celebrate!" I stuck my tongue out at my fourteen year-old sister, who responded by wrinkling her nose.

"We're almost home, Karasu-chan. I'll fix your obi; we're having some friends come over for dinner! Be on your best behavior, you two!" My mother admonished as we walked home in the vanishing daylight.

"Is Kakashi-san coming?"

"Why do you keep asking about Kakashi-san, Karasu?"

"He's my friend!"

"Don't fight, Karasu and Shinju. Yes, Kakashi-san is coming."

"Yay!" My squeal of enthusiasm echoed through the streets.

"Don't bounce, Karasu-chan, or else I might drop you. Okay, we're home! Let Mama fix your obi, and then we have to get ready for dinner!" Kneeling down, my father let me off his back and unlocked the door.

After fixing my belt, my mother began to place the dishes on the table while I followed her, eyes wide.

"Someone's here," my sister called out.

"Hold on! Let me get the camera!" My mother grabbed the device and ran to the door with me trailing at her heels.

Opening the door, my sister found herself face to face with a silvered hair teenager.

"Oh! Hello, Kakashi-san!" My sister's face seemed redder than usual as she bowed. Kakashi returned her greeting courteously, his silver hair falling in his face.

"Hey, Karasu-chan!" He smiled when he straightened.

"Kakashi-san!" Squealing, I ran towards the doorstep and bowed before tackling his legs.

"Pause for a second! That's an absolutely adorable picture!" The camera clicked.

"So how's it like wearing an obi?" Kakashi ruffled my bangs lightly.

"Mama tied it too tight, so I didn't like it. But she fixed it now, so it's okay!" I beamed.

"Karasu-chan, let Kakashi-san go so he can change his shoes. Play with him later." I obligingly stepped aside and let him place his shoes in the _getabako_ before bouncing up and down again.

"Can you give me a piggyback ride? Please, please, please?"

"Karasu-chan! Stop bothering Kakashi-san!" My sister snapped, her face flustered. Widening my eyes, I shrunk against Kakashi's leg.

"No, really, it's alright." Bending down, Kakashi carefully hooked his arms around my legs and let me wrap my arms around his neck.

"Can I stand up now?"

"Yeah! Thank you!"

"That's another great picture! Smile!"

***

"Kakashi, I'm going to buy the mackerel now! Your wet clothes are hanging in the backyard on a clothesline. If I haven't returned by the time you get out, make yourself at home!" I knocked on the bathroom door, raising my voice over the sound of running water.

"Alright, then, see you later!" he hollered back. I ran out the door, heading for the fish market.

When I returned, Kakashi was browsing through a photo album, his damp locks plastered to his face.

"I forgot all about some of these pictures," he commented.

"Take your time. I'm planning to eat the tuna as sashimi; can I do the same thing with your mackerel?" Placing the fish in the sink, I took out a kitchen knife from a drawer.

"Sure. Hey, look at this picture!" Kakashi, padding into the kitchen, shoved a picture in front of me.

My seven year old face beamed at me from Kakashi's shoulder, in sharp contrast with my sister's surly face in the background. My kimono, once a brilliant scarlet, had faded into a dull maroon over the years. However, the radiance of our faces still shone as bright as it had nineteen years ago.

"I barely remember this. Wasn't this your _Shichi-go-san? _I believe your sister kept flirting with me."

"Yeah, it was." Blinking hard at the mention of my family, I turned back to cutting the fish. Kakashi stood quietly, his eye studying my face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mention it."

"It's alright," I said softly.

"How many years ago was it? Five?"

"Six." The ground rumbling beneath my feet as I desperately tried to reach my parents' home, rubble crashing left and right, shrill screams piercing through the dusty air; it was all seared in my mind.

"When the hospital contacted me… when they told me that my family was a-among the casualties…" I swallowed, my throat tight. The sound of my knife hitting the cutting board echoed in the silence.

"It was a natural disaster. There's nothing you could have done."

"Don't say that! If I had been able to reach them in time, they might still be alive today!" I spun, glaring, with fists clenched. Kakashi took a step back, eye widening at my outburst. After a few seconds, I dropped my gaze and turned back to the sink.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it out on you." I apologized, picking up the knife.

"It's okay. I'll put the picture back." Patting my shoulder, he retreated to the living room, leaving me with a fish that blurred in and out of focus.

***

"Lunch is ready," I called, arranging the dishes on the kitchen table. I set two plates on the table, a fluffy mound of rice steaming on each one.

"It smells really good." Entering the room, Kakashi knelt on the cushion I offered.

"I'm really sorry about earlier," I set a water glass before him and bowed.

"Don't worry about it." He wrapped my hand in his and squeezed gently. Stomach fluttering, I nodded and took a seat opposite him.

"_Itadakimasu."_

"_Itadakimasu…_ please don't tell me you're going to do what I think you're going to do." Kakashi pointed at me with a chopstick, eye widening.

"Yes, I am. Wasabi suicide runs!" Grinning, I scooped out a small portion of the green paste onto my plate.

"Don't you remember what happened last time?"

"That's what's so fun about them. I wish I could have seen your face."

"It's not funny! It burned so badly!"

"Well, I didn't tell you to use so much wasabi; for the great Copy Ninja, you sure have bad judgment with food."

"_If_ I remember correctly, you were the one egging me on."

"Doesn't matter. Are you in or out?" I mixed the wasabi with _shoyu_ in a saucer, eyeing him mischievously.

"In. You're going first though."

"Fine." I selected a few slices of _maguro_ sashimi (my favorite!) and put them on my plate. Dipping one in the sauce, I glanced at Kakashi before devouring the whole thing in one bite. Kakashi leaned forward expectantly, his eye gleaming.

The chopsticks clattered on my plate as a burning seared through my head. I clamped my eyes shut, resisting the urge to bury my face in my hands and rock back and forth. Tears seeped out from my closed lids, dampening my cheeks.

"So… how was it?" Chuckling, Kakashi handed me my water glass as the burn faded.

"Not bad. Your turn." I turned my back to him, taking a swallow.

His chopsticks bounced off the table onto the floor; I took that as a signal to turn around. The Copy Ninja was curled up on the floor, his hands gripping his silver locks, whimpering softly.

"Eat the rice. It helps." I advised, handing him his glass.

"How much did you _put_ in there?" He managed to choke out after gulping down the entire glass of water. I showed him the wasabi bowl.

"How do you _handle_ that?"

"I don't know… maybe it's your problem and not mine." I refilled his glass and handed it back to him. Picking up my chopsticks, I took some eggplant and sashimi before turning around.

"You can eat now." I heard the swish of fabric and the clatter of chopsticks as Kakashi helped himself to eggplant.

"Mm… this is really good," he exclaimed around a mouthful of food.

"Thanks. Help yourself; there's plenty more if you want it." We spent the next couple minutes in agreeable silence.

"I'm going to turn around now to get more food." I waited thirty seconds after my warning before turning around. The dish of eggplant caught my eye immediately.

"How much did you _eat,_ Kakashi?" He shrugged, his dish stained with sauce. Gaping, I refilled my plate and turned back around.

"It was good," he explained, his voice muffled.

"Don't eat so fast, you idiot!"

"But it was so _good._"

"Then I'll make some for you to take home! But don't gulp all that food down so fast. What _do_ you eat at home?"

"Um… rice, instant ramen, microwaveable food…"

"Any vegetables or meat at all?"

"Yeah, yeah… I'm in ANBU, Karasu. I know these things."

"You sure don't look like it." Munching noises countered my retort. Rolling my eyes, I finished up my platter of food.

"Done." Kakashi announced minutes later.

"If you can pick some eggplants from the back while I wash dishes, it would help me very much." Apparently Kakashi's appetite had been worked up considerably during our spar. Picking up the empty plates, I placed them in the sink and began to scrub with a sponge.

"Need any help with that?"

"No, it's fine. Just pick the eggplants you want me to cook for you." Thanking me, he trudged out of the kitchen.

"Do you know which ones are ripe?" I called. His footsteps stopped.

"Um… the ones that are the most purple?"

"Not exactly. Just hang around for a couple minutes until I am finished. Go browse through my library or something." Muttering under my breath, I rinsed the plates with hot water. A door creaked open as he obeyed my command.

After drying the plates, I grabbed a bucket from under the sink and quietly slipped open the library door to find the Copy Ninja, sprawled on the floor, engrossed in a thick leather photo album.

"Who are these two?"

"They're my neighbor's children, Tsuki and Hisui." I squatted next to him, setting the bucket on the floor.

"Do you get along with them?"

"Quite well, as you can probably see in the picture." An energetic Tsuki was trying to drag his sister off my shoulders.

"Funny. I seem to recall you giving the evil eye to all little children, making them run away screaming."

"These two are different." I traced my fingers around the children's likenesses, mouth curled. "You should meet them sometime."

"It's the apocalypse, the end of the world; Kuro Karasu is _recommending_ me to meet with two little children." Feigning horror, Kakashi flipped the page and studied a picture of An'ya.

"Seriously, Kakashi, those two would really like to hang out with you sometimes." Tsuki had pestered me numerous times to convince "my cool spiky haired friend" to come along.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they'd like to see one of the elites." Smiling at the thought of Kakashi playing with hyperactive toddlers, I glanced at the silver haired man.

"Should I be flattered or frightened?" Kakashi turned the page, and frantically tried to turn another as a picture of my mother cropped up.

"No, don't bother." He glanced sideways at me, his hand stopped by my grip on his wrist.

"I really don't know why I was so emotional earlier. I thought I'd learned to deal with it." Biting my lip, I loosened my grasp and traced my mother's smiling face.

"Speaking from personal experience, no one ever really learns to 'deal with it'." I shrugged at his quiet observation.

"For example, my mother died when I was very little. My father… killed himself when I was a small child. Over the years, I began to deal with their deaths. Many other people helped me to get on with my life; my teacher, my friends, my students. But even though I've learned to hide it, it still hurts, in here." Kakashi tapped his chest. I sat against the wall, closing my eyes, and nodded slightly.

"You knew them for about twenty years. You spent about three quarters of your life with them. You can't get over that kind of thing in six years. _I_ only knew my parents for about five years. I'm already thirty-one years old, and it's still painful."

"Kakashi? You should be a psychologist."

"And inflict mental trauma on all my patients? Sounds tempting, but I like being a ninja better." Laughing softly, Kakashi flipped another page.

"And, Kakashi?"

"Mm?"

"Thanks."

**Thanks for reading… sorry if it's not very entertaining. My brain is absolutely worn out… hopefully inspiration will hit me soon.**

**Terms:**

_**Maguro**_**- Tuna**

_**Aji**_**- Mackerel**

_**Obi**_**- cloth belt worn with kimono**

_**Chitoseame- **_**Red and white candy given to children in the Shichi-Go-San festival**

_**Itadakimasu-**_** "Excuse me"; Said before eating a meal**

_**Shoyu**_**- A type of soy sauce**


	11. Candle

**Another chapter is here! I would like to thank every single person who has reviewed, read, and favorited my story. It encourages me greatly! **

**The Bon festival is celebrated around July 15, I believe.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, though I wish I did.

I carefully set the little boat in the water, avoiding the flickering candle nestled inside. The current caught the boat and swept it away, the last of the glowing chain snaking down the river in the inky darkness. I sat down on the grass, breath escaping in a low sigh as I contemplated just how far the string of candles stretched.

The Bon festival, celebrated about a week before my birthday, always managed to dampen my celebratory mood. Watching the candles floating down the river fascinated me as a child; now, the beautiful picture was terribly bittersweet. The sheer number of candles reminded me just how many of my relatives had passed on. Every year, I spent three days at my parents' abandoned home, still kept in tidy condition by my regular cleaning; afterwards, I returned to my own house and prepared to become one year older.

Normally, I would have been celebrating the festival with my relatives. However, my father's side had luck as dark as its name. Numerous relatives had passed away due to freak accidents, health issues, or encounters with enemy ninja. Many of the candles fading away down the river were dedicated to my father's side.

I'd never known anyone related to my mother. When she was still engaged to my father, and not yet married, she got pregnant. Unbendingly traditional, my mortified grandparents disowned her. When I had been born, my mother kept trying to reconcile with her parents; however, my grandmother refused to speak with her, to my grandfather's dismay. Two of the candles were dedicated to the grandparents I had never known.

As a result, when I got to "that age", my mother drilled into my head to never, ever, _ever_ do anything with _anyone_ until I was married to them. I'd always rolled my eyes, cheeks warm, convinced I would never marry anyone, let alone fall in love with them. _That_ was before I'd started having feelings for my best friend; those didn't seem to be going anywhere at any rate.

The candles had faded to a watery, yellow glow in the distance. I slowly stood and limped into my parents' home, which was brightly illuminated by the silvery moon. Wandering into the living room, I stopped underneath a portrait of my mother at a party. Her amber eyes twinkled behind a white porcelain mask that covered the upper half of her face. A scarlet _furisode_ wrapped around her slender body, the long sleeves almost brushing the ground. Embroidered in gold thread, one hundred different birds flew on the fabric, accenting the silvery obi clinging around her waist. Her long, midnight hair was done up in a simple bun, a flower the color of her robe entwined.

The _furisode_, along with the rest of my mother's kimono, was hanging in the back of my closet, nestled between a flak vest and a sweatshirt. The mask was wrapped in rice paper, tucked neatly in my drawer. The beautiful garments had been intended for Shinju, and afterwards, me. Shinju didn't like the color, but preferred a loud ensemble of pink, orange, and yellow. I had never gotten a chance to wear the kimono myself, to my regret. A beautiful robe like that wasn't meant to hang in the back of a closet, but I didn't seem like the type to wear one in the first place.

Smiling sadly at my mother, I walked down a corridor into my childhood bedroom. My love of books had been apparent at a very small age, along with my habit of collecting small trinkets. A scroll, depicting a crow clinging onto a branch, hung above where my futon would rest at night. Shinju's objects took up the other half of the room; I spotted jars of makeup, posters of male rock stars, all other nasty things. Shuddering, I sat under the window, where I could see the backyard.

Three small markers cast shadows in the moonlight, in memory of my family. Their actual bodies didn't rest in the backyard; the earthquake had grotesquely disfigured them. Three small bags of ashes rested in a small niche in the crowded Kuro burial plot instead.

_The crowded Kuro burial plot. _I was, now that I thought about it, essentially the last Kuro. The only remaining family members were my half-insane aunt whom I'd never particularly liked, and her equally disagreeable husband. Their marriage had not been fruitful; my aunt was barren. The rest had, as Genma eloquently put it, "kicked the bucket." Resting my head on the window sill, I closed my eyes, recalling Genma's expression of terror as I had advanced towards him, brandishing three kunai.

A loud bang made my eyelids fly open. Startled, I raised my eyes in time to catch a brilliant splash of color against the midnight sky. It vanished with a faint crackle, only to be replaced by a blossom of bright purple. One after another, luridly colored flowers exploded in the sky until it was a black canvas covered with splotches of colors that vanished as quickly as they came.

Exhaling softly, I rested my chin on the sill until the colors faded into clouds of smoke that spiraled lazily through the sky.

* * *

"Happy birthday, Karasu-san!" Tsume trilled, his wings hitting one of his siblings on the head.

"Thanks, guys," I smiled, squinting as the bright sun seared my vision. My backyard was a black ocean of rustling feathers, glinting eyes, and clacking beaks.

"We wished to take you to our aerie today and train with you, but it's already too late in the day to train very much." Perched on my shoulder, Hane nibbled at her talons.

"That's very nice of you, and I wish I could go today! But you're right; it's already too late in the day. Besides, I'm expecting someone after lunch. Could we go another time?"

"Of course. Feel free to set a convenient date." An'ya dipped her head, muscles rippling beneath the glossy feathers.

"Thank you very much. I truly appreciate it." I bowed as deeply as I could. The black ocean rippled as all the birds repeated my action.

"I believe your visitor is here."

"How do you know?"

"Kakashi-san is standing over there, watching you." I whirled around at An'ya's observation, heart leaping as I caught sight of his familiar salute.

"We will leave now. Feel free to contact us when there is a convenient time to bring you back to the aerie." Accepting my bow of gratitude, An'ya vanished in a puff of smoke, her children following her example.

"You're _early_," I called, unable to conceal my smile.

"Well, I was holding the grocery bag for an old lady when all of a sudden she dropped dead! Being the gentleman that I am, I-"

"Don't want to hear it, Kakashi. You just came for the lunch, didn't you?" Kakashi rubbed the sore spot on his stomach.

"Is that how you think of me? I'm hurt!" Kakashi could give Genma a run for his money in the dramatic department.

"Well?"

"… fine, but the other reason was because it's your birthday." Eye crinkled, he followed me into the house.

"Do you want anything to drink? The rice is almost done, and there's salmon if you want it."

"Water's fine, thanks. So, twenty-seven, huh?" Leaning against the counter, Kakashi watched me slice the fish.

"Exactly."

"We're getting old, aren't we now?"

"You're one to talk about it, Mr. Thirty-one." Kakashi nimbly ducked the knife swiped at his head.

"If you want eggplant, go pick some in the back." Hopefully he still remembered how to tell which ones were ripe.

Returning with three thankfully ripe ones, Kakashi drew a kunai out of his holster and began to slice them.

"Is that _hygienic?_"

"It's clean, Karasu." Putting the weapon away, he took a pan and placed it on the stove. He began to expertly add ingredients onto the sizzling metal, not needing to check where everything was.

"How did you remember how to cook it? And how do you know where everything is?" I paused in amazement.

"Sharingan, sharingan." Tapping his left temple, Kakashi stirred the pot's contents with a spoon.

"So you could make lunch _yourself._" He did not bother to reply.

After an excellent lunch of salmon, rice, and (I had to admit) outstanding eggplant, I washed the dishes, politely refusing Kakashi's offers to do it instead.

When I turned around, there was a candle on the table, as well as a small, cylindrical package. Kakashi beamed proudly.

"Happy Birthday! I know you don't like sweets that much, so I didn't bother getting any cake. You'll just have to blow out the candle by itself."

"Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!"

"Open the present first!" Just like an excited kid, I thought. Carefully tearing off the tape, I slid the item out of the wrapping paper and gasped.

It was a beautiful _tanto_; the sheath and handle were made of out light, polished pine wood. Crows made of dark mahogany flew against the light background, their profiles stunningly realistic. The razor sharp blade drew out soundlessly; the pristine metal reflected my face clearly. I swung it experimentally, admiring the way it balanced in my hand.

"Thank you so much! It's amazing!"

"It's no problem. I found it in the market on a mission to Sand. I thought you'd like it. Now make sure to give me a present that's just as nice for _my_ birthday." Ruffling my hair, Kakashi pushed the candle closer to me. "Make a wish."

I closed my eyes, already decided on what to wish for. It was the same hope that I had been nursing for the past nine years, the one that tore my heart in two whenever I thought about it. I'd wished for it so hard for so many years; every year, my hopes shrunk and dwindled as my dream never came true.

Opening my eyes, I blew the flame out in a quick puff. The glow vanished, leaving behind a faint wreath of smoke.

**Please read and review...**


	12. Shiver

**I apologize that this chapter is short, but it seemed the right place to cut off in regards to the next chapter. I hope that it is not too horrible and that you enjoy this chapter. Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this pathetic garbage.**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto better hurry up with Kakashi's story or I'll strangle him.**

"Atsui-san, I will be gone for about a week. Could you please take care of the house for me?"

"Of course, it's no trouble at all! When are you leaving?"

"In an hour." I was supposed to escort a wealthy daimyo to Sand Country and return. The mission, an easy B-rank, was going to push my luck on arriving back in time for Kakashi's birthday.

"Please return safely then!"

"Thank you. I will see you in a week." Bowing, I backed out of her doorway and shut the door carefully against the chilly autumn breeze. I pressed the lower half of my face into the thickly padded collar of my jounin vest, fingering the small parcel securely tucked into a side pocket.

A large silver kunai, edged with titanium, rested inside the box. The owner was able to run chakra through the edges, inflicting more damage, as well as store chakra in the kunai's handle. Dangling from the aforementioned part of the weapon was a small resin scarecrow, the characteristic _henohenomoheji _engraved on the face. A miniature crow, perched on the scarecrow's head, thrust its little black head inquisitively into the scarecrow's impassive one.

Since I wasn't sure if I could make it back in time, I planned to give the present to Kakashi ahead of time. Whether he opened it early or not was his choice.

Reaching the building where Kakashi lived, I cast a quick glance left and right before grabbing hold of the first balcony. Swinging upwards, I hooked onto the metal bars with my legs while clutching at the next balcony upwards. The setting sun turned the metal bars into molten gold and crimson, making me squint against the disorienting colors.

Let's see… fifth floor, third one over. When I reached the fifth level, I rested for a couple seconds, hoping that some resident wouldn't spot and report me to the landlord. Slipping the parcel out of my pocket, I hopped three porches over.

The sunset glinted brightly against the glass; I squinted, trying to catch a flash of silver hair. As far as I could tell, no one was home. I raised my hand to rap against the window when I heard a faint whimper.

Lowering my fist, I concentrated hard. A mewl trembled through the glass, a low groan reverberating underneath.

Was he hurt? It didn't sound like it; the whimper had been too high, too thin. If anything, it sounded like a female.

A patch of yellow, splashed against the far corner, caught my eye. It was slightly brighter than the sunset's colors, now that I thought about it. Closing my eyes, I was able to detect a chakra signature. Someone was in there!

Leaning my face closer to the glass, I stared hard. With the sun's colors fading, it became easier to distinguish a human form. The patch of yellow was a long braid of hair, which belonged to a woman, who seemed to be intertwined with-

With a small gasp, I broke away, my heart thundering. I hurriedly swung to the balcony below, although Kakashi had seemed too busy to notice me. Reaching the ground, I began to run towards the main gate, where I was supposed to meet the client. My harsh breaths and pounding footsteps seemed strangely far away.

I had to calm down. I'd already been embarrassingly rash in my thinking before, with upsetting results. I didn't want to do it again.

Just because he was with a woman didn't mean he loved her, right? Didn't people get drunk and fool around with each other? I'd seen drunken shinobi acting pretty passionate when inebriated and not give a damn about the other when sober. And even when sober… well, don't people get, well, _urges_ sometime?

Kakashi was a human; he was a brilliant ninja, but a human nonetheless. He was a human who was still relatively young and at his peak, a human who had hormones and whom females flocked to. I shouldn't be so shocked, so aghast.

"_Finally_. We can get started now." A fat man scowled, his jowls wobbling disapprovingly. His plump fingers, bedecked with numerous pieces of jewelry, beckoned towards me.

"I don't appreciate shinobi who are late on the job. If this happens again, I'll be reporting to your Hokage, understand?" Accepting my nod, he climbed into his carriage and waved for the journey to begin.

I trudged beside the carriage, scarcely aware of the daimyo's seething glares. My eyes flickered back and forth, my numb mind scarcely processing what they saw.

"Halt!" The order rang through the dark night a few hours later; it was now too dark to travel any further. I secured everyone's position before settling down myself at the edge of camp. Clutching my knees, I curled up against a gnarly pine tree.

I wasn't going to say anything. _Not a word._ Kakashi was a human in his prime, with urges and feeling like everyone else. For all I knew, it was a drunken one-night stand. I wasn't going to assume anything and ruin everything. I was going to try to forget about it, to throw it away.

Shivering, I clutched my knees tighter.

**Please read and review! Sorry about the length.**


	13. Wound

**Sorry for the long wait! I've just been so busy lately, and I'm completely worn out. Yesterday I was suffering from dizziness, headache, and fever. Today, I'm wobbling around like a drunkard.**

**Get Smart is a hilarious movie. **

**I apologize if this chapter is devoid of interesting content. My exhausted brain is now trying to come up with what is going to happen next. Suggestions would be very welcome and helpful.**

**Disclaimer: Bring Kakashi back already, Kishimoto.  
**

The water swirled down the drain, sending small puffs of steam through the air. I sighed, tilting my head backwards, letting the water run through my hair and down my neck. One week of traveling to and fro from Sand Country seemed to engrave the gritty sand into my skin. The steamy moisture of the shower, so different from the hot dry climate of Sand, was nearly overwhelming.

If only what I had seen could wash away as easily as the sand. It was already hard enough to travel through the desert without pictures flashing through my mind. I had been, as the daimyo had put it, inattentive, closed to conversation, and a hundred other things. If I hadn't been so numb, I might have given the fat man a good whack.

Turning off the water, I toweled myself dry and slipped into a thick black sweater and jounin pants. I headed to my study, intent on reading a good book before collapsing onto my bed for the night.

_Knock, knock._ Changing directions, I carefully opened the door a crack and was nearly jabbed in the eye with a senbon.

"Genma! Watch it with that thing!" I snapped, hurriedly putting my hair back in its customary ponytail before opening the door wider.

"Fine, sorry. I was just wondering if you've eaten dinner yet."

"Yeah, I ate about an hour ago, as soon as I got back from the mission. Why?"

"Well, since it's Hatake's birthday, would you like to come to the bar with us?" Genma tugged on the sleeve of the person behind him, whom I hadn't noticed due to the darkening sky.

"Hey, Karasu. Glad to hear you're back; how was the mission?" An image of Kakashi entwined with that blond woman flashed in front of me. I swayed slightly, clutching the doorframe.

"H-hi." My voice must have sounded strange, because even Genma looked at me oddly.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." As fine as I could be when talking to my secret love of ten years who had just ripped my heart in half.

"Yeah, well, as I was saying, do you want to come to the bar with us? Some of the other jounins will be there." Great. A whole bunch of drunken ninja merrymaking.

"You know I don't like bars, with all the smoke and alcohol and inebriated idiots."

"C'mon! You've never come with us to the bar before! Besides, you can see how Hatake acts when he's _drunk_." Like messing around with other women?

"I beg your pardon! Unlike you, Genma, I don't prance around on tables singing-"

"Shut up! At least I'm a more entertaining drunkard than you are. All you do is fall asleep quietly in the corner!"

"That's highly preferable considering what Gai does when he's drunk. I'm still trying to recover from what he did last time."

"You have to admit, it _was_ pretty funny. Do you remember the look-"

"Well, thank you for your _kind_ offer, but I really don't feel like going to the bar. Maybe some other time." Interrupting their conversation, I made to shut the door.

"Wait, Karasu! I know you're tired from the mission, but as a favor to me, please come." Kakashi's beseeching tone made me pause. It was his birthday, after all. It wasn't his fault I'd decided to poke around at his place before my mission. I could always make an excuse to come home early, anyways.

"Let me get something." Turning away quickly, I ran to my bedroom and transferred Kakashi's gift from my vest pocket into my pants pocket.

"Thanks for doing this, Karasu." Kakashi smiled gently at me as we trudged through the chilly night. My smile, more like a grimace of pain, quickly vanished as Genma called out.

"Alright, we're here! I wonder what you're like when you're drunk, Karasu. Maybe I'll get to see!" Grinning, Genma opened the door and led us to a table in the corner.

"My eternal rival! Whenever I perceive you, your hip-and-coolness never fails to astonish me! Ah, and Karasu also! It is a delight to meet you again!"

"Nice to see you, Karasu. Have a seat, Kakashi." Kurenai's lips twitched as she indicated the empty seat next to her. Kakashi obliged, Genma plopping himself down on his other side. I was forced to take a seat next to Asuma.

"Hey, Karasu, I didn't think you were coming!" Asuma grinned, puffing at his cigarette. Eyes watering, I quickly turned away. My super sensitivity of my surroundings came at a price; I was easily affected by smoke, toxins, alcohol, and other similar things.

"Where's Anko?"

"She called me at the last minute. She says happy birthday, Kakashi, and sorry she couldn't make it."

"Speaking of people making it, Genma owes me a drink! It turns out Karasu _did_ come!"

"You were _betting_ on whether I would come?" Genma shrunk back against the seat, trying to avoid my glare.

"Um, should I go get drinks? What do you guys want?"

"Beer's fine."

"One Margarita of Youth!"

"I'd like sherry."

"Water."

"What?" They all turned to me, expressions aghast. Asuma stifled a laugh.

"You have to have some alcohol, Karasu! That's the whole point!"

"_Water, please._" I ground out, eyes fixed on the table. After a long pause, Genma cleared his throat.

"Uh, okay. What about you, Cyclopes?"

"Sake would be fine, thank you." I cast a quick glance at Kakashi, who smiled reassuringly as he met my gaze.

"Be right back with the drinks, then." Genma hurried away towards the bar, eager to get away from my frown.

"So, how was your mission, Karasu? I heard you just got back a couple hours ago." Kurenai's crimson eyes glowed in the dim lighting.

"It went well, thank you."

"What was it again?"

"She had to escort a daimyo to Sand Country. It was a B-rank, I believe?"

"Correct."

"Any trouble?"

"A couple skirmishes, but otherwise it went pretty well. The client was an absolute pain, though."

"What kind of person is he?"

"He's very nitpicky and stuck-up. He expected me to run at his every whim, and do everything exactly his way. You know the type." Heads nodded sympathetically.

"How unyouthful of him! I must go educate the -"

"_Sit,_ Gai."

"I bet you gave him a lot of trouble as revenge, though." Grinning, Asuma blew a cloud of smoke into my face, making me cough into my sleeve.

"Cut it out, Sarutobi." Kakashi's icy reprimand congealed the warm atmosphere into an awkward silence.

"I've got the drinks! Kurenai, here's your sherry. One, ah, Margarita of Youth, Gai. The beer is still cold, Asuma. Birthday boy, the sake should be warm. Karasu, here's your… water." After distributing the drinks, Genma raised his glass of beer.

"A toast, anyone? Karasu, you can't make a toast with water!" I glowered at Genma, my mouth opened to retort.

"Here, have a bit of my sake." Kakashi filled a small ceramic cup halfway and slid it across the table.

"Thanks."

"Now that we all have some alcohol, I'll make the first toast! Hatake, live long and get some good women!"

"What kind of toast is _that_?"

"_My_ kind of toast. Now drink up!" I took a small sip of the sake, almost spluttering as the pungent liquid burned my throat.

"It is my turn to salute my eternal rival! May you continue to be hip and cool, Kakashi, and may your life overflow with water from the Fountain of Youth!" The spandex-clad man tended to be a lot more verbose and flowery, but I wasn't complaining. My second swallow of sake was even smaller than the first, if possible.

"Karasu, it's your turn!" Everyone else had already made their toasts, their cheeks showing signs of rose. Sighing, I stood and tilted my cup towards Kakashi.

"Thanks for being my friend, Kakashi. You're a great person, and we're all really lucky to know you." Inclining my head, I sat and wet my lip with my now nearly empty cup.

"You call _that_ a toast?"

"Shut up, Genma." My head was already buzzing from the small amount of liquor I'd ingested. Setting the cup down, I buried my face in my hands, cursing silently at the warmth of my cheeks.

"You hardly drank anything!" The opposite could be said for Asuma; the bottom of his enormous glass was in sight.

"Can't hold your sake well, can you?" Kurenai's sympathetic comment, meant kindly, seemed to have a condescending edge to it.

"That gives me a brilliant idea! My eternal rival, I challenge you to a drinking contest!"

Groaning, I slumped down in my seat. This was going to be a long night.

***

If I'd bothered to bring a camera, I'd probably be the owner of some prime blackmail material. Gai, surrounded by empty margarita glasses, had just finished warbling the last verse of a song filled with nonsense about 'the beauty of youth'. Losing the drinking contest hadn't helped, either.

"Your beard is so soft and silky," Kurenai purred, stroking Asuma's facial hair. She was sitting a lot closer to him than a few hours ago, practically on his lap.

"Reminds me of something else." Waggling his eyebrows suggestively, Asuma downed the last drops of beer in his (fourth? fifth?) glass. I cringed, scooting away as far as possible from the lovebirds.

Genma hadn't pranced around on the tables yet, but he seemed pretty darn close to doing it. His lecherous comments multiplied in volume, degree, and amount with every glass of beer he downed.

"Kakashi-sensei!" All of us swiveled at the loud greeting to see a bright flash of yellow. My fingers instinctively tightened their grip on the glass before I realized it was the inebriated Kyuubi container.

"I heard it's your birthday, old man!"

"Naruto-baka, don't be so disrespectful! Happy birthday, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura chirped, throwing her arms around the Copy Ninja's neck. Behind her, Naruto scowled, rubbing the sore lump on his head.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan." Kakashi, nearly asleep moments before, straightened up immediately.

"Senseiii, don't call me that!" Pouting her smooth, plump lips, Sakura began to finger the collar of Kakashi's sweater. What was visible of Kakashi's face turned the same color as his student's hair.

Slamming my hands against the edge of the table, I pushed my chair back, stood up, and muttered something about the bathroom. When I got there, I collapsed against the sink, trembling fingers gripping the porcelain.

Ever since last week, I had been struggling to pull myself back together. The sight had reopened the wound that was just beginning to scab over. I shuddered, eyes clenched shut. It was the sake. The liquor was making me too emotional, making me misinterpret everything. It had been just an innocent hug from student to teacher. I couldn't trust anything that my mind was processing right now.

Slowly opening my eyes, I studied my reflection in the mirror carefully. My eyes, a muddy brown color, looked dull and lifeless. Flat and large, my nose seemed too big for my thin, bony face. Chapped lips pressed together in a slim, drooping line. I raised a shaky hand to my cheek, noting how rough and scarred my fingers were. The person staring back at me in the mirror would never be considered pretty. I had no hope, _no hope_, of ever catching the eye of someone like Kakashi, not once in a million years.

Dropping my gaze, I turned the faucet and splashed cold water on my flushed cheeks. After regaining my composure, I headed back to the table in the corner, frowning as I saw the blonde student slouched in my seat.

"Hey, look! Hatake fell asleep! Is anyone interested in seeing his face?" Grinning deviously, Genma began to reach for the edge of Kakashi's mask.

"Quit it, Genma. He's coming home with me. Come on, Kakashi." Ignoring the catcalls and suggestive comments, I pulled the drowsy Copy Ninja to his feet. Mumbling sleepily, he draped an arm over my shoulders and obediently followed me out the door.

We limped along the streets, Kakashi's weight pressing heavily against my body. His feet dragged against the ground, threatening to give way from exhaustion.

"We're in your apartment complex, Kakashi. Hang in there." The security guard at the front desk nodded sympathetically and waved me through when he saw the nearly-asleep ninja drooped on my shoulders. Mouthing my thanks, I hurried past the guard into the hallway, only to stop dead at the staircase spiraling upwards.

"Up the stairs, Kakashi, let's go." The Copy Ninja's foot slipped on the first stair, making us both lurch. His apartment was five floors up, and he couldn't even make it up the first step. There seemed to be only way to get upstairs, as awkward as it seemed.

"Hang on tight." I gripped his legs tightly, my cheeks warm as I adjusted his position on my back. I carefully maneuvered up five flights of stairs, pausing occasionally to prevent him from slipping off. He murmured unintelligibly against my shoulder, his breath reeking of sake. _This must look even worse than when Gai and Kakashi did it…_

Finally clambering onto the fifth landing, I released my grip on Kakashi's legs, easing him against the wall. I slipped the key out of his pocket, unlocked the front door, and dragged Kakashi in. Slipping his shoes off his feet, I supported Kakashi's drooping figure with one hand.

"Drink this before you sleep." Easing him onto a chair, I filled a glass with water and helped him bring the cup to his masked mouth. When he finished it off, I pulled him up and aided him to his bed.

Unzipping his vest, I folded it neatly and placed it on his desk. Did I dare remove his sweater? Since he had a mask on, it followed that it was attached to some form of sleepwear underneath the thick sweater. I eased the thick material off his torso, blushing at my boldness. Thankfully, the mask was attached to a dark tank top, sparing me further embarrassment. The Copy Ninja collapsed onto the bed, falling almost instantly asleep.

Quietly placing his sweater on top of his vest, I padded to his bathroom. Finding two aspirin, I filled a glass with water and placed the whole lot on his bedside table. He would need them when he woke with a pounding headache. I slipped the present out of my pocket and placed it next to the glass.

An indentation in the mask showed that Kakashi slept with his mouth slightly open. Smiling slightly, I tucked the shuriken patterned blanket around his body, brushing a light kiss against his forehead as I did so.

"Happy birthday, Kakashi."

**Thank you for reading this pathetic trash.**


	14. Acquaintance

**Here is the next chapter of Feathered Mask. It's not the best quality I've written, and I would appreciate suggestions and corrections.**

**This chapter was a bit difficult for me to write, but it should be easier after this. I've introduced some new characters and tried to set them up fairly well. **

**I thank everyone who reviewed. I was very encouraged, and they made me very happy. At the time, I was very tired with all my projects, test... I will try not to be, as it was excellently put, emo.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I could speak and write fluent Japanese. Lucky Kishimoto.**

"Mama? May I ask you a question?" Clutching a thick dictionary, I peered tentatively from the kitchen doorway at the slim figure of my mother. She paused, turning away from the vegetables she was chopping for dinner.

"Of course you may! Come here!" She indicated the stool pulled up next to her, flashing me her sweet, gentle smile. Beaming, I pattered over to the stool, carefully setting my thick book on the seat before clambering on.

"So what does my inquisitive little crow want to know now?" The knife thudded against the wooden chopping board.

"What's love?" The thuds stopped.

"What?"

"What's love, Mama? You and Daddy always say that you love me, but what is love? What does it do? Can you touch it or feel it? Can you study it? Can-"

"Whoa, whoa, Karasu, slow down. I must admit, it's rather interesting to hear this question coming from you, considering you're only seven." I nodded eagerly, leaning forward. Putting down the knife, my mother wiped her hands on her apron, her eyes examining mine thoughtfully.

"I already looked in the dictionary, but it just got me more confused. Shinju-san told me to go away and Daddy's at work. Can you help me figure it out?"

"Well, let's see. What do you think love is?"

"I think it's something in our hearts that makes us happy."

"That's a good start."

"But what does it do? Where can I find some to look at?"

"I'll answer the second question first. You can't really touch, see, or hear love, Karasu. Sorry, my little _akusai_, but not everything can be put in a lab and analyzed." Smiling softly at my expression, my mother stroked my cheek gently.

"However, you can see what it does. Can you give me some examples of things that happened because of love?"

"Uh, well, you and Daddy got married and had Shinju and me."

"Good! Can you think of anything else?"

"Not really…"

"That's okay. What about you and Kakashi?"

"Eww! I don't wanna marry Kakashi!" I wrinkled my nose, eyes squinting at the repulsive prospect.

"No, no, that's a different kind of love. There's the romantic love," my mother laughed at my face, "like the one between Daddy and me, and there's the friendship kind of love. Kakashi and you love each other in a certain way; it's not the romantic kind, but it's definitely a kind of love."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"But what about the kind of love you and Daddy have for me? It's not the friendship love, and it's not the romance love either."

"You're right! That's another kind of love, the one between family members. Why do you always love Shinju no matter what she does to annoy you?"

"Because she's my sister!"

"And why do Daddy and I love you no matter what?"

"Because I'm your kid!"

"Yes!"

"But if you love someone, don't you hurt yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, like when you and Daddy do all that stuff for me and Shinju, you're doing what's good for us, even it hurts yourself."

"That's another thing about love. If you really, truly love someone, you'll do what's good for them, even if you hurt yourself. Most importantly, you'll always keep loving them, no matter what."

"I'm still confused." I frowned, my brain struggling to comprehend.

"You'll understand someday, Karasu. Don't worry." Smiling, my mother picked up the kitchen knife again.

* * *

I trudged along the road, hands jammed into my vest pockets. The bright sun flared overhead, its warmth diminished by the chilly autumn breeze. The trees were starting to change colors; soon, it would be easy to see why this area was called the land of Fire.

Recently, I had been paying closer attention to Kakashi's interactions with other women, particularly with Sakura. Every whisper, laugh, or touch was mercilessly analyzed by my fearful mind. I was probably blowing everything way out of proportion; my behavior was uncalled for and inexcusably obsessed, but I couldn't help it. Not when my heart had clenched onto him and wouldn't let go.

I laughed derisively under my breath, alarming an old lady wobbling by. Who was I kidding? What was I thinking? The harder I clung on, the deeper I hurt myself. I clenched my eyes shut. Kakashi's every gesture seemed to wound me nowadays, no matter how many excuses I made for him. My heart was a latticework of scars and wounds. My mask, once strong and whole, had cracks and nicks all over its surface. I had no one to blame for my injuries but myself; it was all self-inflicted damage.

I crashed into something hard, knocking myself to the ground. My eyes flew open and I rubbed my nose, cursing. Another example of self-inflicted damage. If I had kept my eyes open, I wouldn't have slammed into the gangly, disoriented man sprawled on the ground with his books and papers scattered around him.

"I am so sorry!"

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have carried such a big stack of books at one time." Scrambling onto his knees, the man began to restack his books, blowing on the covers carefully.

"But I was the one who wasn't paying attention to where I was going." I snatched a paper whose edges were beginning to flutter in the wind. Shaking the dust off, I glimpsed the title, "Toxins: Their effects on the Chakra System".

"Here." Straightening a pile of papers, I shoved it in front of the man and met his gaze for the first time.

Clear, luminous sapphire eyes peered back at me inquisitively, their intensity magnified by the rectangular frames of his currently askew glasses. His neatly combed, midnight hair, barely two inches long, protruded comically from the back of his head in a cowlick. A neat, little round mouth gaped in amazement.

"Here," I repeated, waving the stack of papers. Snapping his mouth shut, the man ducked his head as he accepted the documents.

"Thank you. I'm sorry to have stared at you like that, but it's just that… are you the esteemed Kuro Karasu, by any chance?"

"Take away the esteemed and you have a deal."

"Oh! It's an honor to meet you! My name is Katayama Tsuru."

"It's very nice to meet you, Tsuru-san. Am I truly that famous?"

"Oh, yes. I've heard so much about you! You're one of Konoha's elite ninja!" His startlingly vivid eyes, widened in an admiring gaze, made me duck my head in embarrassment.

"You praise me too highly. I'm really not that skilled…" Standing, I extended a hand to help him up. He took it gratefully, dusting his pants off as he did so.

"Yes, you are! You have two original techniques, you've completed thirty-one S-rank missions, you're an exceedingly accomplished member of ANBU… you can't tell me you're not skilled, can you?"

"Your… your knowledge of my background is admirable… how do you know so much?" Laughing nervously, I bent to pick up a stack of books.

"As I said, I've heard a lot about you. You don't have to do that!"

"No, no, it's the least I could do after ramming into you. Please, let me help you carry these."

"I really appreciate it!" Tsuru's mouth slowly stretched into a grin over the mountain of paper he'd managed to balance over one knee.

"No problem. So, tell me a bit about yourself. Are you a toxins specialist?"

"As a matter of fact, I am! How'd you know?" Slowly, we began to toddle down the street, each balancing a heap of documents.

"I saw that one paper about toxins' effects on the chakra highway. Did you write it?"

"Nah, I'm not that good. I'm using that as part of my research. I work at the Konoha Hospital, and we're currently trying to see if there's a relation between the rate of metabolism and how greatly poison affects the person in question. In fact, there's the person in charge of the project right there! Hello, Sakura-san!" Tsuru called out, unable to wave. I quickly snapped my head in the direction he greeted, the stack of books nearly toppling over in the process.

"Hey, Tsuru-san!" Sakura waved, her other arm hooked around Kakashi's. I ducked my head back behind the mound, my throat suddenly tight.

"The revered Copy Ninja! I'm flattered to meet you! I apologize for being unable to greet you properly, but you can see that my hands are full!"

"It's nice to meet you too, Tsuru-san."

"Who did you trap into dragging those books for you, Tsuru-san?" Sakura's tinkling laugh rang through the chilly air.

"You'll never guess! It's the venerated Kuro Karasu!"

"Karasu-san?"

"Karasu?" Kakashi called incredulously, his voice rising in pitch.

"Hai." Peeking out from behind the books, I faked a weak smile.

"Where are you headed, Tsuru-san?" Beaming, Sakura clutched her former teacher's arm tighter. My grip on the books adjusted similarly.

"I'm headed to the hospital! Anko-san said she would help me with certain toxins, given her familiarity with snakes."

"That's great! I'll see you later, Tsuru-san!"

"You too, Sakura-san! It was nice meeting you, Hatake-san!"

"The pleasure is all mine. Bye, Karasu."

"See you around, Kakashi." Giving a final wave, student and teacher rounded the corner and quickly disappeared.

"I forgot! You and Kakashi are very close, are you not?"

"Correct."

"Wow! That's so cool! He's so talented and skilled! Hatake-san is an acclaimed ANBU captain, possesses the Sharingan eye, and has completed forty-two S-rank missions, two hundred ninety-eight A-rank missions, four hundred fourteen B-rank missions, one hundred ninety C-rank missions, and one hundred ninety-seven D-rank missions!" How did this guy memorize all those statistics?

"Yes, he is very accomplished." What an understatement.

"He's so cool!"

"Well, ah, what were you saying about Anko-san? She is going to help you with toxins, you said?" I interjected quickly before Tsuru could go off spouting the many achievements of the White Fang's son.

"Yeah! Since she used to work for Orochimaru, she is able to communicate with snakes pretty well. Anko-san is going to bring me some poison samples today. Are you well acquainted with her?"

"Not as well as with Kakashi, but I know her rather well." Anko had always been one of those girls who I could have counted on when I was little. Unlike the others, she had always been a tomboy and was unafraid to help me deal with boys. Despite her former alliance with Orochimaru, Anko was once more welcome in Konoha. Now, I got along fairly well with her, and she often stopped by to talk to me when she got the chance.

"Here we are! Thanks again for helping me carry the books!" Tsuru deftly kicked the hospital door open and maneuvered himself inside skillfully.

"No problem." I followed him down a long corridor to a well lit room. I had barely set the documents down when something tackled me from behind.

"What's up, Karasu?" A female voice hissed in my ear as an arm wrapped around my neck.

"Long time no see, Anko," I gasped out when I loosened her python grip.

"Hello, Anko-san!"

"Hello, Tsuru-san. The poison samples are on the table." Anko stepped back, grinning as I gingerly rubbed my neck.

"This is great! I can't wait to get started!" Tsuru exclaimed, pushing his glasses higher up onto his nose. He held a vial up to the light, muttering excitedly to himself.

"He's a bit too nerdy for my taste, but he's a nice person." Anko whispered confidentially into my ear, her smirk audible.

"I'd really love to stay and chat, but you've got an excited scientist on your hands."

"You're such a liar, Karasu. You never love to 'stay and chat'." Her fingers crooked in air quotes. In spite of myself, I felt my lips curl slightly.

"Anko-san! Do you want to get started?"

"Sure, Tsuru-san. I'll catch up with you later, crow." Punching my shoulder, Anko winked at me before turning to the energized poisons specialist.

"Bye, Karasu-san! Maybe I'll see you later!"

"It was nice to meet you, Tsuru-san. See you later, Anko." Smiling faintly, I backed out the door and shut it softly.

**Thanks for reading... please review! Suggestions highly appreciated.**


	15. Drink

**First of all, I am so, so sorry for the long delay! There were many reasons:**

**1. I was out of town for a week**

**2. I was more inspired to do the chapter after this first**

**3. It was actually a bit more difficult than I thought to write this chapter**

**4. I have a massive paper due.**

**So I probably should be writing my paper, but I felt bad for not updating for so long. My deepest apologies, but at least the next chapter is almost completely done. Please enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto has been dragging this on for **_**far**_** too long.**

"The _dango_ here is really good! You should eat some!" Anko exclaimed happily, flourishing a skewer of her favorite dessert. I shook my head, smiling faintly. It was very rare to see Anko experience such pure, simple bliss; usually, she was making dark jokes about blood and death. Now, with a wide, toothy grin splitting her face, she looked at least five years younger.

"Well, then eat _something_! The only thing you're 'eating' is tea, and that's not even considered eating!"

"No, I'm fine…"

"Why are you smirking at me?"

"I'm not smirking! It's just that it's nice to see you so happy." Creasing my eyes, I brought my ceramic cup, filled with tea, to my lips.

"Yeah, whatever. It would be nice to see you wear something other than black."

"What's wrong with me wearing black?"

"Nothing, except that_ every single article of clothing you own seems to be black._"

"You're exaggerating. I have the jounin vest, jounin shirt, my socks, a couple-"

"Yeah, but they're all either dark navy, gray, or brown! Seriously, you're dressed like your namesake! What's with the black sweater, black jacket, jounin pants, black scarf, and," Anko peered under the table, "standard-issue ninja sandals?"

"You forget my white socks."

"Even your last_ name_ is black!"

"I can't help it if my dad's last name was Kuro."

"Even _I_ have some variety! I'm not telling you to wear pink or anything, just change your outfit once in a while!" Pointing her skewer at me, Anko scanned my attire critically.

"So you're saying I don't look good in dark colors?"

"You look _great_ in dark colors! It's just that you always look like you're going to a funeral!"

"Well, it _is_ almost wintertime. Dark colors always absorb the most heat, you know." Smirking, I leaned back against my chair. Anko paused mid-brandish, her mouth open.

"I swear, hanging around Kakashi for that long rubbed off on you! That annoying tilt of the head, the innocent little eye crease and those irritating wise-ass answers!" Snapping her mouth shut into a scowl, Anko picked up another skewer of _dango_. I interlaced my fingers and pressed them against my face, muffling my quiet laughter.

"Stop _sniggering_."

"Not guilty, your honor."

"And stop wearing all those baggy clothes! I know they're comfortable, and I have nothing against that, but you gotta show off your figure once in a while, you know? Wear something that hugs your body, and show a bit of _skin_. Don't just-"

"Anko, did you drag me all the way to this snack shop just to give me fashion advice? I would be more than happy to pay the bill and leave."

"Geez, Karasu, who ticked you off today? Is it your time of the month already?"

"I swear, Anko, I'm going to take that skewer from you and stick it-"

"Okay, okay, sorry. I'm just trying to be friendly, you know, help you get a couple guys to-"

"_Anko!_"

"Ow! Fine, I won't talk about it!" Rubbing her shin, Anko glared at me, muttering darkly.

"This is going to _bruise_."

"I'm sorry. It's just that I'm not feeling that great and you dragged me all the way here to nag me about my clothes. I know you have a good intention, but still…"

"Oh… sorry. You have cramps?"

"No, I just have a bit of a fever, and I'm starting to cough a lot." I swallowed another mouthful of tea, clearing my throat.

"Sorry to hear that. You don't get sick very easily."

"Yeah, I know. But my immune system has to break down sometime. So how's the project with Tsuru coming along?"

"Oh, _him. _That guy's driving me nuts. He's energetic and really nice, but he keeps going on and on about all my achievements and calling me 'the venerated Anko-san' or something like that. He's too much of a geek for me, but _you_ might be nerdy enough for him." Grinning devilishly, Anko took another bite of _dango_.

"_Please,_ Anko."

"Come on! What about those big, aquamarine eyes that you can't resist, huh? The way the guy keeps spouting off about your achievements and skills… he'd like to meet you again sometime."

"I might stop by someday."

"_Please_ do. He keeps nagging me to get you over there so he can talk to you again. You're not the only one he keeps praising; he talks about Genma, Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Kakashi, Sakura, Naruto… the whole lot all the time." Bringing the dessert to her mouth, Anko dropped it abruptly, her eyes brightening.

"You want to hear something interesting? It's a really juicy bit of gossip that you don't want to miss."

"You are such an _absurdity_, Anko. I still can't figure out how the tomboy I knew as a kid grew up to be this gossip mill who owns about twenty dresses! You're like the long-lost sister of that Yamanaka girl!" Anko was quite the paradox; a fierce tomboy who thrived on rumors and owned a vast collection of jewelry and dresses.

"I'm not that girly yet, crow. Do you want to hear the news or not?"

"Fine, fine." Leaning forward, Anko forced me to copy her in order to catch her words.

"Scarecrow's… in… _love_." Anko enunciated each word, her lips forming each syllable slowly.

"_What?"_ I jerked backwards, nearly knocking my cup of tea over.

"Okay, I know that there really isn't any solid proof, but trust me, with my brilliant analytical skills, I can show you that there's something going on between him and the Hokage's apprentice!"

"Sakura? K-Kakashi and Sakura?"

"Well, yeah, Tsunade only has one apprentice. But anyways, I'll prove it to you! You know how I'm always at the hospital since I'm helping Tsuru with the project, right? Well, recently I've been seeing him hanging around a lot, and a Copy Ninja who willingly loiters around the hospital seems very fishy to me. So one day, Tsuru asks me to bring some papers to Sakura's office, and do you know what I see through the glass?"

"What?"

"Kakashi, chatting it up with Sakura! He's leaning against the wall in that lazy way of his, giving Sakura the eye-crease, and ruffling her hair!"

"Now wait a minute, just because you see that doesn't mean they like each other! He ruffles everyone's hair."

"They seemed to be standing awfully _close_ for just friendly. But just give me a second! I decided to keep tracking him for the rest of the week, and sure enough, the only reason he's there is to be with Sakura! He's always eating lunch with her or hanging out in her office." Anko swallowed some tea before continuing, refreshing her parched throat.

"He's just being friendly, you stalker."

"That's not all! You know how I go to the bar with the others on Fridays, right?" I nodded mutely, my blood pounding in my ears.

"Recently, he's been going home with less and less women. Instead, he's been inviting Sakura to come along for a couple drinks! And once she even kissed him on the cheek, and he didn't mind at all! If he's not smitten with the Hokage's apprentice, then call me a civilian!" Leaning back against her chair, Anko crossed her arms, an impish smirk plastered on her face.

"Well, uh, don't girls do that with people that they're friendly with? Not all the time, but once in a while?" I swallowed, my stomach suddenly cold and empty.

"Puh-leeze! You may be annoyingly logical, but your people skills aren't exactly the greatest. Trust me on this one; there's something going on between the scarecrow and the cherry blossom." Winking, Anko polished off the last dessert, unaware of my paralyzed shock.

"Uh, I think I have to go. I have to go take something for my, ah, discomfort."

"Oh, okay. Are you sure you don't want to join us next week at the bar?" Orochimaru's former assistant wiped her mouth and stood, following my example.

"No thanks. It was nice to see you, and please say hello to Tsuru for me."

"Sure." Anko began to rummage in her pockets.

"My treat." Fishing out a couple bills from my wallet, I placed them on the table.

"Thanks very much."

"No problem… and Anko? Please don't go spreading that story about Kakashi and Sakura around. Not when it's still unconfirmed."

"Oh, uh, sure. It was nice catching up with you… see you around, okay?" Patting my shoulder awkwardly, Anko slithered out the door into the approaching night.

I waited a couple minutes before exiting the building, turning right towards the center of town. The cool breeze soothed my fever-flushed skin, but did nothing to quiet my agitated thoughts.

I couldn't trust Anko, not with her reputation as a gossip queen. For all I knew, she was trying to generate a new tale to sensationalize Konoha. And even if what she said was true, wasn't it normal for a bit of interaction between a teacher and his former student?

Even to myself, my rationalization sounded as frail as the dead leaves swirling around my feet. But in a couple minutes, it wouldn't matter.

I approached the building, tightening the scarf around my face as I peered through the glass front. It was a Saturday night; they wouldn't be hanging around here. As I pushed open the door, a bell tinkled in the smoky gloom. Carefully closing the door behind me, I pressed the scarf tighter to my face, trying not to gag at the overpowering odor of alcohol and cigarette smoke. I slipped through the sea of tables and people to an empty seat at the bar itself.

"Can I get you something, miss?" A short man, his hair a deep mahogany, smiled at me. I recognized him as the same bartender at Kakashi's birthday party.

"A bottle of sake, please."

"Coming right up." As I waited, I studied the wooden surface of the bar, quietly noting the spiderweb of scratches etched through the whole length.

"Here you go, miss." A ceramic bottle, along with a matching cup, was placed in front of me. Nodding gratefully, I filled the cup halfway with alcohol and pulled my scarf loose. I tilted my head back and downed the whole thing, grimacing as the liquid seared my throat. At the same time, I felt the edges of my anguish lessen and disappear.

I refilled my cup, noting the wave of relaxation that coursed through my limbs. Silently saluting the bartender, I took another sip of the sake.

Just enough to numb the pain.

**I'm sorry if Anko is out of character; I had to manipulate her a bit to fit the plot later. I really don't know what she is like, but I have a very vague idea. (I only read the manga, and I only saw her a couple times) I apologize if she is grossly out of character.**

**Now to go work furiously on my paper...**


	16. Fall

**Here is the chapter which delayed the release of **_**Drink**_**. It's quite a bit longer than my usual chapter, and I hope you enjoy it.**

**I thank everyone for the lovely reviews, the faves, and the alerts. It means a lot to me.**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto didn't even **_**mention**_** Kakashi in the newest manga chapter. What's wrong with him?**

I rested my chin on the rake, catching my breath as I studied the result of my three hours of hard work. All the leaves in the yard were finally raked into one big, soft pile. Smiling, I wiped my damp forehead with my scarf, my limbs trembling.

I whirled at the snap of a twig, catching a blur of movement before being tackled around the waist. Lashing out blindly, I caught a handful of something thick and soft and pulled it down with me.

My assaulter fell heavily on top of me, his weight pinning me down in the now-not-so-neat pile of leaves. I spluttered, trying to clear the waves of foliage from my vision in order to teach the ruffian a lesson.

"Gotcha, Karasu." My indignation vanished immediately, my body temperature shooting up as I recognized the familiar odor of pine, Konoha tobacco, and dog.

"K-Kakashi!" I released my death grip on his vest, my cheeks flaming as I caught sight of the way his silver hair fell over his laughing eye. Grinning, he pushed himself off my quivering body and pulled me into a sitting position.

"You've got something in your hair." I clenched my eyes shut as his fingers brushed my forehead, silently cursing at the way I suddenly seemed to go numb. Stupid teenage hormones! Stupid crush!

Somehow, over the past three months, my feelings toward Kakashi had changed into something…more. Whenever I saw him now, I had to fight down a swooping sensation in my stomach, a tendency to stare at him every minute, an urge to fling my arms around his neck. I knew what this was; every girl was bound to have a crush someday, tomboy or not. I was just thankful that I had been lucky enough to have a crush on my best friend, somebody who I completely trusted and knew; at least it wasn't some completely random stranger. But for now, I had to wait, endure, and pray that this obsession would soon leave.

"Did I scare you?" He plucked a leaf out of my hair, casually wiping his hands on his vest. My vision was immediately drawn toward the way his sinewy muscles shifted under his shirt as he nonchalantly brushed the hair from his eyes; I tore my gaze away, stomach lurching in infatuation and disgust at my behavior. Kakashi already had enough people ogling him, and the last thing I wanted to be was like one of them. I wanted to be different, his friend, not one of those hormone-driven body-chasers. Besides, he already had a girlfriend.

"No, I'm fine." I twisted my scarf between my fingers, keeping my eyes on the ground. Gentle fingers on my chin forced my gaze upwards.

"Are you okay? You've been acting a little weird lately." It was good thing I was sitting down; his tender smile seemed to turn my legs to jelly.

"_What_ are you two doing?" We both looked up, Kakashi's fingers flying from my chin.

"Hey, Shinju-san." Kakashi gave a lazy wave, his eye crinkled.

"Shinju, I thought you weren't supposed to come home and visit _o-kaasan _and _o-tousan_ until tomorrow."

"And I thought _you_ were too old to be playing with leaves. You're _seventeen_, for Kami's sake. Did you drag Kakashi into this too?" In a literal sense, yes.

"I'm not playing with leaves. I was helping rake the yard, since _o-kaasan_ has never been in the best state of health and _o-tousan_'s back is bothering him."

"I'm not talking about _that_, I'm talking about how you're both sprawled in the leaves like two little kids."

"Please, if you're going to scold someone, scold me instead. I was the one who tackled her into the pile." Shinju's eyes glinted as she considered Kakashi's statement. Oh no. She'd intentionally misinterpret it, wouldn't she? She would twist-

"Oh, I see how it is. Alright, see you _lovebirds_ later, I'm going to see mom." Grinning evilly over her shoulder, Shinju sauntered into the house, finally leaving us in peace.

"She's evil." My voice was muffled by the way I was gripping my knees and pressing my forehead against my legs.

"She _is_ a bit immature for a twenty-four year old woman." Scratching the back of his neck, Kakashi shifted his legs, rustling the leaves.

"Remember when we were little? I'd always beg you for a piggyback ride; you'd throw me into the leaf pile and jump in after me."

"You're too big for me to do that right now. Unless you want to try?"

"Maybe later, when Shinju's gone. It was so fun, playing in the leaves with you…" I fiddled with a leaf, slowly tearing it to bits.

"I also seem to recall tickling you until you giggled madly and kicked all the leaves everywhere." I looked up, horrified to see his eye glisten impishly.

"No, wait! I just finished raking all of these leaves into a pile!" I scooted back, my hands plowing a path through the leaves.

"You always laughed the hardest when I tickled your stomach."

"No, stay back! I'll whack you with the rake! Don't- haha!" I broke off, laughing as he lunged, pinned me down, and started tickling my stomach.

* * *

I nearly fell into the _koi_ pond as a series of deep, wracking coughs tore through my chest and throat, the sound barely muffled by the thick black scarf obscuring the lower half of my face. Instinctively clutching the slippery grass bordering the pond with one hand, I pressed the scarf against my mouth with the other. My stomach muscles had contracted so forcefully and so often for the past three days that they were now quite sore; my meager lunch of _miso_ soup and watery rice porridge was not sitting very well.

Autumn in Konoha was a beautiful sight to behold. The trees in the land of Fire turned such bold, vivid colors that it was easy to see how the area had gotten its name. At this time of year, I often spent hours on Hokage Mountain gazing at the vast forests surrounding the city. Viewing the numerous trees in my yard brought me great pleasure as well.

All those trees, however, meant mountains of leaves. Normally, I didn't mind spending so much time cleaning up the yard, because I considered raking an enjoyable form of exercise. However, raking with a blazing fever and wracking cough was another story.

Clutching the rake I had been trying to fish the leaves out from the pond with, I balanced shakily on my two legs. At least I had raked all the leaves from the yard into one mound already.

A slight rustle was all the warning I received before something wrapped around my waist and tossed me into the leaf pile. The _tanto_ I had received from Kakashi was halfway unsheathed before I recognized the laughter so similar to a hoarse bark.

"You always fell for that, Karasu." Kakashi's dark eye twinkled mischievously as I sheathed the blade and struggled to a sitting position.

"Hey, Kaka-" I broke off, drawing my knees to my chest as powerful spasms rippled through my body.

"Karasu! How long have you been sick like this?" Instantly, two hands grasped my shoulders and steadied me before I could fall sideways. All hints of humor gone, Kakashi's eye scanned my face frantically.

"T-three days." My throat, raw from coughing, made it painful to talk.

"_Otankonasu_! Why are you even out here when you're like this? You're burning up! At this temperature, you're half delirious, if not completely!" Removing one of his gloves, Kakashi pressed the back of his hand against my forehead. It felt cool and soft against my feverish skin.

"I can't leave the pond like this. The leaves will form a layer over the water and suffocate the fish, and if they rot, they'll pollute the water."

"You're nuts! You'll kill yourself like this! One or two days won't matter!"

"With all these leaves in my yard, one day _does_ matter! Besides, my condition gets worse every day."

"Why couldn't you ask your neighbor to help you?"

"Atsui-san went out with her family. They aren't home."

"Did you take any medicine?"

"You know I can't, with my hyper sensitivity. The drugs always have powerful effects on me." Besides, I hated the taste.

"Are you getting enough rest?"

"I wish. With all this-" I coughed forcefully again, my shuddering frame steadied by Kakashi's nervous grip, "this coughing and fever, I can't even sleep for two hours straight."

"What?"

"You're right, by the way. My fever _did_ affect my mind, so if I start spouting off nonsense, please excuse me."

"You're coming in. Now."

"I can't! The leaves-"

"Can wait. You already finished the yard. I'll help you with the pond, but you're going in right now and are going to get some rest." Kakashi yanked on his glove, his steel gaze softened by concern.

"Make me."

"Fine." Slipping an arm under my knees, Kakashi wrapped the other around my shoulders and carefully lifted me up. I made a weak noise of objection, but my traitorous body curled into the comfort of his chest. _Why did he always have to smell so good?_

"You've gotten so much lighter, Karasu. Don't you have enough food?" Pushing the door open, Kakashi gently set me on the couch.

"Wait! You shouldn't be in here! My germs are all over the place, and Tsunade will skin me alive if I get _you_ sick!"

"She'll have to get through me first. Did you eat any lunch?"

"Yeah, miso soup and some rice porridge; there should be leftovers on the counter. But what if _I_ care if I get you sick? How do you think I'd feel?" Closing my eyes, I could hear pots clanking as Kakashi began to heat the food.

"I have a pretty strong immune system, don't worry. You barely ate anything!"

"How can I, when my throat hurts when I take even a sip of water?"

"Did you go to the hospital?"

"What's the use? Since there's no way to heal the flu, all they can do is prescribe medicine. And you already know how hopeless that is." I could almost hear him frowning at my response.

"Here, try eating this." I cracked my eyes open to see steam wafting from a bowl of rice porridge.

"I can't, I told you already. It hurts too much."

"Please, just a couple spoonfuls. If you don't eat anything, you won't have any strength at all. How do you think _I'd_ feel about that?" Pulling my scarf down, Kakashi gently pressed a spoonful of porridge against my cracked lips. I opened my mouth, swallowed, and nearly coughed it back up.

"Easy, easy." Setting down the bowl, Kakashi rubbed soothing circles on my back until I stopped trembling.

"You okay?" I nodded weakly, slumping against his side.

"You're crazy, you know? You should have called me or something."

"I didn't want to bother you."

"You're not a bother to me! After twenty-two years, I would think that you'd know me better than that! Kuro Karasu, don't you ever dare to let that thought even cross your mind!" He squeezed my shoulder, his expression fierce. _Why do you do this to me, Kakashi? How is it that, no matter how many times you break my heart, you always find a way to make me fall even deeper in love with you?_

"Come on, eat another bite." Keeping his grip on my shoulder, Kakashi balanced the bowl on his knee and slipped another spoonful of porridge into my mouth.

"Thank you… so much."

"It's nothing. You're my friend. Besides, I still owe you from my birthday."

"What?"

"I heard about what happened from Genma. He was, surprisingly, able to remember what happened, despite all the beer he drank. I'm sorry I made you carry a drunken Copy Ninja all the way home."

"It was nothing. Like you said, you're m-" I broke off, coughing.

"Enough talking. Just another spoonful, that's it, I promise. You finished almost half the bowl. There now, see? Don't you feel much stronger?"

"N-not exactly." If it was not for Kakashi's supporting grip, I would be face down on the floor.

"You'll feel better later. Here, drink some water; you're dehydrated." A glass of cool water was held to my grateful, parched mouth.

"Are you drowsy now?"

"Just a little bit. But I won't be able to sleep anyways."

"Don't worry, I'll help you. Let's go to the bathroom first." Stripping me of my jacket, Kakashi carried me to the bathroom and set me down on the toilet seat. He soaked a face towel in cold water and carefully wiped my face free of sweat.

"That… feels good."

"It's supposed to." Picking me back up, Kakashi brought me to my bedroom and sat me on a chair while he set up my futon. When he finished, he lay me down on the cool, soft mattress.

"I can, ah, look away while you change into something you can sleep in." The skin above his mask pink, Kakashi rubbed his neck and hastily turned his gaze away outside at the setting sun. His kind gesture was not truly necessary, as I was already wearing the T-shirt that I customarily slept in under my sweater. Nonetheless, I appreciated his action. Pulling off my shirt and pants, I carefully slipped my slender body between the crisp, fresh sheets. _How is it that you're always so sweet and kind to me, even when it's not necessary and I don't deserve it?_

"I'm done."

"It's really beautiful outside, isn't it?" As Kakashi turned to face me, the setting sun glinted off his forehead protector in a flash of vivid yellow. At the same instant, his exposed Sharingan caught the light, glowing crimson and black. I froze, my body stiffening under the blankets.

_My mother's eyes twinkling behind a porcelain mask as she laughed, her body wrapped in a furisode. A scarlet carnation was wrapped around her midnight locks._

"Karasu? What's wrong?"

_Her serene face, framed by dust and blood-soaked tresses, lying in the ruins of her home._

"Karasu! Stop!"

_A long, blonde braid, the hair nearly coming undone, swaying as two hands gripped Kakashi's bare shoulders._

Pressure on my wrists and hips, trying desperately to pin down my convulsing body.

_The Kyuubi container slouched in my seat, his drunken grin reflected in the other jounins' faces._

"Stop… jerking around! Hold still!"

_Two pale, smooth arms encircling Kakashi's neck. Pink hair spilled onto his dark sweater._

A low grunt of effort, accompanied by harsh pants.

_Sakura's wide smirk as she clutched Kakashi's arm tighter._

"_Gomen nasai,_ but you're forcing me to do this!"

"_They seemed to be standing awfully close for just friendly," Anko sneered._

A jolt of electricity jarred through my stomach and froze me mid-contortion. I hissed through clenched teeth as the electricity coursed through my entire system, my back arching upwards. Slowly, my muscles went limp, and I collapsed back onto the mattress, the pictures flashing in front of my eyes fading away into Kakashi's worried gaze.

"Are… are you okay?" Kakashi's nose brushed mine, his hair tickling my forehead. Straddling my hips, Kakashi had pinned down my wrists above my head with one hand. The other was under my shirt, its large roughness easily spanning the flat expanse of my stomach.

"W-what did you do?"

"I first tried to use the Sharingan to calm you down, but it seemed like you couldn't see it, so I sent a bit of my chakra through your body. Sorry about that, but you weren't responding at all…and, um, sorry about this, but I had to have skin contact." Flushing darker, Kakashi carefully slipped out his hand from under my shirt, leaving butterflies in its wake.

"It's fine. I know you're a gentleman." _You don't have to take it away._

"Well... yeah." Rubbing the back of his neck, Kakashi sat back and released my wrists.

"You're pretty strong for someone who hasn't slept or eaten properly in three days." My minute smile of response stretched into a yawn.

"Ah, now you're finally sleepy."

"I g-guess so. But I already told you, I'm not going to be able to sleep for more than two hours."

"Right. That's where I come in." Shifting his weight, Kakashi leaned over me again and placed his hands on either side of my face. At the sight of his Sharingan gleaming in the sun's fading rays, I involuntarily whimpered and jerked my face to the side.

"Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm only going to put you out for eight hours."

"But what if somebody breaks in or something? I'll be out cold and won't be able to stop them."

"Don't worry about it; I'll stay here and watch the place. I promised I would help you clean out the pond, anyways."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Sure." I turned to find Kakashi's eyes crinkled in a smile.

"Thank you so much, Kakashi. I can't express how grateful I am…"

"I told you, it's no problem. You're my friend, after all. Now, do you want to go to sleep?" Stifling another series of coughs, I nodded.

"All you have to do is look at the Sharingan. Relax, and don't fight me. I won't hurt you, trust me."

"Okay."

"Ready? One, two, three." He snapped his Sharingan eye open, locking onto my frightened gaze. I fought the urge to scream as the comma-shaped markings began to revolve around the center.

"_Trust me_. Don't fight me." Kakashi's soothing tone seeped through my haze of panic as a sky of crimson filled my vision. Forcing myself to stay still, I focused on the revolving eye and felt a wave of peacefulness wash over me, stilling my limbs and slowing my breaths.

"That's very good. Sweet dreams." My heavy eyelids drooped and shut, dragging me into the pit of growing darkness. Before I fell in completely, I felt a light pressure on my forehead.

_How… how was I lucky enough to fall for a guy like you?_

**The odd thing is, I'm actually coughing right now. A couple days after I wrote the rough draft, I got the symptoms Karasu is suffering from.**

**And yes, I have been beating up Karasu a lot lately. I felt sorry for her; maybe she'll feel a little better after this chapter?**

**Please review :)**

**P.S. Show Luo's version of "Bet On It" is stuck in my head; it's really nice, but the MV is so ridiculous...**

Terms:

_O-kaasan_- mother

_O-tousan_- father

_Otankonasu-_ idiot, bird-brain

_Gomen nasai- _my apologies


	17. Fracture

**Here is the next chapter of Feathered Mask! I'm really glad that so many people enjoy the story so much, and I'm very astonished to receive so many positive reviews. Please feel free to make comments, predict what is going to happen, or criticize the story. Besides being very entertaining, the reviews give me many new ideas for the plot. Tsuru, for example, was created because of certain people's suggestions.**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto, **_**talk about Kakashi already.**_

"This is going to hurt a bit." Smiling apologetically, Sakura gently placed her hands on the mangled arm I clutched tightly to my side like a broken wing.

"That's okay." I shifted, loosening the crude sling I had fashioned with my headband.

"How did this happen?"

"I was supervising a mission; three genin were supposed to help with construction work. They weren't careful enough and dropped a slab of granite onto my arm." I grit my teeth as her fingers began to poke and prod the tender flesh at the site of breakage.

"Ow. But wouldn't you normally be able to avoid it? You _are_ a high level jounin, after all." The edges of Sakura's golden-bell laughter were gilt in scorn.

"I coughed at the wrong moment." Thanks to Kakashi's care, most of my illness had disappeared. However, I was still plagued by a light cough and itchy throat.

"Ah, that's too bad…Right, as you know, the human forearm is actually made up of two bones. As far as I can figure, _both_ of those bones have fractured, near the elbow. The edges are unusually splintered and jagged, but it should be easy enough to fix." Rolling up her sleeves, Tsunade's apprentice placed her hands on either side of the fracture.

"I'll have to realign the bones physically before healing it with chakra. On five, ready? One, two-" Hissing, I fought the urge to cry out as I felt the fragments of bone grind against each other before realigning. Sakura's eyes reflected the glow of her chakra as she carefully began to knit the splintered edges together.

"All done. How does it feel?" I tentatively rotated my arm, testing its range of motion. Truth be told, it actually felt slightly stronger at the former fracture. Sakura's reputation as Konoha's number one medic was not exaggerated; no wonder Tsunade had sent me to her apprentice immediately.

"_Domouarigatou. _It actually feels sturdier where the bone broke."

"Right, the bone is a little denser right there. If you don't mind, I would like to double check the area, just to make sure." Soft, delicate hands, the fingernails painted a shimmering viridian, radiated light again as tendrils of her water-based chakra curled around my elbow.

"The old number trick, huh? Tell them it's on five, do it on one." It was uncomfortable, to say the least, having chakra of the opposite nature infiltrate my system. I could feel my own signature weaken the longer her chakra mingled with my own.

"It gets sensei every time." Laughing, Sakura removed her hands, leaving my arm feeling weak and watery. She turned and rifled through my medical file, oblivious of my grimace.

"It says here on your file that you're due for a physical checkup pretty soon. Would you like to do it now, while you're here?"

"Sure, if it's no trouble."

"Oh no, there shouldn't be a problem. It's not that busy today. However, someone else will have to help you; I would be more than glad to do it myself, but I have an appointment to make." Sakura glanced at the clock, and I followed her gaze. _Eight o'clock PM._

"Oh, is that why you're all dressed up?" Accepting the hospital gown she handed me, I gestured at her fingernails.

"Actually, yes. I'll send someone in; let them know when you're ready for the checkup. Nice seeing you."

"_Moushiwakenai._"

"No trouble at all." Pausing to smile over her shoulder, Sakura slipped out the door, closing it softly behind her.

Stripping off my vest, shirt, pants, and sandals, I folded them into a neat pile and tied on the gown, making a face as I did so. The stupid things were just so _flimsy_ and barely covered what was necessary.

_It gets sensei every time._ Scowling, I pounded my thigh with my fist, noting with grim satisfaction the sturdiness of my arm. Who was she to talk about Kakashi like that? Why was I even so possessive in the first place? Why did-

A gentle rap on the door interrupted my thoughts.

"Come in." Unclenching my fist, I smoothed out the wrinkles in my gown.

"Karasu-san!"

"Fubuki-san?" Beaming, the nurse sank into a low bow before striding across the room to pick up my medical file.

"How have you been? I haven't seen you in a while, which is probably a good thing, considering my occupation."

"I've been fine, thank you. What about you?"

"Oh, just peachy. So, first up, I'll measure your height and weight." Motioning for me to stand against the wall, Hana flattened a ruler against my head. She then had me step onto the scale, frowning as she recorded the results.

"You've grown a half inch, bringing you up to five foot seven inches; however, you've lost ten pounds at the same time, which brings you down to one-oh-nine. You've always been tall and skinny, but this is stretching it a bit too far." Clucking her tongue, Hana motioned me onto the bed, rolling up her sleeves.

"Lay down and I'll check your vital symptoms." She then proceeded to poke and prod me with a variety of instruments, her hands gently pressing against my skin at various points.

"All your vital pulses seem to be in order. You're a bit too bony for my liking, but we'll talk about that later. Now, I'm going to conduct the infamous chakra flow examination. You'll feel a bit dizzy, and maybe even nauseous, so we'll hold off your ANBU examination until next week. Close your eyes, and try not to move." Placing her hands on my stomach, Hana pumped her chakra into my system. The feeling of foreign chakra seeping through my body was slightly uncomfortable; her earth-type chakra seemed to clog the flow of my fire-based chakra and weigh me down. I could feel strands of her energy surge through my body, winding along the intricate web of chakra paths that made up the chakra highway. Her wisps of chakra entered my various organs, carefully inspecting the tissue, blood flow, and chakra flow to each one.

"Your chakra seems to be flowing unhindered through your body, but there are certain areas that concern me. Your liver, for example, seems to have been forced to deal with an amount of alcohol that it isn't used to. The area on your brain for emotions and coping has a very irregular chakra flow around it. Your throat and lungs seem to have been irritated for a prolonged period recently, and the chakra flow around your heart is very agitated. Overall, your chakra signature is unusually weak, particularly around your right arm. Do you know of anything that could possibly explain this?"

"I don't know if it's on my file, but I broke my arm supervising a mission this morning. Sakura-san healed it, but her chakra is water-based and therefore has an advantage over my own. I also had a severe fever and cough the past week." Sitting up slowly, I leaned against the wall, my body feeling heavy from the injection of earth chakra.

"That could explain part of it, but what about your liver, brain, and heart? A simple healing of a broken arm wouldn't cause all that. Is something wrong, Karasu-san?" Lowering her voice, Hana rested her hand on my shoulder. I shook my head.

"You're exhibiting many signs of stress and anxiety. You lost ten pounds, the chakra flow to your brain is irregular, and your chakra signature is very weak, even for someone who's been injected with chakra of the opposite nature. Not only is this unhealthy for you, but it could also affect your career. If your condition worsens, you could be removed from ANBU, temporarily barred from all missions, and kept in the hospital."

"I see."

"I'll ask you one more time. Is something wrong?" I shook my head, staring directly into her sky-blue eyes. After a couple seconds, Hana dropped her gaze back onto the file.

"If you say so, then I will accept your answer. I believe we are done with the physical checkup; if you have no questions or concerns, you may change and leave."

"I'm fine. Thank you for conducting the examination, Fubuki-san."

"You're welcome. It was nice to see you, and please keep yourself in good health." Bowing, Hana backed out the door.

After changing, I found myself walking down a long corridor. Carefully opening the door, I peered inside at the gangly man holding a vial of liquid up to the light.

"Tsuru-san?" At my soft call, the scientist jerked his head toward the sound, the glasses nearly flying off his nose.

"The esteemed Karasu-san! It is an honor to meet you again!" Setting down the vial, Tsuru bowed deeply to me, and I returned the gesture.

"Nice to see you, Tsuru-san. Is Anko here?"

"Oh no, she left about an hour back, muttering something about a hyperactive researcher. I can't for the life of me figure out who she's talking about, but the poison she's been providing is even more fascinating! Even though my shift ended an hour ago, I just can't tear myself away from the work!" He straightened his rumpled collar and wiped his glasses.

"Your shift ended an hour ago?" I glanced at the clock. _Nine o'clock P.M._

"I didn't notice until you came in; the work is so engrossing! The only time I stop working is to eat, bathe, and sleep! If only I could be freed from the limitations of my mortal body, then I could spend days upon days studying this!" I rubbed my forehead, admiring Anko's ability to be confined for several hours in a room with this person.

"The hospital staff kicks me out about midnight, though. Ah, if they could only understand the wonder of these poisons! Then they would not be concerned with such earthly matters such as electricity bills, janitorial duties, and overheated air systems!"

"Hey, uh, Tsuru, have you eaten dinner yet?"

"Yes, while I was working." He gestured at an empty bento box nearly buried under a mountain of papers.

"Well, then, um, I was wondering if you would like to take a break from such fascinating material and, uh, getadrinkwithme." The last phrase came out in a rush of air.

"What? I couldn't catch that last bit, sorry."

"Would you, ah, like to have a couple drinks with me?" I rubbed my arm, my eyes fixed on the floor.

"Me? Have a drink with the revered Karasu-san? It would be an honor! I would love it! Just let me stack the papers and we can leave!" Rushing about cleaning papers, Tsuru kept muttering something about drinks and venerated ninja under his breath. When he slammed the last cabinet door shut, he stuck his arm through the wrong sleeve on the coat, hurriedly adjusted it, and opened the door.

"After you." He bowed, gesturing with an arm. Biting my lip, I stepped through the doorway, trailed by Tsuru. He fumbled with his key and finally managed to lock the door, then followed me outside into the cold night air.

"I never knew that Karasu-san drank alcohol. The information I received stated that since you are highly sensitive, you avoided drinks of any sort." I nodded, avoiding his expectant gaze.

"We're here." Holding the door open, I ushered him up to the bar and motioned for him to take a seat.

"Ah, back again? And with a friend?" The bartender, whom I had come to know as Miyamoto-san, winked at me.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Katayama Tsuru!"

"The pleasure is all mine. What can I get for you?"

"I would like a glass of beer, thank you."

"Coming right up."

"Wait, you didn't ask Karasu-san what she wanted!" Tsuru called as Miyamoto-san turned to prepare the drinks.

"She's already been here multiple times and always orders the same thing. Don't worry."

"This is so cool! I can't believe I'm actually having a drink with the famous Kuro Karasu!" The corner of my mouth twitched as I ran my fingers lightly over the cracks etched in the bar's surface. They seemed deeper and more jagged every time I saw them.

"Do you drink often, Tsuru-san?"

"Oh no, just occasionally. I drink a little at holidays and parties, but that's it."

"Here you go." The bartender set down a glass in front of Tsuru, white foam nearly spilling over the top. For me, he placed a white ceramic _tokkuri_, along with a matching _choko,_ on the table.

"Thank you."

"Thanks!"

"No problem, enjoy!" Grinning, the brown-haired man turned to attend to another customer.

"And then I told her, what's the point of doing that if you already mixed the two toxins together?" Laughing loudly, Tsuru took another gulp of beer. I smiled drowsily, my blurry mind studying the way his eyes caught the light like two sapphires.

A soft bell tinkled behind me, accompanied by loud guffaws. Tsuru turned, his eyes widened, and he waved exuberantly.

"Sakura-san! Anko-san! Shiranui-san! Hatake-san!"

"Tsuru?"

"You _again_?"

"Who's this weirdo_?_"

"Wait, is that Karasu?"

"_Karasu_?" My mouth curled in a lopsided grin, I gave them a mock salute. Kakashi's face was blank with shock, Anko's eyes were darting between me and Tsuru, Genma's face was twisted with glee, and Sakura's eyes glinted with a cold fury, the sparkle echoed in the jade pendants dangling from her ears. Ah, so this was her "appointment."

Stepping closer, Genma peered into the _tokkuri, _took a tentative sniff, and recoiled immediately.

"I can't believe this! This isn't just _sake_, it's _genshu_, the undiluted variety! And she drank half of the flask!"

"What? She drank half of the flask?"

"What's wrong with that? All of us can drain a _tokkuri_, no problem." Sakura tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, her voice like poisoned honey.

"You don't understand! She's extremely sensitive, and toxins, drugs, smoke, liquor, and all those substances have a far stronger effect on her than the average person! A month ago, she could barely handle a half cup!"

"It quite surprised me, of course, when she dropped by and asked me to have a couple drinks with her!"

"Wait, aren't you that person who got Karasu to carry those books to the hospital?" Kakashi frowned, bending closer to the tipsy poisons specialist.

"I am honored that the Sharingan Warrior remembers me! Yes, I am one and the same!" Tsuru attempted to bow to Kakashi but nearly fell over instead. Rushing forward, Anko caught and hauled him back onto the stool.

"Anko-san, it is delightful to meet you again!"

"Wait, she _asked_ you to have a drink with her?" Genma leaned forward, his teeth and senbon glistening in the low light.

"She was quite cute about it, too! All nervous and stammering…" Tsuru broke off in a fit of giggles.

"Look at her! She didn't even react when he called her cute!" Senbon waggling excitedly, Genma turned to the motionless Copy Ninja. "Cyclopes, I think she's _drunk_!"

"Oh, you _think_?" Anko exclaimed scathingly, her arms supporting the chuckling scientist.

"Disgraceful. Let's go to that booth in the corner; it should be quiet and cozy there." Casting me a derisive glance, Sakura tugged on Kakashi's arm.

"Do any of you have a camera? This is grade-A blackmail material!"

"She'll kill you for this." Anko's efforts to keep the singing Tsuru upright made her voice rough and low.

"She won't remember any of this; she drank too much sake."

"Don't touch her, Shiranui." Kakashi turned to Sakura, his steel tone softening as he placed a gloved hand on the manicured one clutching his arm. "Sorry, Sakura, but you'll have to excuse me for the evening. I need to bring Karasu home."

"What?" Sakura snapped her head to face Kakashi, her earrings whirling in a blur of light. "But you promised!"

"I know, and I'm very sorry. I'll make up for it next week."

"But _why_ do you have to take her home _now_? A couple hours won't matter!"

"I can't enjoy my time with all of you if I know she's in this condition. She's almost out cold, look at her."

"But that's my point! She's almost asleep, and she isn't going anywhere! Just have a couple drinks with me- I mean, us- and you can take her home later. Seriously, it won't matter one bit to her; she'll just fall asleep and won't even know anything!" With every word, the soft smile in Kakashi's eye metamorphosed into stone. I saw Genma lean forward and whisper something into Anko's ear, both of them smirking slightly.

"Correct me if I'm wrong: you think that having fun is more important than taking care of my friend?"

"No, it's just that it's her own problem if she's drunk. It shouldn't concern you if she drank too much alcohol!" Sakura bit her lip immediately after her outburst.

"_It's her own problem if she's drunk_? Are you serious? I can't believe you!" Tearing his arm away from her grasp, Kakashi lowered his voice with great effort and bent toward Sakura's ear. "Let me tell you something. On my birthday, she just came back home from a mission and agreed to come along with us to the bar for my party. Karasu never comes to the bar willingly, _never_. She stayed with us, the whole five hours; I could tell she wanted to leave more than once, but she stayed. _For me._ She only left to take me home when I was almost out cold and the others tried to pull off my mask." At these words, Genma was suddenly very interested in the cracked table.

"But-"

"And now you're telling me to leave her here while we go off and have a couple drinks? What kind of friend would I be? If she was sober, she would be absolutely horrified to stay in public in this condition. I don't know what's wrong with her; like I said, she never comes to the bar willingly. But I intend to find out." Kakashi's last phrase was dangerously close to a low snarl. Biting her lip, Sakura tore her gaze away from Kakashi's glare and instead scowled at me, adjusting the strap of her dress.

"Fine. I'll just have drinks with Anko and Genma."

"Actually, I'm taking Tsuru home. If I don't, he'll probably get mugged or something while trying to get home." Anko adjusted her grip on the toxin specialist's shoulder, fished a couple bills out of Tsuru's wallet, and placed it on the table to pay for his drinks. Kakashi glanced at the scientist; was it my imagination, or did his gaze harden even further?

"Do you need help with him, Anko?"

"No, but thanks for the offer, Genma. See you around." Waving over her shoulder, Anko limped out the door, attempting to keep the weaving scientist from crashing into the doorway.

"I'll see you around then, Genma." Kakashi cast a cursory glance at his student, and then bent to wrap an arm around my shoulders.

"Here, let me help." Genma helped pull me upright as Kakashi extracted some bills out of my pocket and handed it to the bartender.

"_Arigatou_, Hatake-san. I could not help overhearing your conversation; I would just like to say that you are a very good friend, and Karasu-san is lucky to have you looking out for her." Bowing, the brown-haired man accepted the money with both hands.

"Thank you. I would just like to ask whether Karasu has visited this establishment previously."

"Oh, yes, many times. She started coming here about a couple weeks ago; she visits rather regularly and orders sake every time." Kakashi's eye widened slightly at the information, but he hid it with a hurried duck of his head.

"Thank you. I'm sorry to have caused any trouble."

"No trouble at all, Hatake-san, just get her home."

"Thanks, Genma. I can take it from here. And I'm warning you; _don't talk about this with her._ Let me try to figure out what's going on." Gently transferring my weight from Genma's shoulders to his own, Kakashi hissed the last phrase in an almost inaudible tone, eye darting towards his former student.

"Sure, Cyclopes. My lips are sealed." Genma pantomimed a zipper running across his lips, and then turned to Sakura.

"So, Sakura, I hope you don't mind having a drink with me instead?"

"Oh no, I don't mind at all." Accepting the arm proffered to her, Sakura glanced at the Copy Ninja, her mouth tightening.

"Let's go, Karasu." The last thing I saw before succumbing to the alcohol-induced drowsiness was her black scowl; I closed my eyes, my lips curled in a miniscule smile.

**Terms:**

_**Domouarigatou- **_**thank you**

_**Moushiwakenai**_**- thank you for your efforts**

_**Tokkuri**_**- ceramic flask that sake is served from**

_**Choko**_**- small cup**


	18. Stranger

**Here is the next chapter of Feathered Mask! I can't believe that we've hit 100 reviews! It seems so long ago that I was so frustrated because only two people reviewed the first chapter... the story's come so far since then, and I sincerely thank everyone who's put it on alert, fave, or reviewed it! **

**There are certain people whom I would like to mention for giving me the idea for this chapter. I originally wanted to post something else that I didn't really want to post yet, but I had to since I couldn't come up with anything (winks at BloodyRedRoses65). However, thanks to Nynalba (for sending me a huge list of ideas), sesshoumaru4me (for suggesting Kakashi POV), and iChimp, I will be able to postpone the big event until next chapter. Please, remember that I appreciate every single person's reviews; it's just that the particular suggestions from those three helped me come up with this chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I would sincerely enjoy any suggestions on either the plot or this chapter (it seems a bit rough to me), as well as any comments. **

**Disclaimer: I heard they're animating _Kakashi Gaiden_ this summer.  
**

Trembling in rage, my fingers could barely keep their grip on the drunken kunoichi slung across my shoulders. As I paused to adjust my hold around Karasu's waist and arms, she sighed softly, her breath pungent with alcohol. The small puff of wind, despite the low intensity, stoked the fiery storm burning in my mind and heart.

Sakura's behavior had been beyond shocking. Yes, I _had_ promised to take her for a couple drinks, but _surely_ she could recognize the urgency of the situation? Had I been her sensei for nothing? Had I not drilled the importance of teamwork and friends for the few years I had taught her? The memory of Sakura's callous arguments against helping Karasu made me growl and tighten my grip.

When I first met Sakura, I had to admit that I thought she wouldn't amount to much. A boy-obsessed crybaby who wouldn't work with the teammate right in front of her did not have the potential to go far, and neither did her classmates, I'd thought. However, she had exceeded my expectations by miles… they all had. Looking at her now, it was hard to believe she was the same person: a famous medic, the apprentice of the Hokage herself... and a potential lover.

A couple months back, I had begun to see her in a new way. Somehow, I had started noticing how much of a woman she'd become. Fierce, yet feminine, beautiful, yet exceedingly skilled, Sakura was full of life and determination. She was so well rounded: I loved the fact that her beauty was not only physical, but mental as well. Yes, it was nice to have a gorgeous girlfriend, but if all a man looked for were physical attributes, then they were nearly as terrible as those scum who abandoned their friends. Gentle with all her patients, fiery in battle, Sakura was all a person could hope for. It was her personality which I'd been attracted to, the character which I'd known for so many years.

At least, I'd _thought_ I'd known. Tonight, I had seen a completely different side of Sakura. I couldn't believe her; what had Karasu ever done to her? What had made my former student so adamant against aiding my best friend? What was her problem? That Sakura had been a complete stranger, an alien.

Apparently, I didn't know my best friend anymore, either. A month or two ago, Karasu could barely be persuaded to even step into a bar. Now, she visited bars several times a month, drinking sake and inviting, if the information was correct, men she barely knew. I fought down an inexplicable, hot, bitter feeling in my throat as I recalled the man's face.

If something was wrong with Karasu, surely she'd known better than to turn to alcohol. Didn't she care if people worried about her, if _I_ worried about her? At the very least, she should have sought help from someone she knew, like her best friend. Was her regard for me so low that she was forced to turn to giggling, nerdy suck-ups whom she had just met?

Deep down, though, I knew she wasn't completely to blame. True, maybe she shouldn't have turned to drinking, but if I had paid more attention, I would have noticed her condition and could have done something to stop it from getting this far. Maybe I could have noticed how light she'd become; her weight resting on my back was little more than a sack of bones. Karasu wasn't the kind of person to intentionally starve herself, and her interest in her weight extended only far enough to ensure that she was fit enough for field work. If she was so thin and light, then this had been going on for a very long time.

The intensity of Sakura's scorn also suggested that she had been angry at Karasu for quite a while. Maybe if I'd concentrated less on how beautiful Sakura's eyes were, I would have seen some hint of the venomous anger lurking in their viridian depths. Instead, I had focused on wooing Tsunade's apprentice. What kind of friend was I? I was so selfish, so-

"I'm so tired, Kakashi…" Karasu murmured, her head lolling against my shoulder.

"Hang in there, okay? It won't be long until we get to your house."

"It's too long … ten years is too long. I don't think I can take it anymore. It hurts too much."

"What hurts? What's wrong?" Quickly setting her down on a nearby bench, I yanked my headband up and snapped open the Sharingan, my mind working furiously. Ten years ago, Karasu had been seventeen. Had there been any major battles at that time? Did she have an old wound that was just starting to leech away at her strength? I came up blank, and what I saw throughout her chakra system, although frightening, indicated that this pain was nothing physical.

What my Sharingan showed me prompted a round of silent swearing. Her chakra flow was completely abnormal and irregular, and the signature was far too weak. Seriously ill, Karasu was suffering from severe depression and was probably developing alcoholism as well. She exhibited the classic symptoms: weight loss, drinking, irregular chakra flow… I knew from personal experience. Swallowing as I remembered the deaths of my sensei, friends, and family, I pulled my headband back down and knelt before Karasu.

"Karasu, tell me, what hurts?" I placed my hands on her shoulders and shook her gently.

"My heart…" I hadn't seen anything wrong with her heart; not physically, at least. Brushing slender fingers through my hair, Karasu gazed at my face, her eyes the color of washed out mud. How long had those brown depths been filled with the sorrow and anguish that I saw now? How long had she gazed at me with such pain, and how long had I obliviously turned away?

"Have you ever been in love, Kakashi?" The question startled me, as did her soft contact. Ignoring a slight swooping sensation in my stomach, I wrapped my fingers around hers and gently pulled them away from my face, then eased myself onto the bench next to her.

"Well… yeah, I guess. A long time ago, there was Rin. I'd thought she was so annoying at first, with her persistent crush on me… I thought _everyone_ was annoying. I was such a pain in the ass back then. But after Obito died, I began to see everything differently; I started to truly appreciate the people around me and their friendship. With Rin, I guess I just began to notice how kind, sweet, and gentle she was." I paused, my lips curling, remembering how Rin's dark eyes had sparkled with every laugh. But she was long gone, her bones reduced to dust in the ground. I still mourned my teammate, yet in my mind, the luminous chocolate eyes which I had loved so much were slowly morphing into ones of pine forests and sunlight.

"What about now? Does someone hold your heart in their hand, able to crush it without warning?"

"You put things very oddly, Karasu." Laughing nervously, I rubbed the back of my neck. I _did_ want to tell her about Sakura, but not while she was this drunk. Luckily, she didn't notice my rather obvious evasion and rested her head against my shoulder.

"Even if someone doesn't know that they have the power to completely crush your heart, even if they do it unwittingly, over and over again…" Dreamy and wistful, Karasu's voice trailed away into a soft noise like the whimper of a wounded, helpless baby bird. Her eyes, glimmering with the faint light of the stars, seemed like two quivering pools of despair.

Her questions were getting stranger and stranger. Unless she was thinking about the cause of her sorrow…I knew from personal experience that drunken people tended to let things slip. I also knew that they were easy to interrogate.

"How do you know so much about broken hearts?" Best to be direct, I felt. Her fingers, still entwined with mine, twitched slightly at my question.

"I… I don't understand."

"It's just that the way you talk about people's hearts being broken sounds like…" I trailed off as a shocking thought slowly began to dawn in my mind. "Karasu, have _you_ ever been in love?" I turned quickly toward the last Kuro, only to have her jerk her head away just as rapidly.

"Karasu, look at me." I tried to turn her head back around; when that failed, I jumped off the bench and ran around to the side she faced. Eyes closed, Karasu was breathing in a slow, even pattern. Apparently, she'd fallen asleep. How convenient.

Letting out a long, deep breath, I rubbed the heel of my hand against my eye. I didn't want to assume anything, but this opened up a huge array of possibilities. Maybe I was overanalyzing this, maybe I was jumping to conclusions… but if my gut feeling was correct, then this was an aspect of my best friend which I'd never even considered.

But that wasn't my best friend sleeping on the bench. It was a stranger.

**The first time I've tried writing in Kakashi's POV. Again, I would appreciate any criticisms, suggestions, and comments. Is he Out of Character to you?**

**So the big event will happen next chapter... stay tuned!  
**


	19. Heartbeat

**Kakashi's alive! Haha, yes! After more than six months of anxious prayer, he is alive! I was still so frustrated though; he was so close to becoming Hokage. The elders all approved of him and were about to say the fateful words... but then Danzou stepped in and grabbed the position for himself.**

**The beginning and end of this chapter were hard to write. The middle was surprisingly easy. I'm actually very afraid that this chapter is overly dramatic and will fall into the hackneyed formula that many stories seem to be trapped by.**

**Well, here goes nothing.**

**Disclaimer: Kakashi would have been Hokage, if it wasn't for Kishimoto.**

The late November rain drizzled softly, shrouding the landscape in a blanket of grey mist. I leaned against the open window, savoring the scent of rain and leaves, my face damp. It was unseasonably warm for so late in the year.

The weather wasn't the only thing acting strangely. Kakashi, Sakura, Genma, and Anko were behaving oddly, too. Whenever I was around, Genma would make abnormal comments, stressing words such as "drink" and "cute" with an incomprehensible grin on his face. Anko would glance between Tsuru and me, her mouth twitching slightly.

For the past couple weeks, Kakashi and Sakura had been regarding each other with a certain coldness. Originally, they had scowled at each other and turned away upon chance meetings; whenever Anko or Genma had seen them behave in this manner they had smirked and looked at either each other or at me. Now, Kakashi and Sakura tolerated each other's presence, but I could still perceive something stony in their gazes.

Sakura's contempt for me, once mild and hidden, was now openly expressed in her winter-mint eyes. Ignoring me whenever possible, Sakura sneered, aimed derogatory remarks at me when we were alone, and generally tried to make my life miserable if she was forced to interact with me. Rack my brains as I might, I could not remember anything that could have triggered this sudden behavior. I had never shown disrespect towards Tsunade's apprentice, had I?

Kakashi, on the other hand, was the polar opposite. He was gentle, soft, and treated me like a delicate sheet of rice paper. He constantly inquired about how I was doing, what I had done or was planning to do, and if I needed anything at all. I also noticed that he suddenly seemed very interested in spending a lot of time with me. Besides this slightly flattering tendency, Kakashi had also acquired an interesting, albeit unsettling, custom of trailing me around town with the skill of a seasoned assassin. His plan backfired, however, for I was exceedingly familiar with his chakra signature and so could immediately detect his carefully hidden presence. For now, I tolerated this puzzling behavior and waited for him to let me know what he wanted.

The mournful cry of a crow sounded faintly through the mist, echoed seconds later at a slightly higher pitch. I squinted through the grey rain and started as I saw two black shapes beating laboriously in my direction. Scrambling to my feet, I opened the window all the way and jumped to one side.

Heartbeats later, two exhausted, damp bundles of black feathers barreled through the opening and swooped onto my shoulders.

"G-greetings, Mistress." Hane's beak clattered as she struggled to catch her breath. Tsume shook himself, splattering my face and clothes with drops of water. "T-tsume, _otankonasu_, don't… don't shake it all o-over her!"

"It doesn't matter, Hane. Did you two fly all the way here from your aerie?" Both nodded simultaneously, breathing in harsh gasps. I darted to the bathroom, my summons' talons instinctively digging into my shoulders as they struggled to stay upright. Their aerie was located on a mountain isolated in the middle of the ocean, secluded from the rest of the world by fierce weather patterns and choppy waves. The journey by wing, the only way of access, was a long and tiring one.

"Here, Tsume, I'll wipe you down first." Grabbing a towel, I wrapped Tsume in its rough expanse and rubbed him gently, cautious not to pull out any feathers. Through the towel, I could feel his heart thudding through at such a fast rate that one beat seemed to merge into the next.

"Hane, your turn." Untangling Tsume, I carefully loosened Hane's talons from my shirt and wrapped the towel around her.

"You look ridiculous!" Tsume guffawed as Hane poked her head out from the fabric's depths.

"So do you; you look like a pom-pom with legs." Squawking in annoyance as he noticed his feathers sticking every which way, Tsume ran his beak through his plumage, carefully combing it into neat rows.

As I finished drying off Hane, Tsume suddenly jerked his head up mid-preen.

"I think someone's knocking." I paused in my activity, cocking my head in the direction of the front door. A few seconds later, I heard it: three faint raps. Releasing Hane, I quickly darted to the main entrance and opened the door, shadowed by two feathered bolts of lightening.

"Kakashi! Come in, before you get soaked!" Beckoning him in, I shut the door behind Kakashi and offered him the towel I still held in my hand.

"No thanks, I'm fine. Hello Hane-san, Tsume-san." Water dripped onto the floor as Kakashi bobbed his head twice towards the birds perched on my shoulders.

"Greetings, Kakashi-san."

"Do you want anything to warm up?"

"No, I was actually wondering if you wouldn't mind taking a walk outside with me."

"In this weather?" Hane peered at the Copy Ninja, her bright eyes glinting inquisitively.

"It's just that I would like some privacy. No disrespect intended, of course." Kakashi added hastily. Two-and-a-half pairs of eyes turned towards me.

"Um, sure. Just let me put on my vest." Ducking my head, I retreated quickly to my bedroom.

"What does he want?" Tsume hissed in my ear.

"I don't know." I whispered, opening the closet.

"What's so classified that he can't discuss it indoors like a normal person? We wouldn't tell anyone about it, I promise you."

"I know that, Hane; I trust you and Tsume completely. But if his wish is for utmost privacy, then I will respect it." Finding my jounin vest, I pulled it on and zipped it up. "Right, you two, stay here and take a break. If you feel better rested later and want to catch up, you can track my signature." I waved at the anxious birds perched on the window, and then hurried back to the front door.

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's fine. Don't you want an umbrella?"

"A little drizzle never hurt anyone."

"Please. I don't want you to get sick." Rummaging around the _getabako_, Kakashi pulled out an umbrella and handed it to me.

"You take one too." At my insistence, the Copy Ninja fished out another umbrella and followed me out the door.

"Where do you want to go?"

"One of the training grounds should be private enough." We strolled side-by-side through the grey mist, slowly navigating our way through the puddle-ridden streets and onto a training ground. Stopping beneath a grove of slender birch trees, I turned to Kakashi and prodded him gently in the side.

"Spill it, Kakashi. What's so classified that you dragged me all the way out here?"

"Well, um, it's just that it's an issue of a rather private and personal nature… and I thought that I needed some advice. Who would be better to ask than my best friend? Besides, I thought you should be the first to know."

"I'm honored. What is it? I'll help if I can." I smiled faintly, tilting my head to maintain eye contact with the fidgeting Copy Ninja. Kakashi shifted his legs uneasily, his eye darting sideways.

"I promise I won't tell. I won't laugh either." As seconds stretched into long minutes, I waited patiently for the squirming Hatake who kept rubbing his neck.

"I'm in love with Sakura." Exhaling with a deep whoosh, Kakashi dropped his hand and jerked his head to the side, his cheeks pink. His gaze, firmly locked on something past my shoulder, didn't register my eyes widening in shock.

It felt as if a kunai had been stabbed deep into my chest, completely obliterating my scar-ridden heart and sucking out all the air from my lungs. I gasped for air, my mouth flopping open and shut like a dying fish's. Tearing through my body, pain threatened to drag my mind into oblivion; I fought the numbing blackness, my trembling fingers releasing their grip on the umbrella's handle. The device thudded against the ground, making Kakashi start and turn back to me.

"You dropped this." Bending down, he picked up the umbrella and offered me the handle, pausing as he caught sight of my expression. "Are you okay?" I wasn't able to answer, only able to stare at him through blurring eyes.

"W-well I understand if it's a big shock… just let me explain it a bit. I know what you're probably thinking, that she's my former student, ten years younger than me,and it's just plain _wrong_, but I really don't think that matters. If you fall in love with someone, it doesn't matter who she is or how old she is…" Trailing off, Kakashi glanced at me expectantly. "Do you get what I mean?" I didn't respond, my mouth clamped tightly against the anguish on the verge of spilling out.

"So, um, I wanted you to be the first to know, and I wanted to see what you thought about it. Since you're my best friend, I know your opinion will be completely honest and unbiased. Could you, er, tell me what you think about this? Just-"

"Does she know?"

"Pardon?"

"I meant," I wet my lips, "does Sakura know about this?"

"I haven't officially asked her out, if that's what you mean. I just wanted to have an opinion before doing so. Please, be completely truthful. What do you think about this?"

"I-it's great. I'm happy for you." I focused my eyes on his vest, my mouth twitching in a horrible imitation of a grin. Gloved fingers grasped my chin and gently forced my gaze upwards; it was now Kakashi's turn to smile and maintain eye contact with me.

"Complete honesty, remember? I would be more inclined to think less of you if you didn't tell me your honest opinion than if you sugar-coated your words. If I can't trust you, then I can't trust anyone." His sincere words seemed to douse the shreds of my heart into burning acid.

"C-complete honesty?"

"Of course." Clamping my eyes shut, I took several deep breaths, struggling to force my trembling lips to form words. On my chin, Kakashi's fingers quivered, their pressure increasing.

"I… I…I think it's a terrible idea." At my strangled croak, the grip on my chin tightened, then loosened immediately.

"Really? Why?"

"It's… it's just _wrong_, Kakashi! First of all, she's nothing like you! Nothing! She displays her heart on her sleeve, is a social butterfly, and blows up at the slightest provocation. You, on the other hand, are reserved, stoic, and exceedingly intellectual."

"Our personalities are very different. So what? They say opposites attract, you know."

"But you two are _just too different_. Not only do you have absolutely nothing in common, but she's ten years younger than you. _Ten years_, Kakashi, that's a decade! On top of that, she's your former student! Student-teacher romances are strictly forbidden, you know that! It doesn't make sense, Kakashi!"

"Who said love had to make sense?" Low and rough, his voice tempted me to crack my eyes open, but I resisted. It was far easier to tell him all this with my eyes closed; this way I could restrain the tears threatening to overflow. Swallowing, I took another breath before forcing myself to continue.

"Love doesn't make sense, Kakashi, but people won't understand that. Do you know what they're going to call you? Have you heard of the words _pedophile_ and _cradle robber_? If people see you together, they're going to rip your reputation to shreds!"

"I thought you would know me better than that after twenty-two years! Don't you _get it_, Karasu? Do you still not understand? And I thought you were my best friend! I thought you understood me perfectly!" His hot breath beat against my face, and his voice trembled with barely suppressed emotion. "If my heart tells me something, I will follow it! I don't care what other people think. If they think I've been ogling my student ever since she was twelve, so what? If my reputation is completely destroyed, _so what_? I don't care about how I seem in other people's eyes as long as I'm doing what I believe is right!"

"Maybe you don't care, Kakashi, but _I _care! Do you think that I can just stand by impassively while other people slander my best friend? Do you think I can just watch you ruin your life for-"

"_Me_, ruin my life? You're one to talk!" Throwing his umbrella to the ground and grabbing my shoulders, Kakashi pushed me roughly against a tree and pinned me there; my eyes flew open instinctively as I struggled to keep my balance.

"Do you know how ill you are, Karasu? Do you know how much weight you've lost in the past couple weeks? You're little more than skin and bones!" His eye blazing fury, Kakashi clutched my wrist and squeezed it to the point of extreme pain.

"I… I…"

"At least _I _tried to find help! I came here today and asked someone I trusted for advice. Not so for you! You could've come to me; you could've come to your friend, someone who's known you for more than two decades! Instead, you turned to giggling, nerdy ass-kissers whom you've known for little more than two months! Do I _mean_ anything to you, Karasu?" Kakashi paused, suppressing his rising fury with great effort, then continued in a softer tone that quivered with feeling. "Even then I wouldn't have minded, even then I would have forgiven you, but why did you have to turn to alcohol? When you were drinking, did you think about how you were hurting yourself? Did you think about how I would go mad with worry? Did you think about how much you would hurt _me?_ Or was Sakura right, Karasu? Does it not matter one bit to you?"

"H-how did you know about the drinking?"

"_It doesn't matter how I know_!" Pounding his fist against the trunk behind me, Kakashi shuddered, his breaths coming in heavy pants.

"Why do you care so much, Kakashi? Why does it matter to you if I drink alcohol? Why-"

"Because you're my _friend_! Don't you get it? Because I _care_ for you, because you're _important_ to me, unlike a certain scientist I know!"

"Don't bring Tsuru into this!"

"Why shouldn't I? You invited an almost complete stranger to go drinking with you, and you both drink yourself out of your sanity. So many things could have happened! He could've dragged you back home and taken advantage of you!"

"You don't even _know_ the person, Kakashi! Do you think I can't take care of myself?"

"_Yes_! Yes, I don't think you can take care of yourself! Yes, I do think that something's hurting you, Karasu! Yes, I do think that _you're going to die soon unless you get help!_" Seizing my shoulder with one hand, Kakashi shook me forcefully. "You've got to tell me what's wrong, Karasu! You _have_ to let me help you! _Please_!" His voice, raw with despair and anger, cracked. All his fury suddenly drained away, leaving behind a deflated, slumping frame.

It was so tempting, _so tempting_, to let him know everything, to finally drop my decade-old facade. But ten years of firmly fastening on the mask had engraved it into my skin, making disguise second nature; to tear off the mask would be the same as removing part of me. I fought the urge to reveal myself, crushed it the way Kakashi had crushed my heart. There was absolutely no chance that he could return my feelings, not to an unattractive, plain wallflower like me. If I told him, our friendship was as good as ruined; never again would he be comfortable spending time alone with me, never again would he have complete confidence in me. I crushed the urge to tell him for the sake of our friendship… as well as for the sake of Kakashi's happiness.

My mother's words, a dim whisper from twenty years ago, echoed through my mind:

_If you really, truly love someone, you'll do what's good for them, even if you hurt yourself…_

This time, I couldn't try to excuse this as some drunken one-night stand. This time, I couldn't close my eyes or try to fool myself into thinking that he was just trying to relieve some urge. No, he'd made it painfully obvious that this time, it was for real, that he really, truly, deeply loved her. He would be perfectly content to spend the rest of his life with Sakura, and being realistic, I knew that this love would probably lead them down the aisle. Even though it tore me apart to think about it, as long as he was truly happy, I was, in a twisted, sadistic way, also happy. I wasn't going to spoil his happiness for the sake of my own shattered heart. He deserved someone who was beautiful and loving, even if it was Sakura and not me. If Kakashi had found the special someone in his life … even though it killed me, even though I would never be able to face him again, I was going to let him go.

"I… I can't. I'm sorry." My faint whisper made him stiffen and tighten his grip on my wrist.

"Then I'm sorry as well. You're forcing me to do this… I have to figure out what's wrong." Slowly, hesitatingly, he rested his other hand on his headband, his normal eye screwed shut. With a sudden exhalation, Kakashi yanked his headband up and locked his Sharingan on me.

The comma-shaped markings began to swirl, stirring up a wave of icy terror through my body. I was unable to move, unable to run away, unable to release the horrible, nauseating horror building up in my chest.

"Tell me what's wrong." As I fought my trembling lips, the markings swirled faster and seemed to expand, filling my vision with crimson and black. My heart pounded more rapidly, struggling to ward off the icy terror threatening to swallow and destroy it. Paralyzed, my limbs were powerless to act, pinned under the heavy, almost tangible, unrelenting pressure of horror.

"_Tell me!_" Against my will, my lips began to form words. I couldn't squeeze my eyes shut, couldn't give myself a last moment of comfort before-

With a terrifying screech, the inexorable gaze broke away. Struggling to free myself from the weakening bindings of terror, I felt, rather than saw, something rush past my face. I opened my eyes in time to see Tsume follow his sister's example and dive-bomb Kakashi, his talons extended. Kakashi blocked his face with the arm clutching my wrist, barely able to prevent the razor-sharp claws from reaching their target. With a loud shriek, Tsume ripped long gashes through Kakashi's sleeve and zoomed past us into the now heavy downpour. As Kakashi raised his arms together, I saw that the gashes in the fabric were edged with a liquid darker than the rain. Then my gaze traveled up his arm, and horror rose in my throat as I realized that his eyes were locked on Tsume's retreating figure, and his hands were pressed together in the seal of the tiger. Lightening-quick, I brought my free hand back and slammed the heel of it against his jaw. Kakashi barely had time to widen his eyes before they drooped shut and he slumped into my waiting arms.

"Mistress! Mistress, are you all right?" Two crows swooped onto the tree's branches, their damp feathers bristling to their full extent.

"T-that… that despicable weasel! That loathsome vulture! He dared, he _dared_, to lay a hand on you! He dared to threaten you with his Sharingan! Tsume, while this… this _beast_ is unconscious, we should tear him to shreds!" Hane quivered in outrage, her wings flexing.

"_No_, Hane. Leave him alone." My voice, broken and weak, was almost lost in the steady pounding of the rain.

"But… but he attacked you. He was threatening you!" Tsume screeched, shreds of Kakashi's shirt still dangling on his talons. Shaking my head mutely, I hauled Kakashi onto my shoulders.

"Where are you taking him?"

"His arm is wounded and will become infected if it remains untreated."

"Why are you even taking care of him? This little swine-"

"Hane..." Nudging his sister, Tsume pointed at the tears threatening to spill down my face. Hane fell silent, her bright eyes dimming and her plumage drooping.

"Hane, Tsume… would it be possible for me to stay at your aerie for several months?"

"O-of course. Why do you ask?"

"Please, both of you, go to Atsui-san and tell her I will need her to take care of the house. Then tell Tsunade that I will be at your aerie for several months. When you are done, please report back to my home."

"W-what are you doing? Are you planning to run away?" At my slight nod, Hane let out a wail of confusion.

"But why? Why would you do such a thing? Beastly as Kakashi is, surely you cannot leave Konoha just because of him!"

"Please, just go and do as I say." I did not wait for them to leave, but picked up the umbrellas and pressed my hands together in the seals for the teleportation jutsu, careful to keep the unconscious Copy Ninja securely on my back. Opening my front door, I gently laid Kakashi on the couch before retrieving the abandoned towel, a first aid kit, and a blanket. His vest and sweatshirt, saturated with water, were carefully pulled off with a whispered apology. After sopping up as much water from his body as the towel could hold, I cleaned the jagged scratches gouged into his forearm and wound bandages around the gash with trembling fingers.

_Kakashi… forgive me for doing this. I run away not because of you, but for you. You deserve to have a joy-filled relationship with the one you love, and I will be too broken hearted to share your delight. Promise me that you'll love her forever, that you'll cherish her and protect her with all your power. Comfort her in all her pain; show her the gentleness which you always showed me._

Setting the bandages aside, I covered Kakashi's prone form with the blanket, tucking it under his chin. Very slowly, I lowered my head against his chest and closed my eyes.

_Sakura, I entrust Kakashi to you. Love him as fiercely and as completely as I did. Use your extensive medical skills to help bind the wound that I am sure to cause him. Nurture him and help him forget the pain I will inflict on him. Despite his stoic outward appearance, Kakashi needs tenderness. Please let him cry on your shoulder, let his tears fall onto your lap. Be his place of refuge, his source of comfort when I can't be there for him. Surround him with your love and care._

The deep, echoing pulses of his heart, formerly so comforting to me, seemed to say _let go… let go._

_When I return, I want to see a couple deeply in love. When I return, I want to see engagement rings on both your fingers. When I return… _

A dark splotch of salt water slowly crept across the blanket's fibers.

_Kakashi, I'm running away because there's a kind of love called letting go._

**Please, please, please tell me: **_**Was this too overdramatic? Is this story losing originality?**_

**If so, I'll try to fix it.**

**This story isn't over yet, ladies and gentlemen. Not by a long run.**


	20. Storm

**Hello, everyone! Sorry for the long delay. It's just been surprisingly hard to come up with anything (surprising, since this is pretty much one of the most dramatic, emotional sections of the story). It's also a horrible time to get writer's block. Thank you very much for your patience.**

**Disclaimer: If I had it my way, Kakashi would have been Rokudaime.**

A thunderous crash tore me from the warm, comforting cocoon of slumber. Flying open, my eyes glimpsed a flash of white light before drooping shut again. I exhaled softly, sinking back into the exquisite downy warmth surrounding me. I hadn't noticed how soft my bedding was before… Despite the unusual degree of grogginess blurring my mind, I couldn't fall back asleep. My efforts were rendered null by my chakra, which was pulsing erratically, pumping waves of energy through my system.

My power seemed to increase in all rough weather, particularly thunderstorms. My exceedingly flexible lightening chakra, inherited from my father, throbbed fiercely in response to the tempest raging outside. During storms, my emotions tended to fluctuate just as violently; maybe that explained the nagging, bitter feeling that something was terribly wrong. Frowning, I shifted my legs, the sensation as inexplicable as the pain radiating from a spot on my jaw. Try as I might, I couldn't-

The dull pounding of the rain abruptly increased to a roar, then quieted again with a small _click._

Snapping open, my eyes darted quickly towards the source of the noise. The darkness was too heavy, too pressing for me to see the intruder. As quietly as I could, I shifted onto my shoulder and reached for the dagger I always kept near my bed…

…and grasped air. My balance was off; I'd leaned too far over. With a muffled curse, I fell off the bed and onto the floor, unable to check myself due to the blanket knotted around my body.

"Who's there?" A frightened, female voice quavered. My sensitive ears heard the rustle of plastic and the squelch of wet rubber.

I managed to quietly disentangle myself from the blanket. Groping along the ground for my weapon, my fingers recoiled as they pressed against _tatami._

What? My house was paved with hard wood, not spongy bamboo mats. Where was I? How-

"Is anyone there?"

Running my hands along the floor, I felt the thick padded fabric of my vest. I hurriedly pulled out a kunai and crept towards the source of the noise. The trespasser was very poor at intruding; her frightened gasps made it easy for me to find her in the darkness and press the weapon against her neck. A shrill scream, then a thunderous whack to my head which made me see stars. Grunting, I loosened my grip on the kunai and doubled over, one hand pressed against the site of injury. A light flickered on, illuminating a pair of wet rubber boots.

"Hatake-san?!" Eyes watering, I slowly straightened and caught sight of a brunette slowly lowering the umbrella she had been brandishing seconds before.

"Who are you? How do you know me? What are you doing in my house?"

"_Your_ house? Sir, you must be mistaken! This is Karasu-san's residence!" At the name, memories returned in a sudden rush of color and clarity, piercing my body with such sharp pain that I gasped and doubled over again.

_"I… I…I think it's a terrible idea." The words left me breathless, shocked beyond belief. I could hardly believe it as Karasu began to utter the very words that I'd never thought I'd hear from her. Her eyes were closed, her lips trembling, her voice gradually increasing in volume as she scorned the information that I'd confided to her._

_Her words had roused my fury… I'd tried to suppress it, to prevent it from getting out of hand, but to no avail. I remembered pinning her against a tree, yelling at her, venting my worry and frustration, begging her to let me know what was wrong. Her deadened, muddy eyes glistened with the first true emotion I'd seen in weeks, and my hopes rose as her lips began to tremble, as the muscles around her mouth twitched. But the light I had seen flickered and died, and Karasu pressed her lips together in a quivering line. Her head drooped, her glossy blue-black hair plastered against her face._

_"I… I can't. I'm sorry." Suppressing a snarl of frustration, I tightened my grip, my fingers digging into the nonexistent flesh on her bony wrist. Why didn't she get it? She was in critical condition, near collapse and possibly even death; if the drinking didn't kill her, the issue that was torturing her mind would. She needed help immediately, and I wanted to provide her with it. Why couldn't she understand that? Why couldn't she let me know what was wrong?_

_Rage, frustration, terror, and desperation clouded my judgment. I could have proceeded differently; I could have tried using kindness rather than force. But no, I had used Obito's gift, the very one I had vowed to use in order to protect those who were precious to me. Glazed with terror, her eyes were wide, unblinking, and glistening with tears. The sight filled me with anger, guilt, and a savage joy that made cringe in nausea to recall._

_"Tell me what's wrong." Karasu was stubborn, I would give her that. Her lips trembled, on the verge of forming words, but she fought them. However, I could feel her willpower weakening, faltering under the relentless stare of the Sharingan and the storm of terror raging in her mind. I focused harder, my brow furrowing in concentration. A bead of sweat trickled down my temple, nearly indistinguishable from the droplets of rain pouring from the sky._

_"Tell me!" I had won; I felt her resolve suddenly crumble and collapse. With a choked gasp, Karasu opened her mouth, her lips forming the beginning of a syllable. Leaning closer, I tightened my grip on her wrist._

_The heavy flapping of wings and a piercing shriek gave me a second's warning to turn and jerk my head back before a black missile shot past my face, its feathers brushing against my temple. At my genjutsu's sudden release, Karasu stumbled backwards, her eyes slammed shut. The crow wasn't alone, as I soon found out. Another bird, its talons extended, folded its wings and followed its companion's example. Raising my forearm, I managed to prevent the blow meant for my face from reaching its target. The crow, screeching fiercely, raked its talons along my arm and flew past me into the heavy downpour. Ignoring the liquid fire coursing through my arm, I locked onto its back with my Sharingan and pressed my hands together in the seal of the tiger._

_Something smashed into my jaw. Eyes widening, I turned to Karasu and managed to meet her gaze for one split second._

_I was completely shocked by what I saw._

_Minutes ago, her eyes had been muddy and lifeless; now, they were radiant and alive with a deep brown that rivaled Rin's. What completely destroyed the fury simmering in my mind, however, was the expression she gazed at me with. It was a mixture of sorrow, pain, and an expression I could only classify as… love. _

"Ha… Hatake-san?" I blearily raised my eyes to meet the brunette's concerned ones. "Did I hit you too hard? I'm extremely sorry; I was scared because I didn't expect anyone in here, with Karasu-san gone on a mission."

"What? Karasu left on a mission?" I scrambled onto my feet, ignoring the stab of pain that pulsed from my forehead and jaw.

"Actually, I'm not exactly sure. She said she would be gone for about six months, so I naturally assumed that she was called onto a mission. I was going to ask you if you had any extra information, since you're so close…" her voice trailed off as her eyes drifted to my forearm and widened. "Hatake-san, are you wounded?!" Following her gaze, I felt my throat constrict as I saw the smooth, white bandages wound around my arm. _She'd cleaned the wound._

"No, i-it's nothing. What was Karasu like? Did she behave normally when she notified you?"

"I didn't actually see her face-to-face. Two of her summons just showed up at my door three hours ago and asked if I could please take care of the house. That's quite unusual; she normally knocks on my door and lets me know far ahead of time. Hatake-san?" Scrambling back to the living room, I pulled on my shirt and vest with clumsy fingers.

"Is something wrong, Hatake-san?"

"I'm sorry to leave like this, but I have to see the Hokage. Something isn't right; Karasu didn't mention anything about a mission." I tied on my headband and bowed hastily to the shocked woman. "Thank you for telling me, and I'm sorry to have attacked you like that."

"Oh no, it's I who should-" I didn't stay to hear the neighbor finish her sentence, but pressed my hands together in a set of seals. When the smoke cleared, I ran up the steps of Hokage tower two at a time, ignoring the cries of shock and dismay that echoed behind me.

I'd gone too far. Even if she had acted in a melodramatic, childish manner, even if she'd set her crows on me and knocked me out with a blow to the jaw, what I'd done was completely uncalled for. I needed to apologize to her, to try to figure out what exactly was wrong with her. If she'd left for a six-month long mission in her current condition…

I didn't pause to knock on the door, but wrenched it open. Tsunade yelped, her hands a blur as she tried to hide the porcelain _tokkuri_ in her desk drawer.

"Hatake, what-"

"Where's Karasu? What mission is she on?" Slamming my hands against her desk, I ignored the rules of proper behavior and the outraged expression on the Hokage's face.

"What are you talking about?"

"The mission you assigned her, the one that's at least six months long!"

"I didn't assign her on any mission. Her crows just came here and said that she would be at their aerie for several months."

"_What?!_ What else did they tell you?"

"That's all the information they would give me."

"And you just let her go? Like _that_? Do you know what kind of condition she's in? Have you noticed how emaciated, how psychologically damaged she is? Am I the only one who _cares_?"

"_Hatake_, I understand your concern, I understand how important she is to you, but _I will not be spoken to in that manner_." Standing up abruptly, Tsunade slammed her fists against her desk, the sound nearly drowned out by an ominous roll of thunder. I glared right back at her, then dipped my head in grudging contrition.

"My apologies to Hokage-sama."

"Your apology is accepted. Now sit. I have some questions to ask you." I resentfully obeyed, slouching as far as the straight-backed wooden chair would allow. Tsunade rested her elbows on her desk, her fingers interlaced.

"Now then, I was going to ask you whether Karasu had confided any extra information to you, but judging by your reaction, you didn't know about this either. Correct?"

"Yes."

"You also mentioned something about Karasu being in poor mental and physical health. Could you please elaborate on that?" Pulling out a folder, Tsunade rifled through the papers inside.

"She's been drinking." At my words, Tsunade dropped the folder, scattering sheaves of paper all over the floor.

"_What?!_"

"Not to mention she's as thin as a skeleton, suffering from mental trauma, and about to collapse and possibly die. But yeah, I think drinking's the big thing."

"I don't need your sarcasm, Hatake. How long ago did this behavior start? Do you know what could have made her start drinking?"

"As far as I can figure, she's been drinking heavily for almost two months. I was trying to figure out what wrong with her, but I… we…" I struggled to form words, guilt and shame clenching my stomach into a knot as I recalled our heated exchange.

"Never mind the last question then, Hatake." Her words were kind and soft. "Please, just tell me how you found out about this and describe what's been going on in as much detail as possible." I obeyed, telling her about how I had found Karasu drunk at the bar, how I had trailed her around for two weeks, and how I had noticed the way her condition had deteriorated with each passing day. Tsunade studied the papers on her desk closely, nodding and prompting me with an occasional noise of approval.

"What you're saying explains her medical records perfectly." Rubbing her forehead, Tsunade leaned back in her chair when I finished. "About two months ago, Karasu was summoned for a physical checkup. The results were so alarming that, before Karasu had even left the examination room, the nurse called me and insisted that I come right away."

"W-what were the results?"

"It's classified information, but I'll tell you this: if that was her condition two months ago, then I am absolutely terrified to even _think_ about her condition _now_."

Unable to restrain the low moan that escaped my lips, I buried my face in my hands. I took a shuddering breath, struggling to smother the powerful waves of emotion rising in my throat. A soft pressure on my shoulder made me glance up and see that the Hokage had stepped out from behind her desk and was rubbing my shoulder comfortingly.

"If you knew she was in such a horrifying condition, then why did you let her go?" Tsunade opened her mouth to answer, but the light tapping of shoes against tiles and the sudden opening of the door prevented the Hokage from responding.

"Shishou, I just have some papers that- oh, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura stopped dead, her eyes widening and her cheeks coloring as she nervously tugged at her uniform.

"Just leave them on my desk, Sakura." A flash of lightening directed the honeyed gaze toward the window. "I'll discuss them with you tomorrow. You'd better go home, and tell anyone else that's still working to follow your example. As bad as the storm is, it seems to have just started." Obeying, Sakura flashed me a small smile which I didn't return. She backed out the door, her expression hurt and confused.

Sakura's sudden appearance had triggered a wave of fury, most of it directed at Karasu. Who was she to decide whether or not I should love someone? Who was she to think that Sakura wasn't a good match for me? It wasn't like we were getting _married_, for Kami's sake. Through the rampant rage in my mind, a small, gentle voice reminded me of my last image of Karasu. _There had been no fury, no anger, and no bitterness in her gaze. She had been begging you, pleading for you to forgive her. She hadn't wanted to hurt you; couldn't you tell by the liquid love pouring out of her eyes?_

Blocking the voice out, I stood up suddenly, my fists clenched. Tsunade recoiled, her hand flying from my shoulder and her eyes widening as she met my gaze.

"K-Kakashi?"

"I'm sorry for troubling Hokage-sama. Please excuse me."

"You can't leave! You're angry, you're hurting, Kakashi. You'll do something reckless. Please, you have to talk about it."

"I'm fine. You'd better go home before the thunderstorm gets worse."

"But what about Karasu? What happened between you two?"

"Nothing happened between us. _Nothing._" I stormed out of the office, ignoring Tsunade's pleading calls.

_I thought I could depend on you, Karasu. I thought you would support me. I thought, after twenty-two years, I would know you and you would know me. I guess I thought wrong. _

Performing the hand seals, I teleported myself to my apartment. Tugging off my clothes, I stepped into the shower and turned it on to the hottest temperature.

_Well, guess what? I'll prove that you were wrong as well. I'll show you that it can work. I'll show you that it doesn't matter if we're former teacher and student. I'll show you that I don't care about what others think, that I don't need your approval to do what I want. I'll show you…_

As I caught sight of the bandages wrapped around my arm, I paused to spit upon the shower tiles.

_Nothing happened between us, Karasu._

Outside, the storm raged.

**I hope that you understood what he meant by nothing happened between them.**

**Please review! I'm sorry if this chapter is of sub-par quality.  
**


	21. Sever

**Happy birthday, Karasu! I'm very, very sorry for the long delay, but if you've been reading my livejournal, you'll understand why this chapter took so long to write and publish.**

**To celebrate Karasu's birthday, I have posted a list of 10 of Karasu's quirks on my livejournal. Feel free to check it out.**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto is ruining the series.  
**

"Karasu, are you done sweeping the kitchen?"

"Yes, _o-kaasan!_"

"Then bring in the _tatami_ from outside and put them back. It's almost eleven-o-clock!" As I finished replacing the _tatami_ mats in the living room, a soft knock alerted me to a presence at the door.

"_O-kaasan, _someone's here!"

"Open the door and invite him in! Shinju, is the _toshidana _properly arranged?" I scrambled to the doorway as best as I could in my _kimono_, nearly knocking over the _kadomatsu_ in the entryway as I slipped on the newly-polished wooden floor. Regaining my balance, I wrenched the door open.

"Kakashi! You're just in time! We were just about to begin eating the _toshikoshi-soba_!" I ushered Kakashi inside, carefully lifting the _shide _on the _shimenawa_ that fluttered around the Copy Ninja's face.

"Sorry, sorry! It's just that a whole flock of evil-looking geezers outside my apartment complex were waving their hands in mystic patterns. Since it's New Year's Eve, it's important to clean everything for the coming of the New Year; therefore, I had to write some sutras to purify my apartment from evil influences, just in case-"

"Kakashi, m'boy, is that you?" My father boomed as he stepped into the entryway.

"Happy _Omisaka_, _ojisan_." Kakashi bowed low, his gesture mirrored in my father's muscular figure.

"I swear, every time I see you, you grow even taller. You're already almost as tall as I am!" My father slapped Kakashi's shoulder and laughed loudly, unaware of the sudden flash of pain in Kakashi's eye.

"_O-tousan, _Kakashi has a wound on that shoulder!"

"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't know. _Shitsureishimashita."_

_"_Don't worry about it." Casting me a grateful smile, Kakashi followed my father into the kitchen, where my mother and sister were already waiting with a pot of noodles.

"Happy _Omisoka, obasan, _Shinju-san."

"Kakashi, you're too skinny! You're already taller than I am, and you eat so little! Shinju, give Kakashi a double portion!" As my mother shepherded Kakashi onto a _zabuton_, my sister turned as bright red as my mother's _kimono_ and busied herself with dividing the _toshikoshi-soba _between five bowls.

"Would you like tempura with your noodles, Kakashi-san?"

"No, thank you, scallions will be fine." Bobbing his head in thanks to my sister, Kakashi took the bowl from Shinju, accidentally brushing his hands against her trembling ones in the process. My sister flushed even darker, if that was possible; I arched an eyebrow at her behavior and received a scowl in return.

"Nesshin-kun, we should eat quickly if we want to arrive at the shrine before they begin ringing the bells."

"Ah, yes. You are as astute as you are lovely, my dear Junsui-chan!"

"_O-tousan…_" My sister groaned, her eyes flicking towards the amused Copy Ninja.

"Humor your senile father a little, Shinju-chan. Very well then, _itadakimasu!_" My father's mutter was echoed and followed by the clacking of chopsticks against bowls as we began to devour the noodles.

"Right, all of you hurry along to the front door while I get the camera. It's already eleven-thirty." When the last noodle disappeared with a slurp, my mother ushered us off our _zabuton_ while she piled the bowls in the sink.

"Are you excited for the new year, Karasu?"

"Yeah! We get to start everything over again with a clean slate. Cleaning the whole house makes me tired, though." I rubbed my shoulders, wincing slightly.

"Although it is exhausting, it's important that the house is spotless in order to welcome the New Year, Karasu-chan," My father lectured as he tightened his shoes.

"It's good training, as well." Kakashi grinned.

"The bells will begin ringing any minute now!" My mother appeared, a camera swinging from her hand. Scurrying out the door, we waited for my father to lock the front entrance. The small click of the key was drowned out by a deep, mellow ringing; the sound had barely died away before the bell was struck again.

"They began ringing the bells! Hurry up, all of you!" Picking up the hem of her _kimono_, my mother began to run, her _geta _clacking against the ground.

"I don't get why we have to go so early. Since they have to ring the bells 108 times, it always takes longer than an hour for them to finish," Shinju grumbled, but she clutched her _kimono _and hurried after my father's vanishing figure.

"Come on, Karasu! Just channel your chakra through your shoes; it will be good practice and make you go faster!" Dust swirled around Kakashi's feet as he focused his energy and began to sprint. Copying him, I stumbled along behind him, struggling to run with awkward wooden clogs strapped to my feet.

"Ow!" The road was crusted with ice; I slipped and fell. Landing on my hands and knees, I bit my lip as a sharp pain seared through my palms.

"Karasu, are you okay?" Kakashi turned back and knelt before me, carefully pulling up the hem of my _kimono_ in order to examine my knees.

"I just scraped my palms, but that's nothing a chuunin can't handle, right?"

"Did you try channeling chakra through your _geta_? It will help you keep your balance."

"I tried! It's just so hard to run while wearing heavy wooden clogs!" I had to yell in order to make myself heard above the steady ringing of the bell. Kakashi glanced down the road towards the bright patch in the dark sky that indicated the location of the shrine, and then glanced back at me. Involuntarily, I began to shiver violently as the cold wind sliced through the heavy silken garment I wore.

"Here." He turned his back to me and extended his arms expectantly.

"What?"

"Piggyback ride."

"Are you sure?"

"I thought you loved these." Swiveling, he creased his eye.

"I do! I still do! It's just that… am I too heavy for you?"

"You? Too heavy?" Kakashi snorted. "I'm in ANBU, remember? I can handle an eleven-year old, no sweat." I hesitatingly stepped forward, let him hook his arms around my legs, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Your hands are cold. Are you ready?"

"Yeah. Thank you very much, Kakashi." I pressed my face against the back of his neck, my shivers slowing as his warmth seeped through the fabric of his mask.

"No problem. Hang on tight, now."

***

The stone suddenly crumbled to bits beneath my frozen fingers. Suppressing a yelp, I slid ten feet down the cliff face before managing to regain a hold on the icy rock. I pressed my face against the stone, trembling as I listened carefully. The only sounds I heard were my shuddering gasps, the hiss of the icy wind, and the scraping of pebbles against rock as they fell toward the heaving ocean hundreds of feet below. The noises were quickly swallowed by the roiling sea of thick, muffling clouds that swirled around me.

An'ya's aerie, located on a towering mountain in the middle of the ocean, was sheltered from the rest of the world by stormy weather patterns and a fierce, choppy ocean. Below the nest, bushes, grasses, and scrawny trees grew in increasingly thick patches as the altitude decreased. The plant life receded into a pebbly beach made of rocks that washed up from the sea. As the altitude increased, the dense shrubbery gradually morphed into a wide assortment of ferns, mosses, and lichens. Thousands of years, rain, wind, and seismic activity had shaped the mountain into a rocky landscape of caves, ridges, cliffs, and hidden pockets. It was one of the hidden pockets that I was looking for.

After catching my breath, I resumed climbing, digging my numb fingers and feet into miniscule crevices in the rock that I could barely see in the pre-dawn light that was further dimmed by the clouds that pressed in on me. Even with chakra, the ascent was difficult; the fierce winter winds that threatened to pluck me off the cliff face and toss me into the water didn't make things easier. Finally, after slipping perilously more than once, I reached up and felt the smooth top of the cliff. I pulled myself over and collapsed in a heap on the ground, gasping as the scarcity of oxygen made the world spin around me. My back muscles were on fire, my arms aching. I dimly recalled Kakashi climbing mountains with one hand tied behind his back, no chakra-

_No, don't think about him._ I squeezed my eyes shut, shuddering as I felt a sharp stab in my chest. Even now, even after six weeks, I still felt a deep, almost physical pain when I thought about Kakashi. Why was that? Why couldn't my heart learn its lesson, that love meant pain, and just let go? Why did it even have to fall in love with Kakashi and get me into this mess in the first place?

A particularly fierce current of air reminded me of my mission. Opening my eyes, I slowly stood and slipped into a thin fissure between two rocks. I followed the narrow, rough trail that winded through the clouds and towards the top of the mountain; it suddenly widened into a relatively flat, boulder-walled area. In the middle, fed by a cascading waterfall and surrounded by a thick carpet of mosses and ferns, was a secluded pond. Scarves of thick fog shrouded the frozen surface.

Clambering onto the nearest boulder, I settled myself in a crossed-leg position and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath that nearly turned into a strangled wheeze; the scarcity of oxygen and the freezing temperature of the air drove a knife through my lungs. I forced myself to concentrate on the rough boulders beneath my fingers, on the frosty wind tugging on my clothes and hair. Bit by bit, I was able to breathe slowly and evenly without gasping for air. I gradually opened my eyes to see the ocean of clouds tinted red, orange, and yellow, the colors of an icy fire. Far out in the sea, a storm brewed, a dark, roiling smudge against the brightening sky.

_Kakashi cracked one eye open slowly, wincing at the sudden burst of light from the rising sun. I laughed softly before continuing my description of the newborn morning._

My slow breaths began to speed up into choking gasps. This was no good. I couldn't concentrate. Sliding off the boulder, I quickly broke the ice crusting the lake's surface, stripped off my clothes, and dove into the water.

The icy water ripped all the breath from my lungs. I pushed my face through the mirror-like surface, shivering violently. Far above me, masked by another layer of vapors, the peak of the mountain was permanently crusted with ice. Melted ice cascaded down the sides of the mountain in the form of waterfalls and rivers and collected in pools like the pond I was currently swimming in. Repressing a violent shudder, I ducked my face back underwater and opened my eyes. Little minnows darted through the crystal-clear water, their scales flashing in the dim light. Swimming along the bottom with them, I made my way towards the white cloud of icy foam being churned by the waterfall. Undoing my ponytail, I rested beneath the frothing cascade of frigid water, my hair spreading like tendrils of ink beneath the surface. I closed my eyes, focusing on the relentless drumming of water against my skin, on the dull roar of pounding water in my ears.

_Roaring triumphantly, the Water Dragon swallowed me whole, its fangs glistening as they closed around me. I was helpless, unable to resist the water's pummeling; as the pounding died down, an arm wrapped around my waist, yanked my limp body out of the water, and slammed me against the tree. I wearily cracked my eyes open to meet Kakashi's Sharingan._

Clutching my head, I sank beneath the surface, trying in vain to shake the memories out. In the last six weeks, no matter how hard I tried to not think about Kakashi, no matter how hard I tried to destroy my feelings for him, despite my vow to let him go, tears continued to flow down my cheeks. During the day, it was torture, a nearly impossible feat to mask my pain, to hide behind an emotionless facade. At night, I continued to cry myself to sleep, pressing my hands against my mouth lest I alerted An'ya and her children. Even sleep offered me no comfort; I was haunted by dreams of Kakashi's face, by dreams of my past with him, by dreams of our argument and his rage.

Kakashi and I hadn't argued for _years_. We'd had the occasional friendly quarrel, but nothing like this. The only time we'd really fought was when I was still enrolled in the Ninja Academy, over some stupid reason long forgotten. He'd always been kind, gentle, sweet; the fact that he'd employed the Sharingan against me showed just how angry he was. How could I ever hope to approach him again, how could I ever hope to get along with him once more?

His fury not only terrified me, but wounded me deeply as well. How could I describe the feeling of being hated by the very person whom I would unhesitatingly die for? How could I describe the pain of being rejected by the very person whom I yearned to hold in my arms?

I'd tried so hard to kill my feelings for him, to wipe my heart clean. But my love for him was a stubborn, persisting stain that wouldn't fade no matter how hard I scrubbed at it. I'd promised to myself so many times that I would let him go, that I would forget about the past and start over.

But I couldn't do it.

Because the truth was, with his tender care and guidance, Kakashi was the one who had helped me grow and develop into the person I was today; he was the one who helped me spread my wings and fly. Without the scarecrow, the crow felt insignificant, small and helpless. With the loss of its wings, the crow felt lost, unable to escape the thick, pressing clouds of grief that threatened to suffocate it.

Pulling myself out of the water, I wiped my body dry, shivering despite the weak, yellow rays of sunlight. I pulled on my clothes with numb, trembling fingers; as I squeezed the water out of my hair, the gleaming of pure yellow caught my gaze. Slowly, as if in a trance, I knelt and picked up the unsheathed _tanto_, my eyes fixed on the design of mahogany crows on the pine handle.

It must have somehow gotten unsheathed when I took off my clothes. As I bent to pick up the sheath, a lock of my hair fell over my shoulder. I froze, unable to tear away my gaze from the contrast of black and yellow.

_It's Omisoka, New Year's Eve, the perfect time to start over. _

Cutting her hair was a female's way to express a desire to sever her bonds with the past, to start anew with a fresh slate.

_Surely cutting my hair today of all days would be the perfect way to symbolize my decision to separate myself from Kakashi, to let go of my love for him, to let go of my past with him. _

I gathered my hair in my left hand and raised the tanto's blade with my right.

_Just a quick jerk of the arm, a quick flexing of the shoulder… and it'll be gone forever._

Swallowing, I pressed the razor edge against my hair, closing my eyes.

_Let go._

My hands trembled.

_Start over._

I was gasping now, taking shuddering breaths.

_Sever your bonds with him._

The blade clattered against the rocks as I pressed my hands against my face. A low, animal-like moan seeped through my lips; salt water seeped through my clenched eyelids. I pressed my forehead against the ground and my mouth against my knees, rocking as the thin barriers holding back my anguish broke and disintegrated.

To sever my bonds with Kakashi would be to sever the web tying me to my pain, my anguish, my grief. To sever myself from the past would let me start over, to begin again. To sever myself from my painful, unrequited love would free me from this never-ending ache in my chest.

But I couldn't do it.

**The next chapter may take a very long time. I'm sorry, but school takes first priority to FM. Please review, and thanks for reading!**

**Terms:**

_Kadomatsu- _a traditional Japanese decoration of the New Year placed in pairs in front of homes

_Shide-_ zig-zag paper streamer often attached to _shimenawa_

_Shimenawa-_ length of braided rice straw rope

_Shitsureishimashita- _I'm sorry

_Zabuton-_ cushion

_Toshikoshi-soba- _Noodles eaten to welcome the New Year; can also be _toshikoshi-udon_.

_Ojisan-_ uncle (it is common in Japan for people to refer to others whom they are close to, but not necessarily relatives, by terms of relation/endearment. For example, young children may call an older girl "big sister")

_Obasan-_ aunt

_Geta- _wooden clogs

Buddhists believe that humans are plagued by 108 different passions/desires. The bell is rung once for each desire in order to drive them out.


	22. Comfort

**I know this update is surprisingly early, but that's my stupid muse's fault. It decides to inspire me just as I really need to focus on my HW. Hopefully it will shut up and let me focus on my outline now.**

**I'm also having a very hard time deciding whether FM should have a sad, happy, or (thank you, krizoria) vague ending. I'll eventually write out both the happy and the sad endings, but I don't know which to make the official one. Visit my livejournal (entry titled: "FM's ending: Can't decide") for the complete details, but to make a long story short, I want to pick an ending that will make FM a better story. (Better as in "quality, memorability and uniqueness" better, not "I like it" better) Please leave your opinion in a review or PM ASAP, because we are approaching the crossroads where I must decide whether the story should end happily or not.**

**And if you like vague endings, just stop reading at this chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: Karasu would be in Naruto if I owned it.**

"No." I stared at the motionless, sheet-draped form, my own body frozen by shock and disbelief.

"Hatake-san, I'm sorry. She didn't… she didn't make it. The poison was too strong." The doctor blinked her light blue eyes and lowered her head.

"No." My voice echoed through the cold room.

"H-Hatake-san…" Biting her lip, the woman cautiously touched my shoulder. I jerked away, past caring about how rude I was. Her eyes dimming, the doctor picked up her clipboard.

"I'll… I'll leave you alone with her. I'm sorry." Her coat, white as the body's shroud, swung out of sight as she walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

"_No!_" I collapsed against the table, my ANBU armor clattering against the metal. With my eyes clenched shut, I struggled to smother the howl of anguish that threatened to tear my throat apart.

_With a loud yell, I blasted a hole in the man's chest with my Raikiri, bringing down the last standing enemy. I doubled over, trying to regain my breath._

"_Senpai!" Yamato's call was frantic, nearly hysterical. Turning, I froze as I caught sight of the other ANBU clustered around a body on the ground. I pushed through the crowd and felt the world spin around me as I saw the slit on Rin's pale neck._

"_Rin!" Collapsing onto my knees, I fell next to her prone body, my eyes wide. A medic's hands were fluttering over Rin's neck, illuminated by the green glow of her chakra that stood out against the steadily growing patch of crimson. Rin choked; a bubble of blood burst from her mouth, leaving a red splotch on the purple tattoos on her cheeks. Blinking hard, I squeezed Rin's hand, staring helplessly as the medic struggled to staunch the bleeding._

"_Cyclopes, I-I'm going to Konoha to get help." At my nod, Genma vanished in a blur of white, shadowed by another ninja._

"_I've managed to stop the bleeding. However, the wound was poisoned, and I don't have the chakra or the resources to neutralize the venom." The medic spoke rapidly, her voice tinged with despair and exhaustion._

"_Thank you, Sayuri. We have to get Rin back to Konoha right away! I'll carry her, and if I lag behind, don't wait for me. Yamato, help Sayuri. Hurry up and go!" Scooping up Rin's limp form, I darted as fast as I could through the trees, driven by the terror pounding through my blood._

"_Ka…Shi…"Rin gurgled as her gaze locked onto mine. Her eyes, normally a warm and living brown, were dazed, their usual sparkle quickly fading._

"_Don't talk, Rin." Tinged green from poison, the wound on her neck was slowly leeching away at Rin's energy. With my Sharingan, I could clearly see that her sluggishly-flowing chakra was steadily becoming weaker and dimmer. _

"_Dying…"_

"_You are _not _going to die, Rin! Don't think like that! And stop talking; you don't have the energy to spare." _

"_Always were… stubborn." Bending my head, I pressed my mouth against her lips, cutting her off. _

"_I told you to stop talking," I murmured as I pulled away slightly._

"_Love…you."_

"_I love you too, Rin." At my quiet words, Rin's eyes fluttered shut, her mouth curved in a small smile._

"_When we get back to Konoha, Rin, when you get better, I'll take you to Flower Country. We can hike to the top of the tallest mountain, and all we can see for miles will be flowers. Would you like that?" I paused, but Rin didn't respond._

"_In a couple weeks, when it's Tanabata, I'll help you catch a whole bunch of colorful fish, Rin. I'll buy you _kakigori_ and we can write wishes on the _tanzaku. _I'll even dance with you in the main square, right in front of everyone." And I'll propose to you, Rin… right in front of everyone._

"_Senpai!" Yamato's call made me jerk my head up and catch sight of Konoha's front gates._

"_Rin, we're almost at Konoha. You're going to make it, okay? You're not going to die, okay?" My voice cracked, and I swallowed, trying to control my emotions._

"_Hatake-san, we will take her from here!" A medic approached me, extending his hands. Carefully, gently, reluctantly, I slid Rin from my arms into his, bent, and brushed my lips against her cheek._

"_I love you, Rin."_

But no amount of love was going to bring her back. She was gone forever; her brown eyes would never sparkle again, and I would never again hear her soft, melodic laughter. Never again could I hope of going down on one knee and giving her a ring. Never again could I hope of seeing her in white, of making her mine, of possibly even raising children together. I had hesitated too long, convinced that if she became someone so close and precious to me, she would have been hurt, just like my family, just like my teacher, just like Obito. _Obito…_I hadn't been able to keep my promise to him. I hadn't been able to protect Rin.

"_Chikishou! Chikishou! Chikishou!"_ I screamed in rage and grief, punctuating each cry with a pounding of my fist against the floor. The door slammed open, I heard the light pattering of feet, and someone knelt next to my curled body.

"Kakashi!" Arms wrapped around my quivering body; I fought, struggling to break free, but the grip held.

"Let go of me!" I broke the person's embrace and turned, fully prepared to strike, but stopped dead as I recognized the frightened, tearful face as Karasu's.

"P-please, Kakashi… it's okay-"

"_No!_ No, it's not okay! I failed Obito, Karasu! I couldn't protect Rin! I wasn't strong enough!"

"It's not your fault, Kakashi! Nobody blames you; I don't blame you, Rin doesn't blame you-"

"But I _promised_ Obito! I promised!" My voice cracked, and Karasu's face began to blur.

"You took care of her for twelve years, Kakashi. You tried your best, and no one can ask any more of you."

"But it wasn't enough! My best wasn't enough! Look at Rin; look at her!" I gestured wildly at the shrouded body on the metal table. "She's dead, gone! She's not coming back! Don't you get it? _My best wasn't enough_! _You_ haven't fallen in love with someone the way I'm in love with Rin; you can't understand this… this pain, this horrible _pain_ that's threatening to tear me apart, _you can't_! So don't even try to act like you know what I'm going through!" I spat venomously at her, trying to do something, _anything_, to release the horrible rage and anguish boiling in my chest. Her eyes widening, Karasu swallowed and took a shaky breath.

"Y-you're right, Kakashi; there's no way I can feel the anguish that you're experiencing. I've never lost someone that I love the way you love Rin. I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but what I do know is that it causes me pain to see you like this. You're strong, Kakashi, but no one is strong enough to cope with something like this by themselves without comfort from others. No one's telling you to be strong _now_. You need to drop that thick, unfeeling façade and learn that it isn't weak to show your emotions and lean on someone for help and support. Please let me help you. _Please_." Karasu extended trembling arms, her eyes full of pain and sorrow.

Her eyes… they were a deep, flickering brown that reminded me of Rin's. Rin…

"_Rin!_" I fell forward, clutching Karasu's arms, the only things that anchored me from being swept away by the roaring storm of grief. She flinched as I dug my wire-clawed ANBU gloves into her skin, but she held me closely, mindless of my blood-stained armor.

"Kakashi, I'm going to take us back to my house, okay?" I tightened my grip on Karasu as she performed the teleportation jutsu.

"I-I tried, Karasu, I tried to save her! I ran as fast as I could, I…I…"

"I know you did. I _know_," Karasu soothed, resting her head on mine.

"I should have stayed near her in the battle. She was a medic; her specialty was medical jutsu, not combat. I might have been able to protect her, to help her. She could still be alive and breathing if it wasn't for my weakness, my stupidity!"

"No, Kakashi, _no_, you're not weak. You're not stupid." Her voice broke and her arms tightened around me.

"I loved her so much. I loved her beautiful, warm, sparkling eyes. I loved her sweet, bell-like voice. I loved her gentleness, her kindness, her shyness. I loved the way she would blush even if I just held her hand. I loved… I loved…" I whimpered, screwing up my face against the howl of anguish on the verge of bursting out.

"Hit me," Karasu whispered. Shock temporarily sliced through the storm of grief, and I pulled back until I could meet her eyes.

"What?"

"Don't worry about hurting me. Just hit me, cry, scream, do whatever you need to do in order to let it out."

"But I can't… it's not-"

"We're in my house, Kakashi, don't worry." When I didn't respond, she reached up and cupped my cheek with one hand, her slender, long fingers brushing against my ear. "Please. Do it for my sake."

At the gentle contact, violent waves of emotions burst the gates, and my throat exploded with a horrible keening. I reached out and began to pound Karasu's legs, shoulders, torso, and arms, whatever I could reach in order to release the agony threatening to boil over. Shuddering, Karasu's eighteen-year old frame silently took the beatings of an ANBU captain.

My grief, fury, and screams gradually petered out, leaving a limp husk that collapsed against Karasu. She pressed my tear-streaked face against the velvety skin at the crook of her neck and rubbed her hand in comforting circles along my back. Her warm, fragrant breath washed over me, awakening a long-forgotten memory of another female holding me tightly and running her hand through my hair as I cried and whimpered.

"Mama…"

"It's okay, Kakashi. I'm here. It's okay. You're safe. I'm here." Rocking softly, Karasu lulled my exhausted, numb body and mind into sweet, comforting sleep.

* * *

"Thanks for experiencing _yozakura_ with me, Kakashi. It was really beautiful." Sakura smiled softly, herself a beautiful vision in a cherry blossom-pink kimono.

"It was nothing. If anything, I should be thanking you."

"Why?"

"It was the beautiful sakura that we were admiring, correct?" She blushed and lowered her glowing eyes.

"Goodnight, Kakashi."

"Goodnight, Sakura." Bending slightly, I pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, grinned at her shocked expression, and teleported myself to my apartment complex. The guard, who was nodding off, waved me through with a muffled yawn. I ascended the five floors quietly, although many people were probably still outside admiring the flowers.

Unlocking my front door, I stripped off my vest and sandals, placing them on the _getabako._ I brushed my teeth and collapsed onto my bed, but try as I might, sleep escaped me despite the late hour and the sake I had ingested during Hanami. Sitting up, I yawned, groaning as I rubbed my face with the heels of my hands.

Recently, my insomnia had been acting up again. Ever since a relatively young age, I had always had trouble falling asleep at night. Even if I was drop-dead exhausted, I would stay awake for hours, often slipping into a very light doze just as the night sky began to brighten. When Karasu had been here, she usually had been able to soothe my troubled mind and help me fall asleep relatively quickly. Now that she was gone… swallowing, I slid onto the shelf above my bed, carefully sliding pictures out of the way.

The endless hours of solitude and peace brought a vivid parade of jumbled memories and a great deal of time to contemplate it. Far out, at the base of Hokage Mountain, an island glowed a soft pink in the night; the grove of cherry trees, lit by hanging paper lanterns, was full of strolling couples. Lips curving gently, I slouched against the wall. I clearly remembered celebrating Hanami with Rin, munching on our favorite snacks as we sprawled under a cherry tree. I recalled tucking sprays of the delicate flowers into her hair, laughing as she turned a bright crimson that matched her kimono. _Yozakura_ had been a special experience for both of us as well; the more subdued, romantic atmosphere, created by paper lanterns glowing softly in the falling night, had been the setting of many of my tender moments with Rin.

Rin, like those tender moments, was long gone. I clenched my eyes shut as I recalled the day she had died. Even now, the pain still tore my heart, still made my throat feel thick.

Karasu, though, had helped lessen the pain. I remembered beating my fists against her body, vocalizing my anguish in a never-ending howl; I remembered my strength suddenly draining, how I had collapsed into Karasu's waiting arms. I remembered her warmth, her downy skin, her bird-oil fragrance, her silky hair brushing against my forehead. I remembered falling asleep in her embrace, comforted by the beating of her heart.

Several hours later, when I woke up, I found Karasu asleep, her arms still wrapped loosely around my torso. The moonlight illuminated silvery tracks of dried tears on her cheeks; I couldn't help but trace them with trembling fingers.

For the next couple months, Karasu had been constantly by my side. She took me under her wing, insisting that I temporarily move into her house and not take any missions while I "recovered". She designated her room as mine, using the couch for her own bed. Many times, she had sat for hours on end next to me as my insomnia forced me to suffer numerous sleepless nights. Many times, I found myself shaken awake from nightmares in which I wept and screamed. Many times, she listened to me pour out my agitated heart and silently endured my abuse, both physical and emotional, as I struggled to relieve my agony. Many times, I stopped only when my head spun and my muscles screamed from exhaustion. Every time, she held me closely and rocked me back to sleep.

She silently endured others' jeers about the idiocy of wearing sweaters in the hot summer sun. She silently endured Tsunade's glares as she refused to accept missions that were longer than one day. She silently endured the chuckles and sneers as she completed C and D-ranked mission after mission, often taking them back-to-back. She became paler, thinner. Dark bags hung under her eyes, yet she continued to sit up with me at night and complete scores of missions by day.

Once, when she had fallen asleep on the couch, I had quietly pulled up the sleeves of her sweater (which she had forgotten to take off before collapsing in an exhausted heap) to examine the multicolored splotches that mottled the skin on her arms.

Another night, she had insisted I eat all the food she had cooked for dinner, claiming that she would make something for herself to eat after she finished another C-ranked mission. She told me not to sleep too late and not to wait for her. When she was gone, I opened cupboard after cupboard to find that they were all empty. Even with all the C and D-ranked missions she was taking, the pay was barely enough to cover two people's expenses. She had cooked the last of the food in the house for me, spending most of the remaining money on paying the utility bills and eating only enough to barely survive. That probably wasn't the first time she had skipped a meal.

That night, I feigned sleep when she slipped in to check on me. I had to bite back a cry when she stumbled, dropped a food-filled grocery bag, and clutched the doorframe, her trembling body on the verge of giving way to exhaustion and lack of food. Catching her breath, Karasu stooped to pick up a bag of rice, a wrapped fish, bean curd, and seaweed that had spilled from the fallen grocery bag. She had undoubtedly bought the food with the pay from her just-completed assignment.

The next morning, after serving me a breakfast of rice, miso soup, and broiled mackerel, Karasu left to complete a series of missions that I knew would keep her busy until late afternoon. I secretly approached Tsunade and finished some assignments of my own. I used the money to pay for food and utilities, often slipping some into her wallet while she slept. When she received a letter warning her that the electricity and water would be cut off unless she paid the bill immediately, I hid the letter from her and paid it with money withdrawn from my own bank account. She was too exhausted to suspect anything.

I moved out of her house three months later on my birthday. As I was leaving, Karasu handed me a tubular package, waving away my thanks ("It was the least I could do.") and telling me to come back immediately if I needed anything at all. When I returned to my apartment, I carefully sliced open the package's wrapping and nearly dropped the gift as my vision blurred in a powerful wave of emotion. She'd given me what I recognized as the prize of her weapons collection, a beautiful _katana_ in an ebony sheath inlaid with turquoise plovers. She had commissioned it from a retiring master sword craftsman during a mission to the Land of Birds; it had been one of his last creations.

In the weeks after Karasu left Konoha, Sakura had spent a great deal of time with me. She'd hugged me frequently, her small, dainty hands rubbing my shoulders. She'd taken me on many outings and social events, trying to prevent me from withdrawing completely. She'd whispered many soothing, kind words and kissed me tenderly as I was overtaken by a sudden wave of powerful emotion. She had been a solace to me, a source of comfort.

But she wasn't the same.

As Sakura's hands, which were velvety and smooth from frequent manicures, rubbed against my shoulders, I couldn't help thinking of another pair that was rough and scarred from numerous battles, yet seemed soft and gentle as it held me tightly.

As I rested my chin on Sakura's head and breathed in her intoxicating aroma that was a mixture of flowery perfume and strawberry-shampoo, I couldn't help thinking of the clean, natural fragrance of birds.

As I helped Sakura rub lotion into her pale, porcelain skin, I couldn't help thinking of a massive, rainbow spider web wrapped around two thin arms.

As Sakura smiled at me, her spring-green eyes sparkling, I couldn't help thinking of an exhausted, tear-filled pair of brown orbs that shone with hunger and thirst.

As Sakura twirled and danced, her flawless body encased in a backless crimson dress, I couldn't help thinking of a bruised, battered form hidden under a thick, baggy sweater, silently suffering the blazing heat of the summer sun.

As Sakura pressed her mouth against mine, my name escaping her soft lips in a breathy moan, I couldn't help thinking of a broken voice that repeated my name in an endless mantra of comfort.

Sometimes, I took the spare key, unlocked Karasu's front door, and stood in her house for hours on end. Breathing in the bird-oil fragrance seemed to rouse endless memories; often, I had to blink hard to make everything come into focus again.

In the kitchen, I remembered throwing my head back in unrestrained laughter as Karasu struggled to cope with the amount of wasabi she'd ingested.

In the study, I remembered browsing quietly through her photo albums, listening to the sounds of running water and clinking dishes echoing from the kitchen.

In the bathroom, I remembered hearing Karasu yell that she was going to the fish market to buy some mackerel, my favorite dish.

In the bedroom, I remembered pinning Karasu down and frantically trying to yank her feverish mind back to reality.

In the living room, I remembered waking up on the couch, wrapped snugly with a feather-soft blanket, safe from the crackling storm raging outside.

My rage against her had long since cooled into a simmering annoyance. When I thought of her now, the stabbing sensation in my gut wasn't one of pure anger. Karasu wasn't the only one guilty of overreacting; I burned with shame instead of fury when I recalled the way I'd threatened her with Obito's gift, the way I'd completely rejected her in a storm of misguided, misdirected vehemence when I had discovered that she'd left.

Even if I wanted to make things right again, even if I longed to catch even just a glimpse of her face, it was impossible. I didn't even know _where_ the crows' aerie was. All I knew was that it was on a mountain; there were thousands of them in the world. The only thing that bridged the empty pit in my chest was the knowledge that the crows would protect their mistress with their life.

Yawning, I wrapped my arms around my bent legs and rested my chin on my knees.

The full moon hung in the sky, its face an emotionless, comfortless mask of cold light.

**Please review, and thanks for reading.**

**Terms:**

_**Kakigori-**_ snow cone

_**Tanzaku-**_ paper streamers on which wishes are written

_**Yozakura**_- "night sakura"; night-time part of Hanami when paper lanterns are hung in the cherry trees


	23. River

**Wow, I haven't written this much in a while. It just seemed to go on and on… sorry for the long delay. I now have four possible ways to continue with FM, and I spent a week trying to straighten it out. I still don't know; it'll all depend on how I write a certain chapter. If I like how it turns out, I'll end it there and start a sequel. If not… prepare for FM to have 50+ chapters. This may also be my last update in a long time. Sorry, but enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

"_O-tousan_! Kakashi's over there; can I go say hi?"

"Sure! Hold my hand, because I don't want you to get lost in these crowds." Firmly enclosing my hand in his, my father began to make his way towards the shock of silver hair.

"Kakashi!" He turned at my call, his eye crinkling as we elbowed our way out of the raging river of people. I bowed to him and waited for my father to copy me and Kakashi to respond before tackling him around the waist.

"You're right, Kakashi-kun; she's very cute." I froze, my eyes widening at the unfamiliar, soft voice. Loosening my grip, I slowly turned to see a brunette, slender girl peering at me with expressive brown eyes, her mouth curved in a small smile.

"_Ojisan, _Karasu, I'd like you to meet Rin. She's my teammate and the one who put in my Sharingan eye."

"I am Kuro Nesshin, Karasu's father. _Yoroshiku._" My father ducked his head, his greeting echoed softly by Rin. He turned to nudge at me, coaxing me from my position behind Kakashi. "What about you, Karasu-chan?"

"I'm K-Kuro Karasu. _Yoroshiku._" I let go of Kakashi's _yukata_, bowed hurriedly, and ducked back behind my shield.

"You'll have to excuse her. She's very shy around strangers." My father smiled at Rin, then bent to tug at my sleeve. "C'mon, Karasu. Let's go."

"_Ojisan,_ she could stay with us during the festival if she wanted. Is that okay with you, Rin?" Rin nodded, her purple tattoos shimmering in the festival's bright lights.

"Oh no, I wouldn't want her messing up and interrupting your, erm, date." At my father's words, Rin's hands flew up to cover her crimson face and both of Kakashi's eyes snapped open, the skin above his mask pink.

"N-no, no! It's not… we're not… I mean, we're not on a d-date! We're just enjoying the festival as friends, not as-!" Kakashi stammered, his hands flailing wildly in an attempt to dissuade my father.

"Oh. I see. _Sumimasen._" Grinning, my father winked at me; I gagged. "Well, if you're sure she won't be any trouble, I'll leave her with you two."

"Y-yes, sure, that'll be fine." Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at Rin, who was still bright red.

"Karasu, here's a bit of money for food and games. Be good and don't stay out too late, okay?" I nodded and accepted the coin that my father handed me.

"Bye, _ojisan_."

"Bye, _o-tousan._" Waving, my father vanished into the river of people, leaving me alone with Rin and Kakashi.

"So what do you want to do, Karasu-chan?" Rin asked. I shrugged, my eyes locked on her feet.

"We can eat some snacks before we play games. What do you say, Karasu?"

"Okay."

"Rin, what do you want?"

"_Kakigori_, please."

"Karasu, what about you?"

"Can I please have some grilled _unagi_?"

"Sure. I'll go buy the food while you two find somewhere to sit." At the sight of my expression, Kakashi laughed and ruffled my hair. "Rin doesn't bite; don't worry. Go on." He gently pushed me towards Rin, who smiled and tentatively took her hand in mine.

"Here's money for the food."

"Thanks." Taking the coin I offered him, Kakashi straightened and looked at Rin. "I'll track you by your chakra signatures when I've got the food."

"All right. Come on, Karasu-chan, let's find somewhere to sit." She tugged on my hand, and we began walking; I turned back to catch a glimpse of Kakashi vanishing into the rainbow forest of paper streamers dangling from the rooftops.

"You're a genin, right, Karasu-_niichan_?" Rin's voice, soft and bell-like, could barely be heard above the sounds of the Tanabata festival.

"Yes."

"How old are you?"

"I'm nine years old, but I'm turning ten in three weeks." Rin glanced at me, her eyes bright with surprise.

"Kakashi told me that you're taking the chuunin exams in two weeks. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Wow! You're pretty young to be taking the exams already!"

"I-I guess." Her warm smile faded at my expression.

"What's wrong?" I fixed my gaze on the ground and shrugged. We walked silently until we arrived at an abandoned shrine at the edge of the river. "Here's a good spot. Let's wait for Kakashi here." I obeyed, sitting in the grass and dangling my feet over the river. Rin carefully picked up the hem of her _yukata_ and sat next to me.

"Did I say something wrong, Karasu-chan?" I shook my head and threw a pebble into the river's dark waters, rippling the stars' reflections.

"No, it's just that… I'm nervous about the test."

"It's perfectly normal to be nervous. The chuunin exams are a major event."

"It's not that. It's… I'm younger than everyone else. I've heard that some people die during the exams. What if… if I'm not strong enough? What if _I_ die?" Letting out a soft 'ah' of comprehension, Rin reached out and wrapped her large hands around one of mine.

"It's true that people die during the exams; the tests are designed to be exceedingly dangerous. I can't guarantee that you'll survive. However, there are jounins watching every single one of you. They'll step in if things start to get really out of hand."

"Really?"

"Yes. Kakashi's one of them, so don't worry, okay? He can't help you during the exams, and it will be difficult for him to stand by and let you get hurt, but he'll do everything in his power to make sure that you stay alive." She smiled, her eyes like the luminous Milky Way glowing in the night sky.

"Oh… okay. But I'm still the youngest one taking the exam."

"Most people are twelve before they even think of taking the exam. That means you're very skilled, right?" I shook my head frantically. "Why not?"

"I'm not skilled, Rin-_neechan_."

"I heard that you're exceedingly flexible. You can do the splits both ways and a lot of your major joints, like your shoulders, elbows, knees, and hips are what medics would call 'hyper-flexible' and what normal people call 'double-jointed'. Is this true?"

"Well… yeah, I guess." I rotated my right elbow, rubbing it with my left hand.

"Then you have a big advantage. Because you're smaller, quicker, and nimbler, you'll be an absolute terror to try to catch and pin down with either _taijutsu_ or _ninjutsu._"

"I'm not the only flexible one, though. A lot of other people can do splits and stuff."

"They have to work really hard for their flexibility, and it will only become more difficult with age. You, on the other hand, just have to stretch a bit regularly and will be able to worm your way out of anything. Besides, no matter how much they stretch, their joints will never be as loose as yours are."

"But because my joints are so weak, I'm prone to dislocations and breaks. I don't possess a great deal of physical strength, either."

"With every advantage comes a disadvantage. That's why you'll have to learn how to use all your strengths to make up for your weaknesses. For example, Kakashi tells me all the time about how smart you are. He says your ability to calculate and strategize constantly amazes him."

"Really?" My cheeks heated as Rin nodded emphatically.

"You can use your analytical skills to help examine your opponent and come up with an effective strategy. Physical strength isn't everything; it has to bow to intelligence sometimes." I twisted my hands in my lap, staring at the dark, swirling waters of the river. When I glanced up, Rin was gazing at me, her expression gentle.

"Thank you, Rin-_neechan_," I said quietly. She smiled and opened her mouth to respond, but the snap of a twig made us both whirl around.

"Sorry it took so long. You wouldn't believe how many people there are. Karasu, here's your _unagi_. There's also some change left over." I tucked away the small coins into my sash before accepting the proffered skewer of grilled eel.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Rin, the _kakigori_ might have melted a bit."

"That's okay. Thank you so much, Kakashi-kun." Rin reached out and carefully transferred the icy dessert from Kakashi's hands into her own, accidentally brushing against him in the process.

"Y-you're welcome." His voice, which seemed slightly higher than usual, made me pause in the act of biting off some eel. I cocked an eyebrow, suppressing the urge to make a face at their flushed cheeks. Kakashi rubbed his neck, glanced my way, caught sight of my expression, and cleared his throat noisily.

"Y-yeah, um, when we finish eating, we can go catch some fish. You like doing that, right, Karasu?" I nodded, prevented from responding by a full mouth.

"Kakashi-kun, did you get any food for yourself?"

"No, I didn't."

"Would you like some of my _kakigori_?" Rin offered a spoonful of her dessert, which was speckled with beans and sweetened with condensed milk.

"No, it's okay; I don't really like sweet stuff."

"Do you want some _unagi_? I, um, already ate most of it… but I didn't think of offering you any until Rin did… and you helped me buy the food, too." I guiltily studied the small chunk of eel left on the skewer.

"Don't worry about it, Karasu." Kakashi knelt and ruffled my hair, his eyes creased. "You like eating eel, right?" I nodded slowly. "Go ahead and eat it. I'm fine." Returning his smile, I quickly gobbled up the last morsel of fish, making Kakashi laugh.

"You're done already? I'm sorry; I'll eat faster."

"Take your time, Rin. Don't eat icy foods too fast, or you'll get brain freeze." Turning to me, Kakashi winked before straightening up and barking "Attention!"

"_Hai_!" I scrambled off the ground, snapped my legs together, and slapped my arms against my sides, my palms rubbing against the fabric of my _yukata._

"I am assigning you a mission!"

"_Hai!_"

"You are to track and capture a fish using a paper net! In order to complete this mission, you must have an exceedingly sensitive and delicate hand, as well as a sharp mind with an effective strategy for capturing the target!" He paced around me, his eye twinkling despite his affectation of sternness. "You must complete this mission by nine o'clock tonight. Failure is not an option." He loomed quite effectively over me. "Is that under_stood_?"

"_Hai!_" I saluted, pressing the wooden skewer against my temple.

"Dis_missed_!" Kakashi barked before lunging, grabbing me around the waist, and tickling me. I squealed and writhed, my giggles mingling with Rin's soft, golden-bell laughter.

After Rin finished her _kakigori_, we threw away our garbage and walked back to the edge of the Tanabata festival, passing through a forest of bamboo trees adorned with colorful _tanzaku_.

"We'd better hold hands to make sure we don't get lost," Rin suggested as we studied the massive, milling throng of celebrators.

"G-good idea." I glanced at Kakashi, who was looking at Rin; for some reason his face was pink again. He hurriedly shook his head and extended a trembling hand to me. "I'll hold one of Karasu's hands, and you hold the other."

"Sure." Normally, Kakashi's hand was rough and firm; now, I struggled to keep my grip on Kakashi's slippery, damp hand as we fought our way upstream.

"Here's one." We stopped in front of one of the many wading pools lining the street. Multihued, live fish glided languidly through the water, their fins trailing behind them like ribbons.

"Would _oniichan_ like to try?" An elderly man leaned forward in his seat behind the pool, his face wrinkled in a kind smile. I instinctively stepped back, my eyes widening.

"Yes, she would." Squeezing my hand, Kakashi gently nudged me forward. "Give _ojiisan _some money for a paper net, Karasu." I pulled out the coins from my sash and carefully offered them to the man with both hands, bowing as I did so. The elderly man accepted the money with a similar motion, then handed me a small bucket and a paper net.

"Good luck." I shyly returned his smile, then squatted in front of the wading pool, eyeing the fish and my net carefully. The paper net was shaped like a magnifying glass, with a thin layer of rice paper took the place of the lens. If I managed to scoop a fish into the bucket without destroying the fragile sheet of paper, I would be able to take the fish home as a pet. If I didn't, I either gave up or bought another net.

I knew from experience that the trick was to be slow, gentle and patient. It was better to wait for a fish to swim into a corner than to chase the fish around with the net, breaking the paper in the process.

"Very careful, isn't she?" The old man chuckled, but I ignored him, spotting a deep indigo fish that had floated against the side of the pool. I dipped the bucket into the pool until there was a good two inches of water at the bottom, careful not to disturb the fish. Suspending the lip of the bucket above the water's surface (to submerge the bucket and chase the fish into it was cheating), I lowered my net into the water, careful to keep it perpendicular to the ground. I trapped the fish against the side of the pool and cautiously tilted the water-soaked net until the fish was resting on the edge between paper and frame. Brows furrowed, I slowly began to lift the fish out of the water.

As its gills came in contact with air, the fish panicked. It thrashed, breaking through the waterlogged rice paper with ease and slipping through the jagged edges into the safety of deeper water.

"Aw, good try!" Kakashi exclaimed. Shrugging, I emptied out the bucket and studied the broken net mournfully.

"_Oniichan_ did very well. Would you like to try again?"

"No, thank you. I don't have any more money." I returned the bucket and net with a shy smile, then turned and ran back behind Kakashi.

"Would _oneechan _or _oniisan_ like to try?" Kakashi and I glanced at Rin, who had been gazing at the fish longingly. When she caught sight of us looking at her, she blushed and nodded.

"Good luck, Rin-_neechan_," I said softly, my fingers digging into the back of Kakashi's _yukata_. Rin quickly hid her surprise with her gentle smile, then knelt before the wading pool. Her smile vanished, however, when she broke her net almost right away.

"Here, let me help." Purchasing a net, Kakashi knelt behind Rin so that her back pressed against his chest. Both of their faces flamed bright red as Kakashi gave Rin the net and wrapped his fingers on top of her grip.

"Relax, Rin," he breathed in her ear. I couldn't tell whose hand was causing the net to tremble so violently. Swallowing, Rin locked her eyes on the pool, her forehead wrinkled in concentration as Kakashi murmured instructions.

"Always keep the net perpendicular to the water's surface." Rin nodded and slowly lowered the net into the water, trapping a bright crimson fish.

"Bring the bucket close, tilt the net, and…" with a flick of Kakashi's wrist, the fish landed in the bucket with a small _splash._

***

I staggered as a large wave crashed heavily against my calf. Taking a deep breath, I fought to keep my balance on the roiling, heaving ocean as the blackness surrounding me spun violently. The headband tied over my eyes seemed to loosen and slip; I reached up to tighten the knot.

"She's cheating! She's cheating!" Tsume screeched from somewhere to my left.

"_Otankonasu!_ Don't give away your position!" Hane's rebuke, sounding faintly behind me, told me that Tsume's sister was soaring in the clouds high above.

Most people don't realize what an important role vision plays in keeping their balance until they're told to close their eyes and stand on one foot. What's normally an easy task suddenly becomes horribly difficult as waves of dizziness make people teeter and windmill in a frantic, albeit fruitless effort to stay upright. It turns out that the brain uses what a human sees in order to determine what angle is exactly vertical. If I could maneuver effectively without relying on vision, the theory was that I would have an excellent sense of balance… which was why I was currently blindfolded and standing in the middle of the ocean, engaged in a grueling exercise in chakra tracking, balance, chakra manipulation, and defensive maneuvers.

Tsume seemed to have learned his lesson and was now completely silent. It was too late, however; their earlier cries had enabled me to pinpoint exactly where their chakra signatures were. Settling into a defensive stance, I brought one hand up in front of my chest, palm up, and extended the other away from my body. I cocked my head, focusing carefully on the faint pulsing of their chakra.

Hane's signature suddenly began losing altitude at a high speed; I flattened myself against the ocean's churning surface and spun to the right to avoid Tsume's swipe. Both of the crows were now circling back towards me, one on the left and the other on the right. Carefully aiming dead center between the two signatures, I pressed my hands together in a series of seals.

"_Kamisori kaze no jutsu!_" I cried, slamming my palms together. A razor-sharp blade of wind sliced through the water, sending what I hoped would be two massive sprays of water in the crows' direction. As Tsume and Hane rose steeply, I performed another set of seals, took a deep breath, and blew as hard as I could. A massive fireball erupted from my mouth into the water and disappeared with crackling sizzles and a thick cloud of fog (at least, I hoped so).

Hane swooped past me, brushing my temple with her feathers as I jerked to the side. I hadn't sensed Tsume flying past in that direction with claws extended, however; I involuntarily winced as I felt his talons rake my cheek.

"_Tsume! _You… you…_bakatare_!" Hane shrieked, circling back to her brother, who was frantically screeching apologies.

"Hane, back off! It's part of the exercise! I wasn't careful enough. It's my fault!"

"Um, maybe we should call off the exercise. It's getting really late, and someone else might, um, get hurt," Tsume suggested nervously.

"Good idea," I agreed, pulling the headband off. There was almost no difference between being blindfolded and being able to see; if it wasn't for the silvery Milky Way in the sky that shone faintly through the thin layer of clouds, I would have been surrounded by a complete, pressing blackness. As the three of us carefully made our way back to the aerie, Hane continued to berate her brother, her screeches drowning out the gentle swishing of the waves. When my sandals finally crunched against pebbles, I breathed out a sigh of relief and began to strip off my waterlogged vest.

"How was the exercise?" A massive shadow croaked from nearby.

"It went very well. I need to continue developing my balance and chakra tracking. The new _jutsu_ was quite successful, as well." Kneeling at the lapping waves' edge, I scooped up some water and splashed it against my wounded cheek, grimacing as the salt stung.

"Yeah, it was really cool! She aimed it at the water, and it all went _whoosh_! There were these awesome ten-foot high waves!" Tsume's cheerful chattering was interrupted by his sister's shriek.

"_O-kaasan, _Tsume-_baka_ was careless and scratched Mistress!"

"It was an accident, Mom, I swear!" Tsume cringed as the shadow loomed over him and fixed him in its piercing gaze.

"An'ya, it was my fault, not Tsume's." Wiping my cheek dry with my sleeve, I sat heavily on the wet gravel. "I actually have a favor to ask of you."

"I will do whatever is within my power." I took a deep breath, hesitating before letting all my words out in a sudden exhalation.

"Could you possibly fly me to Konoha by dawn?"

"_What_?! Why?"

"Hane, quiet down. Your siblings are asleep." An'ya rebuked her daughter before turning to me. "I am ready to leave when you are, Mistress, but may I ask why the sudden decision?"

"It's just that it'll be Tanabata in two days. I've already been gone from Konoha for almost eight months, and I need to make… arrangements. Tsunade-sama will be expecting some sort of report soon; at the very least, I have to repay Atsui-san for maintaining my property this entire time." I fingered the headband's smooth fabric, tracing the leaf ensign engraved on the metal plate.

"But what about Kaka-" Tsume clamped his beak shut at the glare Hane threw at him. But it was too late; I clenched shut my fist and my eyes.

"How long do you wish to stay in Konoha?" An'ya asked quietly after a long pause.

"I plan to stay about a week; that should be enough time to make all necessary arrangements. A few days after the Bon festival, I'll have to ask you to pick me up again." I was unable to stop neither my voice nor my fingers from trembling.

"Um… won't Kakashi try to stop you?"

"Tsume, shut up!"

"Hane, it's okay." Turning to Tsume, I forced a crooked smile. "I don't plan to allow him, let alone anyone else, to know that I'm in Konoha. Only you guys, Tsunade-sama, and Atsui-san will know. That's all."

"So it'll be like a secret mission?"

"Yeah… you could say that."

"I would be glad to leave as soon as your belongings are in order, Mistress," An'ya rasped.

"I'm already packed." I stood up, brushing small pebbles from the damp fabric of my pants. "I'll go get my stuff now."

"That will not be necessary. Tsume, Hane, go get Mistress' belongings. _Go_." Glancing at each other, the two siblings flapped away, circling the stony cliffs. When they darted into the cave where their siblings were asleep, An'ya turned to me, her dark eyes glistening in concern.

"Pardon me, Mistress, but I am… apprehensive."

"I can keep everyone from recognizing me for one week, An'ya, don't worry."

"It is not that." Shifting uneasily, An'ya inclined her head until her beak was next to my ear. "I am concerned about you and Kakashi." I stiffened, my breath hitching as I felt a familiar stabbing sensation in my chest.

"He won't know I'm there. I'll keep away from him."

"That is what I am uneasy about. This is not healthy. I am aware of your severe quarrel, but should you not try to make things right again with him? I am sure that eight months is enough time to settle down and figure things out."

"That's not the point. He doesn't need to know I'm there."

"I disagree. He needs _you._ You need _him._ You have spent most of your life with him, and you are exceedingly close with each other, correct? Your lives are tightly entwined like… like two pieces of thread in Orihime's great tapestry. Without each other, you are weak, easily broken, and lost, but when you are together, there is a beautiful picture. You need each other." She paused, her bright eyes glancing at me, but I didn't respond. "I know you dislike hearing this, but… you cannot continue like this. You cannot run away forever. Sooner or later, you will confront him. You _have_ to confront him." Her voice softened. "When you are here, in the aerie, your eyes are dead, empty, devoid of feeling. When you were with him, they were warm and alive. I have observed that you have never truly smiled ever since you came here. I do not understand why you are so against meeting him again."

"No." My voice cracked, and I swallowed. "No, you don't understand." An'ya fell silent, and we both stared at the waves until I heard the heavy flapping of wings.

"Here you go, Mistress." Hane dropped my pack at my feet while Tsume draped my ANBU winter cloak over my shoulders before fluttering to the ground.

"Thank you, Tsume, Hane." Inclining my head, I adjusted the pack's straps until the weight was centered, tightened the cloak's clasp, and pulled the hood over my face. The crows watched me quietly, their feathers ruffled by the wind.

"You'll come back soon, right?" Tsume asked, his small voice quavering.

"I'll be back next week. Don't worry." Smiling faintly, I bent and stroked their glossy black heads with a finger. "Tell your siblings I said good-bye."

"Okay." I straightened, focused my chakra into my feet, and jumped lightly onto An'ya's feathered back. She waited patiently as I carefully settled into the thick ruff of feathers around her neck.

"Are you ready for departure?"

"Yes, thank you." Holding my headband with one hand, I gripped the fold of skin where An'ya's wing met her body with the other.

"Bye, Mistress! Hane will be really annoying and keep nagging me when you're not here, but you can set her straight when you come back!"

"_Ittemairimasu!_" I called, unable to stifle my small smile.

"_Itterasshai!_" As An'ya raised her wings in a powerful upstroke, the muscles on her back rippled in a wave of black and silver. I hung on tight, savoring the way my stomach lurched as An'ya brought her wings down; with only one beat of An'ya's wings, we were already a good hundred feet off the ground. Flapping again, An'ya banked to her right, allowing me one last glimpse of the aerie that was quickly receding into the darkness of the great, glassy, heaving ocean. I was unable to restrain a small cry of joy as we began to gain altitude and speed.

"Hang on tight." An'ya's smile made her voice mellow. She suddenly plunged, spiraling in tight circles that took my breath away and pulling up right before we hit the water, her talons skimming the ocean's roiling surface.

The wind blowing my hood from my face, the ocean mist spraying against my face, the sensation of traveling at high speed, and the heady feeling of just _flying_… I let go of An'ya's shoulder and leaned backwards, gripping her neck with my knees and closing my eyes as I savored my freedom from gravity.

"I will begin ascension now." Leaning forward, I gripped An'ya's feathers tightly as she rose at a nearly vertical angle, leaving my worries, cares, and stomach thousands of feet below. I felt the air become colder as An'ya beat her wings faster, propelling us until we burst through the clouds. When I opened my eyes, all I could see for miles was a great sea of roiling vapors. Above me, so clear and crisp that it seemed like I could touch them, were thousands of twinkling stars in the swirling Milky Way.

"Mistress, it will take me at least three hours to reach Konoha. You may wish to rest during that time."

"I can't sleep, An'ya. Who could sleep when they're _flying_?" I settled onto my stomach, resting my cheek against the black, warm pillow and contentedly observing the world through half-shut eyes.

"You don't know how lucky you are, An'ya. If I could, I would fly all day. I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't do anything all day long except swoop and soar," I murmured quietly, stroking her feathers.

"I believe you would have to sleep at some time, Mistress, or else you would plummet to the ground in exhaustion," An'ya chuckled.

"I don't care. Flying is just… it's freedom. It's life. It's escape." Turning onto my back, I watched the luminous river of stars flow by as An'ya beat her way through the silky, cold air.

Then it hit me.

My story was eerily similar to the tale of Tanabata: the tragic love story of Orihime, the weaving princess, and Hikoboshi.

Tentei, the king of the sky, dearly loved his beautiful daughter, Orihime. Skilled with the loom, she wove exceedingly beautiful cloth by the banks of the _Amanogawa, _or the Milky Way River. Orihime returned her father's deep devotion, and worked hard every day to produce yards of the cloth which Tentei loved. However, Orihime toiled so much on the cloth that she became sad and lonely. Concerned, Tentei arranged for his daughter to meet Hikoboshi, who lived and worked on the other side of the river of stars.

When the two met, they instantly fell in love; at first, the king of the sky was pleased with the match, but he became angry when Orihime neglected her work and Hikoboshi let his cows stray over Heaven. As punishment, Tentei separated the two lovers across the Milky Way River and forbade them to meet. Orihime, despondent at the loss of her husband, begged her father to let her see Hikoboshi again. Moved by his daughter's tears, Tentei agreed that they could meet the 7th day of the 7th month of every year if Orihime worked hard and finished her weaving.

However, the first time the two lovers tried to meet, they found that they couldn't cross the river because there was no bridge. Orihime wept so hard that a flock of magpies came and promised to make a bridge with their wings so she could cross the _Amanogawa_. If it rains, however, Orihime and Hikoboshi cannot meet and must wait another year to try and meet again.

When I was little, I scoffed and made gagging noises at the love story, earning me sharp reprimands from Shinju, who had instantly fallen in love with the tale of the literally star-crossed lovers. Then, when I turned seventeen and my friendship with Kakashi likewise developed, I began to listen quietly. With each passing year, I found it easier and easier to relate with the tragic tale.

Like Orihime, I had been separated from the person I cared for the most by my love for him. I found myself stranded across a river that ran deeper and wider, flowed faster, and raged more powerfully with each day. No matter how hard I threw myself into training, I spent my days pining for Kakashi, hoping that we would be together someday.

But unlike the lovers' annual reunion, that "someday" didn't exist. No matter how hard I cried, I didn't have a flock of magpies to make a bridge to my most precious person. I didn't even _have_ a Hikoboshi; the person I loved didn't return my feelings, and every day he got further and further away. I was an unattractive introvert, not a beautiful Orihime.

I envied the two lovers. At least they had hope; at least they knew that one day, they would be together again, even if it was only for a little while. At least Orihime knew that somewhere out there, Hikoboshi cared for her in the same way she loved him. At least that thought could help them endure the searing, draining days of toil and the long, cold nights of separation.

I didn't have any of that. I had nothing to help anchor me from being swept away by the raging river of loneliness and grief. I had to endure the sight of his figure receding into the distance, and I couldn't cross the river to reach him. The only reason I hadn't collapsed from ten years of anguish and heartache was the knowledge that he hadn't found his special someone yet. He needed someone to keep an eye on him, to take care of him, to comfort him until he found his Orihime. It was the only reason I had held on for so long. It was the only reason I had woken up, day after day, and kept living. It was the only reason I held him tightly despite the pain.

Now, Kakashi had found Sakura. All I wanted was one last glimpse to make sure that she was his beautiful princess, his perfect match. I wanted one last glimpse to make sure his joy was complete, that they were truly and deeply in love. If so…there was no hope in sight, no reason for me to go on. I would do whatever it took to sever my ties with him, to make sure that not one thread connected him with me. I would have enough peace to smile through my tears as I let him go.

But I would cross that river when I came to it.

_**Important notice**_**: The next chapter will be an alternate ending. There will be major differences in the setting and such, but I'll make an author's note about that at the beginning of the next chapter. **

**Thanks for reading, please review!**

**Terms:**

_**Yoroshiku**_**- said when you first meet someone; "please treat me favorably".**

_**Unagi- **_**eel**

_**Niichan/ oniichan- **_**little girl, younger sister**

_**Neechan/ oneechan- **_**older girl, older sister**

_**Ojiisan- **_**grandfather**

_**Bakatare- **_**idiot**

**_Kamisori Kaze- _"razor wind"  
**


	24. Alternative Ending: Rest

**Feathered Mask has been in the running for one year! I thank everyone for all their support, and I can only hope that my writing style and the story will continue to entertain and develop.  
Please keep in mind that this is the Alternative Ending. I have inserted clues throughout the passage in regards to the setting; if you are confused about any part at all, please feel free to contact me.  
The next chapter will continue from "River."**

**Disclaimer: This chapter is full of much more angst than any chapter of Naruto will ever be.  
**

I ran a trembling hand through my short, auburn locks, my icy-blue eyes furtively scanning the crowd of softly murmuring _shinobi_. With every person I recognized, I felt a stab of longing in my stomach. Asuma and Kurenai were holding hands in another corner, Gai was sobbing not-so-quietly into a lurid, orange handkerchief, and Anko was radiating a deadly beauty as she showed off her flawless body in a shimmering, deep violet dress with a neckline that plunged to the waist. Even Tsuru was sitting in the crowd, wiping his glasses on the hem of his indigo robe. For the past forty-five minutes, not a single person had given me a second glance, let alone looked my way. I was extremely relieved; their lack of recognition meant that my _Henge no Jutsu_ was effective and complete.

Someone stumbled against my chair, knocking heavily against my shoulder. Instinctively reaching out to steady the person, I froze as I found myself gripping the upper arm of Konoha's only _senbon_-chewing pervert.

"_Sumimasen,_" Genma apologized, straightening and turning to face me. His eyebrows immediately shot up as his gaze slowly trailed up and down my figure. I cringed, my disgust and horror completely overpowered by a deep, paralyzing fear. If he recognized me, if he sensed the tiniest bit of Kuro Karasu glimmering through the face of Fubuki Hana… everything was lost.

"Nice _furisode_." Nodding mutely, I fingered the edge of one ankle-length sleeve. Kakashi, the only living person besides me who had seen my mother wear her _furisode_, had probably only seen the robe once or twice, but I hadn't wanted to take any chances. Thanks to a minor transformation technique, the scarlet kimono was now stamped with a pattern of flowers and circles.

"I'm Shiranui Genma. _Yoroshiku._" Genma bowed, and I quickly stood up to return the gesture.

"I am Fubuki Hana. _Yoroshiku._" It was hardly necessary to make any effort to disguise my voice; fear mangled it into a strangled croak. It was risky, attempting to masquerade as the nurse. There had been a chance that Hana hadn't been invited to today's ceremony, but I had decided that it was easier than attempting to act as a completely new person and explain myself to somebody who was sharp-eyed, friendly, and inquisitive. Hana had _some_ ties to Sakura; after all, they both worked in the hospital. All I had to do was keep an eye out for the real Hana in case she was here, and I hadn't spotted her face yet.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing by herself in the corner?" Genma leaned against the wall, fingering the pink carnation threaded jauntily through his tuxedo's buttonhole. Dropping my gaze, I stayed silent and bit my lip to restrain a bark of hoarse, derisive laughter in spite of myself. _Me, pretty? What a joke._

"Have I seen you before? You look familiar."

"That is quite likely. I work at the hospital as a nurse." The lecherous grin widened at the last word, and I grimaced.

"A nurse, huh? So Sakura invited you?"

"Yes. I assume that you are acquainted with her, and that she invited you?"

"Nah, I'm friends with Cyclopes. Kakashi," Genma clarified at the expression of confusion I quickly feigned to mask the searing, painful yearning that ripped through my body.

"Are you close with him?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I _am_ the best man, after all. I kind of wish I wasn't, though; these tuxedos are so uncomfortable." Dropping the finger he had been tugging at his collar with, Genma jerked his head in the direction of the reason why I was hiding in the farthest corner. "I shouldn't complain, though. Despite his cool personality, _he_ must be a wreck right now." Unwillingly, yet unable to stop myself from doing so, I slowly turned my gaze to the front of the room and nearly cried out in pain.

Kakashi fidgeted, his silver hair falling in messy spikes over his face. At his sides, his fists alternatively loosened and clenched, the fingers twisted in a complex pattern. The scar rippled over the left side of his face as his right eye, glistening with anxiety, scanned the room. Even from across the sea of guests, I could see beads of sweat trickling down his temple to be absorbed by the fabric of his mask. Draped in a black tuxedo, his tall frame cut an impressive and dashing figure. I swallowed the hot feeling that bubbled through my torn chest, my fingers gripping the edges of my chair so tightly that they turned white.

It hurt so _badly._ I wanted to run, to throw my arms around him, to bury my face in the crook of his neck and breathe in the familiar, comforting scent of pine, dog, and Konoha tobacco. I wanted nothing more than to beg him for forgiveness, feel him ruffle my hair, and see that eye-crinkle that meant everything was forgiven, that everything was okay, that I was finally safe and at home.

But even I knew better than to hope for such a miracle. His angry snarls still echoed in my ears, and in my dreams I could still see the scarlet, swirling vortex that paralyzed me with horrible, nauseating terror. He'd made it crystal-clear that he didn't want to see me again, that I was no longer his friend, and that his feelings toward me were nothing but anger and hate. I shuddered to imagine the magnitude of his anger after festering and boiling for two years. He probably wanted to kill me on sight, to-

Without warning, Kakashi's eye locked onto mine. For a split second, I was caught in his piercing gaze, paralyzed by terror… and shock. His dark, stormy eye, thinly veiled with nervousness, roiled with anger, disappointment, despair, and deep, impenetrable grief.

With difficulty, I tore my gaze away. It was then that I became aware of my ragged breaths and my heart that pounded thunderously, painfully hard. I let out a strangled gasp, squeezing my eyes shut as I clutched at my chest.

"Hey, are you okay?" Genma asked worriedly, kneeling next to me. I nodded weakly, unable to do anything else as I struggled to keep myself from succumbing to the pain. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you." As my gasps and pulse slowed and evened out, I risked a quick glance at Kakashi. His eye had moved on, resuming its erratic sweeping of the crowd. "H-he doesn't look very happy."

"Who? Oh, Cyclopes. Neither would I, if I was in his position." Still looking unconvinced, Genma rocked back onto his heels. "I mean, Sakura's a mini-Tsunade. She's feisty and has a great body, but she has quite the temper and can split open earth with her bare fists. Quite the opposite of Cyclopes." Genma opened his mouth to speak again, but closed it quickly, glancing furtively around before leaning closer. "If I tell you something, will you keep it to yourself? You can't tell anybody."

"I promise."

"Okay." Looking around again, Genma whispered, the tip of his _senbon_ brushing against the shell of my ear. "Frankly, I don't think she's that great of a match for him. I mean, seriously! She obviously doesn't share his logic! Who makes everyone wear tight, itchy Westernized clothing instead of comfortable, traditional _kimono_?" Chuckling bitterly, Genma grimaced. "Seriously, though, some of the other jounin also believe they're not a good match. Kakashi, for example, hates big, public affairs. He wanted a quiet, simple ceremony with only a few, close friends as guests. Sakura, however, really wanted a big, fancy affair, the whole shebang. Cyclopes must really be heads over heels for her, because he actually agreed. She even wanted him to remove his mask today, but he put his foot down, and she was smart enough not to argue. The guy's already really unhappy. She should know better than to push it."

"He's unhappy?"

"More like depressed and disappointed right now. He was really hoping that, um, this friend of his would be here today, but I don't think that's happening. He's already delayed the ceremony for half an hour, hoping that his friend would show up, but we can't stall for much longer. I feel really bad for him." Looking uncomfortable, Genma leaned in again. "Please don't tell anyone. He wouldn't like me telling a relative stranger about this kind of thing."

"I won't."

"Thanks." His frown relaxing, Genma chewed his metal needle thoughtfully. "Say, what about-"

The noise level swung up abruptly, and then died away. Looking up, I saw that the Godaime, dressed in ceremonial robes and wearing a wedding cross, was now standing next to Kakashi. She murmured something to him, her expression gentle. Casting a last, desperate glance around the room, Kakashi reluctantly nodded, his head barely moving. She patted him on the shoulder and turned; her sad smile morphed into an angry frown.

"Oops, I better get up there. It was nice talking to you." As Genma straightened, I grabbed his wrist. He froze and waited patiently as I gulped and tried unsuccessfully to speak.

"Shiranui-san, _domouarigatougozaimasu_. Thank you so much for everything." It came out as a thin whisper. Bowing as deeply as I could while seated in a chair, I blinked hard to clear my vision.

"H-hey, no problem. Really, it's nothing. I'll see you later, okay?" His grin slowly widening, Genma squeezed my hand before sauntering up to the front of the room and positioning himself behind Kakashi. The Copy Ninja muttered something to the brown-haired man, who laughed before freezing and clamping his mouth shut at the stony glare Tsunade threw him. Turning to the expectant crowd, the Godaime raised her arms in greeting.

"It is my honor to welcome and thank you for coming to this ceremony. Today, we come to celebrate the union of two powerful shinobi who have served Konoha with unerring loyalty: Haruno Sakura and Hatake Kakashi. Both have always gone above and beyond the call of duty, protecting the village, its people, and its allies." Tsunade paused, her voice filled with pride. "Would we all stand for the entrance of the bride?" The crowd rose as one mass, a multi-hued ocean of _kimono_, dresses, and suits. A sense of anticipation filled the air, stifling whispers into silence.

With a flourish of music, the double doors at the end of the hall burst open. A collective sigh rose from the crowd as Sakura, holding her father's arm, stepped through the doorway. Her dress, a pure, glowing white, surrounded Sakura with an ethereal glow, its many layers swaying gently with every step. An elaborate pattern of lace trailed up to the bodice, which was embroidered with depictions of elegantly twining branches and flowers. A cloud-like veil could dim neither Sakura's blissful smile nor her glowing eyes. As Sakura and her father walked down the aisle, trailed by other women who held the dress' long train, the colorful ocean swayed as row after row of guests lowered their heads in respect.

When the procession reached the front of the room, the crowd sat down with a clatter of chairs. Sakura's father returned Kakashi's bow, his dark brown hair swaying. Smiling sadly, he kissed Sakura's smooth, perfect cheek before reluctantly letting go and returning to his seat, wiping his eyes. The bridesmaids arranged themselves along the wall behind Sakura as the last notes faded away.

"Dearly beloved, the vows taken here today…" Everything seemed to be muffled; to me, Tsunade's ringing voice was hardly louder than a dull murmur. I could only focus on Kakashi as he gazed lovingly at his bride, on his eye that was creased in joy. Swallowing, I lowered my head, my curtain of brown locks hiding a tearful smile. I did not need to worry. Sakura was beautiful, a vision of perfection. Kakashi would be happy with the elegant, vibrant cherry blossom, much happier than he would be with an ugly, black crow. I did not need to worry.

"Haruno Sakura, will you have this man to be your husband to live together in the holy estate of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, faithfully keep to him alone, as long as you both shall live?"

"Hai, _chikaimasu_."

"Hatake Kakashi, will you have this woman to be your wife to live together in the holy estate of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, faithfully keep to her alone, so long as you both shall live?"

"Hai, _chikaimasu_." Biting back a cry as my heart was torn in half, I screwed my eyes shut to keep back the flood of tears threatening to overflow. I knew what was coming next. I had been dreading it, unsure whether I would be able to control myself, to keep my silence and let Kakashi go.

"If anyone has any objection to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." Tsunade paused, her voice and glare hardening as if to dare anyone to speak up. I clamped my teeth on my tongue, pressing down harder and harder until a coppery tang filled my mouth. Digging my fingers into my chair until they screamed with pain, I focused on my thundering pulse that couldn't drown out the thickening silence. I focused on breathing, on the air shallowly moving in and out of my lungs as the seconds ticked by in agonizing slowness.

_Please, Tsunade-sama, hurry, before I succumb to my selfish love. Please, before I ruin Kakashi's happiness for the sake of my own. I beg you from the bottom of my heart… please!_

"Hatake Kakashi, please present the ring to Haruno Sakura." After an excruciating, painful eternity, Tsunade continued the ceremony, her voice arriving as a welcome relief from my torture.

"Haruno Sakura, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day." Kakashi slipped a sparkling, golden band onto one perfectly manicured finger, his large, rough hands handling her small, dainty ones with the utmost care.

"Haruno Sakura, please present the ring to Hatake Kakashi."

"Hatake Kakashi, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day." The ring seemed to twinkle as brightly as Sakura's luminous smile.

"Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss her, Hatake." Her mouth twisted in a wry grin, Tsunade wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Delicately, Kakashi pulled Sakura's veil aside, cupped her face in his hands, and slowly, gently pressed his mouth to hers. A storm of thunderous applause drowned out the strangled sob that pushed its way past my clamped lips; it could have easily been interpreted as one of the cries of joy that rang throughout the room.

"Keep it at home!" Genma jeered as Sakura threw her arms around Kakashi, twisting her fingers into the soft hair at the back of his neck. He responded by wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer; cat-calls, whistles, and laughter rippled throughout the crowd. When they finally broke apart, Sakura's face was flushed with both embarrassment and passion.

"I present to you Hatake Kakashi and Hatake Sakura." The ocean heaved and jumped to its feet as a string of chords echoed triumphantly throughout the room. Clutching her husband's arm, Sakura beamed as she swept down the aisle, accompanied by loud cheers and applause. They vanished through the double doors, followed by bridesmaids in matching dresses.

"The reception will be held in this building. Help with setting up the chairs, tables, and decorations would be much appreciated. Otherwise, please enjoy the lovely autumn foliage outside until we are ready to hold the reception. Thank you once again!" After Tsunade finished speaking, the crowd dispersed; some people streamed out the door, while others began folding chairs and putting them away. I cast a quick glance left and right before pressing my hands together in a series of seals. The cavernous hall vanished with a slight puff of smoke to be replaced with my own front door. Slipping a small golden key out of the silvery folds of my _obi_, I unlocked the door with a trembling hand and stumbled into the _genkan_. The door had barely clicked shut before I collapsed against it, my back molded to its cool surface as I slid slowly to the floor.

Throughout the reception, the bride and groom would make multiple, dramatic entrances, each time dressed in clothes grander than the ones they had worn last. Sakura's wardrobe, for example, would gradually morph from her Westernized wedding dress into a luxurious, vivid _kimono_. The reception would be filled with feasting, dancing, drinking, and joy, and people close to the married couple would give speeches. I could only imagine how Genma's would go, for I knew better than to test my endurance, already worn thin from restraining myself throughout the wedding.

I couldn't congratulate myself, though. Now was not the time to rest. I still had many matters to settle, many more ties to sever. Standing up slowly, I limped to my bedroom and carefully, painstakingly took off my _furisode_, slipping its rich, silken folds off my shoulders for the first and last time. After pulling on a thick, black sweater, my jounin vest, my ANBU cloak, and standard-issue pants, I folded the garment and wrapped it in brown paper, tucking a letter between the scarlet creases before tying it up with string. I stood, tucked the package under my arm, and, casting a final glance around the room, slid the door shut with a faint _click_.

I suppressed the urge to trail my fingers along the spines of my numerous books, to rub the smooth wood of my calligraphy brush with my fingertips, to rest my cheek against the rough concrete walls of the bathroom, to brush my fingers on spongy _tatami_ and cool mahogany wood. I fought the urge to lie in the yard, breathe in the scent of sweet, fresh grass, and trail my hand through the _koi_ pond's ice crystal depths. With every second that slowly ticked by, I felt my determination quiver and fade away. I knew that if I buried my face in the downy depths of the couch, I would never be able to get up again. I had to go _now_, while everyone was still distracted by the reception, while I still could.

Carefully setting the wrapped _furisode_ on the _getabako_, I picked up a small plastic container and tucked into one of the pockets on the vest that was normally reserved for scrolls. I slipped out the door and, locking it behind me, began leaping from rooftop to rooftop. I slowed as I approached the main gate, pulling the ANBU cloak's hood low over my disguised face.

The setting sun cast long, dark shadows over the buildings and forest surrounding the gate. It was easy for me to dart into the forest when the inattentive guards began conversing loudly about how they would rather have been at Sakura and Kakashi's reception than staring at unmoving trees and buildings. It wasn't until I was at my parents' home, which was on the very border of the Land of Fire, that I dared to allow my chakra to flare to full strength. During the wedding, I had muffled my signature, allowing only enough chakra to flow in order to maintain the transformation technique. Its faint flicker would have been invisible in the raging storm of the guests'.

It was nearly as cold inside the house as it was outside. Shivering, I stepped quietly through the silent darkness, pausing only to cast a quick glance at my mother's portrait. I grabbed a small cloth from the kitchen and, limping into the backyard, dipped it into the icy river. Wringing out the cloth, I began wiping the three small markers, gently rubbing the cloth into the carved kanji that spelled my parents' and sister's names.

_O-kaasan, o-tousan, Shinju… I know I just cleaned your markers four months ago during the Bon festival. It's just that I won't be seeing you for a while. This is the last time I will be able to do something for you. Let me use this memory as a comfort in the empty, lonely darkness._

When I finished cleaning the markers, I tucked the cloth into my pocket. Biting my lip, I slowly pressed my hands together in the series of seals that I had depended on for so many years. My trembling fingers nearly slipped as I recited the series in my head: _boar, dog, rooster, monkey, tiger._

With a large explosion of smoke that was quickly dispersed by the icy wind, An'ya appeared, a dark shadow against the moonless sky.

"Are you ready to go back home, Mistress?" She croaked, lowering her head.

"Yes, but I need to ask Tsume and Hane something. Could you please…?" Before I could finish the sentence, An'ya summoned her two children with a flick of one wing. Dipping my head in silent thanks, I knelt before the two smaller birds and held out my arm.

"Greetings, Mistress. Did you need something?" The siblings hopped onto my wrist, cocking their heads expectantly.

"Yes, thank you, Hane. I actually have a favor to ask of you two. Could you please fly back to Konoha and tell Atsui-san that I left a package for her on the _getabako_? I forgot to tell her before I came here."

"Sure thing!"

"Thank you very much, and I'm sorry for the trouble I'm causing you."

"It's nothing at all, Mistress! You're going back with Mom, right? We'll see you later, right?" Tsume's exuberant hops and Hane's glares brought a faint smile to my lips. It was almost enough to make me weaken, to succumb to the temptation of giving up. Almost, but not quite.

"Yes."

"_O-kaasan_, we'll return home when we finish delivering the message." Hane was already in the air, waiting for her brother to follow. As Tsume lifted his wings, I suddenly rubbed his sleek, glossy head, my fingers stroking the contours of his neck.

"Behave, okay? Be nice to your sister. Can you promise me that?"

"Sure! I'll see you later then, Mistress! _Ittemairimasu!_"

"_Itterasshai, _Hane and Tsume." I called softly, giving the customary wish of safe traveling. Their disappearing forms and the night sky became one dark blur, and I lowered my head, blinking as the shards of my heart clenched weakly.

"An'ya, I have one more favor to ask of you before I go home."

"I will do anything within my power."

"Do you… still have the contract I signed with you?"

"Of course. Do you wish to inspect it?" At my slight nod, An'ya threw her head back and made a noise that sounded like she was choking on stones. When she lowered her head, a thin scroll was clamped in her beak. She deposited it gently on the grass in front of me, nudging it closer to my trembling hands.

I unrolled the document, my finger quivering as I traced the faded characters of my name that had been written in blood. Not a single detail of the past fifteen years was blurred by time. I remembered how my stomach had fluttered nervously as I completed the last stroke of my name. I remembered seeing Tsume, Hane, and many of their siblings hatch, my eyes wide in wonder as their beaks poked through the egg shells. I remembered my first exhilarating rush as An'ya soared through the sky. I remembered my rush of relief and gratitude as An'ya screeched fiercely, her massive wings hunched protectively over my battered form. I remembered Tsume and Hane's fierce shrieks as they dive-bombed Kakashi, bravely trying to protect me from what they perceived as a dangerous threat. I remembered laughing at Tsume's antics and Hane's reprimands, their behavior making my searing, draining days and cold, lonely nights more bearable. I owed so much to the beautiful birds, more than I could ever express.

I had been the first and only person to sign a contract with An'ya and her family; my name was the only one written on the scroll. Several more feet of parchment was blank, ready for other names, for other masters.

"An'ya…" I swallowed, trying to make my voice less raspy. She waited patiently, her head cocked attentively.

"Thank you… so much for everything you've done for me these fifteen years. I owe my happiness, my health, my _life_ to you. I cannot express how grateful I am for your care and comfort. _Domouarigatougozaimasu_." I pressed my forehead against the grass, struggling to show just how much An'ya had touched my life, how much I loved her and her family, how much I didn't want to let them go.

"Mistress!"

"I have one… no, two more things to ask of you."

"You must merely name them."

"The first thing I beg of you is to tell him that… I'm sorry. I really care for him, and I wish him the best that life can offer. Please tell him that I love him and will always be watching out for him." My voice cracked, and I took a deep breath to steady myself before blurting out the next sentence.

"The second thing I beg of you… is to please move on. Please don't refuse to sign a contract with someone else simply because you do not wish to betray me. Please treat your next master as kindly as you have treated me. Please don't mourn me for too long."

"W-what?! Mistress, I do not understand! Who do you wish for me to deliver a message to? What do you mean, move on? Where are you going?" Her eyes bright with alarm, An'ya fluttered in agitation.

"I'm going to sleep, An'ya. I will finally be able to rest. Thank you." Quickly, I pressed my hands together and dismissed the stunned crow. Yanking out the _tanto_ Kakashi had given me, I sliced the section of the summon-contract with my name on it off the rest of the scroll. I pressed my hands in the seal of the tiger and blew gently. As the paper disappeared with a burst of flame, I felt the last, weak bonds holding my heart together disappear, leaving behind a shattered, empty husk.

My ties with An'ya's family were broken. An'ya would be unable to reverse-summon me to her aerie, and it would take her several hours to fly back to Konoha. Even if she summoned Hane and Tsume back, it would still be too late by the time she arrived at the mainland.

The letter I had left for Atsui-san should have settled all legal matters. The house, the vegetable garden, and the property which my neighbor had been faithfully tending for so many months were now hers. Kakashi could take his pick of my weapons collection; whatever his heart desired was now his property. My savings in the bank were to be distributed as the Godaime saw fit. Any other issues which I had missed could be settled by the Council. My heart was already shattered beyond caring, beyond feeling.

Taking out the plastic bottle from my vest, I opened the cap and counted out six tablets onto my trembling hand. The man at the drugstore had told me that two would be enough to send even the most agitated person into a deep slumber; with my hyper-sensitivity, six would definitely be enough.

I limped to the bank of the river, popped two pills into my mouth and swallowed them with a gulp of icy water. I repeated the action two more times; I had hardly wiped my mouth my sleeve when the first wave of dizziness hit me. Collapsing to my knees, I managed to throw the plastic container into the river with a shaky arm. It landed with a small splash and disappeared, swept away by the rapid current. I managed to crawl to the three markers and fell against the grass, my body's strength leeched away by powerful waves of drowsiness.

I felt no fear. I felt no regret. I could not even feel any sorrow. All I felt was a deep, aching desire for peace, for rest, for relief. I gazed at the moonless sky with half-lidded eyes, my breaths slowing. My limbs felt strangely detached, and my pulse seemed to be muted, a faint murmur in the distance.

The wind, ruffling the thick grass, brought the faint sound of his laughter, the image of his smile, on the feeling of his hands ruffling my bangs. I only had enough strength to twitch the corner of my lips; I could no longer feel the icy edge of the November wind. Even now, Kakashi brought me warmth and comfort. He had helped me so much. I owed him more than he could ever realize, and I had nothing left to repay him with but one last act of love, one last act of letting go.

Sleep called to me, its gentle arms pulling on my drooping eyelids.

This time, I did not resist.

_My name is Karasu of the Kuro clan. I have no special abilities, no distinguishing features. I am not beautiful. I am not skilled._

_I was never one of those girls who sat around applying makeup and gossiping about boys that they liked. _

_I never thought I would fall in love with my best friend, Hatake Kakashi._

_When I first began having feelings for him, I tried to convince myself that it was just a crush._ _I was determined not to turn into a wide-eyed, stereotypically lovey-dovey hormone-driven teenage girl; he already had the majority of Konoha's female population after him. I hid my feelings, acting as I normally did with him. But as the years went by, and the feelings intensified, I couldn't deny that it wasn't a crush, that I really did love him._

_I was too scared to break everyone's image of me: a shy but lethal tomboy. I didn't want to be known as that girl with a crush._

_So I hid my feelings, buried them under the mask of a headstrong tomboy who wasn't interested in love._

_I contented myself with all the small gestures that I could manage in order to convey my love to him._ _At night, however, it was a different matter. When I was alone, his face haunted me, his voice reverberated in my ears, my heart yearned for him, and my body ached for his warmth._

_When day came, I put on my mask. I acted as though I was still the same person I was before I began to love him. So as far as everyone was concerned, I was not, and never would have been, in love._

_But I was._

**As I mentioned in an earlier author's note, the Japanese believe that those who commit suicide go to a sort of limbo (ex. where Sakumo was waiting for Kakashi). That limbo is what Karasu is describing when she talks to her family's grave markers.**


	25. Mirage

**I apologize profusely for the long wait, but I believe I have already warned everyone to expect a great deal of time between updates. The long delay was caused by a shortage of time to work on this and a **_**lot**_** of trouble planning the rest of the story. Since I'm having so much trouble planning out the story, I have decided to continue publishing chapters here, but if it seems I will be unsuccessful in finishing the story **_**well **_**with this ending, I will remove the chapters from this point forward and publish them in a separate story. (If that's confusing, don't worry; I'll explain further if we ever get to that point) Please enjoy!**

**Remember, this chapter continues from "River".**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto actually made an interesting chapter of Naruto last week.**

A faint breeze rippled through the clearing, rustling the thick, vibrant canopy of the surrounding forest and dancing with the lush carpet of grass. Ignoring the loose strands of hair that tickled my drooping eye, I kept my unfocused gaze on the characters carved into the Memorial Stone.

This year, the Tanabata festival had been a very bittersweet celebration. I'd strolled through the streamer-lined streets, holding hands with Sakura and enjoying the sounds of laughter and scent of food wafting through the air. As we had walked past a vendor selling an assortment of delicious snacks, Sakura had asked me to buy her some _kakigori_, and I had been more than happy to comply. When I'd approached the vendor, however, I had nearly asked for a skewer of grilled _unagi_ instead of a bowl of sweetened, shaved ice. I'd forgotten that the woman holding my hand wasn't the person that I usually celebrated Tanabata with.

_Farther down the street, Sakura let out a squeal of delight._

_"Kakashi, look over here!" Tugging on my hand, she dragged me through the crowd, stopping in front of a stand that sold racks of glittering jewelry. She slipped her hand out of mine in order to kneel in front of a small table. "Isn't this the cutest necklace you've ever seen?"_

_"I guess," I muttered, shoving my hands into my pockets and shrugging noncommittally. Sakura didn't notice and continued to coo over the golden knickknack. Suppressing a yawn, I let my gaze drift to the adjacent stall._

_A flash of colorful fins made my eyes snap wide open. Fish glided languidly through a plastic tub filled with water, ignoring the mob of giggling children that dipped their paper nets into the water. For the briefest second, I saw a slender, dark-haired girl squatting in front of the pool, her brows furrowed and her mouth set in a thin line as her narrowed eyes scanned the water's glistening surface. I blinked hard; when I opened my eyes, she was gone, replaced by a sandy-haired boy that laughed raucously as he swirled his net through the water in a futile attempt to scoop up a fish._

"Wolf-san, you're needed on an urgent mission. We'll go to Hokage tower as soon as you're packed." I whirled around at the soft voice, my dark eye widening in shock.

_Karasu…?_

The leap of joy in my heart died away as I saw the ANBU mask. There was no beak, no gently curved, diamond-shaped eye holes. The female crouched in the grass wasn't my best friend.

"I-I'm sorry, did I startle you?"

"No, it's fine, Sayuri. I just… thought you were someone else for a second." As I spoke, I remembered how (had it really been a year ago?) Karasu had approached me in a similar way, using almost the exact same greeting. "Would it be okay if you waited here while I change and pack?"

"Actually, my specific orders were to follow you and make sure that you change as quickly as possible; the Godaime said that we can't afford for you to be even ten minutes late."

"I see." Frowning, I motioned Sayuri to follow me as I leaped from rooftop to rooftop, slowing as I reached my apartment complex. "I'll be right outside. Just wait here." The medic nodded, settling on the edge of the roof as I ran through the front entrance and up five flights of stairs. I changed quickly, my hands moving fluidly as I fit supplies into my pack and fastened my ceramic mask. When I darted out the door four minutes later, Sayuri rose from her crouched position and dashed towards Hokage Tower, her lithe form a white blur.

When we quietly opened the door of the Hokage's office, I stopped dead in shock. Besides my own four-man squad, there were three other groups in the room. Apparently, this mission was of a higher priority and more dangerous than I had thought it was.

"Kakashi, Sayuri, please take your positions." Tsunade indicated two empty spots in the square formation that the other ANBU had arranged themselves in. Was it my imagination, or had she paled when we entered the room? I obeyed silently, setting my feet a shoulder-width apart and clasping my hands behind my back.

"Four days ago, a jounin left Konoha to deliver documents to Suna. The documents were not particularly sensitive, the journey was not considered dangerous, and the jounin was skilled. She decided to complete the mission alone. Fifteen minutes ago, we received a messenger hawk from Suna. The jounin has not arrived yet." Several ANBU shifted, their armor clacking quietly.

"We have to reason to believe that the reason behind this jounin's delay is not mere circumstance. For the past month, there has been a sharp upswing in the number of attacks on and disappearances of travelers between Suna and Konoha. Suna has given us permission to send out a contingent of ninja to investigate. As I mentioned before, this jounin is particularly skilled. She is an active member of ANBU; any group that manages to bring her down must be formidable. Therefore, I will send four squads to complete this mission. Hatake Kakashi, you are in charge of both the mission and of tracking." The formation rippled as masks turned in my direction and back to the front of the room. Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallowed a wave of anxiety and excitement. To be in charge of such a mission was both a privilege and a challenge.

"The three-day journey between Konoha and Suna will make it difficult to successfully track the jounin. She's already been missing for at least twenty-four hours. For all we know… she may be dead." Pausing, Tsunade swallowed, her voice hoarse. "Even if you are too late to rescue the jounin, you are to capture the robber groupand bring its members, preferably alive, to Suna. Are there any questions?" The ANBU acting as Karasu's temporary replacement in my squad raised his hand. "Yes, Tenzou?"

"Pardon me, Hokage-sama. I am not trying to challenge your authority, and I do not doubt senpai's ability, but why are you placing him in charge of both the mission and of tracking? Such great responsibility is very taxing on one person. The mission would be easier to coordinate if the responsibilities were divided and placed upon two different people."

"I understand your concern, but I will stand by my decision. There is no other person better qualified for the job, because your captain… is very intimately acquainted with the jounin." Snapping my eyes open, I raised my head, my mouth open in silent shock. Tsunade avoided my questioning stare, keeping her eyes firmly locked on Tenzou.

"I understand. Thank you."

"Yes, Genma?"

"What is this jounin's name?" As Tsunade opened her mouth to answer, her gaze shifted from Genma's mask onto mine. Nauseating horror ripped through my body as my mismatched eyes locked onto her amber ones.

I knew who the jounin was.

I _knew_.

"Kuro Karasu."

* * *

"C-Cyclopes?" Genma stammered, his voice a raspy croak. Keeping my eyes locked straight ahead, I nodded briefly, indicating for him to speak. "I know that it's very important that we find Karasu, but w-we need a break. Some of us can't take it much longer." Glancing behind me, I saw that he was right. The footprints of several ANBU, originally small dashes in the sand, were now long furrows as the pause between landing and springing off gradually lengthened. Lagging behind the group arrangement, Sayuri and another medic were visibly staggering with every leap.

Another pulse of guilt ripped through my stomach. I'd been so focused on tracking Karasu that I hadn't even noticed the deteriorating conditions of my exhausted teammates. What kind of leader was I, what kind of captain?

"Halt!" At my hoarse bark, the group stumbled to a stop; several ANBU fell onto their hands and knees, panting harshly. "Drink some water and rest in the shade of those cacti. We'll start moving again in ten minutes." I turned away as the group obeyed my orders, doubling over and resting my clenched fists on my knees. Beads of sweat dripped off my temples to quickly vanish as they were absorbed by the thirsty sand.

Every second counted when you were tracking someone. Pushing my body and the group's endurance to the limit, I had been able to cover most of the distance between Konoha and Suna in two days rather than the customary three. Any chance of finding Karasu or _Aranoko_ was as emaciatedas the missing ninja herself; the frequent sandstorms in the desert constantly churned the landscape, scattering chakra trails and scent trails and burying evidence under several feet of sand. Karasu had been easy enough to track through the forest, but when the earth became dunes of sand, when the trees were replaced by cacti, and when mirages of water dotted the landscape, her trail had vanished. Even with several formidable trackers and my eight _ninken_, we had been unable to pick up the scent again.

"Wolf-san, please join us. It is not good to stay out in this desert sun for too long." A light pressure on my shoulder made me flinch. Sayuri gently steered me towards a group of tall cacti that was separate from where the rest of the group was sprawled; Tenzou and Genma were sitting in the shade, wiping their foreheads. I wordlessly accepted the proffered canteen of water that Genma held out, dipping my head in thanks.

"You have to be careful in the desert, senpai. You'll get heatstroke if you're not-"

"I don't care." I jerked the canteen away from my masked lips, the words tearing through my parched throat. "How can I worry about heatstroke when Karasu has been considered missing for the past seventy-two hours? If she's not dead, then she's been beaten and tortured until she wishes she was." Setting down the bottle with a shaky hand, I clenched my eyes shut, my ragged breaths stifled by the searing heat.

So many important people had already been ripped away from me. My mother had died when I was very young, and my father had killed himself in shame. Obito had given his life to save me; I hadn't been able to keep my promise and protect Rin. My comrades had been struck down one after the other, gasping weakly as their scarlet blood poured through gaping wounds. If I failed to protect one more person…

If Karasu died, I would never be able to forgive myself. I would never be able to sleep again, knowing that she had gone to the grave with my snarls echoing in her ears. I would never be able to eat again, knowing that I hadn't been able to make things right. I would never be able to breathe again, to feel again, to live again. I would unhesitatingly follow my father's footsteps and slash open my stomach in deep, unquenchable shame.

I could still remember snarling into her gaunt face. I could still remember pinning her roughly against the tree, my hands digging painfully into her bony arms. I'd used the _Sharingan_ on her, even when I'd known that she was deathly afraid of it. If I hadn't let my wildly fluctuating emotions control me, if I hadn't lashed out in such blind anger, Karasu wouldn't be in this situation. She would be safe in Konoha, at home, anywhere but in the clutches of a desert robber group_._ Emitting a noise that was halfway between a growl and a whine, I pressed my trembling fists against my forehead, rocking slightly as I struggled to contain the howl of anguish and grief bubbling in my chest.

"Cyclopes, drink some water and listen to me." Genma didn't continue speaking until I had grudgingly picked up the canteen and taken several gulps of water. "You know that Karasu is too tough to give in. I promise you that she isn't dead and that we _will_ find her." My hoarse bark of hollow, derisive laughter made Sayuri glance up from adjusting her sandal, her leaf-green eyes wide in alarm.

How did Genma have the _nerve_ to make such rash promises?

Nothing was guaranteed on a mission, absolutely nothing. Team Seven's first C-rank mission, for example, had jumped to an A-rank when the bridge builder confessed that the bloodthirsty murderer Zabuza was targeting him. I had been lucky that all three genin and the bridge builder's family had survived.

No one was guaranteed to survive any assignment unharmed. Every single mission, even a D-rank, had its own hidden dangers. This was an _S-rank_ mission. There was an eighty-seven percent chance that not everyone in the team would make it back alive, and there was a ninety-five percent chance that Karasu was already dead. How could Genma tell me that Karasu was too tough to give in? He didn't know that. He didn't know her.

He didn't know that when Karasu smiled- really smiled, and didn't plaster that small smirk on her face like she did in public- there was a faint dimple in her left cheek. He didn't know about her innocent, child-like side that still laughed whenever I gave her piggy-back rides, pushed her on the swings, or tickled her. He didn't know that she would collapse giggling if you tickled a spot one inch to the right of her navel. He didn't know that her hands flew instinctively to cover the lower half of her face when she really smiled or laughed because she was _embarrassed_ by the show of true emotion. He didn't know that she constantly tried to hide her face with her hands, a scarf, or a hood because she was so self-conscious of her nose and the occasional wacky face that broke through her stony expression. He didn't know that Karasu was too stubborn to admit if she was tired or hungry, even if she was on the verge of collapse. He didn't know that behind the mask of a tough tomboy that she tried so hard to maintain, Karasu was greatly affected by the smallest comment; her eyes had been dim for days after someone told her to sit in a different seat on the bus.

He didn't know that by the time Karasu was nine years old, I was already having difficulty getting her to smile. He didn't know how scared I had been, how hard I had tried to prevent Karasu from turning into a copy of my younger self: withdrawn, cold, and lonely. He didn't know that when Karasu was taking her chuunin, jounin, and ANBU exams, I had bitten my lip until my mask was wet with blood, fighting to play the role of a motionless proctor as she was thrown to the ground again and again. He didn't know that, after her first kill, Karasu had curled into a quivering ball, her unseeing eyes glazed over as I tried to get her to respond. He didn't know that Karasu had nearly killed herself taking care of me after Rin died. He didn't know how hard Karasu had shuddered, crying silently as her family's mangled bodies, still oozing blood, lay in a nearby pile of rubble. He didn't know how her eyes, quivering with grief and despair, had pierced through my heart before drooping shut in a drunken stupor. He didn't know how much alcohol Karasu had downed in a period of two weeks. He didn't know that she was close to collapse, thin and staggering from an unknown ailment of the heart. He didn't know that I was the reason why Karasu had fled Konoha. He didn't know _anything_.

"Captain, come here quickly!" In an instant, I was next to the ANBU that had called out.

"What is it?"

"Look at these cacti! Look at these sections over here!" I bent to study the areas that the ninja indicated, my brows furrowing as I examined the unusual sight. Large chunks had been sliced off from several plants as if with a razor, and the otherwise perfectly straight edges were curiously burnt and shriveled. Leaning closer, I sniffed tentatively at one scorched section and recoiled immediately, my nose wrinkling. Faint traces of familiar chakra and a soothing scent that made my heart clench in pain were almost completely overpowered by the thick, cloying odor of poison. Swallowing, I forced my trembling fingers through a series of seals. Eight dogs appeared in a burst of wind; a small brown pug approached me, blinking to clear its eyes from grains of flying sand, its head drooping apologetically.

"Kakashi, we've tried our best, but even Bull can't pick up her scent. I'm sorry, but I don't think-"

"_Sumimasen_, Pakkun, but I need all of you to dig around the base of these cacti. The deeper the hole and the wider the area you cover the better." The ring of ninja that had gathered widened as sand flew everywhere; I buried my face in my sleeve and coughed. When the sand settled, a collective gasp rose from the group. Lying in a gleaming pile were several assorted weapons, including _kunai,_ _shuriken,_ and_ senbon_. As the rest of my dogs circled the pile, sniffing the weapons carefully, Pakkun sat back on his haunches, scratching his ear.

"Three-quarters of those weapons have some trace of Karasu on them. The other quarter are marked a scent that should be easy to follow. Most are streaked with some sort of poison, which would explain why the group was able to take down Karasu relatively easily." The pug's lined face stretched in a wry grin that I didn't return. "This group might have gotten her, but that girl put up one hell of a fight."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pressed the heel of one hand against my forehead, struggling to cover the raging storm of dizzying, raw emotion that clashed within my chest with the cool, emotionless mask that all ANBU were taught to maintain at all times. Gratitude for the pure luck of finding Karasu's trail and a small, searing flame of hope were nearly extinguished by a flood of despair and anguish. The enemy'sapparent reliance upon venoms and toxins was fatal to Karasu. The likelihood that she would be able to completely recover from, let alone _survive_, this ordeal had dropped to three percent.

But if I didn't get a grip on myself and get moving, that chance would drop to two percent.

"Get in formation; we're leaving now. My _ninken_ will lead the group." I raised my voice, swallowing to make it less raspy. With a faint clatter of armor, the squad organized itself behind the arrow configuration my ninken had formed. I gave a sharp bark; a small cloud of swirling sand was the only sign that the squad had ever rested near the cacti.

* * *

I pressed myself against the searing sand, my ragged pants echoing harshly inside my porcelain mask. Jagged sandstone mountains loomed above the dune that the squad was crouched behind, their wind-carved surfaces streaked with red, white, yellow, brown, and beige. There didn't seem to be any visible caves or tunnels; the group must have disguised all entrances with some sort of ninjutsu. I had already spotted three camouflaged sentries scattered on the slopes. We weren't in their line of vision, but I didn't know if there were any other guards that could spot us at any minute.

"Get the Hyuuga over here," I hissed to Tenzou. He turned to the ninja on his right and whispered the message into her ear; a few seconds later, an ANBU sidled up next to me.

"Yes, Captain?"

"I need your Byuukagan to find all the sentinels and the entrance." Nodding, the man pressed his fingers together, and I saw his chakra signature brighten as he activated his bloodline limit.

"There are seven guards in total. One is behind that stone, two are hidden in that crevice, another is on that peak, and the last three are on the ground, clustered around the entrance. The cave entrance is to our right and disguised by a powerful genjutsu that looks and feels like a solid wall of rock. There are about eighty enemy signatures in the mountain, including the seven sentries."

"Thank you. Where's Aki-san?" A kunoichi crept up to my left and bobbed her head, a few loose strands of her hair bright scarlet against her bone-white mask. "Rat, show Fox where the guards are. She needs to cast a genjutsu on all seven of them. Fox, can you do that?"

"There should be no problem," the woman whispered.

"Rabbit, Lizard, Snake, Tiger, Crane, and Bear, you will take the four guards in the mountains down while they are affected by Fox's genjutsu. My _ninken_ can handle the three on the ground. Remember, we need to take them back to Suna alive, and bring one of them back to me conscious. The rest of us, get ready to move in." I paused as the Hyuuga muttered to the other ninja, his fingers rapidly jerking from side to side. "Is everyone ready?" Masks glinted in the sun as their owners nodded. "Go!"

Faint cries of surprise echoed from the hidden sentries as Aki's hands blurred in a series of seals, freezing in the sign of the ram. Six ANBU and my eight dogs vanished in a burst of wind and sand; the cries of surprise turned into screams of pain. The attack was quick, brutal, and efficient. Within ninety seconds, there was a pile of bound, unconscious guards at my feet, and all fourteen attackers had returned unharmed. A tied-up, gagged sentry was dumped unceremoniously at my feet, his face as bruised and bloodied as his comrades'.

"Disarm all of them and put their weapons in a pile," I ordered the other ANBU, squatting in front of the captured guard, whose eyes widened as I slid out my _tanto_ from its sheath with a soft hiss and placed the razor edge against his jugular. "Listen carefully. Make any sudden moves or call out for help and I will drive this blade through your throat, understand?" Nodding frantically, he took a shuddering breath as I loosened the gag enough for him to speak.

"P-please don't kill me! Please!"

"Answer all our questions quickly and accurately and we might honor that request. First, are there any other sentries that could locate us right now?"

"N-no, there shouldn't be."

"Are there any defensive ninjutsu that make it possible that your group knows about our appearance already? Will there be any ninjutsu that will activate as we try to break through the entrance?"

"None."

"Very well. Do-" Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a familiar pattern of mahogany and pine wood. Breaking off in mid-sentence, I turned to snatch the _tanto_ from the pile of weapons that had been confiscated from the captured sentries. My eyes snapped wide open.

"Where is the person that you stole this weapon from?" Fingers trembling, I was unable to keep my voice from curling into a growl.

"I-I don't know!" The man cringed as I snarled and applied more pressure to my blade. "I haven't been assigned to any raids in the past week! That weapon wasn't given to me! All I do know is that they captured a _kunoichi_ from Konoha and brought her back here three days ago! Please, believe me!"

"Describe her!"

"She has a thin, bony face and a flat nose. Her long, black hair glimmers green in the sun like the feathers of a raven, and it's tied back in a low ponytail. Her bangs come down to just above her eyebrows, and… and there are thin, jagged scars on her left cheek!" I'd never seen the scars, but there was no mistaking it. They had Karasu. Swallowing, I forced the next words out in a raspy, unsteady whisper, dreading the answer.

"Is she… still alive?"

"From what I heard this morning, yes, but she won't last long." A dizzying wave of relief threatened to knock me over, but I resisted, tightening my grip on my _tanto_.

"Where is she? How do we break through the entrance?"

"There's a cobra carved into the side of the mountain. Place your hand on its head, apply three short bursts of chakra, and the barrier will disappear. Follow the hallway and turn left at the intersection. Take the second right and walk forward three hundred yards before turning left. You should arrive at the room where she is being kept." The man stopped, moistening his lips as he stared at me beseechingly.

"Rabbit, Lizard, and Bull, come here." My massive bulldog lumbered up next to me, shadowed by two ANBU. "You heard what he said. Try it." I watched through narrowed eyes as they slunk around the base of the mountain, their fingers trailing along the streaked sandstone. Rabbit paused, then pressed his palm against a reddish patch; the stone disappeared, replaced by the yawning entrance to a long corridor that was lined with torches. Turning back to the man, I withdrew my blade. His sigh of relief was cut short as I slammed the heel of my hand against his temple, knocking him unconscious. Pulling the man's gag back on, I straightened and took a shuddering breath.

"Pakkun, stay here with Sparrow and Dragon to guard the prisoners while we break in. If there's any trouble, you know how to contact me. As we attempt to retrieve the target, Rat will take the lead and alert us about the enemy's movements. Tenzou, you'll bind the enemy's wrists together with wood after we've knocked them out. Only kill the enemy if there is no other option; Suna wants them alive. Got it?" A murmur of general assent dissipated in the stifling heat. "Move in!"

The torches on the cave walls flickered as we dashed by, stirring the thick, inky darkness that seeped from every crack and crevice in the rock. Figures that melted from the shadows were quickly dealt with; their unconscious, bound forms were left on the sides of the tunnel.

Word spread quickly throughout the robber's nest; as we rounded the final corner, a row ninja blocked the doorway. I caught a glimpse of a shadowy formation of masked, armed figures behind them before I had to dodge a metal needle aimed at my temple.

As I spun and weaved through the roiling mass of battling ninja, a shuriken grazed my shoulder. Immediately, a searing, sharp pain tore through my arm; I snarled and lashed out, striking someone squarely in the jaw. As he slumped to the floor, I coughed as a cloying odor burned through my nostrils. _They were using poison gas._ It wouldn't affect the enemy; no doubt their masks were specially designed to filter out the poison. ANBU masks, however, weren't. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an ANBU drop to her knees, shuddering.

A sudden blast of wind knocked me against the cave wall and others to the floor. Squinting, I saw Rat lower his hands; he must have used some wind technique, snuffing out several torches as the poisonous gas was blown away to be replaced by fresh air.

Hurtling through the doorway, I rammed my elbows into the diaphragms of two ninja; as they doubled over, groaning, I followed up with blows to their temples. They slumped to the floor, quickly bound and thrown aside by another ANBU into a growing pile of bodies. In the crowd surrounding me, the number of porcelain masks exceeded the number of metal ones. _We have a chance. We can get Karasu back. _The savage burst of hope gave me strength and speed, increased the number of enemies I brought down with each strike.

"Drop your weapons, or she dies!" A high voice sliced through the chaotic sounds of battle. Glancing in the direction of the sound, I staggered as shock ripped through my body. Next to one of the flickering torches, a masked woman held a sword against the neck of a thin, battered form that I could barely recognize.

Karasu's eyes, glistening with the reflection of flames, were half-shut and glazed over. Casting deep shadows on her bruised face, her cheekbones jutted out at harsh angles. Blood trickled from her temple down her neck, disappearing into the darkness that obscured the rest of her body, which was undoubtedly as emaciated and battered as her visage. The most shocking aspect of her appearance, however, was her hair; more accurately, what was _left _of it. The last time I had seen her, a sheet of rippling, black water fell to her waist. It had been brutally cropped so that the jagged ends were barely level with her chin.

"I said, _drop your weapons_!" The woman screeched again, digging her blade into Karasu's neck until the undoubtedly poisoned edge of her gleaming sword was stained with red. Slowly at first, then faster and faster, the sounds of metal clattering against stone echoed through the chamber as one ANBU after another raised his open hands to head-height. I grudgingly followed their example, keeping my _Sharingan_ locked on Karasu's faint chakra signature.

"Good, very good." Carefully keeping her weapon pressed against Karasu's neck, the woman took off her mask, revealing full lips curled in a cold, reptilian smile. "I'm surprised that there are so many of you here to rescue this girl. I simply don't understand what you see in her. We took her down fairly easily with a very low amount of poison. Imagine our surprise when we found out we had defeated Kuro Karasu!" The woman's chuckle ground against my ears, a low, rasping sound of scales rubbing together. "If she was beautiful, I could understand why she is so important to you. However, her muddy brown eyes, flat nose, and lack of, ah, _feminine curves_ prevent me from drawing that conclusion. I would have mistaken her for a man if it hadn't been for that ponytail. Such an oily sheen! She should be glad that I trimmed her hair for her; it is so _very_ impractical." Her own tresses were a golden, sandy mass that curled halfway down her bicep.

"Let her go," a voice that I recognized as Genma's growled.

"Not a chance." Grinning, the woman tightened her grip on Karasu, who shifted feebly. "She's my ticket out, my bargaining chip. As long as I have her, you're all too afraid to attack for fear that I'll slit her throat open."

"We were ordered to take you alive if possible. If you surrender, we won't kill you."

"_You_ may not kill me, but the country that hired you could. I can't take that chance." Flashing her icy smile, the robber began barking out orders to her fellow criminals. "Anyone on my side who is still conscious, start knocking out and tying up these ANBU. Don't worry; they won't touch you. I've still got the prisoner." I heard a low groan and a dull thud as someone began following her commands. Biting my lip, I counted the number of bodies that fell to the floor, the number of ANBU that were brought down as I struggled to come up with a plan to save both Karasu and my teammates. _One, two, three-_

"It's a pity, really. I thought that Konoha's ANBU were among the elite." _Four, five. _"Who knew that they were so easy to defe-" Suddenly, without warning, Karasu made her move. She lifted one arm and rammed it backwards as hard as she could.

As her bony elbow connected with the woman's solar plexus, I felt the corners of my mouth curl in a small grin.

_That's my girl._

Breaking off in a guttural, pained gasp, the woman hunched over, her sword flashing in the torchlight as her right arm jerked involuntarily and her left arm loosened its grip on Karasu. My best friend's slumping form had barely slid an inch when my sword was unsheathed; I lunged forward, hearing two dull _thunks_ as a wall of wood rose to block two _senbon_ aimed at my back. Straightening quickly to avoid my swipe, the woman hissed, hopping backwards awkwardly as she struggled to keep a firm grip on her captive. I lashed out again, surreptitiously creating a clone as I threw a silver kunai at her head. As my clone advanced, I threw myself to the floor, completing a series of seals in the time it took for the woman to regain her balance. The woman's growl turned into a loud yelp as I grabbed her ankle and yanked her into the ground, knocking Karasu free.

Quickly, before she could react, I slammed the heel of one hand against her jaw and the other against her temple. The woman's head drooped, her sandy tresses fluttering with every deep, even breath she took. Pausing only to snarl viciously at the unconscious robber, I quickly spun in the direction that Karasu had fallen.

Three medics were crouched around her prone form, barking rapid orders to each other as their glowing hands illuminated patches of Karasu's blood-soaked, broken body. By the glow of Sayuri's chakra, I saw what seemed to be a dark, thick shadow wrapped around Karasu's neck.

At first, I couldn't understand what I was seeing. As I watched, the shadow extended a thick arm that came to rest in the hollow above Karasu's collarbones and began growing.

Then it hit me.

It was her _blood_.

Blood was pouring out of a deep cut that ran across her throat.

"_No!_" Collapsing onto my hands and knees against the hard ground, I felt a wave of panic and terror rise through my throat, cutting off the flow of air. _Her throat had been untouched when I first saw her. When did this happen? Had I wounded her when I had performed the Earth Decapitation Technique? Had I-_

An image flashed through my brain: _the woman doubled over as she struggled to catch the breath that had been knocked from her lungs by Karasu's blow. Her right arm jolted involuntarily, jerking the sword that had been pressed against Karasu's neck in a violent arc._

For the briefest second, those glazed, dull brown eyes were set in a face marked with purple tattoos. It was as if Rin was dying all over again; once again, my most precious companion's life was gushing out of a deep gash in her throat. Once again, I could do nothing more than reach out, clasp her cold, limp hand, and squeeze fiercely in a desperate attempt to do _something_.

"Don't you dare die on me, damn it!" My broken scream echoed through the cave, drowning out a strange, gurgling noise from the weakly thrashing body on the floor.

_She was choking on her own blood._

A glowing, cupped hand hovered over Karasu's mouth, drawing out a fountain of dark, crimson liquid and directing it onto the floor next to the neck wound that was healing _far_ too slowly. Karasu drew a deep, rattling breath, her thin frame shuddering weakly with the effort.

"Move! We've come back with the backup from Suna! Get out of the way!" Tenzou's cry was muted by the blood that pounded in my ears in time to the faint, erratic pulsing of Karasu's chakra signature.

"Her throat wound has been sealed! We'll take her to Suna, where the hospital has the resources to send her to Konoha through a long-range teleportation jutsu. Let's go!" I kept my grip on her hand as the medics gently eased her onto a stretcher, ignoring their jostling as they barked instructions to each other.

"Sir! Please let go of Kuro-san! We need to-"

"Let him hold her hand! He's Hatake Kakashi!" I would have to thank Genma later for his response; I was allowed to run beside the stretcher and keep my grip on Karasu as an intricate web of stylized writing was drawn in blood to send us to Konoha.

I clenched my grip on her hand until her thin fingers turned white. I couldn't let go of her. I needed to make sure she was here, alive, real. If I let go, she would become yet another one of the mirages of water that dotted this vast desert: necessary for life, but always just out of reach, always slipping away.

I couldn't let go, not if I wanted to live.

**Please review! It really makes my day, and thank you very much for reading!**


	26. Quake

**Again, I apologize for the long wait, and I am very glad for the support I have received. Thank you for being understanding about my school work.  
I have been asked to beta a story, so I will have to see how that goes.  
A question from a curious writer: how did you hear about FM? Did you just randomly find it when you were browsing? Did a friend tell you about it? I would be very interested to know.**

**Disclaimer: The Japanese consider the nape of the neck and the collarbones a major turn-on. Too bad I don't find the latest chapters of Naruto just as exciting.**

"Kakashi, wake up." A gentle pressure on my shoulder shook me from the downy embrace of slumber.

"W-what?" Blearily cracking one eye open, I winced and slammed it shut again at the bright flash of pink that was intensified by the searing hospital lights.

"I have to check Karasu's condition right now. You can stay, but I'll have to ask you to scoot out of the way."

"Sure." Slowly raising my head from its position on the hospital bed sheets, I moved my chair six inches to the right, careful to keep my grip on Karasu's limp hand. I yawned, rubbing the heel of my other hand against my eye as I arched my back.

"I'm sorry to have woken you up. You were sleeping so well." Flashing me a gentle smile, Sakura adjusted the IV rack, checking the tube that was pumping a chemical cocktail into Karasu's body.

"It's okay. What time is it?"

"Two fourteen P.M."

"Really?" Eye widening, I slumped lower in my seat. "Wow." For the first time in months, I had slept for a _full ten consecutive hours_. And I hadn't had a single dream.

"You nearly killed yourself running to Suna and back, after all, and you were pretty much operating on pure adrenalin. You almost wore a ditch in the floor outside the operating room with your pacing, and you've been so panicked and worried for the past four days. I'm not surprised that you were out cold for so long." Sakura paused, looking up from the clipboard she had been recording numbers on. "You worried me, too."

"Sorry. It's just that Karasu's been gone for so long… all of a sudden, she's right in front of me, but blood's gushing out of her throat and she's dying, and it's like watching Rin die all over again, and I can't _do_ anything except watch, and-" I broke off, my voice on the verge of cracking, barely able to swallow as my throat closed up.

It was still hard to believe that Karasu was _here_, in front of me. I had been afraid to fall asleep, convinced that when I woke up that it had all been a dream and that my best friend was still gone, thousands of miles away, still missing from my life. I couldn't stop staring at her, couldn't stop struggling to soak in every last detail.

Considerately turning away, Sakura pressed some buttons on the machine that emitted a faint _beep_ with each pulse of Karasu's heart. It was quiet and weak, but it was regular. That was all that mattered.

"H-how's she doing? Will she make it? Will she be okay?" Sakura either didn't notice that my voice was hoarse or didn't bother to point it out.

"She's still in the danger zone, and there's a fifty percent chance that she won't make it. If she makes it past the forty-eight hour mark, her chances of recovering will raise to sixty percent. However, even if she does manage to stay alive, there will be extremely severe damage."

"Severe as in a long time, or severe as in forever?"

"An enormously large amount of poison was pumped into her system. The poison's being analyzed in the lab right now, and we've found that it was a compound of venoms from several different types of desert animals such as scorpions and cobras. Some of the poisons were types that specifically attack the nervous system, and all of them can cause permanent damage if the victim is left untreated. Combined with the physical abuse Karasu had to endure, the poison destroyed practically everything." Running her fingers through her hair, Sakura sighed heavily. "She's a very difficult patient to treat. We have to be extremely careful giving her drugs; the poison's damage was multiplied a hundredfold, thanks to her hypersensitivity. Her body's been ravaged by the poison and can barely take any more chemicals. The slightest miscalculation could completely destroy her." With each quiet word, my grip on Karasu's hand tightened until our fingers were white.

Shoes clacked against the floor, and a manicured hand gently turned my face toward its owner. Averting my dark eye from the jade ones that scanned my face critically, I felt Sakura bend down and press her soft, full lips against my own.

"Don't worry about it, Kakashi. She's fighting really hard. I'm sure she'll make it," she whispered as she pulled away. I closed my eye, the hollow pit in my stomach still as raw and vast as it had been when Karasu's blood had coated the cave floor, splashing against my hands, pouring out of-

"Why don't you get some lunch? The shops should be selling some special delicacies for the Bon festival."

"What do you mean, Bon?"

"Oh, I guess you forgot. It's perfectly understandable. Today's July fifteenth."

"Really?" I calculated quickly, my mind racing as it counted and recounted the days. I'd received the mission notice four days after Tanabata, which was on July seventh. Therefore, I'd left Konoha on the eleventh; a two-day journey to Suna meant that we'd located the bandit group on the thirteenth. Karasu had spent yesterday, the fourteenth, in the operating room, and she hadn't been released until about nine P.M. Sakura was right; it was the fifteenth.

"Where are you going?"

"I have some affairs I need to settle. I'll be gone for a couple hours." Reluctantly letting go of Karasu's hand, I slowly stood and limped to the room's exit, wincing as my spine cracked. My hand was on the edge of the door, prepared to slide it open, when I paused and turned.

"Sakura?"

"Yes?"

"I… I know you don't like Karasu. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you or anything, don't get me wrong," I added hastily as Sakura's eyes widened and her lips parted slightly. "I also know that you're in charge of taking care of her because of your great skill. I just want to ask you to not let your dislike of Karasu interfere with her medical care."

"Why, of all the-" Sakura broke off and turned her back to me, but not before I had caught a glimpse of the way her eyes glittered dangerously. Striding across the room, I caught her hand.

"Let go of me!" Sakura yanked her hand away, her voice a harsh screech.

"Sakura, please-"

"Hatake Kakashi, are you trying to say that I'm the sort of doctor who would stoop that low? Are you trying to say that I'm unethical, unable to control my temper, unable to keep my emotions from coloring the way I treat my patients? Are you trying to say that I would break the Hippocratic Oath?"

"No, listen to me!" Grabbing her shoulders, I forced her to turn around and face me. Her lips were pressed in a thin line, her arms fists alternatively tightening and relaxing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Please forget I ever said anything. I'm just very worried about Karasu; I'm not thinking straight."

"That's no excuse for your behavior!"

"I'm not trying to excuse what I did. I know I was wrong. Just please be patient with me. I'm very, very sorry." I returned her steely glare with a soft, pleading gaze. After a brief pause, Sakura dropped her eyes to scowl at the floor.

"Fine. Whatever. Just don't ever do that again." She huffed angrily, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Thank you." Bending to kiss her on the cheek, I slid the door open and stepped outside Karasu's room, quietly sliding the door shut behind me. As I walked through the long, empty corridors, my footsteps echoed against the tiled floors.

A blast of hot air and blinding sunlight attacked me as soon as I stepped out of the hospital entrance. Squinting, I lowered my head and stuffed my hands into my pockets, shivering despite the heat. I felt like I was back in the desert, searching frantically for my best friend, panting harshly in the stifling heat, and fighting desperately to get her back. I was reminded of the way my sweat had dripped off my temples and body in streaming rivers; the thirsty sun quickly soaked up all traces of moisture from the sand. Shaking my head quickly, I opened the door to Hokage Tower and shut it carefully behind me.

"Excuse me?" The receptionist looked up from her paperwork. "I want to speak to Tsunade-sama."

"She should be available. Go right ahead."

"Thank you." I slowly climbed the stairs, picking up and putting down the two clumps of lead that were my feet. It was a stark contrast to the night Karasu had left; pumping chakra to my legs, I had leaped up the stairs two at a time, feeling strangely weightless and disconnected. Arriving at the top of the stairs, I shuffled down a long, curving hallway and paused at an oaken door before rapping my knuckles against it three times.

"Come in." Tsunade's eyes widened in shock before curving in a gentle smile. "Kakashi, have a seat." I dipped into a brief bow before collapsing in the chair that she indicated.

"Are you okay?" Shrugging half-heartedly at her question, I scuffed one foot against the floor. Tsunade's eyes zeroed onto my foot before turning up to lock onto my gaze.

"Are you still angry at her?" Her question, barely louder than a whisper, brought an inexplicable wave of tears to my eyes.

"No," I replied after a long pause, my voice hoarse. Nodding, Tsunade turned back to shuffling her stack of papers, her purple-coated nails gleaming in the sunlight that streamed through the row of windows behind her.

"I want to know what's been going on. When did Karasu return to Konoha? Why did she go on that mission? Why did that group target her?" Placing her papers on her desk, Tsunade rested her chin on her interlaced fingers.

"I'll tell you what I know. Karasu came back to Konoha the day before Tanabata. It nearly scared the living daylights out of me when I opened the windows and found her crouched on the roof outside my office." The Hokage paused, her lips curling in a faint smile before continuing. "Apparently, her crow had flown her in from their island and had arrived very early in the morning."

"How was Karasu? Was she okay?"

"To be honest… I couldn't tell. Her face was blank, emotionless. Physically, she was so-so. She seemed a bit too skinny, but her chakra signature was strong enough."

"I understand. Please continue."

"She told me that she had come back to make sure everything was in order. She would be leaving for her parents' house on Tanabata night and would stay until the Bon festival; it would be easier to leave Konoha undetected when everybody was crowded into the main square and focused on celebrating." As always, Karasu had been extremely careful, able to think of a way to counter every possible obstacle. "She offered to take some documents to Suna for me; it was close to her parents' house and she felt obligated to do something for Konoha after such a long absence." Tsunade stopped, but her tone was still raised, as if she had cut off in the middle of a thought.

"What? What else did she say?"

"She said… that it would also be easier to make sure she didn't see anyone that she knew." My chest clenched painfully. I didn't know which hurt more: the fact that Karasu had been in Konoha but I hadn't known, or the knowledge that my best friend didn't want to see me anymore.

"I… I see." Blinking, I averted my gaze to focus on the clouds floating past the window; they were vague, blurry smears of white. "Do we know anything about the group that attacked Karasu?"

"The members of that group are still being interrogated by Suna, and our ANBU squad will bring back the information when Suna is finished. Until then, I will have to ask you to wait patiently. I will let you know when the ANBU return."

"Thank you." My vision was clear enough to risk a glance at Tsunade. "Hokage-sama, I also came to ask for your permission to leave Konoha for a couple hours."

"Where are you going?"

"I need to go to Karasu's parents' house. I'll be back before midnight."

"Of course. Take all the time that you need."

"Thank you." Standing up, I bowed to the Godaime. "Please keep Karasu safe for me. If anything happens, please notify me immediately."

"I will. Don't worry." Her honeyed eyes glowed, lit up by her gentle smile and the light of the summer sun. "Have a nice Bon festival." Swallowing, I nodded and backed out of the room.

When I rapped my fist quietly against the door to Karasu's room, there was no response. I slid the door open a crack; Sakura was gone. Sighing heavily, I opened the door all the way and padded across the room to stop next to the bed.

I was painfully aware of just how frail, just how weak, just how close to the edge Karasu was. Her body, a faint lump underneath the bed sheets, rose and fell a fraction of an inch with each breath of air that was being pumped into her lungs through a tangle of plastic tubes. Her eyes were unmoving beneath her closed eyelids, and an angry, red scar, marking where the sword had slashed her throat open, ran from one side of her neck to the other. It clashed against the gentle curve of her neck, the graceful double arc of her collarbones that reflected the swoop of a bird's wings.

Cheeks burning, I jerked my head to the side, my stomach lurching in embarrassment. _She's in a critical condition. You should be worrying about her survival, not… not her appearance. She's your best friend. She's off limits. Get a grip._

My neck still hot, I turned back to my friend's unconscious form and carefully pulled the edge of the blanket up to her throat. Something caught my eye: her parched lips were pressed together in a thin, drooping frown. Despite myself, I felt the corner of my mouth curl; even at the brink of death, Karasu was so serious, so shy, so reluctant to show how soft and vulnerable she could be. I brushed a stray lock of chin-length hair behind her ear with trembling fingers, staring intently at her bony face as if to memorize every bruise, every jagged scar that ripped through the skin that looked washed out in the harsh fluorescent lights.

"I missed you a lot while you were gone. Did you miss me?" Quivering, my voice cracked, and I swallowed hard. "I really wanted to see you, Karasu. It's still hard for me to believe that I can touch you, that you're right here. Please, don't disappear again. I love you too much. You know that I love you, right?" Those words felt foreign on my tongue, catching in my throat before stumbling out of my mouth. The two of us had never spoken those three words in the twenty-two years we had known each other. I had never thought it was necessary; there had never been a need for us to articulate everything in words when so much could be communicated in silence, glances, and gestures. I took her hand, rubbing my thumb gently against her cracked knuckles.

"I love you a lot. You're very precious to me. So please hang in there. I won't be able to take it if you run away again. Please don't die." It was selfish of me to ask her that. I knew it even as my lips formed the words. To many, death was a welcome respite, a peaceful sleep after a long, painful existence. And Karasu _was _in severe pain, both mentally and physically; she'd showed me as much in the weeks I had observed her. I didn't know if she even had any will to live, if she had any desire to fight for another second of life. Some people might have thought that to let her go would have been merciful.

But I couldn't accept that. As long as she was breathing, as long as her heart beat, I had to do everything in my power to drag her back from that fate. Even though it was selfish, I had to beg her to endure the pain of life, to at least try to hang in there and give me a chance to help her. Even if she couldn't hear me, I had to try.

"I'll be going to your parents' house tonight." I continued after a long pause. "I'll see you when I get back." Reluctantly, I let her hand fall limply to the bed sheets, its rough surface streaked with countless scars. Sliding out a kunai from my holster, I slit my thumb and pressed my hands together in a series of seals.

"Yo, Kakashi. Where are- oh," Pakkun broke off, lowering his voice and paw as he caught sight of the figure on the bed. "How is she?"

"She's okay, I guess." Shrugging half-heartedly, I exhaled quietly. "Listen, Pakkun, I have a favor to ask of you. I'll be gone for a couple hours, and I was wondering if you could stay here and watch Karasu for me."

"I've got a wife and kids, but hey, sure, I've got all the time in the world," my pug grumbled, turning in circles before curling up on the blankets. Feeling my lips quirk under my mask, I bent and scratched Pakkun behind one ear; he leaned into my touch, his eyes half-shut in pleasure.

"Thank you very much, Pakkun. You're the best."

"Yeah, yeah," he said gruffly, resting his head on his paws.

"Contact me immediately if anything goes wrong."

"I know, don't worry. Go on." Casting a last, lingering glance at Karasu's unmoving form, I performed a series of hand seals to teleport myself to the front door of my apartment. I unlocked the door, grabbed a small towel, and teleported myself to the Memorial Stone. Performing a miniature water technique to soak the cloth, I scanned the monument with a squinted eye; the sunlight reflecting off the polished surface made it hard to read the countless kanji carved into the marble.

"Hey, Obito." Spotting a familiar sequence of kana, I knelt to wipe the characters that spelled the name of my first best friend. The stone was dry; I was the first, and undoubtedly the only, person to take care of Obito's grave marker. It was the same with Rin's name. She'd touched many lives with her sweet gentleness. Maybe someone would remember her, maybe Genma, but I doubted it.

The leader of Team Yellow Flash would probably receive only a little bit of more attention than his students. His country had loved him greatly, yet Naruto was the only other person who would clean his father's memorial. Minato-sensei had left only one student and one legacy to carry on his bloodline. His wife had left her mark on the stone; I cleaned it carefully, silently thanking her for the love and care she had shown to one lonely, hurting little boy.

When I was finished, I stuffed the cloth into my pocket and stood with eye closed and head bowed, offering a silent prayer to four people whose names were carved on the memorial and two people whose names weren't. My father had not been given the honor of reverence; his name was a word spoken in a mixture of fear, awe, and disgust. My mother had been a civilian, and therefore Konoha had considered her ineligible for a place next to the thousands of ninja who had given up their lives for their country.

Swallowing to clear my thick throat, I turned and dashed past two startled guards out the main gate. The memories were growing too heavy and vivid; focusing on the air rushing through my lungs in heavy pants, reveling in the pull and stretch of muscles, and feeling the solid smack of my shoes against wood would help drive them away.

* * *

I slid the door shut behind me, pocketing the key as my eye struggled to adjust to the silent darkness. The wooden boards that covered the _shouji_, protecting them from the elements, blocked out all light from the afternoon sun. Slipping off my shoes, I bent and picked them up in my right hand and, groping the wall blindly with my left hand, carefully navigated my way to the back door. I set my shoes down, opened the door, and removed three of the wooden planks, carefully placing them in a pile in the grass before returning indoors and leaning my back against the wall.

Closing my eye, I took a deep breath of the musty air. The scent brought back vivid memories of the times I had spent with the Kuro family: _obasan _urging me to eat more of her warm, delicious food; Shinju-san "accidentally" letting her shirt slip so that her collarbones were exposed; _ojisan_ slapping my back as he laughed good-naturedly; a young Karasu giggling as I pulled her out from behind the chair where she had been hiding.

One memory, sharp and bitter with pain and sorrow, sliced through all the others. Shuddering, I clenched my eyes tightly but did nothing to resist the flood of color, sounds, and smells that washed over me.

* * *

"This is Hatake Kakashi of squad sixteen." I slid my team's report across the desk to the woman, the wire tips of my ANBU gloves clicking against the wooden surface of the table. "We've finished scouting our assigned sector."

"Thank you." She broke open the scroll and began scanning it, her brows furrowed slightly. "I trust that you didn't experience much trouble?" I shook my head. "The Hokage will be calling an assembly of all jounin and ANBU once all squads are finished with their duties. Until then, please relax." Dipping my head in a brief bow, I turned and walked over to the corner where the rest of squad sixteen was huddled.

"What do we do now, Cyclopes?"

"We'll stay put until the Sandaime summons all the squads. Everyone should rest; it's been a long day, and we still have a lot more work to do." No sooner had the words left my mouth then Genma collapsed into a nearby chair, his head lolling back. Sayuri took a seat next to him, her face gray with exhaustion; healing the numerous wounded had taken its toll. Only one person remained standing next to me.

"Karasu, do you want to take a break? We've been running around the whole morning."

"I'm fine." She removed her bird mask slowly, her midnight hair an extension of the dark swirls on the porcelain's surface.

"How was your first ANBU mission?"

"I must thank my captain and teammates for being so patient with me."

"You work very well with the team. You'll be a valuable member of ANBU, and I'm not saying that just because you're my friend." Ruffling her bangs, I returned her dark blush with an eye crinkle. "I have to warn you, though; most ANBU missions are far more difficult than today's surveillance mission."

"I know."

"Just try to stay safe." I removed my hand from Karasu's hair and leaned against the wall, my stomach clenching in a mixture of pride and sorrow. I was very proud of Karasu for making it into Konoha's elite Black Ops, but at the same time, I was scared for her. ANBU had an extremely high mortality rate, and it was difficult for me to accept the fact that the child I had known for so many years would be plunged even deeper into a world of pain and death. My only consolation was that the Sandaime had granted my request that Karasu be assigned to my squad; with her close by, it would be easier for me to keep her safe from the darkness that had corrupted my own life.

"We were lucky this time; although the earthquake was very powerful, there wasn't major structural damage or loss of life around here. I heard that it was because the epicenter of the earthquake is several miles away, at the border of the land of Fire. We'll just have to be prepared for the aftershocks."

"Where did you say the epicenter was?"

"Near the border. I don't know exactly where; the information's still coming in."

"Y-you said that the earthquake was very powerful?"

"Yes, it was ranked a seven on the scale." I straightened immediately as Karasu paled. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Hatake-san? Are you still here?" With difficulty, I tore my gaze away from Karasu and focused on the woman behind the desk.

"Yes."

"We have a call for Kuro Karasu, whom I believe is in your squad."

"She's here." As if in a trance, Karasu slowly limped over to the desk and took the phone with a trembling hand. I heard Genma turn his head behind me and Sayuri lift her chin to better focus on Karasu's face.

"This is Kuro Karasu." My best friend bit her lip, her eyes locked on the floor. "My father's name is Kuro Nesshin. He has black hair, black eyes… yes. My mother? Kuro Junsui. Her eyes are brown, and her black hair falls to her knees." I listened carefully as Karasu quietly responded with an occasional noise of affirmation to the person on the other end of the phone.

A monumental crash jerked me into a half-crouched position. Karasu's eyes and mouth were wide open with horror; her hands were limp. On the ground, a plastic telephone lay among the shards of a porcelain mask.

"Karasu? What's wrong?" Sayuri half-rose from her seat, her voice gentle yet urgent. Striding across the room, I tore off my ANBU mask in order to better scan her face with frantic, darting eyes.

"_What happened?_"

With a sudden, bird-like cry that made me flinch at its harsh intensity, Karasu whirled around and fled out the door, her ponytail whipping across my face.

"Where was that telephone call from?"

"It was from a hospital at the western border, along the Shinano River." I furrowed my brow at the woman's response to Genma's question. Why would Karasu be so alarmed at the thought of the western border and the Shinano River?

Then, it clicked.

"Shit!" Fumbling with my mask, I struggled to tie it back onto my face, my fingers clumsily scrabbling at the ribbon.

"Cyclopes, what-"

"I'm going to the border! I'll be back later!"

"Hatake-san, what about the meeting?"

"Sayuri, please cover for me! I have to catch Karasu before she-" I turned, nearly stumbling over the shards of porcelain on the floor as I dashed out the door, leaving my stunned teammates and the woman behind.

Clambering onto the roof, I scanned the maze of streets below. There! A flash of movement around the corner! I followed her on the roofs, determined to intercept her at the main gate.

A roof tile, loosened by the rumblings of this morning's earthquake, suddenly crumbled beneath my foot. My breath escaping in a surprised gasp, I staggered and clutched at the edge of the roof with one hand as I swayed precariously. By the time I regained my balance and raised my head, an enormous crow was rising from the forest right outside the main gate, a white-clad figure clinging to its midnight back.

Swearing loudly, I increased the chakra flow to my legs and pumped them harder. I lost sight of Karasu and her crow within the half-hour, but my suspicions were confirmed. She was heading for her parents' home. With luck, I would be able to catch up to her no later than an hour after her arrival.

Two hours later, I caught sight of a glistening river weaving its way through the sparse forest. A small town was nestled around the bend farther upstream. Fixing my eye on the sight, I drew from some hidden reservoir of strength and forced myself to sprint faster.

The next thing I knew, I was falling through the trees as the heavens and earth were shaken apart. Landing on my side, I was knocked breathless as the ground roiled and heaved; I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my head with my hands as I drew my knees to my chest. The deafening roar of trees crashing to the ground all around me drowned out my thundering pulse, my ragged pants, and my nearly inaudible gasps of fear.

As quickly as it had started, the horrible shaking ceased. Slowly, warily, I raised my head, my limbs trembling violently as if they were still being affected by the aftershock. Thick clouds of dust seemed to absorb all sound; the forest was shrouded in a strange, yellowish light. Placing my hands against the ground, I managed to push myself into a kneeling position. I took a deep, shuddering breath before exhaling deeply as I forced myself to my feet and began to run.

The majority of the town was in ruins; even the reinforced concrete buildings that were still standing had suffered structural damage. I darted noiselessly through the streets, nimbly avoiding the numerous piles of rubble that materialized from the dusty ocean of silent clouds swirling around me. Slowing as I reached the edge of town, I squinted, struggling to figure out which building was the home of Karasu's parents.

With a jolt of horror, I recognized the building two houses to the right. Karasu's father had been an excellent carpenter; half of the house that he had built was still standing, compared to the total obliteration of the surrounding structures. The entire western side of the house, however, had collapsed into a pile of wood and stone.

Snapping open my Sharingan, I frantically scanned the rubble for a chakra signature and found none. I tore my gaze away, determined not to accept what my gut told me. Maybe they had fled to the hospital. Maybe they were somewhere else.

Then I saw Karasu.

She was motionless, a frozen statue in a silent world. Her eyes, blank and devoid of any emotion, stared at the wreckage without seeing anything. Following her line of vision, I felt my stomach drop into a pit of nausea and shock.

_Obasan_'s face was covered in a macabre red tattoo, her hair coated with a mixture of dust and blood. The rest of her body was hidden, undoubtedly crushed under a slab of granite. Her husband lay face down in a tangled heap. He must have been trying to pull his wife out from the ruins when a wooden rafter disconnected from the rest of the house and-

Shuddering, I tore my gaze away and forced myself to focus on Karasu. I could not help the dead. I could only try to save the living.

"K-Karasu?" My voice was hoarse. No flicker of recognition crossed her empty eyes.

"I know that it hurts a lot. I know that it's going to be very painful and very difficult to get over. But you will. You'll be okay. I promise." I swallowed; despite my supposed intellectual genius and my physical skill, I felt awkward trying to handle emotional issues. Even to my own ears, my words sounded weak and insignificant.

"It's okay, Karasu. Don't cry." At the last two words, her emotionless mask cracked, her face screwing up against the raging storm of anguish that threatened to spill out through her eyes. I took the opportunity and pressed harder against the fracture in the shell of ice.

"I'm here, and I am not going to leave you. I'm going to help you. You're not alone." Whimpering loudly like a lost, terrified animal, she was on the very edge, undecided between keeping or dropping her mask of strength.

"Let yourself go. It's okay. No one's here except me." Squeezing her eyes shut, Karasu finally gave in to her pain, leaning forward until her head rested on my shoulder. A river of salt water seeped through the fabric around my neck as her mouth opened in soundless cries that wracked through her body. Tentatively, I slipped one arm around her shaking shoulders; when she did not pull away, I reached out and slid my other hand into one of hers, squeezing it gently. Closing my own eyes, I held her tightly long after her violent quaking had ceased and her silent, wracking sobs had slowed into deep, even breaths.

Several hours later, she received another call informing her that her sister had been severely injured. By the time we arrived at the hospital where Shinju was being treated, the body had been covered with a white shroud.

Maybe Karasu remembered how much pain I had caused her when Rin died and didn't want me to suffer in the same way. Maybe she didn't want to cause anybody any trouble or had been ashamed by her show of raw emotion. In any case, she had politely refused my repeated urgings to stay at my apartment in the weeks after her family's death. I had often stopped by her house to see how she was doing, to make sure that she was still functioning. Every single time, she struggled to keep in one piece the emotionless facade that thinly veiled the pain that was tearing her apart. Her eyes, which showed through the mask, pleaded desperately with me to leave before she lost her self-control.

And so, in spite of the anguish it caused me, I left her alone.

I hated myself. Karasu had sacrificed so much for me when Rin died: nearly starving herself to feed me, staying up all night to listen to me pour out my heart, enduring my blows and other people's ridicule, taking C and D-ranked missions despite the sneers and chuckles. She didn't know how much it had disgusted me to see her get thinner, weaker, and more battered every day and know that I was the one who had done this. My desperate desire to tear myself away from Karasu before I killed her had constantly fought with my parasitic yearning for her comfort and warmth. I hated the fact that I couldn't bring myself to help her the way she had helped me.

Even now, almost eight years later, I still could do very little to help her cope. Although we trusted and knew each other completely, the topic of her family's death was still a dark, unexplored area. I had never celebrated the Bon festival with her; I sensed her need and desire for privacy and solitude. I understood and did not resent her unwillingness to speak about her family; I myself was still just starting to become comfortable about talking to Karasu about my father's act of suicide. She would open up in her own time. The least I could do was to wait patiently and to be there to listen to her when she did, assuming that she lived long enough to do so.

Sighing softly, I cracked open one eye. The tawny rays of the setting sun, illuminating a gently swirling current of dust motes, were quickly absorbed by the growing shadows. I reluctantly stood, slowly emerging from the underwater, dreamlike state I had been submerged in.

Slipping on my sandals, I leaned momentarily against the doorframe before wading to the three stone markers that emerged like small islands from a grassy sea. I knelt and, dipping the cloth into the gurgling river, began to carefully wipe the stone that was tinted gold by the setting sun. When I was finished, I bowed slowly to each marker.

_It's been a long time, o-jisan, o-basan, and Shinju-san. I'm sorry that I can't honor you properly; I don't have the candles or the time to make little boats. I need to return to Karasu._

I swallowed, clenching my eye shut as I breathed in the sweet odor of earth and grass.

_I have a favor to ask of you. Don't let Karasu's spirit join yours. Please, I beg of you._

Leaning forward slowly, I pressed my forehead against the ground.

_Please give her strength. Please help her recover. Please don't let another marker be planted here._

_Please._

**Again, thank you for your patience. I greatly appreciate it. Please review!**


	27. Permanent

**I'm really sorry for the long wait! Thank you for being so patient!**

**I'll update this author's note in the morning; it is now 12:30 AM and I want to sleep. Please don't kill me for taking so long. After all, I am working on FM when I should be cramming for tests.**

**I am begging all readers to please review and leave me suggestions and ideas. I would really appreciate it!  
**

I slowly drew the thin teeth of the comb through Karasu's damp hair, carefully supporting her bony, slumping form, which was propped up by pillows piled against her back. Giving one final stroke, I set the comb down and was about to move Karasu when a soft knock alerted me to a presence outside the door.

"Come in." The door slid open, revealing a woman carrying a bouquet of flowers and a glass jar.

"Hello, Atsui-san."

"Oh, Hatake-san!" Her curtain of brown locks swept across her face as she mirrored my low bow. As she straightened, her eyes, accentuated with heavy, dark bags, locked onto Karasu's battered face; her sharp intake of air drew my questioning gaze.

"I-is that… is she…" She swallowed, the back of one hand pressed against her mouth. "Will she be all right?"

"As of now, her condition is relatively stable." I crinkled my eye in a faint smile before bending once more over Karasu and slipping one hand around her shoulders.

"Here, let me help." Striding across the room, the civilian mother set her bundle down on the bed and removed all but one of the pillows from behind Karasu's back.

"Thank you." Easing my best friend's limp, unconscious form onto the mattress, I gently set her head on the pillow. She lay motionless, her black, ragged locks staining the white pillowcase with water.

"I would have come earlier to visit, but I've just been so busy taking care of the children and my home and Karasu-san's property…" Her voice trailed off as she studied the spider web of bruises and scars mottling Karasu's skin. "I-If you don't mind my asking, what happened? How badly is she hurt?"

"Karasu took a mission to deliver some documents to Suna, but a gang of desert robbers intercepted and tortured her for about five days before we managed to track her down and rescue her." Swallowing as images of the rescue mission flashed through my mind, I forced myself to continue in a raspy voice. "She was injected with large quantities of poison and beaten very severely. Her chances of survival are much higher than they were three weeks ago, but there's still a chance that she won't make it. If she does survive, it's almost certain that she will suffer severe, permanent damage; the doctors won't know until she wakes up."

"T-that's terrible." Atsui bit her lip; for some reason, two pink patches had appeared on her cheeks. "Um… pardon my boldness, but was Kuro-san, um, violated?"

"Huh?"

"I mean," the patches spread and darkened in color, turning bright red, "did any, um, men from the robber group t-touch… I mean, did any of the men f-force themselves on-"

"Oh, er…" Heat flushed through my neck and face as a flash of understanding allowed me to glimpse what the woman was driving at. "T-to be honest, I don't know. Nobody has told me anything regarding that possibility."

"I've heard many stories about captive kunoichi being taken advantage of. I thought that Kuro-san might have been forced to …" Trailing off, the woman twisted her fingers together in a complex knot.

"I-I'll have to ask. I don't know." The possibility had haunted me several times, but I had pushed the dark thought away, forcing it to lurk at the edge of my mind. Shuddering, I bent to loosely grasp the cluster of colorful flowers resting on the bed.

"I assume these are for Karasu?"

"Y-yes, they are. My children helped me pick them from her garden this morning." Looking relieved at my rather crude attempt to change the subject, she gently plucked the blossoms from my fingers and began arranging them in the small glass jar she had brought. When she finished, she stepped back, tilting her head to better inspect the splash of natural, vivid color against the monochromatic landscape of metal, plastic, and linoleum. "Now if they don't brighten up the room, then I don't know what will."

"Thank you very much. She would really appreciate the gesture."

"Oh, it's nothing compared to what you've done. She's very lucky to have you taking such good care of her."

"I honestly have not done that much to help her. Most of the time, I'm just sitting next to her bed, reading a book or something to help pass the time. The nurses won't let me do anything except brush her hair." My fear kept me from disobeying their orders; I was afraid that I would break Karasu, destroy her fragile life with my touch, which had brought death to so many.

"That's still a lot of time and effort. I'm very sure Karasu-san would greatly appreciate your company."

"Maybe," I replied quietly. Would she still dare to even be in the same room with me after my inexcusable explosion of rage and worry? Would she still want my company, knowing that I had abused Obito's gift and unleashed the full force of its raw power on her? I highly doubted it; she had _run away_, for Kami's sake.

"I'd better leave now. My children and husband are probably waiting for their dinners." Smiling softly, Atsui dipped her head in a brief bow that I returned. "When she wakes up, please give her my best regards."

"I will do so. Thank you for your visit and the flowers."

"It's nothing. Please take care, Hatake-san."

"Thank you. Take care of yourself, as well." Her eyes crinkled in thanks, Atsui backed out the door, quietly sliding it shut behind her. Exhaling softly, I fished out my book from my pouch before easing into the chair next to Karasu's bed, grasping her hand, and settling back into my quiet vigil.

Now that I thought about it, I had never bought flowers for Karasu. I had contemplated doing so on her birthday, which had been about one week ago, but I had quickly dismissed the idea; the prospect of going into a store and buying flowers was highly unnerving. Not only did it seem impractical to buy expensive flowers that could be easily found in forests and clearings in great abundance, but the action itself seemed open to a wide range of misinterpretation. I shuddered to imagine what would have happened if I had bought flowers from the Yamanaka store, which was owned by Konoha's most infamous gossip queen.

Money and reputation were not the main issues, however. The only occasion that I had bought flowers for was the Bon festival after Rin's death; I didn't want to draw a parallel to the current situation. To me, buying flowers for Karasu would have been the same as condemning her to death. The idea was highly ridiculous, I knew, but I didn't want to take any chances.

Besides, Karasu wasn't the type to want flowers for a birthday present. Neither of us gave flowers to the other, anyway; it would have seemed odd to start now.

Two faint raps snapped me out of my musings and shifted my gaze from the pages of _Icha Icha_ to the door.

"Come in." A nurse poked her head through the opening at my call.

"Good evening, Hatake-san. The Hokage would like to speak with you."

"Thank you. I'll be right there." The nurse bobbed her head and vanished. Squeezing Karasu's hand lightly, I stood, pocketed my book, and exited the hospital.

The sun hung low in the fiery sky, a pool of molten gold that was gradually turning a deep orange. The slowly lengthening shadows seemed dark and cool, refuges from the stifling August heat. Taking a deep breath of the sluggishly-moving air, I stepped into Hokage Tower and, at a nod from the receptionist, began to climb the long flight of steps.

Stopping outside of Tsunade's office, I paused as I heard the low melodic murmur of voices. The thick oaken door made it impossible to distinguish the words or the speakers; I raised my hand and rapped three times. The voices fell silent.

"Come in." Opening the door, I stepped into the office and bowed deeply, closing the door behind me. As I straightened, my gaze was drawn to the row of windows behind Tsunade's desk. I froze.

"_You_!" One of the crows perched on the sill of an open window screeched, flaring its wings. The other mirrored its companion's action.

"What's wrong, Hane-san?" Tsunade cast a quizzical glance at me before turning back to the crows. "This is your master's best friend. I thought that you were familiar with each other."

"You are correct, Tsunade-sama. We are _quite_ familiar with each other," I said tightly, my mouth stretched in a wry grin. The last time I had met these two (at least, I thought it was these two; I still had minor difficulty differentiating Karasu's numerous summons), they had attempted to gouge my eyes out. They'd failed, but not before one of them had left several long gashes in my right forearm. I didn't blame them, of course; they had been defending their mistress from my Sharingan. Still, it had _hurt_.

"Something wrong with your arm, Hatake?"

"No. I'm fine." I had unconsciously been scratching my right arm. Pulling my hand back down to my side, I bowed twice to the crows, carefully keeping an eye on their quivering wings and flexing talons. "Good evening."

After a long pause, they slowly folded their wings. To my surprise, both of them sank into low bows.

"Good evening, Hatake-san," the bigger one croaked grudgingly. "I must offer you my sincere thanks for taking care of my mistress." It added something under its breath; I could have sworn it said something about a weasel.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Nothing." It nudged the other one.

"Good evening, Hatake-san. Thank you for taking care of Mistress. And, um, I'm sorry for scratching you last time," it added in a small voice, rustling its wings guiltily.

"Why are you apologizing, Tsume? He deserved it!" The one whose name must have been Hane hissed, shoving the smaller one.

"But he's taking care of Mistress!"

"It doesn't matter! He was still-"

"It's all right, Tsume-san," I cut in loudly, aware of Tsunade's increasingly confused expression. She didn't know that I had threatened Karasu with my Sharingan and driven her to flee Konoha; I didn't see any reason to enlighten her. "The scratches have healed well. See?" Extending my arm, I pointed out the thin white lines that ran from my elbow to my wrist. After a long pause, Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Hane-san and Tsume-san have been visiting me regularly for updates on their master's condition."

"We would visit her ourselves, but apparently there is a rule that no animals are allowed in the hospital's wards for the critically ill. Exceptions are only made for _extremely_ special circumstances." Hane glanced at the Hokage, whose jaw tightened slightly.

"My apologies, Hane-san, but I cannot make an exception for you; your master is not in immediate danger of dying. As a matter of fact, she should be waking up any day now."

"Really?" My stomach twisted in both joy and apprehension. After nine long months, I would finally be able to be with my best friend again. Whether she would accept and forgive me, however, still remained to be seen.

"Yay! Mistress is going to wake up!" Tsume hopped up and down several times. "We should sneak in the window and see her!"

"Idiot! Don't say that out loud!" His sister cuffed his head sharply.

"I'm sorry, but I would greatly appreciate it if I could address certain issues," Tsunade interjected, her lip curling in suppressed laughter.

"Yes, Hokage-sama. "

"Hatake, I called you in because the ANBU squad returned from Suna an hour ago." Picking up a scroll that rested next to a large paper fan, Tsunade unfurled the document. "I believe you wanted to know the results of the interrogation."

"Yes, please." I straightened, jamming my hands into my pockets.

"Hane-san and Tsume-san, you are welcome to stay and listen."

"We would be glad to." Settling onto the window sill, the two crows cocked their head s attentively.

"According to the report, the group that attacked Karasu was called 'Aranoko'. Its leader was a woman who called herself 'Dakatsu', whom, according to the description and to your testimony, Hatake, I believe you fought." I nodded slowly. _Dakatsu_, which meant "the serpent and the scorpion", was a perfect name for the blond woman who had led her fellow "children of the desert."

"They confessed to attacking and torturing several travelers between Konoha and Suna. However, very few of their victims were tortured or killed. Investigations have revealed that most of _Aranoko_'s members were destitute and had joined the group as a last resort. Taking this into consideration, Suna has decided to put certain people in a program that will teach them skills of different trades and attempt to reintegrate them back into society after they have served their prison sentences. The rest will be either imprisoned for life or executed."

"Hokage-sama, what will happen to Dakatsu? Will Suna allow her to partake in the program?"

"All the members of Aranoko are being evaluated for their eligibility for the program. I highly doubt that she will escape the death sentence, though. She was the leader, after all." I nodded slowly. The idea of letting the woman, let alone any member of the group that had nearly killed Karasu, back into society made me clench my fists. However, I knew that there was rarely any distinct line that separated the "evil people" from the "good guys." Throughout three decades of fulfilling my duty as a ninja of Konoha, I had seen many people who had been driven to commit atrocious acts by unfortunate, uncontrollable circumstances and desperation.

"I don't get it, though," Tsume interjected. "Why didn't Mistress just summon us? Mom could have flown her out easily."

"Don't interrupt!"

"The group relied primarily on poison weapons. After analyzing the poison in our labs, we discovered that it was a compound of several different venoms and toxins. Your master undoubtedly didn't want to take a chance with your high susceptibility to poison's effects." Glancing down at the paper, Tsunade scanned the scroll. "I believe that's all the relevant information. The rest is just a list of the members' names and their backgrounds."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Shaking herself, Hane stood and bowed to the Godaime. "I will return to the aerie and report this information to my mother. We will return in four days for an update on Mistress' condition."

"Yes, of course." Tsunade inclined her head. "I will be looking forward to your return."

"Good-bye, Hatake-san." Reluctantly, the bird turned to me and bowed stiffly.

"Bye, Hatake-san!"

"Good-bye, Tsume-san and Hane-san." I returned the gesture. "Please give my regards to your mother."

"We will!" Tsume chirped before vanishing with his sister in a puff of smoke. Sighing, the Hokage picked up the paper fan on her desk before leaning back in her chair and fanning herself vigorously.

"I admire those birds' loyalty, but those two give me a headache. One is so unbendingly formal, while the other seems like a miniature Naruto," Tsunade groaned, rubbing her temples. "And this _heat_ is awful! It makes me long for a nice cup of chilled _sake_. I swear, Shizune must have some supernatural ability; just when I'm about to have a drink, she bursts in and catches me in the act."

"Hokage-sama, I've been meaning to ask you something." Swallowing, I tried to fight down the wave of hot blood rushing to my face. "Did any of the scans show that Karasu had been, er… I mean, did any of the men confess to… um, did any of the interrogators find out whether Karasu had been r… r…."

"It's too hot for guessing games, Hatake. Spit it out; I don't know what you're saying."

"Was Karasu raped?" I squeezed my eye shut, nearly shouting the question. Dead silence. I tentatively cracked my eye open.

All the blood had drained out of the Hokage's face; the fan was frozen mid-flap.

"Y-you were worried about that?" My stomach lurched at how soft her voice had become. I jerked my chin down in a sharp nod, my fists clenched in my pockets.

"Was she?"

I nearly cried when Tsunade slowly shook her head as she set her fan down on her desk.

"No. There was nothing in the report about that. Based on the scans of Karasu's body that we've conducted, there is no evidence that she was sexually attacked."

I mouthed a silent prayer of thanks, my shoulders and knees sagging as wave upon wave of pure, powerful relief washed over me. My trembling fists alternately loosened and tightened; I fought to maintain an emotionless mask.

"Kakashi, look at me." I risked a glance at the Hokage. Her smile was gentle, her eyes a honeyed amber that melted with the gold and crimson of the evening sky. "I want you to go outside and take a walk. Relax."

"But Karasu-"

"She's being given the best possible medical care right now. You need to have some time for yourself." She folded her hands together. "Besides, she'll be waking up soon. It'll take a long time for her to recover; it wouldn't do if the person helping her was a nervous wreck."

My mouth open and shut, but all I could manage was a weak "Thank you." She nodded, crinkling her eyes in a smile as she made gentle shooing motions with her hands.

"If you don't do what I said, I'll hit you with my paperweight the next time I see you."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Bowing deeply, I backed out the door. I stumbled down the stairs and out of the front door before collapsing against the side of the building, swearing silently as I rhythmically struck my temple with the heel of my hand.

I had let my mask slip too much. Too much emotion, too much raw feeling had been exposed. If I wasn't careful, I would ruin the mysterious, stoic persona that I had painstakingly constructed over the past three decades. I couldn't help it though. I had already been forced to watch Karasu waste away and suffer from deep emotional and physical pain. The idea of Karasu having been forced to endure _that _kind of pain as well was too much for me to bear.

_Ugh… get a grip!_ Swallowing, I forced myself to take several deep breaths before straightening, jamming my hands in my pockets, and limping along a few streets before heading back to the hospital.

Quietly shutting the door to Karasu's room, I turned to sit in my chair and froze.

"What's up, Cyclopes?" The glint of the metal needle between Genma's teeth was reflected in the man's wide grin.

"Hey, Genma." I settled my hip against the edge of Karasu's bed, my slumping posture echoed in the way Genma's lanky form was sprawled across the seat. "Did you just get back?"

"Yep." Crossing his hands behind his head, Genma sighed heavily. "You have no idea how hot Suna is in the summer. I was so happy when we were told we could finally go home."

"So, er…" he added awkwardly after a few seconds, pointing his senbon at the limp figure on the bed, "how is she? She looks a lot better than the way she was when we found her."

"She's doing okay. She had a pretty high fever when they first brought her in, but the fever broke after a week. Otherwise, it's been pretty uneventful." I shifted my weight to the other foot. "According to Tsunade, she should be waking up soon."

"Really? That's great."

"Yeah."

"Is there any permanent damage?"

"The doctors said they won't know until she wakes up. There will be a lot of long-term damage, though."

"Looks like she won't be whacking me any time soon. Hey, you haven't eaten dinner yet, right?"

"Not yet."

"Okay, good. I met Sakura on the way in, and she told me to tell you that she was planning to take you out to eat. Apparently, she'll be meeting up with some of her friends, and some of the jounins will be there, too. I'll be coming along, of course."

"Wait, but…" I hesitated, my eye darting towards my best friend's prone figure. Following my line of vision, Genma unclasped the hands behind his head and leaned forward.

"But you don't want to leave her, right?" I nodded slowly. Ever since Karasu had exited the surgery room and had been placed in this ward, I had not been absent from her side for longer than an hour. Now that she was about to wake up, my reluctance to leave her was a sharp, almost tangible pain.

"It's okay, Cyclopes. She's not going anywhere, so don't worry about her. She'll be fine." When he saw that I still was not fully convinced, he clasped his hands, the senbon in his mouth twitching as he chewed his lip. "Look, don't take this the wrong way, but Karasu's not the only friend you have. I know that she's your best friend and that you haven't seen her in almost a year; it's perfectly understandable that you want to spend as much time as possible with her. But you have to remember that you're not the only one who's having a hard time and that there are a lot of other people who care about you, too. Tell me, when was the last time you talked to Asuma? Or took Sakura out for a drink? Or had a challenge with Gai?"

I stared at him unblinkingly, careful not to let the slightest shred of emotion glint through my eye. He returned my gaze, his determined brown eyes boring into mine. After several seconds, I gave a short bark of laughter.

"When did you get so sentimental?"

His lips curling in a grin, the senbon user shrugged and opened his mouth to answer; he was cut off by the rasp of the door as it slid open.

"Hello, Shiranui-san. Hey, Kakashi." Sakura's twinkling eyes reflected the emerald green of the blouse she was wearing. "Are you guys ready to leave?"

"Yup!" Hoisting himself out of the chair, Genma placed his hands on his hips and leaned backwards, wincing as his spine cracked. "I _really _could use a drink right now."

"What about you, Kakashi? Are you ready to go?" As my former student stepped closer and wrapped her small hand around my gloved one, I caught a delicate whiff of flowers. I swallowed.

"Yeah. I guess I am." Tearing my gaze away from Sakura, I glanced at the battered figure on the hospital bed and felt my stomach lurch slightly. The grip on my hand tightened.

"Great! Then let's go!" She tugged at my hand, leading me out the door after Genma.

* * *

Setting down my book onto the bedside table, I shifted my legs and scooted my chair closer to the edge of Karasu's bed. Sunlight streamed through the window, making the bed sheets glisten a pure, snowy white.

It had been three whole days ever since Tsunade had told me that Karasu would be waking up soon. _Three whole days_. It was getting hard to focus on _Icha, Icha_; the black kanji lining each page seemed to melt into a gray blur.

My breath escaping in a low sigh, I disentangled my fingers from Karasu's and placed our hands next to each other on the bed. Streaked with countless scars, her fingers were just as long and rough as mine were, but far thinner and more graceful. It was amazing to think that these fingers, which could form endless chains of seals with flawless dexterity and wield weapons with deadly accuracy, had offered me such peace and comfort for more than twenty years. Now, it was my turn to watch and wait, my turn to make sure that these hands would have something to cling on to, something to depend on for support. Re-threading my fingers with my best friend's, I squeezed gently.

Her fingers twitched.

I froze. Holding my breath, I cast a glance at her face.

A slight furrow had appeared between her brows. As I watched, the scar on her throat rippled as she swallowed and shifted her head a fraction of an inch to the right.

I felt as if all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. Moistening my lips, I leaned closer, my heart suddenly restarting and thudding thunderously, painfully hard.

"Ka… Karasu?" At my hoarse whisper, the furrow between her eyes deepened. Her lips parted slightly; a small tremor ran through her closed eyelids. I found myself squeezing her hand until our fingers were nearly as white as the sheets.

And then, fluttering against the sharp angles of her cheekbones, her dark lashes cracked open the slightest fraction of an inch.

"K-Karasu? Are… are you awake? It's me. Kakashi." Voice cracking, I swallowed, my mouth and throat unbearably dry.

Her dazed, dull brown eyes drifted shut. Her breaths were slightly faster and more uneven than when she had been unconscious.

Carefully leaning over, I pressed the red button on the side of one of the machines with a trembling finger. Seconds later, a nurse poked her head in.

"What happened? Is something wrong?"

"She woke up. Karasu just woke up!"

"That's wonderful!" Her face splitting in a wide grin, the nurse opened the door all the way and strode across the room. "If you don't mind, I'm going to do a quick scan to make sure that all her systems are working properly."

"Yes, go ahead." I eased my chair out of the way and watched with bated breath as a green aura formed around the nurse's hand. She pulled back the hospital sheet and, slipping her hand under Karasu's hospital gown, began to slowly move her hand along my best friend's prone body.

The nurse's fingers drew gently along Karasu's closed eyelids and down her cheekbones before they froze. Slowly returning to hover over Karasu's eyes, her hand lowered until its bright sheen of chakra completely obscured the upper half of Karasu's face.

I glanced at the nurse. Her lips had gone white.

"What's wrong?" Instead of answering me, the nurse quickly jabbed her finger against the red button three times. Footsteps clattered in the hallway before the door burst open and Sakura burst through the opening.

"What's wrong, Fubuki-san?"

"Hatake-san told me that Kuro-san just woke up, so I conducted a chakra scan. Everything was fine until…" Glancing at me, the nurse motioned Sakura closer and whispered something into her ear. Sakura recoiled, staring at the nurse before placing her own hand over Karasu's eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked loudly, standing up. Running a hand through her hair, Sakura whirled around to face me.

"Kakashi, I'll have to ask you to leave this room momentarily."

"What? Why?"

"Please, just do it. Fubuki-san, get the Hokage." Nodding, the nurse turned and sprinted out of the room, leaving me alone with Sakura.

"Sakura, what's wrong?'

"Kakashi, I don't have time to talk right now. It's urgent. Please leave. You can come back in later." She spoke rapidly, her brows knitted in concentration. Swallowing my protest, I reluctantly backed out the door, nearly colliding with the nurse and the Hokage, who nodded at me before sliding the door shut.

When it became clear that I wouldn't be able to hear anything through the door, I paced up and down the hallway, my lips moving soundlessly in desperate prayers. Anxiety swelled and bubbled in my chest as the seconds ticked by with agonizing sluggishness, coating my palms and temples with small beads of cold sweat.

The door slid open. Tsunade slipped through the opening, her body slumping and her mouth drooping. When she saw me, the lines in her face seemed to deepen.

"T-Tsunade-sama, what's wrong? What happened? Is Karasu okay? Will she live?"

"Yes. She'll live." Her voice was dead and hollow. Swallowing, I reached for the door handle.

"Don't go in right now. Sakura and Hana are working on Karasu."

"What? What do you mean, I can't go in? I've been waiting a whole month for her to wake up!" I was being disrespectful, but at this point, I didn't care. I made to push past the Hokage; her hand shot out and grabbed my shoulder.

"Hatake, please, listen to me. I know you're anxious to see her, but…"

"But?" I was apoplectic; if she didn't hurry up and give me a good reason, I was going to break down the door.

"Listen carefully. When Fubuki-san conducted the scan, she found that no chakra was flowing through Karasu's optic nerve. It's permanently damaged." At my blank stare, Tsunade drew a deep, shuddering breath and squeezed her eyes shut.

"In other words, she's blind."


	28. Ache

**Thank you everyone for your patience, understanding, and support. It really means a lot to me.  
This may be my last update for a while; I'm trying desperately to prepare for all my classes and to get ready to take several important tests. I will work on Feathered Mask when I get a chance; please be patient with me.**

**I think the Alternative Ending confused several people. I would like to make it clear that Sakura and Kakashi are married only in the alternative ending. They are not married in the main plotline; they are still dating. I hope that cleared up some confusion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

I paused outside the room, my fingers brushing against the edge of the door. Releasing a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding, I slowly cracked my eye open and saw that my hand was trembling. With an enormous burst of effort, I forced it to stay still.

What did you say to someone who had gone blind? How did you comfort her? Even though Karasu and I had been the closest of friends, I hadn't spoken to her for nearly a year. The last time I'd seen her, I'd pinned her against a tree and used Obito's gift against her, even when I'd known that the sight of the red-and-black eye terrified her. I couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound hollow, uncaring, or fake.

_Are you okay?_

Of _course_ she wasn't okay. Would anyone be okay after going blind and possibly losing the career that she'd sacrificed her whole life for?

_I'm sorry for losing my temper, using the Sharingan on you, and setting off the chain of events that ended with you getting captured by Aranoko._

No amount of apologies would bring her vision back, and what I'd done was unforgiveable.

_Do you want to talk?_

Who wanted to talk to the person who'd threatened you with his most lethal weapon in a fit of blind desperation?

Even though I desperately wanted to talk with Karasu, I didn't know how to approach her. I didn't know how I could talk to her while fighting down the blood rushing to my face in a wave of intense shame. So when Tsunade had assigned me a five-day mission to the Land of Birds, ordering me to leave Karasu alone for several days, I'd accepted the mission with mixed feelings.

Now that I'd completed the assignment, I had no more excuses to run away from her. The least I could do was apologize and quietly accept whatever hell she gave me for ruining her life. I deserved far worse than that.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted my hand, which felt strangely detached yet heavy at the same time, and rapped my knuckles quietly against the door.

No one answered.

Swallowing, I slowly slid the door open and stepped through the opening, keeping my eye locked on the floor. Several seconds after the door softly clicked shut, I worked up enough courage to glance at the figure on the bed.

Her skin, nearly translucent in the harsh fluorescent light, contrasted sharply with the deep ebony locks that had faded into a limp, dull black mass; from the looks of it, no one had dared to approach Karasu and comb her hair during my absence. Resting on her stomach, her hands were crossed, their scarred fingers little more than slender curves of bone. A plastic tube was inserted into the back of one hand, pumping a chemical slurry into her emaciated, seemingly lifeless form. The only signs which indicated that she wasn't a corpse were the slight ripple of the scar on her throat as she swallowed and the occasional flutter of an eyelid.

Her eyes. I could hardly bear to look at them. The light that usually sparkled in their warm depths was gone, leaving behind two dead, emotionless, strangely vacant pits.

Averting my gaze from the disturbing sight, I carefully stepped toward the bed until my hip rested against the frame.

"Karasu, it's me. Kakashi." My words hung heavily in the thickening air. When she gave no reaction or sign to acknowledge my presence, I swallowed and forged on.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't mature enough to listen calmly to your advice about Sakura. I'm sorry that I used my Sharingan on you. I'm sorry that I scared you so much that you decided to take that mission solo. I'm sorry I didn't get there in time to save you.

"I know that my apologies aren't worth anything to you now. I know that there are no words to express what a complete low-life, what a piece of scum I am. I know there's nothing I can do to ever earn your forgiveness, let alone your respect. And I'll understand if you hate me and never want to see m-…" Eye widening at my inadvertent reference to vision, I bit down hard on my lip, swearing silently. Karasu continued to stare sightlessly at the ceiling.

"B-but please, give me a second chance. Please forgive me. If you can't do that, at least let me help you while you're recovering. But please don't push me away." My voice cracked, and I swallowed. "You're one of the most important people in my life. I need you. You don't know how badly it hurt to wake up every morning and remember that I couldn't see you, couldn't talk to you, couldn't hear your voice. I won't be able to take it if you never want to be with me again.

"I know I'm asking for much more than I deserve. But please… please, forgive me." Backing away from the edge of the bed, I knelt and pressed my forehead against the floor, squeezing my eye shut as the seconds ticked by in agonizing silence.

_Scream at me. Cry. Hit me. Do something, anything, please! Don't just lie there._

The only sounds I heard were the quiet gurgles of the IV rack and her faint, feather-light breaths. Raising my head, I slowly straightened and stood. She hadn't moved an inch.

I didn't know what to do. I'd been prepared to silently endure any physical or emotional abuse that she'd decided to hurl at me. I'd been prepared to clasp her hands in endless gratitude if she'd forgiven me. I'd been prepared to hold her tightly if she'd burst into tears.

But she hadn't said a word. She hadn't moved a muscle ever since I'd stepped into the room. In fact, according to Tsunade, Karasu hadn't talked to anyone ever since she'd woken up and found out that she was blind. She just lay there, passively submitting to whatever tests or scans the doctors ran on her but refusing to communicate to anyone. In her increasing desperation to stimulate some sort of reaction, the Hokage had been all too willing to let me visit Karasu today. It wasn't working.

Somehow, her lack of response cut me more deeply than any physical blow, screamed curse, or pained cry ever could. By refusing to acknowledge my presence, she was basically telling me that she didn't want to interact with me anymore. It was like I was worth nothing to her and that the past twenty-three years had never happened. I didn't blame her; I deserved it. Still, it was almost impossible to fight back a shuddering gasp of wrenching, searing pain.

Blinking hard, I lowered my gaze as I unhooked one of my vest's scroll pouches and slid out a short, thin object.

"I got your _tanto_ back from Aranoko. I'll put it here on your bedside table if you still want it." During the long vigil I'd held beside her bed, I'd had more than enough time to carefully polish the weapon's scratched sheath and sharpen the rust-spotted blade to a fine, stiletto edge. I placed the weapon amongst the forest of bouquets on her bedside table; several familiar names were scrawled on the cards attached to the wilting flowers: Kurenai, Genma, Gai, Asuma.

"I also found something interesting during the mission I just finished. I thought you might like it." Unzipping my pocket, I pulled out a small slab of granite. One of the most mountainous regions of the world, the Land of Birds housed several spectacular rock formations; its jagged landscape was constantly buffeted by the high-speed gales that whipped through the province.

Centuries of exposure to the Land of Birds' windstorms had carved the piece of granite that I'd found into a swirling, flame-like column. Serpentine veins of white, gray, and blue weaved through deep grooves and sharp ridges, their fluid curves contrasting with the rough patina on the black stone.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to give you a birthday present." I held out the stone so that it brushed against her fingertips. When she made no move to take it, I swallowed and slowly lowered my hand. "I-I'll put it next to your _tanto_."

I was so stupid. She probably thought I was trying to buy my way back into her favor, but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. When I'd seen the stone, I'd remembered how much she'd loved what others considered simple, mundane objects: a curled leaf, the color of the sky, an anthill. I'd honestly just wanted to make her feel a little better. I'd just wanted the corner of her mouth to curl the tiniest bit.

"I… I have to go now. But if it's okay with you, I'll come visit you tomorrow." I waited several seconds for a response to my masked question. It never came. "So, um, I'll see you later, okay? Please take care of yourself. Please think about what I said. I'll be waiting for your answer." I reluctantly exited the room, careful to let the door shut quietly behind me as I left the hospital and climbed a flight of stairs that was quickly becoming all too familiar. Shuffling down a long, curved hallway, I heard the murmur of voices behind the oaken door; I took the opportunity to lean heavily against the wall as I rubbed my eye.

It was as if a great weight had been taken off my shoulders. Yes, my stomach still lurched at the thought of how I'd treated Karasu. Yes, I still didn't know if Karasu would forgive me. Yes, my chest still clenched painfully at the thought of Karasu terminating our friendship. But underneath all the anguish, underneath all the pain, I felt… relief. Peace. I'd finally apologized to her. I'd finally gotten the chance to try to make things right again.

The door clicked open. Casting a glance in the direction of the noise, I locked eyes with the man who was just stepping out of Tsunade's office. He nodded imperiously as he strode past down the corridor, his rich robes trailing in his wake. Catching the door before it swung shut, I knocked on the dark wood.

"What? I just told you that- oh, it's you, Hatake. Come in." One set of glistening purple-coated fingernails beckoned me in; the other set rubbed their owner's forehead. I obeyed, carefully closing the door behind me.

"Who was that man who just exited?"

"Him? He's a daimyo from the eastern province. He heard about what happened to Karasu and wanted to make sure that it wouldn't affect the quality of the protection that the Hidden Leaf provides for the Land of Fire." Tsunade glanced up from the pile of documents on her desk. "So, how did the visit go?"

"Nothing happened. Karasu didn't even give any sign that she'd heard me."

"I see." Sighing wearily, the Hokage leaned back against her chair. "It's not unusual for ninja who become... who suffer permanent injuries to experience depression, but her case is particularly severe. If she doesn't snap out of it soon, her depression could be a bigger problem than her lack of ability to see."

"What do you mean?"

"The speed and extent of her recovery all depend on her. If she wants to try to regain much of her former mobility, there's a good chance that she'll succeed. If she doesn't, there's little that can be done."

"I see. What kind of… treatments are you planning to give her?"

"She'll need to go intensive psychological therapy to deal with trauma from being tortured and to try and snap her out of her depression. To help her recover from her wounds and adjust to her condition, she'll also need several months of physical therapy."

"Who's going to pay for all this?"

"The Hidden Leaf will provide the money for her medical care. Which reminds me, I have a job for you."

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Karasu will be retired from ANBU."

"W-what? Isn't there any way that she can participate in ANBU even if she's blind?"

"No. It's true that some blind ninjas can fight on a level that is on par with their sighted counterparts; however, those select few have been blind from a very young age and are used to fighting with little to no sense of vision. Karasu is almost thirty. It would take several years for her to adjust to her condition and develop another ANBU-level fighting style.

"A blind ANBU member is too big of a risk in your squad. She'll keep dragging down your team and will give you more trouble than it's worth. You'll have to start looking for her replacement. As Karasu's ANBU captain, you'll also be responsible for letting her know that she has been honorably discharged." Honeyed eyes met my black one. I dropped my gaze after several seconds, squeezing my eye shut and swallowing. The gleam of pride in Karasu's eyes as she had received her Black Ops uniform and mask flashed through my mind and made my stomach lurch painfully.

"I understand… Hokage-sama."

"I'm sorry, Hatake." Her voice was nearly as soft as my rasp had been. "I know this will be hard on both of you. But it needs to be done."

"Will… she also be permanently removed from active duty?"

"As I said, I don't know. It all depends on how much she wants to recover and if she wants to resume active duty. However, I highly doubt she will ever be able to complete anything harder than a C-rank mission."

"C-rank? She won't have enough money to provide for herself." The acute pain in my chest worsened as I recalled how Karasu's trembling, starving body had collapsed against the wall, unable to hold up even a single bag of groceries.

"She'll be provided with a pension for her years of service."

"But will it be _enough_?"

"It should be. She's a retired ANBU member."

"That doesn't mean she'll get enough money." There were plenty of horror stories about retired ninja whose monthly pensions hadn't been enough to pay for their expenses and had been forced to beg in the streets.

"Don't _worry_, Hatake. I'll make sure that she'll be fine. Trust me." Slowly meeting her gaze, I nodded. She returned the gesture before leaning back in her chair.

"So," she said, her voice suddenly brusque, "what did you come to see me for?"

"Tsunade-sama, I want to pull Karasu out of the hospital and take care of her myself."

"_What?_" I kept my face impassive as I returned her outraged stare. "I-I understand that you're very worried about her, but… but do you know what you're asking? If you take her out of the hospital now, she'll die! Her body is so weak that it can't even handle any food; when we tried to feed her rice porridge, she threw it all up. The only thing keeping her alive is the fluid being pumped through the IV tube and the shots we're giving her! And her immune system's been practically destroyed; she would become severely ill almost immediately."

"I understand. I meant that I want to pull her out as soon as it is safe to do so."

"But why? She's being given the best care possible."

"With all due respect, Tsunade-sama, I don't think any of the hospital's treatments will help Karasu."

"Explain." Tsunade's voice had turned icy; her fists were clenched. Keeping an eye on her metal paperweight, I swallowed.

"Even though she's extremely sensitive to substances of any kind, Karasu's being pumped full of chemicals right now. She's so weak that the slightest miscalculation would kill her. It would be easier for her body to recover without having to deal with all those chemicals. Also, like you said, the speed at which she recovers and how much mobility she regains all depends on her mentality. If she isn't motivated to get better, she won't."

"So you're saying that you'll be able to motivate her to try to get better?"

"No. What I mean is… before she left Konoha, Karasu was already suffering from severe depression. She drank so much alcohol and lost so much weight that her body was in critical condition. Something was already hurting her, and unless you figure out what that something was, all the psychological therapy in the world won't be able to snap her out of her depression."

"I see. Do you have any idea what this something is?"

"I believe that I do." Her stony expression morphed into one of surprise. "A month before she left Konoha, I found Karasu drunk at a bar. While I was taking her home, she said some things that made me think that she…" I trailed off, my heart clenching at the memory of the way she had whimpered like a wounded, helpless bird.

Based on Karasu's strange comments about broken hearts, I was almost certain that, a long time ago, she'd fallen in love with someone. Since she had never been in a relationship with any man, and I certainly would have known if she had, her love must have been either unrequited or rejected. Either way, my best friend had been so deeply wounded that she hadn't been able to recover.

"That she _what_?" Tsunade prompted, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama. It is not my place to say it." My best friend's affairs of the heart were her own personal business. I had no right to tell someone a theory that hadn't been proven. I would not gossip about my best friend.

"Then how do you expect me to help her? If you tell me what you think happened, I can ask the therapists to try to find out whether your theory is correct."

"That's the thing. I don't think your therapists will be able to find out anything. If Karasu doesn't want them to know, they won't be able to find out."

"Are you calling my therapists _incompetent_?"

"A year ago, I tried to find out what was wrong," I said quietly. "She wouldn't tell me and left Konoha. If Karasu wouldn't tell her closest friend what was hurting her, do you think she'll tell a stranger?"

"But if she already refused to tell you what happened," Tsunade rasped after a long pause, "isn't it pointless to ask again?"

"I have to _try_." My voice suddenly shook, on the verge of cracking. "I've already lost her once, Tsunade-sama. I don't want to lose her again. Please, let me take care of her." Squeezing my eye shut, I bowed as deeply as I could, holding my breath as the seconds ticked by silently.

"Six months, Hatake." My head snapped up at the words. "Now that Karasu's gone blind, Konoha's lost one ANBU member and several thousand ryo's worth of income. Taking care of her will be a full-time job, so you'll have to be temporarily removed from active duty, and your ANBU squad will also be out of action. That's another couple million ryo. I'm sorry if I sound insensitive, but the Hidden Leaf needs to money to keep running. Six months is all I can afford to give you."

"T-thank you, Hokage-sama."

"Of course, you'll need Karasu's consent to do this. If she agrees to let you take care of her, I'll let you know when she can be safely discharged. You'll have six months starting from the day she leaves the hospital. After that, regardless of how much progress you've made with her, you're resuming active duty."

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Thank you very much, Hokage-sama." I bowed again, my hair brushing over my temple.

"Yes, yes, you're very welcome. I'll tell Sakura to teach you some medical jutsu and some basic aspects of nursing. But if you find that you're having extreme difficulty taking care of Karasu, you are to bring her straight back to the hospital, do you hear, Hatake? I don't want that stubbornness of yours preventing you from bringing her back. You may very well kill her if you don't."

"I will bring Karasu back to the hospital if necessary, Hokage-sama."

"Good. I'll discuss this with you further after you've gotten Karasu's permission and when you're about to take Karasu out of the hospital." Picking up the papers on her desk, Tsunade began to shuffle through them. "You're dismissed."

* * *

_Four thousand nine hundred ninety-eight… four thousand nine hundred ninety-nine… five thousand._ Grunting as I finished my last one-fingered push-up, I rolled onto my back, panting heavily as I wiped the sweat running down my temples. Finishing my entire training routine seemed to get harder and harder with each passing year; did my body always ache this badly at the end of a workout?

"Kakashi!" Lifting my head an inch, I caught sight of a bright flash of pink before wearily letting my head drop back into the dirt with a dull _thud_.

"Hey, Sakura."

"Kakashi, are you okay?" Her feet halted next to my head. "What happened?"

"I was just… training."

"Oh, really?" Her pitch of her voice raised in disbelief. "And what exactly did you do?"

"Cardio exercises, agility training," I paused to catch my breath, "a couple push-ups-"

"Knowing you, a 'couple push-ups' is more like _four thousand_."

"Five thousand, actually."

"Whatever," she huffed, kneeling next to me. "Just take it easy, okay?"

"I'm not that _old_, Sakura."

"You're thirty-two, almost thirty-three. That's old enough." A small, well-manicured hand thrust a water bottle in front of me. "Here, you look like you need this."

"Thanks." Gratefully taking the bottle, I sat up, wincing as my spine cracked, and guzzled down half the water in one gulp.

"So," Sakura began in a deceptively sweet tone, "what's this I hear about you moving in with Karasu?"

I froze, my hand in the middle of wiping the wet stain on my mask.

"D-don't put it like that, Sakura; you make it sound like I'm dating Karasu. I'm just withdrawing Karasu from the hospital so I can take care of her myself."

"But why? I know you're worried about her, but isn't that kind of extreme?"

"I don't really feel comfortable with her staying in the hospital. I don't think it'll do her any good."

"So you don't think that I'll be able to help her." Sakura's eyes were dangerously bright. Too late, I remembered that she was in charge of taking care of Karasu._ Crap._

"No, it's not that!" Wetting my lip, I gulped as I noticed the way her fists were clenched. "I'm not doubting your medical abilities! It's just something I have to do as her friend. It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"_It doesn't have anything to do with me?_" I winced; the birds in the trees fell silent. "The person I'm dating is going to be living in the same house as another woman and spending practically twenty-four hours a day with her! And you're telling me that this has nothing to do with me? Wouldn't _you_ be upset and worried if I decided to move in with another guy?"

"N-, I mean, yes, I mean…" Taking a deep breath, I carefully placed a hand on one of Sakura's. I took it as a good sign that she didn't punch me. "Look, Sakura, Karasu and I are just very close friends. That's it. I'm not going to start going after Karasu while I'm taking care of her. If anything, I can't even _imagine_ either of us developing those kinds of… feelings for each other; she's like a little sister to me. So please, don't worry. I'm not going to betray you, okay?"

After a long pause, Sakura's scowl relaxed; her eyes softened as she squeezed my hand.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just thinking too much."

"It's okay." Pausing, I swallowed. I didn't know if it was the best time to mention this, but... "Sakura?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if Tsunade-sama told you, but since I'll be taking care of Karasu, I'll need to know some basic medical jutsu. If you have a chance, could you teach me?"

"I will if you take me out to dinner." She smiled after several seconds, her grip tightening on my hand. I groaned inwardly. She probably wasn't going to settle for Ichiraku Ramen. On the other hand, if I didn't take her out, she would get mad again and refuse to speak to me for several days and would probably refuse to help me. Thankfully, the mission that I'd just completed was a B-rank.

"Deal. Just let me take a shower first."

**Please review! Reviews really mean a lot to me, and they encourage me very much.**


	29. Dark

**Again, I thank everyone for their outstanding patience and amazing support; I feel very lucky that I have people who understand what I'm going through and still forgive me for my long delays.  
****I have also published a continuation of the Alternative Ending ("Rest") titled Flight. It's part of the reason why this chapter took so long to complete. Please feel free to check out Flight!  
****Thank you for your support, everyone! Please have a safe, healthy, and enjoyable holiday, and I wish everyone an early Happy New Year!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

"And so, the woman's ghost continues to roam through the forest to this day, luring travelers to their doom in order to take revenge on the bandits who killed her," Genma finished in a hushed voice, his face eerily wreathed in shadows from the crackling fire.

"Ugh." Shivering appreciatively, Sayuri grimaced, breaking the silence that followed Genma's story. "I don't know how I'm going to sleep now."

"Aw, don't worry about it. It's just a ghost story." His mouth curling in a crooked grin, Genma stretched, his ANBU armor glowing dull orange in the firelight. "Man, I'm exhausted. Exactly how much ground did we cover today?"

"About six hundred miles, give or take a few. We'd better go to sleep; we still have seven hundred more to go." Ignoring Genma's groan of exasperation, I stood slowly, wincing as my spine cracked. "Who's taking first watch?"

"I think Karasu should." Karasu's face, blank with shock, snapped up. "Sorry, but you're the newest member of this squad. Seniority rules, right, Cyclopes?"

"Are you okay with that, Karasu?" She glanced at me, her eyes meeting mine; my faint smile faded as she quickly looked away.

"It's fine."

"Great!" Standing up, Genma stripped off his armguards as he kicked dirt over the fire, extinguishing the flame. I followed Sayuri to the bushes where our supplies were stacked, glancing over my shoulder to catch a glimpse of Karasu's lithe figure vanishing into the inky darkness. Stripping off my armor, I placed it in a neat pile on the ground before unrolling my sleeping bag and gingerly easing my aching body inside. Sayuri followed suit, gracefully sliding her slender body into her sleeping bag with the softest sigh; Genma's grunt as he collapsed heavily to the ground echoed seconds later. Closing my eyes, I listened to the rustle of tree branches as the wind flowed past, the occasional mournful cry of an animal, the steady tattoo of my heartbeat.

The image of Karasu's face flashed through my mind. Her eyes were dark, wide pools in her pale face, her mouth clamped in a thin, drooping line. Now that I thought about it, she had been biting her lip in a display of… what? Anger? Irritation? Fear?

Sitting up, I slowly pulled my legs out of my sleeping bag, careful not to disturb Sayuri's slow, even breaths. I opened my Sharingan and scanned the surrounding forest; locating a familiar chakra signature only twelve yards away, I began to slowly walk in its direction, carefully navigating through the tangle of tree trunks that loomed darkly in the moonless night.

"Cyclopes? What's going on?" Genma mumbled groggily as I stepped past him, his voice thick with drowsiness.

"Nothing. Go to sleep." Careful to avoid stepping on any branches or making loud noises, I slowly made my way towards Karasu. Perched on a rock, she seemed like a statue, the white plane of her back armor bisected by the black ink of her ponytail. She still didn't move when I was right behind her; reaching out to touch her gently on the shoulder, I spoke softly.

"Hey."

A muffled scream, a blur of white; the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back with a knee dug in my chest and the stiletto edge of a _ninjato_ pressed against my throat. With all my breath knocked out of me, I could only stare dazedly at the porcelain bird mask that loomed overhead, its beak centimeters from my face as it peered at me before recoiling almost instantly.

"K-Kakashi!"

"Yeah, Karasu! Go get 'im!" Genma's muffled whoop made the bird snap its head in the direction of the sound before turning quickly back to me.

"W-what happened? What was that crash?" Sayuri's concerned voice, tinged with sleepiness, floated through the darkness. The pressure on my chest lessened considerably as Karasu shifted her knee and sheathed her _ninjato_ with a soft hiss.

"It's nothing, Sayuri. Don't…don't worry about it. G-go back to sleep," I managed to choke out, coughing as I struggled to catch my breath. Accepting Karasu's hand, I let her pull me into a sitting position as I batted away the long strands of black hair that had fallen over her shoulder and tickled my masked nose.

"A-are you okay? Did I hurt you anywhere?" Clawed fingers gently probed my back, my chest, my neck.

"I-I'm okay. Just… just give me a minute." Karasu sat back on her heels, her fingers twisting the hem of her shirt as I coughed and shuddered.

"Good reflexes," I wheezed several minutes later, my eye crinkling as I met the emotionless stare of her mask. She quickly looked away; I could almost see her face darkening in embarrassment.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was you. I thought that it was… that it was-"

"That ghost from Genma's story?" Still refusing to look at me, she nodded almost imperceptibly, the tip of her beak moving the smallest fraction of an inch. Sighing softly, I patted the ground next to me. "You want to take off your mask?"

After a long pause, Karasu eased herself onto the spot I indicated, her hands trembling as she undid the cord that wrapped around her head and slid off her mask. Her eyes remained averted from my face, her cheeks dark with blood.

"Hey. Look at me." Her dark eyes slowly slid to meet my own. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let Genma tell his ghost story. I just found it so interesting that I forgot that you were-"

"Scared of the dark. Yeah." Exhaling quietly, Karasu shifted so she could clutch her knees to her chest. "It's okay. If you guys enjoy listening to ghost stories, I don't want to stop you."

"But now you'll have nightmares for weeks, won't you?" Tightening her grip on her knees, she didn't respond. "Look, it's fine, Karasu. I don't mind if you don't want to listen to ghost stories, and I'm sure Genma and Sayuri won't mind either. I'll just tell them-"

"Don't!" Surprised by her grip on my arm, I broke off, turning to meet her wide eyes. "Please, don't!"

"Why not?"

"I-it's just that I need to learn to get over being scared of the dark anyway, right? If I keep listening to them tell ghost stories, maybe I'll get over it. And besides," her gaze dropped to my knees as her voice dropped to a whisper, "a person… a person my age shouldn't be scared of the dark, right? Especially an ANBU member. It just… it doesn't seem normal."

"I don't really see anything wrong with it." I shrugged, wincing as the tips of her gloves dug into my shoulder.

"What?"

"I mean, sure, it's kind of weird that a ninja could be scared of the dark, but I don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about. At least, I don't think any less of you because you're scared of the dark, and I certainly wouldn't make fun of you for it. I don't think anybody else would, either."

"Genma would," Karasu muttered, shifting her legs.

"Give him some credit, Karasu. I'll admit that his maturity is a little questionable sometimes-"

"A _little_?" Karasu's whisper became an outraged hiss. "He tried to slide his hands into my pants when I first met him!"

"Ok, a little questionable _most_ of the time, but you have to at least admit that he's a shrewd and dependable teammate. Right?" Cocking my eyebrow, I stared at Karasu, who defiantly met my gaze before jerking her chin in a grudging nod. "And I'm pretty sure that he respects you a lot. He wouldn't think any less of you if he found out you were scared of the dark."

"Maybe _he_ wouldn't, but what about other people?"

"Stop worrying so much about what other people think. Don't flatter yourself by thinking that other people are always analyzing what you're doing; they've got more important things to worry about." Karasu flinched, her cheeks coloring. _Oops_. That had come out much harsher than I had intended it to. Rubbing the heel of one hand against my eye, I sighed. "Look, I think it's great that you're trying to get over your fear of the dark, but if it's too much for you to take, just speak up. And _stop being so self-conscious_. If you're always worrying about what others think, you'll never get anywhere because you'll always be too focused on others and not on yourself. And if being Kuro Karasu means being scared of the dark, so what? _I_ don't care. And anyone else who truly respects you for the person you are shouldn't care either." Hesitantly catching my eye, Karasu smiled faintly, gently squeezing my arm in a silent gesture of thanks that I returned.

"Do you want me to stay out here with you?" I asked quietly after several minutes.

"No, it's okay. You must be very tired; thank you for the offer, though." Karasu began to stand up; my grip on her wrist stopped her.

"You sure? What if some ghosts come floating by to scare you out of your wits?"

"I'm _fine_, Kakashi. Go to sleep." Gently shoving my shoulder, Karasu bent to pick up her mask; I caught a glimpse of a dark dimple in her left cheek before hard porcelain slipped over her soft skin.

"If you insist." Placing my hand on the ground, I pushed myself onto my feet, grimacing as the dull ache in my muscles flared into searing pain. "Give me a shout if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you," Karasu said softly. Clapping her once on the shoulder, I limped in the direction of Sayuri's and Genma's sleeping figures, pausing after I had taken a few steps. "Oh, and Karasu?"

"Yes?"

"When it's time for the second watch, go wake up Genma. He's the second-newest member of squad sixteen."

"Yes, Captain." Her voice was mellow with suppressed laughter. Grinning, I turned back towards my sleeping bag.

* * *

"This is Hatake Kakashi of squad sixteen." I spoke quietly, casting a glance at the other ninja in the room. "I'm here to pick up the documents regarding Kuro Karasu's, um, retirement from ANBU."

"Please hold on a minute, Hatake-san." Turning to the file cabinets behind the desk, the woman pulled open a drawer and rifled through the contents before pulling out a sealed, white envelope. Shoving the drawer shut with her hip, she scrawled something in her binder before handing me the envelope. "This contains her certificate of honorable discharge, which you will have to sign in my presence so I can stamp it. There's also a packet of information about her pension; she should be receiving the first payment within three weeks. You'll also have to sign this form before you can take out the documents."

"Thank you." I took the pen she offered me, scanning the form that she pushed across the table before scribbling my name on the line she indicated. Tearing open the envelope, I rifled through the stack of papers inside and slowly pulled out the document labeled "Certificate of Honorable Discharge from the Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai". I placed the tip of the pen next to the line marked "Squad Captain Signature" but found that, try as I might, I could not get my trembling fingers to move.

As soon as I signed the document, Karasu would no longer be a member of ANBU. All her years of hard training, all the pain she had suffered during the ANBU examinations, all her pride and joy in being inducted into the Black Ops would be rendered as useless as her vision. Once I finished writing the kanji that spelled my name, I would eject Karasu from my squad and from one of Konoha's most elite military forces. And she would never be coming back.

Squeezing my eye shut, I took a deep breath before scribbling my name on the document, fighting down the lump in my throat. The woman turned the certificate towards her and stamped it carefully, leaving an imprint of scarlet ink that glistened like fresh blood.

"Here you go."

"Thank you." Inclining my head, I slid the certificate back into the envelope, tucked it under my arm, and took a step towards the door.

"Hey! Cyclopes!" I stopped, turning to face the senbon-chewing man who hurried from the far corner of the room. "Wait up!"

"Hey, Genma. Hello, Sayuri." The brunette who trailed after her squad member returned my slight bow, her eyes glowing warm emerald in the dim lighting.

"Hello, Kakashi."

"Cyclopes, what's going on? Sayuri and I went to check to see if we had any new missions this week, and it said that our squad was currently inactive and that Sayuri and I would be acting as temporary replacements in other squads." Genma jabbed a finger in the direction of the bulletin boards on which mission information was posted. "Did something happen?"

"Well, um…" I lowered my voice, painfully aware of the inquisitive gazes that we were drawing, "could we talk about this outside?"

"Oh, uh, sure." His eyebrow arching slightly, Genma followed me out the door and into a side alleyway. When Sayuri finished settling against the alley's brick wall, her eyes wide in perplexity, I squeezed my eye shut and took a deep breath before cracking my normal eye open again.

"Karasu's been retired from ANBU."

"What?" The metal needle almost fell out of Genma's open mouth. "You mean… she's not coming back to squad sixteen?"

"No. I'm afraid not."

"Then will you be looking for another squad member?" Sayuri's soft voice gently broke the long silence that followed my quiet affirmation.

"Actually, I was planning to pull Karasu out of the hospital as soon as she's able to leave so that I can take care of her at home. It'll just be for six months; after that, I'm back on active duty and will be looking for someone to replace Karasu." After several seconds, Genma gave a long, low whistle.

"And Tsunade actually _agreed_?"

"She said she was fine with it if Karasu gave me her permission."

"Did she?"

"That's the thing." Shifting my weight onto my other leg, I adjusted my grip on the envelope. "Karasu still isn't…" I trailed off, swallowing as my pain, loneliness, and desperation choked off my voice. Fortunately, Genma understood and supplied the word that I couldn't force out.

"Talking?" I nodded slowly.

"Wait, what do you mean she isn't _talking_?" Sayuri's frown was reflected in the furrow that dug through the middle of her forehead.

"What, you haven't heard?" Arching his brow, Genma leaned against the alley wall, his right foot resting on the rough brick.

"No. All I've heard is that she's blind. Did something else happen? Is she mute as well?"

"Well, not exactly." Casting a glance at me, Genma crossed his arms, the metal needle in his mouth wiggling as he spoke. "Karasu hasn't spoken a word to anyone ever since she woke up. When I stopped by last week, she wouldn't react to anything I said. She just lay there staring… well, not really _staring_ because she can't see anymore… she just lay there and kept facing the ceiling. Didn't move an inch."

"Really?" Dark brown locks rippled as their owner whirled to face me. "What about you? Did she say anything when you went to visit her?"

"Nothing." Unable to muster the energy to completely mask my pain, I avoided meeting Sayuri's eyes. "I've visited her two or three times over the past week, but she still won't respond to me."

"Why? Did the doctors say anything? Is something wrong with her?"

"Tsuande-sama told me that Karasu has an extremely severe case of depression and that she's tried over and over again to snap her out of it and get her to have some sort of reaction, but nothing's working. Karasu's not crying, venting, or… or doing anything to express what that she's feeling. She also said that if Karasu doesn't snap out of it soon, she's going to have an extremely hard time recovering both mentally and physically." I held up the envelope, my mouth twisting in a crooked line. "I don't think finding out about this is going to help her, either."

"What's in there?"

"Mostly documents about her retirement from ANBU. Her certificate of honorable discharge is in here, too."

"Who's the lucky person who's going to give that to her?"

"I am." Shrugging slightly at their shocked expressions, I shifted my weight onto my other foot. "I'm her squad captain, the one person in the ANBU organization who's supposed to know her best. The least I can do to repay her service in my squad is to be the one to break the news to her." To be honest, I would have done almost anything to not be the one to do it. Telling Karasu that she was no longer part of ANBU was going to be as painful, if not more, for me as it was going to be for her. There was also the very real risk that if I was the one who gave her the news, then our relationship would be permanently destroyed; if Karasu didn't already hate me for using my Sharingan on her and essentially setting off the chain of events that had ended in her becoming blind, then she would almost certainly hate me after I told her that she had been retired from ANBU.

But, at the same time, I would rather be the one to deliver the message than to let some other emotionless ANBU official that Karasu had never seen in her life be the one to present the certificate to her. I would try to break the news as gently as possible and to help her cope afterwards; I couldn't say the same thing for other ANBU officers.

"When are you planning to tell her?"

"I was heading over to the hospital right now."

"_What_? You're telling her _now?_" The pitch of Genma's voice rose in disbelief and outrage. "She's already depressed enough as it is! Shouldn't you at least give her some time to, well, _recover_ or something?"

"If not now, then when?" I fought to keep my own voice from rising in frustration and despair. "What if I tell her after she starts to get better and she gets depressed again? She might think that I betrayed her because I waited so long to tell her something so important. I'm not looking forward to this, either. But I'd rather have her hate me now than lose her again later."

"I'll go with you," Sayuri said softly after a long pause. My head snapped in her direction, my normal eye widening.

"What?"

"I'll go with you," she repeated in a slightly louder voice. "I am her teammate. It's only right for me to go with my captain to pay my respects to my colleague." Her emerald eyes slid from my face to bore into Genma's dark brown ones. Genma stared back for several seconds, his senbon dangling from his open mouth, before his eyes darted towards mine and he gave a start of comprehension.

"I'll…I'll go too." Clearing his throat, Genma straightened and jammed his hands into his pockets, his voice becoming steadier. "I'll go."

I opened my mouth, but, unable to find the right words to express my gratitude, I closed it and simply nodded as I brushed past them and began to walk towards the hospital.

* * *

Knocking quietly on the door, I waited briefly for an invitation I knew would never come before sliding the door open and carefully stepping into the room.

"Hatake-san!" A guttural croak made my eye dart toward the windowsill, where two black shadows, framing the dark beak that poked through the open window, were perched.

"Hane-san, Tsume-san, I did not expect to see you here." As I returned the crows' low bows, I noticed that their feathers seemed less lustrous, the lines of their profiles less smooth and the edges more sharp and pronounced. "An'ya-san, I apologize. I did not realize anyone was visiting Karasu. I will wait outside, if you wish."

"There is no need." An'ya could only dip the tip of her beak to avoid hitting the window frame. "We were just about to take our leave."

"Are you sure? I can wait outside if you want to keep talking to Karasu."

"No, but I thank you for your kind offer." Turning to her children, An'ya nodded at the motionless figure on the hospital bed. "Hane, Tsume, say your good-byes to Mistress."

"Bye, Mistress." Hopping onto the snowy bed sheets, Tsume tentatively nudged Karasu's fingers. "Please stay safe."

"Good-bye, Mistress." His sister took her place next to him. "Please… please recover soon." As Hane turned away, her feathers drooping, I caught a glimpse of the dark pain in her dull black eye.

"Mistress, I will return in three days. Until then, p-please… please…" An'ya paused, the black feathers of her throat rippling as she swallowed. "I-I bid you farewell." After a long pause, her eye swiveled towards my direction. "Good-bye, Hatake-san."

"Good-bye, An'ya-san, Hane-san, Tsume-san." When I slowly straightened from my bow, the crows had disappeared, leaving their silent mistress lying prone on the bed.

_It's now or never. _Swallowing, I pulled the envelope from underneath my arm and extracted the certificate of honorable discharge. I cast a glance at Genma, who wet his lips and nodded encouragingly, before shifting my gaze to Sayuri, who gently rested her fingers on my shoulder. My pulse pounding in my ears, I took a shuddering breath before using the flat, emotionless tone that all ANBU members were trained to use to utter words that I had never dreamed I would have to say.

"Kuro Karasu of squad sixteen, it is my duty as your squad captain to inform you that you have been honorably discharged from the Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai." I paused, fighting down the lump in my throat. "As a sign of appreciation for your years of dedicated service, the administration has decided to grant you a pension that will be provided to you every month for the remainder of your life; the details of your pension are outlined in the documents in this envelope." Stepping forward, I carefully placed the envelope on her bedside table. "The Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai regrets the necessity of this decision and once again expresses its gratitude for your service in the organization." Squeezing my eye shut, I bent my upper body so that it was nearly parallel to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Karasu," I rasped after countless seconds of deafening silence, unable to stop my pain from creeping into the edges of my colorless voice. "I really am."

Two heartbeats later, a harsh, grating sound filled the silent room; my eye snapped open. I turned towards Sayuri, who shook her head, her mouth slightly open and her leaf-green eyes darting between me and the hospital bed. Swallowing, I slowly raised my head to look at Karasu.

Her dull brown eyes were half-open, staring lifelessly at the ceiling; her cracked lips, however, were parted in a laugh that was completely devoid of life or emotion. It was terrifying. Disturbing.

Alien.

When the sound finally died away, I gradually straightened, hardly daring to breathe, unable to speak, not daring to move. On either side of me, Sayuri and Genma remained motionless, paralyzed as I was by the fact that Karasu had finally reacted and that she had been able to produce such a noise.

"Sorry? Is that all you have to say?" Her voice was a hoarse whisper, a ragged remnant of its former self that was almost as unbearable to listen to as her laugh. "I've lost my vision, my health, and now my career, and… and all you can say i-is sorry?" Her shuddering breath broke into a deep, harsh cough that wracked through her thin body; when the last spasms died away, several seconds passed before she continued in a guttural voice that was hardly audible.

"W-when you asked me about Sakura and I g-gave you my opinion, you wouldn't listen. You forgot that for more than t-twenty years, I've always tried to help you, always tried to stop you from g-getting hurt." She shifted slightly, the tip of her tongue tracing the curve of one cracked lip. "Now… now, I can't understand why I spent so much time protecting and loving such an arrogant hypocrite."

"You… you told me that your friends were the most important things you had, that you would… that you would always use your Sharingan to p-protect your companions. _Bullshit_."

Stepping forward, Genma opened his mouth; he froze, his eyes meeting mine as I grabbed his shoulder and shook my head. _Let her talk._

"You knew I was s-scared of the Sharingan, but you still used it on me, you still… you still put me under some interrogation _genjutsu_ to try to force information out of me. You still pushed… pushed me against a tree and yelled at me. And now you think that just saying sorry is going to make it all okay? You think that I'll forgive you just like that? A-and that we can be 'best friends' again?" Her voice was quiet, frail, ruthless. "You…you… you're so fucking naïve." I flinched, clenching my fists at my sides, my fingernails digging into my palms.

It was all I could do to not cry out in pain or break down in anguished tears. It was so much more unbearably painful than I had imagined to stand still and to silently endure this sort of abuse from the person I longed so desperately to throw my arms around and bury my face in her neck as I begged for forgiveness. It was agony, torture, pain beyond words. But I had to endure it. I couldn't give her back her vision, her career; she wouldn't let me comfort her. The least I could do as a friend was accept her hate.

"You've hurt me so many times that I've lost count. I've always… I've always made excuses for you. I've always looked the other way. I've always tried to convince myself that I was o-overreacting, that whatever you said or did didn't mean anything." Her voice cracked; the jagged scar on her throat rippled as she swallowed. "I can't pretend anymore. I'm done. I can't… I can't forgive you anymore. Look where it got me. I w-wasted half my life chasing an impossible dream. The organization that I've worked my whole life to get into k-kicked me out. I'm a sick, useless, b-broken piece of garbage that has to stay on a hospital bed all day. I can't see; I can't even talk normally because…because it hurts too much." She broke into another wracking cough that was excruciating to listen to.

"I wish… I wish I'd never met you." Staggering as my gut twisted in a wrench of indescribable agony, I bit my lip until a coppery tang filled my mouth. "Then I wouldn't have had to endure so much pain. I wouldn't have had to deal with all your… all your lies and arrogance and back-stabbing and-"

A blur of movement on my left; striding forward, Sayuri raised her right hand and, before I could comprehend what she was about to do, slapped Karasu hard across the mouth with a loud _crack_.

"Sayuri!"

"_Sayuri_!" Lurching forward, I grabbed her wrist and squeezed it with more force than I had intended to. "What the _hell_ do you think you're-"

"Karasu, I understand that you are in a lot of pain right now." Sayuri spoke loudly, her narrowed eyes trained on Karasu. "I also understand that you are very angry, confused, scared, and depressed, and that you probably aren't in a normal, healthy state of mind right now. But that gives you absolutely _no_ excuse _whatsoever_ to talk to Kakashi this way. He is, if you will consider him as nothing else, your former squad captain. You are obligated to treat him with _respect._"

"Sayuri-"

"He was absolutely frantic when he found out that you'd been abducted. He didn't stop running and searching for you even when all of us were completely exhausted; I don't know how he was able to coordinate a mission when he had so little sleep and rest. When we found your trail and broke into Aranoko's lair, he fought like a madman to get you back. And his scream… his _scream_ when that woman sliced your throat wide open…" Squeezing her eyes shut, Sayuri swallowed; my grip on her wrist had long since gone limp.

"H-he wouldn't let go of your hand; he was squeezing it like his life depended on it, and nobody could pry him off of you. He was still holding your hand when they sent you back to Konoha through a long-range teleportation jutsu. I heard that he waited outside the operating room for the whole twenty-one hours that you were in surgery. And when they finally released you and put you in this room, he sat on a chair and stayed with you the whole night. Sakura-san told me that when she came in to check on you the next morning, he was still holding your hand even though he was asleep. While you were unconscious, he never left your side except to go home to eat, shower, change, and settle a few urgent matters."

My neck and face were flushed with hot blood; Sayuri was making it sound like I was some sort of… hero. I wasn't. I'd never been. I'd just been a person who had been desperate to save his best friend's life. Nothing more, nothing less.

And how did she know all those _details_? Had people been gossiping about me? Had my mission to retrieve Karasu become… really become _that_ famous?

"And when you woke up, the only reason that he didn't visit you right away was because Tsunade-sama sent him on a week-long mission. He wasn't trying to avoid you. He wasn't trying to run away. He didn't have a choice." Feeling my face heat up again, I shifted my weight onto my other foot. "And when he came back and visited you, even when you wouldn't talk to him, even when you kept ignoring him like you've been ignoring everyone else, he didn't give up. He kept visiting you even though you wouldn't say a thing to him."

"Sayuri-"

"And now you're treating him like garbage. You're treating him like you've forgotten how many times he's cared for you. Did you ever wonder why you were put in his squad? Did you?" Sayuri's voice was trembling in either anger or disgust; I couldn't tell which. "_He asked the Hokage to put you in his squad so he could watch over you._ He was that desperate to protect you. And do you remember when your parents died in that earthquake on your first mission? Even though he knew that the Hokage was planning to call all ANBU and jounins to an emergency meeting later that day, he still chased after you to make sure that you were okay. He risked being punished for not attending the meeting because _you_ were more important to him."

"Now… now, you're just going to completely disregard all that. You're going to throw away your closest and dearest friend. You're going to reject all of the people who care about you so much because you're so blinded by your pain. So many people want to help you, Karasu; we're all worried sick about you." Her voice had softened into a tremulous whisper; her watery green eyes suddenly seemed overbright. "Please, don't push us away. Don't treat us like we're ignorant fools who can't understand what you're going through, who can't help you. The Kuro Karasu that I know and respect would never do that. Not in a million years."

A bright scarlet blotch on Karasu's left cheek marked where Sayuri had struck her. Quivering and roiling through a shimmering film of salt water, the muddy brown of her eyes suddenly seemed to once again possess the spark of life. A crystalline pearl perched precariously on her eyelashes before spilling over the corner of her eye and along the curve of her temple, leaving a glistening trail in its wake; a hoarse, mangled whimper escaped through her cracked, trembling lips.

I wasn't exactly sure how it happened. One second, Sayuri was standing beside me, her fists clenched; the next second, she had wrapped her arms around Karasu's shaking torso and was gently rocking back and forth, sniffling as she whispered words of encouragement and comfort that were lost in Karasu's broken sobs and moans. I glanced at Genma, who was staring at the two women with a bewildered expression on his face; clearly, he couldn't understand what was going on, either. Giving a muffled cough, I caught Genma's eye and jerked my chin towards the door. Starting in surprise, he nodded furiously and held the door open for me as we slipped out of the room as quietly as possible.

The door slid shut with a muffled _click_. Collapsing against the wall, Genma crossed his arms, the metal needle in his mouth jerking in erratic circles as he chewed thoughtfully.

"I never thought Sayuri had it in her. Did you?" His voice was hollow, hoarse. Shaking my head, I shoved my hands into my pockets as I closed my eyes and leaned against the door; my keen ears could barely detect the low, melodic murmur of Sayuri's voice as she struggled to comfort Karasu and the faintest traces of a high, animal-like cry.

My entire body felt strangely weightless and numb; it suddenly seemed to take an exhausting amount of effort to remain standing. Still reeling in shock, my mind struggled to process the startlingly fierce intensity of Karasu's hate and frustration. Karasu had _sworn_ at me. She'd never done that before; in fact, the only time I could remember her using expletives was the infrequent exclamation in the midst of heated battle or the occasional huff of irritation. Otherwise, I was hard-pressed to recall an instance when Karasu had cursed.

She'd also called me an arrogant hypocrite, a naïve fool, a backstabbing liar. For some reason, I couldn't get mad at her for calling me such horrible names; I knew that the words had been spoken in a desperate effort to escape from a blinding haze of pain. But part of me couldn't help but fearfully wonder… had she really meant any of it? Had there been the slightest ring of truth in her voice when she'd said that she wished she'd never met me? Did she really want to erase me from her life? If she truly wanted to terminate our friendship, if she truly hated me from the bottom of her heart… I struggled to bite back a groan as the burning pain in my chest twisted sharply.

And why… why had Sayuri defended me? Why had she so meticulously described my effort to save Karasu and my behavior while Karasu had been unconscious? Had my conduct really been worth so much attention, so much respect? Hadn't Sayuri heard Karasu describe how I'd abused Obito's gift and ruined her health, career, and vision? Didn't Sayuri know that my attempt to rescue Karasu and stay by her side in the hospital were inadequate payment for what I'd done to my best friend? Why had she still praised me? Why had she slapped Karasu across the face and reprimanded her for rightfully criticizing me?

The muffled sounds behind the door had gradually faded into silence. After several seconds, I heard the light, hollow tapping of footsteps; I had just lifted my cheek from its position against the door when Sayuri slid it open, her normally jade eyes streaked bleary red and her cheeks stained with tears. Catching my eye, she whispered, "_Go in_" before grabbing Genma by the shoulder; I caught a glimpse of him mouthing "Good luck" as Sayuri dragged him down the hallway. Long after they had turned the corner and vanished from sight, I squeezed my eye shut, my fingers digging into the wooden doorframe as I took a deep, shaky breath and stepped back inside the room.

The figure on the hospital bed had undergone a dramatic transformation in my fifteen-minute absence. Once pale and nearly translucent in the hospital's harsh fluorescent lighting, Karasu's face was red and blotchy, her left cheek a dark maroon. Her lifeless eyes had swollen into dark brown slits; a glistening mix of mucus and tears was smeared around her nose and mouth. Shuddering in shallow, hiccupping gasps for breath, her frail frame jerked and trembled under the bed sheet.

Resting my hip on the bed frame, I hesitated, opening my mouth despite the fact that I didn't know what to say, didn't know how to respond to Karasu's fury, didn't know how-

"Don't h-hate me." I blinked, unsure if I had imagined the hoarse, ragged whisper.

"W-what?"

"P-please… don't hate me." There was no mistaking it; Karasu's lips had shifted in the slightest movement that I would have missed if I hadn't been searching for a sign to link the sound to reality. "Please, p-please don't… please don't h-hate me." Her mouth twisting into a vicious grimace of helplessness and agony, Karasu shifted feebly, the narrow slits of her eyes beginning to fill with glistening liquid. "Please…"

What took me aback was the raw anguish in her voice, the desperate fear and pain. She was beseeching me to stay, terrified that I would abandon her and leave her to suffer alone. She didn't dare to ask for what she thought was impossible: my acceptance, forgiveness, and comfort in spite of all the abuse that she'd hurled at me. She wasn't even begging for me to like her; she was begging, _pleading_ for me to simply _not hate her._

She was five years old, asking me to hold her hand because it was so dark.

She was thirteen years old, shuddering in the corner as she mentally replayed her first kill.

She was twenty years old, her blank eyes glazed over at the sight of her parents' mutilated corpses.

She was twenty-eight years old, her limp hand turning white in mine, her body jerking on the cave floor as blood gushed out of her throat.

She was twenty-nine years old, her voice cracking in a desperate plea for me to stay with her.

"K-Karasu, I can't… I can't hate you." Reaching out slowly, I brushed my thumb against her cheek; she flinched at my gentle touch, the tears in her swollen eyes spilling onto her cheekbones. "I could never hate you."

"R-really?" My chest tightened at the desperate hope, the raw disbelief in her voice.

"Yeah. Really." This time, she didn't pull away when I gently cupped her cheek with my gloved hand. She didn't pull away when I carefully brushed away the liquid pooling at the corner of her eyes. Instead, she slowly slid one hand from beneath the covers and reached towards me, shaking with the effort of holding her arm aloft five inches above the bed sheets. Swallowing, I bent and gingerly wrapped my arms around her shoulders, my heart beating in my throat.

Exploding in a burst of noisy tears, Karasu began to sob into my shoulder like a small child, her hand feebly clutching the back of my shirt as mangled syllables of my name escaped between her loud whimpers.

"Ka… Kaka… kashi… I'm s-sorry, I d-didn't mean to-"

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay." I swallowed, blinking hard as rubbed my hand along her back; through the flimsy material of her hospital gown, I could easily feel the sharp edges of her spine and ribs. "I'm here. It's okay."

"I can't... I c-can't take t-this anymore." An endless chain of tears was streaming out of each of her squeezed-shut eyes. "It h-hurts too much. I can't… I don't wanna-"

The door slid open with a loud bang; twisting awkwardly, I met the wide, blue-eyed gaze of a nurse who had a hand pressed against her open mouth.

"Could you, um, come back later, please?" I smiled weakly, my raspy croak nearly drowned out by Karasu's wracking sobs, only all too aware of the steadily-growing wet stain on the front of my shirt.

"Oh, uh, s-sure." Dipping her head in silent apology, the nurse backed out the door, her dark brown locks brushing against her white uniform. As I turned back towards Karasu, who was clinging onto me as if her life depended on it, I was suddenly reminded of a time when I myself had desperately wanted to hold on to somebody else for comfort.

In the months after I had lost my father as a five-year old child, some of my distant aunts and uncles that I had never seen before in my short life had come to visit me. When I had not responded to their awkward pats or feeble words of reassurance, all of them had been more than glad to leave the silent little boy alone. What they hadn't understood was that underneath my wish for solitude, there had been a deep, conflicting longing for someone to reach out and hold me tightly despite my shell of ice. I'd wanted someone to hang in there and not give up on me.

Had Karasu felt the same way? Had she also been pining for some form, _any_ form of comfort? Underneath her cold, emotionless exterior, had she also been desperate for the slightest scrap of love, the faintest sign that someone still cared for her?

"I-it's so dark, Ka-Kakashi. I'm so scared. It's d-dark. Kakashi, why… why is it so dark? I'm s-scared. I'm so s-scared." I tightened my grip on her trembling body, cupping my right hand around the back of her head and pressing her forehead against my shoulder.

"Shh, I'm right here. You're okay. I've got you."

"Don't leave me." Her fingers dug weakly into my back as her ragged voice cracked. "P-please, don't… please don't leave me. It's so dark. Please, please… don't leave."

"I won't." Fighting back the hot tears that jerked at the corners of my eyes, I swallowed hard. "I'm not going to leave you, Karasu. I never will."

**Thank you very much for reading. Please review! I really appreciate feedback; it's always very encouraging and makes me want to keep writing.**


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